Worlds Collide
by RikaAltraz
Summary: I always admired Grey Wardens in history. But to become one? To become one of the last hopes of the land I called home? What was I thinking? That wasn't even the worst of my problems honestly. No, I'd have to deal with far more than just becoming a living legend when I left my home. Blight, Dragons, Darkspawn, an Archdemon, and worst of all: Assassins.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I was never much of a dress wearing daughter.

I used to follow my older brother around all day, devotedly.

What he learned, I learned. Usually faster.

The soldiers all helped train me as I grew up, just as they did with Fergus.

The Mabari loved me. Maybe because I smelled like snacks since I'd keep dried biscuits in my pockets.

Father used to say I was the pride of the family. Mother never stopped trying to get me to be a little girl.

I wanted to run, play, get dirty in the mud, learn how to fight.

I was never the kind of daughter I should have been.

But when Father offered me as a Grey Warden to Warden Duncan, I was scared.

"What about Fergus?" I asked.

He was the son, he was the heir.

As Warden Duncan looked me over, it clicked.

Fergus was the heir.

Becoming a Warden was a permanent thing. There was no coming home after the recruitment. I'd never heard of a Warden going home again.

Even Arl Howe looked shocked at my Father.

"Are you sure your daughter is up for that?" Howe didn't even look at me.

Was I?

"Of course she is. She's the best of the Cousland family." My Father put his hand on my shoulder.

No, he hadn't even considered protecting Fergus. He was only considering giving his best to the honorable Grey Wardens.

"Elissa Cousland, what is your desire in the matter?" Warden Duncan asked me.

He held his hand up when my Father and Howe would speak.

"I..." I started.

I wanted more than playing house and pretending to be satisfied watching the estate when Father and Fergus went off to fight. I wanted to be out there, on the battlefield, with them.

Right?

"I would like to join the Grey Wardens." I said.

The older man let out the first smile I'd ever seen from him.

"Very good. It'll be tough, but I'm certain you'll pass through all the work easily." He sounded like he was sure of that. "If what your father says is true, I think I'll be sorry to take you from him." He laughed.

Father laughed. "Really, you will indeed be getting the best of us. I'm too old or I'd join for a good last fight." He looked at me. "Now love, can you go and tell your brother I'll need to see him."

I nodded.

XX

It took a couple hours, and a detour or two thanks to my dog and my mother, but I did find Fergus in his room with his wife and son.

Father was sending Fergus off ahead with the troops.

I'd miss my brother, but there was no law I was aware of that would prevent me from writing them, even after I joined the Wardens. And it wasn't as if I couldn't see them again.

After dinner, after I'd talked with Warden Duncan about joining, I excused myself to go to bed.

I took Baron out for his last walk of the day in the garden.

As I walked among the flowers I felt unsure of myself.

Could I really become a Warden? I knew the legends that surrounded them, but I'd never thought of myself along those same lines before.

Yet, if I left tomorrow with Warden Duncan, that's where I'd be. Regardless of my own actions, I'd immediately be elevated and backed by those legends. Which meant that every action I had from then on would reflect on the Wardens as a whole.

I'd heard that it didn't matter where you came from, only what you did as a Warden that they cared about. It made sense. Wardens were figures of near myth these days since the last Blight was so long ago. But kids were still taught of the Wardens and some people still joined as a way of redeeming themselves or giving their lives purpose.

Even I'd been taught the history around them.

Granted, I was a studious child when it came to anything relating to war.

Baron butted my thigh with his massive head and I stumbled.

"Done already?" I asked him.

He huffed an affirmation at me and started to lead me back inside.

As we passed through the door, he tilted his head and whined in question at me.

"It's nothing. Really. I'm just worried I won't make a good Warden."

He snorted and turned his back to me.

"It's just...I'm nothing special. I've never even left Highever before. How am I supposed to make it out there among people I don't know, people who may try to kill me, and become someone the Wardens don't have to be ashamed of?"

He paused and weaved around my legs, licking my hand.

"But what if you're not allowed to come Baron? It's not like I can just bring along a war beast like you just because you're my best partner."

I heard the laugh before the figure stepped into the hall.

"I have heard Mabari are highly intelligent, but I must say you're the first I've heard hold a conversation with one." Warden Duncan said as he stood in the path.

"I...sorry. He helps me work things out." I looked down.

Baron made a kind of proud woof. And thumped me with his head to push me forward.

I stumbled and Warden Duncan reached to steady me.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"It's quite alright. Tell you a secret Miss Cousland." The older Warden looked down at me and I met his eyes. They were kind and warm. Not hard and cold from battle. "When I was young, I had a cat that followed me everywhere in- well, where I grew up anyway." He had been going to say something, but he changed his mind. "He had a few lessons to teach me. One of his favorite was 'if you don't try, how can you succeed?'"

"A cat said that?" I frowned. "Well...you know..."

He laughed again. "He was never vocal like your Mabari, but I understood his message nonetheless."

"How?" I frowned.

"I spent a good deal of my youth running away from people. He'd guide me, making jumps I couldn't, and just when I'd nearly be caught, he'd show me another path. Eventually I got big and strong enough to make the jumps myself."

"I see. Smart cat." I laughed.

"Wasn't he? And to relieve you, yes, you may indeed bring your partner. The Wardens have never been against having Mabari fighting alongside them. But I warn you, his health can get worse fighting too."

I nodded. "I...I know. If he wants to stay, I won't make him come." I said.

Baron growled and butted Warden Duncan.

He just laughed. "I just have to warn you of the dangers. Being a Warden can be very fulfilling, but also very dangerous." He looked at me as I felt nervous and it must have shown. "I wouldn't worry Miss Cousland. I'm sure you'll do great. After all, you'll have me teaching you and Alistair as a mentor, so if you mess up, blame him." He laughed.

"But..." I frowned.

"He's quite used to taking the flak, I assure you. I think he lives for it."

"I... Thank you Warden, I think I'll try to rest easier now." I said.

"Very good. I'll see you bright and early in the morning and we can see your father off before heading to meet with my other recruits."

I nodded and started to my room with Baron.

XX

It took a moment for Baron's barking to pull me from my sleep.

I rubbed at my eyes.

"Baron..." I mumbled.

He scratched at the door as I pulled on my shift.

I stood up as the door was kicked in and my Mabari sent back nearly to my bed.

Three men rushed into the room and I acted on autopilot.

I snatched up my swords from leaning against my bed and flicked the latches keeping their sheaths on.

The leather flew off the one as I intended and cracked up against the helmet of the man in front.

Baron was on him as he stumbled and his partners had to move back to avoid him as my dog took him down at the throat.

I rushed forward, low and kept my blades tight to me. As I reached where Baron had his teeth deep in the soldiers neck, I put a foot on his back.

Instantly my Mabari stiffened and it gave me the leverage to raise myself up and swing out with both blades.

I felt them connect on both men and go right through their loose armor and soft flesh.

Both clutched at their upper chests and the one to my right struggled to raise his sword as I turned to bring my left sword across his neck while Baron took care of the other scrambling on the floor.

Guess they hadn't expected a fight?

But father had ensured I was the best in the castle.

I quickly yanked on a pair of pants and the stiffened leather armor tunic beside my door, wrapping the sash around my waist to secure my sheaths to once I collected them again.

I dragged the blades across the frame of the door to scrape off the blood before slipping my feet into my boots and heading into the hall.

More soldiers stood out there, trying to get into my parent's room.

I took two out from behind as Baron tripped one up by pulling on his leg and then he went for the throat as usual.

Obviously not Cousland Soldiers, because Baron knew all of them. And most were gone.

The door opened and my mother stood there with her bow.

"Oh my dear, you're alright."

"Of course Mother." I nodded. "What's going on?"

"Howe's betrayed us. We must find your father and get the family out of here. We'll pick up everyone we can save."

"Why not just kill all the soldiers?" I glared at the dead men as she headed for Fergus' room to check on his wife and their son.

When she cried out, I moved from my place in guarding the door to look at what she was fussing over.

Maybe it was that I'd been woken into a fight, maybe because Oriana and I were never all that close despite how close Fergus and I were, but seeing the two of them dead didn't make me sad so much as pissed off more.

Maybe the sadness would hit me later?

"Mother, we need to go. We'll be killed here." I said.

I reached to pull her along.

"But...my baby boy..." She cried. "My darling daughter..."

That somehow hit a nerve.

Maybe that was why I'd never gotten along with her. Oriana was the daughter my mother never got in me.

I held my swords carefully as I reached to shake my mother with both hands.

"Do you want to join them?" I snapped as I heard stomping boots.

It shook her out of her daze.

She glared at me as she composed herself.

"When did you get cold?" She asked as I started leading the way towards our main hall. Father should have still been up at this hour. And that was usually where he stayed.

"When someone decided to make tonight my last night alive." I scowled as I turned the corner.

XX

After collecting one of my closest friends and one of the few soldiers who'd stayed behind to protect the castle, the three of us and Baron made our way, killing soldiers as we came across them, until we were at the armory.

Gilmore kept watch at the door as I yanked off my training armor and quickly pulled on proper gear.

"Did I raise you shamelessly?" Mother asked as I retied my sash for my sheaths.

"Not entirely sure Gilmore cares right now Mother." I said as I secured the straps on my boots and stood.

"Also pretty sure your daughter is very far out of my league." He laughed as I came up behind him, ready to go.

I'd collected up the heirloom sword and shield and had them both secreted away under a heavy stone I'd known was loose in the armory floor.

No one would ever find it. Hell, I might not either... But at least the heirlooms were safe until I could come back with enough forces to wipe Arl Howe out.

Gilmore kept watch at our backs as we headed for the kitchens.

When we stopped on the main hall, he urged us to keep going while they attempted to hold off the rest of the forces invading.

"But you can come too." I said to him.

"It's alright. I'm glad to have given my service to your family and if I survive this and see you again... You can take me to dinner." He grinned.

"A feast." I promised as I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Us too?" A couple of the older guards teased.

My mother just seemed shocked I was so familiar with them all.

What can I say, I grew up with half of them and some of their kids.

"Sure." I headed for the door. Baron became the lead as we left the hall.

XX

I found my father in the larder with wounds I knew were fatal.

"Elissa, you must take your mother and go through the tunnel. Go to your brother and bring back everyone." Father said.

"We can all get out of here." I said.

"No, I won't make it."

"Of course you will!" My mother cried out.

"I know I'm not long now." Father said.

I heard the kitchen door slam shut and turned, drawing my swords.

My mother raised her bow as I saw Warden Duncan coming in with blood and soot on his armor.

"Cousland, this is a madhouse." He said.

"I am sorry Warden." Father attempted a laugh.

"I must ask again, do you give your daughter for the Wardens?" Warden Duncan asked him.

"Yes. She'll be safer under your care. And please take my wife from here."

"Not a chance." My mother put her foot down. "If you refuse to leave, then so will I. Howe will have to go through both of us to get to Elissa."

I looked up at Warden Duncan. "I'm ready." I said.

I was terrified and sad and upset and really fucking tired.

At some point everything was going to catch up to me, but I wanted to be far away when it did.

He nodded and my father helped him get the secret opening to the tunnel open.

Baron went first, naturally a leader. Warden Duncan urged me down after my Mabari and promised my father that he'd watch out for me before following himself.

In the dark tunnel, I reached to take hold of Baron's collar.

I heard Warden Duncan stumble and reached back.

My hand hit his armor and his came up to find mine.

My Mabari was the only one with a sense of direction down here in the dark.

"Are you sure of where you're going?" Warden Duncan asked.

"Baron plays down here enough to know the route out. It's a maze of darkness if you're not familiar. But we'll travel faster in the dark."

"Right." Warden Duncan sounded like he nodded. "Put faith in your beast, he'll guide you out."

I nodded. I also just didn't want to see the tunnels.

XX

It was dark when we broke out of the escape tunnels but light enough that I didn't have to hold Warden Duncan's hand anymore.

I still didn't let go.

After an hour of walking in the dark, I could turn and still see my home on fire.

"He'll pay." I mumbled. "I swear I'll make him pay."

"I'll talk to the King when we get to Ostagar."

I wasn't sure it would help. But I know Fergus would turn the men around and march back, Blight or no.

XX

I think I slept while walking for most of the night. Warden Duncan held my hand to keep me moving, and I'm pretty sure he got annoyed at my stumbling at some point, because Baron became a lead to me as well.

As morning came, I was too cold inside to feel anything but hate.

We stopped for a few moments on the side of the road and I looked up at Warden Duncan.

"How are you feeling Elissa?" He asked.

"I...I don't know anymore." I said.

"I understand. I'm truly sorry about what has happened. Your father was a good man." He said. I nodded. "You know your family has a history with the Wardens, correct?"

"Yeah." I looked down.

"I can't say I agree with the rebellion the previous Warden-Commander attempted, but I do think that no one should be held accountable for the actions of their family line." He said.

"Well... You've probably never done such bad things as repeatedly butt heads with the kings..." I scoffed.

"I grew up a thief on the streets in Orlais after my parents died when I was young. I killed a man when I was younger than you on accident trying to rob him. I was arrested and told I'd killed a Warden. Then offered a chance to be a Warden in his place and I spat on it. Then my Warden-Commander conscripted me into the fold on the execution block. Gave the choice of death by their hands over a petty accident or making a better life for myself someday. I didn't have a choice."

I looked up at him in shock. "But..."

"I've done some wrong things in my life too Elissa, and I'm not proud of them, but I would never judge someone just by looking at their present state if I were you."

I swallowed as I nodded.

This man...was the very image of the Wardens. From dust to shield. From scraping just to live to protecting the world so that others could have that luxury.

"Now, eat up." He held out a couple rolls from under his cloak.

"Where..." I reached for one.

"We did escape through the kitchens remember. I might be far removed from my childhood, but my hands are as quick as ever." He grinned as he held up one of my swords in his other hand.

I blinked and my hand shot to my right hip. "You..."

He laughed as I snatched the sheath back and retied it.

"No, not like that." He brushed my hands away and I turned to watch as he started to tie the knot. "If you keep tying that kind of knot, you'll always lose your blades."

"But it's easier to disarm later like that." I said around a bite of bread.

"Yes, and easier for a good rogue to disarm you before you do." He said as I watched his knot. "This is much harder. And besides, what purpose is a sash if you don't use it properly?"

I frowned as he moved to my left side after taking a bite of his roll.

"I...never thought of that."

"It goes to show your privilege, but you don't have that luxury anymore Elissa. From now on, I don't ever want to see your sheaths untied from your sash. You have it secured quite well and I do like that you keep your purse well hidden in the pocket hidden here." He put his hand over the small hidden pouch over the left side of my belly. "It would be hard for even me to pick your purse like this, and now, I can't get at your swords as easily either."

"Thank you." I mumbled.

I'd hardly left the castle without a group of soldiers, so I'd never considered thievery. At least, not of my swords. My purse was always hidden, so I wasn't entirely unprepared.

Warden Duncan broke the last roll in half. "Keep the other half of that roll tucked away for later." He said as he held out the cloth he'd snatched them in.

I nodded and wrapped both pieces in it and tucked them in the fold of my sash.

"When we get to Ostagar, I'll see you fully geared." He said.

"This isn't good?" I asked as I watched him hold out his half of the third roll to Baron, who snarfed it down greedily. How stupid was I? Eating without thinking to feed my partner.

I didn't deserve either of them. Fergus would have fed Baron and not lost his sword.

Baron butted my thigh and I stumbled forward to follow Warden Duncan.

"If we were just fighting thugs and highwaymen, it would be. But we'll be fighting Darkspawn and an Archdemon. Much more dangerous." He said.

I hesitated. "And...you think I can do that?"

"I know you can. You're a Cousland. Defending the people is in your blood." He looked back at me.

I nodded.

Was it? Fighting for my life and competing with the castle soldiers were two very different things.

The soldiers had never tried to kill me.

"Now, we should be at Ostagar in about a week, maybe five or six days if we make good time."

I nodded again.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Ostagar was visible before we got to it. The Tower was amazing.

"This was all Tevinter?" I asked as I stared at the Tower of Ishal.

"Yes. This marks the farthest that they spread in their claiming of Thedas." Warden Duncan said. I watched him hold his hand up as a soldier came to him.

"Duncan, it is good to see you back." I turned at the voice and saw other soldiers and... I took a nervous swallow... The King himself came to welcome back Warden Duncan.

"It is good to be back. I trust the horde hasn't broken out yet?" Warden Duncan asked.

"Of course not." The King laughed. "Really Duncan, I think you're overestimating this Blight of yours."

"And I believe you are underestimating it." Warden Duncan sighed.

How could he act so flippant with the King of Ferelden?

"This your only recruit?" King Cailan asked.

I hesitated for a moment before I remembered to salute.

"Elissa Cousland, Your Majesty." I said quickly.

I was shocked when he held out his hand.

"Cailan Theirin." He said cheerfully. "But I suppose you know that already." He grinned. I nodded as I shook his hand. He looked at Warden Duncan when he spoke.

"I'm afraid Cousland is the only recruit I could get." Warden Duncan said.

"Hmm? Something happened, didn't it?" The King tilted his head.

"My family was killed." I said quietly.

"I'd like to tell you a bit more privately." Warden Duncan said to the King.

King Cailan looked at me.

"I truly am sorry Miss Cousland. If there is anything I can do..." He trailed off, seemingly waiting for me to suggest something.

"I...I'd like to tell my brother what happened and reclaim our home with our troops." I said. "Howe can't get away with this."

"Rightly not." The King nodded. "I believe... Fergus Cousland is your brother?"

I nodded, slightly surprised he'd even know my brothers name among many. "Yes."

"His troop are still on patrol before they meet us here, but you're welcome to find him the moment they arrive. And after this fight has been won, I'll have all these soldiers head for Highever to help you. The Couslands may have a history of butting heads with Kings, but I'd like to finally start a good relationship with your family for once." He grinned.

"I... Thank you." I couldn't believe how nice he was.

I'd expected a scary, fight-prone ruler. Not a battle-happy cheerful man willing to help strangers.

"Elissa, if it's alright, you should go and find Alistair and the other recruits and have them meet me by my usual spot. Alistair will know it." Warden Duncan said.

I frowned. "How will I..."

"Look for someone who looks like King Cailan." Warden Duncan gave me a kind smile. "And I'll see to it that your Mabari stays out of trouble if he'll follow me for a while?"

Baron looked up at me and I nodded.

I watched as the group headed further into the camp, to talk politics and battle plans.

XX

As I wandered through the camp, most soldiers didn't even look twice at me. There were some as young as I was and some as old as Warden Duncan. Most were in between though. Around the Kings' age and a little older.

I spent a good hour or so wandering until I heard arguing up in the ruins.

I made my way towards it, curious. I wasn't quite paying attention to the words themselves, so when I saw a man who looked vaguely like the King, I knew it had to be Alistair and I was relieved.

The man leaving the argument with him stormed towards me and I sidestepped at his words. "Get out of my way."

Alistair looked at me as I came closer. "One must love how a Blight just brings people together."

I frowned, taken aback. "What?"

He waved it off. "Nevermind. We haven't met, have we? You're not another Mage are you?"

"Would that be a good or bad thing?"

He paused to think. "Depends on if you're going to yell at me I suppose."

I laughed. "Hadn't planned on it. And no, I'm not a Mage." I held out my hand. "Elissa Cousland."

He rubbed at the back of his neck with his left hand as he shook my outstretched hand with his right. "Damn, should have recognized you. I apologize. I'm Alistair."

"Why would you have recognized me?" I frowned as he let go of my hand.

"It's usually easy for me to notice new recruits. We kind of stick out. And they don't get much fresher than you." He said with a laugh.

I sighed. "I guess not."

"Well, as the most junior of the order, I am supposed to be assisting you recruits with the Joining. So I guess we should collect your fellows." He motioned for me to walk with him. "You know...it occurs to me that I've never seen many women among the Grey Wardens. Wonder why that is?" He frowned.

"You would want more to join?" I tilted my head as we walked back down towards the main camp.

He hesitated. "It's not like that... I swear. Oh nevermind. I'll just come out of this looking either a fool or a pervert and I'm sure I don't need either."

I laughed as we walked and let the silence between us fall for the moment. As we came more properly into the camp, I glanced up at him.

"Alistair..." I started.

He looked at me when I glanced again. "Hmm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?" He frowned.

"I...didn't think I'd laugh again so soon. So thank you."

"That's an odd thing to thank me for, but you're welcome I suppose." He tilted his head in confusion.

XX

Ser Jory and Ser Daveth were not what I'd been picturing when I thought of recruits.

To be honest... Neither one of them looked much like a fighter. Ser Daveth seemed...too wily. Shifty even, like he had more experience in filching things than returning them. And Ser Jory just gave me that coward feeling. Like he was going to try and quit the moment he could. I suppose he didn't really want to fight.

As we gathered at the large fire where Warden Duncan stood, I looked up at the dusky sky.

"Now, you three are our new promising recruits." Warden Duncan said. I didn't miss the way he looked at me when he said promising. "I've brought each of you here for the Joining because... Well mostly because the Wardens need some new blood. Strong blood."

I smiled slightly. After talking and laughing with Alistair for almost two hours now, I was much more relieved.

"What is this Joining anyway?" Ser Daveth asked.

"A ritual all Wardens go through when they join the order." Warden Duncan didn't exactly explain it. He was hiding something, I just knew it. "At any rate, I've a couple things for you to get done tomorrow morning. First off, near here was an old Warden outpost. I'll be asking Alistair to ensure that you four retrieve some documents that should be sealed away in there. Provided of course nothing happened to them..." He trailed off.

I nodded.

"Will do." Alistair nodded.

"And secondly, as part of your Joining, I'll be needing each of you to collect a vial of Darkspawn blood. No questions." Warden Duncan held up his hand at Ser Daveth. "You'll bring both back to me and we'll proceed to welcome you into the order of the Grey Wardens."

I nodded, feeling slightly nervous again.

Getting a vial would mean seeing, and killing, a Darkspawn.

I'd only read of them in history books with crude drawings done by terrified people who'd lived after seeing one.

Were they really as scary as imagined or was it exaggeration?

"Now, get some rest. Leave first thing in the morning. Alistair will know where to look for them." Warden Duncan said.

We all started to turn for tents that had been tucked into a corner behind the one Warden Duncan used as his tent and his office as it were. I could still see my Mabari laying relaxed in the open doorway of the small tent.

I also spotted my bag, which I'd secured to Baron when I'd been walking with Warden Duncan earlier, propped against the wall of his tent.

"Miss Cousland, a moment." Warden Duncan said.

I stopped and turned to face him again.

"Yes Sir?" I asked.

"I did promise to see you geared when we got here, so please, let me see to that." He motioned for me to follow him.

I nodded.

He led me towards the Quartermaster I'd talked to earlier while looking for Alistair.

"You seem less upset than this morning." Warden Duncan said quietly.

"I... I think it's just... Being here makes it seem less real maybe?" I frowned.

"Or perhaps the pace of battle keeps your mind off it." He sighed. "It will be hard, when it does all hit you, but I know you can handle it. You are a strong young woman. Bryce wouldn't have been so proud of you were you not. After you left dinner, he told a good few stories of your skill and achievements and I must say, I am looking forward to seeing you succeed as a Warden as much as you did as a Cousland Soldier."

I swallowed as I nodded. As we approached the roughened older Quartermaster, Warden Duncan put his hand on my shoulder to pull me to a stop. "I'm not saying this to put any pressure on you Elissa. You are under no obligation to force yourself in any way to excellence. I merely believe that you will do very well and I'll likely be as proud of you as your father is."

I nodded again. "Thank you." I said quietly.

"Now, gear." He smiled as he motioned to the other man.

I stepped forward at his insistence.

XX

I woke up to Alistair's voice.

"Oi, rise and shine Cousland, we're leaving shortly. Better get breakfast or you'll starve." He laughed.

I jolted upright, nearly hitting my head on the slanted side of the tent.

It wasn't a tent I was familiar with.

But they'd set it up for me and I wasn't going to be so rude as to tell them I wanted my tent.

Warden Duncan had been a bit startled when I'd grabbed the bag at the end of the escape tunnel.

But I knew it had all I needed for travel.

Father insisted they be stocked.

A simple, easy setup tent consisting of two three piece tripods inside a fabric bag big enough for two people, if they liked each other I suppose. I'd shared one with Fergus a few times when training out in the field in Highever. I liked the fact that setting it up was as easy as climbing inside and pushing the two unsecured poles of each tripod at the ends to form the upright tripod shape. The poles stayed hooked using sewn in metal hooks. I'd designed them myself when I was younger and Father had them made up for the soldiers over the years. Easy to carry, easy to use, but somewhat secret to my family and our men.

Also in the bag was a water-resistant, lightweight cloak. Just a simple piece of fabric very liberally drenched in a wax mixture until the fibers themselves shed water. A little stiffer than I'd like, but it made a decent cloak and tent material.

Mother insisted every pack also contain a good amount of rope, and a proper sewing kit and a bar of hard wax to repair the tent with the cloak if needed. Her logic was that cloaks were easier to replace in most places.

I quickly settled out the wrinkles in my pants and tunic before climbing out.

I blinked at how dark it still was and reached for the box I'd put my gear in last night.

Warden Duncan had insisted on buying my gear for me and I hadn't been able to argue him out of it.

I couldn't really complain though as I secured the hardened leather over my calves and put on the piece that would cover my thighs, fastening the straps securing it to me. I pulled the heavy leather jacket on and shifted it to sit properly.

I looked up to see Alistair holding out a large chunk of bread and finished tying off my sash around my waist before accepting it.

"You do that quick." He said, sounding like he approved.

"You said we were leaving soon..." I frowned.

"True, I just didn't expect you to get ready so fast. Jory isn't even done getting his pants on." Alistair shrugged as I took a bite of the bread.

I looked around for Baron and saw Warden Duncan already up and sitting on a crate in his tent, feeding himself and my Mabari.

I sighed. "I think Baron will like Warden Duncan more than me..."

"Not true. Those dogs are loyal. Duncan just saved you and your beast is showing his thanks for it." Alistair shrugged again, shoving the rest of his breakfast in his mouth at once.

I watched him reach for his upper armor and he pulled it on as Ser Jory finally came out of the tent.

"Where did you sleep?" I asked Alistair as I helped him secure his armor properly.

"Duncan's tent. Afraid I don't quite have my own." He shrugged.

I paused as I looked at the tent I'd slept in.

"Oh damn, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kick you out of your tent." I said quickly.

Alistair laughed. "It's quite alright really. Besides, if I hadn't wanted to give it up, I wouldn't have." He waved it off.

"Still..." I groaned as I finally realized why it hadn't seemed like a fresh tent. I should have known. There was no way they'd set it up knowing a girl was coming as a recruit.

"Besides, consider it my duty as your senior." He grinned as he adjusted his sword to settle at his hip.

"You can sleep in your own tent tonight." I said firmly.

"And what about you?" He raised a brow at me.

"I have a tent. I can set it up when we get back." I said.

"Like that will happen." He laughed.

"I can too." I frowned at him.

"Alistair, are you all ready?" Warden Duncan asked as he came out of his tent.

"Just waiting on these two to finish eating." Alistair motioned at Ser Jory and Ser Daveth.

"Eat while moving." I said. "Price for being slow." I looked up at Alistair and Warden Duncan laughing.

"Well boys, you heard her. When you can get ready as fast as she can, you'll get more time to eat peacefully." Warden Duncan said as both other recruits narrowed their eyes at me. But they stood.

Alistair started us off towards the gates and I kept at his side.

XX

Apparently finding Darkspawn wasn't all that hard.

Alistair could sense them.

"Oh good, so we'll have a warning before we die at least."

"Well, if you're that worried about dying, then just quit." I snapped, not even looking at who spoke behind me.

We'd just finished helping an injured soldier get back to the camp after his patrol was attacked by Darkspawn.

He was the only survivor.

I think I hated Darkspawn about as much as I hated Howe.

They had even less respect for life.

I heard Alistair chuckle from behind me as I led the way forward.

We needed to get the blood and the documents today. And listening to them complain wasn't going to help us at all.

"Oi, just because you're a royal doesn't mean you get to be snooty here. We can still kick your ass little girl." Ser Daveth said harshly.

I turned on him. "In one on one combat with no weapons?" I raised a brow at him. "Not likely. Two on one, maybe." I started to untie my sash.

"What are you doing?" Ser Jory asked.

"He wants to have a go, we'll go. But I did not watch my entire castle and family burn to the ground to be treated like some pretty little princess out here. Warden Duncan recruited me because I was the best of my Soldiers, not because I was nobility." I held out the sash to Alistair as Daveth held his short sword to Jory.

"Don't come crying to me when you lose." Daveth glared at me.

"And don't go crying to Warden Duncan when I throw you in the water." I taunted.

He came at me, low, meaning to take me out in one move.

I'd trained against such tactics with Fergus. People always thought my shorter height was a disadvantage.

I rocked back on my heels, sinking as he came towards me.

I reached out and I could see the look of confusion on his face as I let him push me down.

Right up until I planted both boots against his thighs when my ass hit the ground.

I used his momentum to flip him over me, yet still kept my hold on his arms to pull myself with him as well until I straddled his waist when we came to a stop, with him on his back and my hands around his neck.

"Now, I could have snapped your neck while we were moving, instead of moving with you. Or I could have launched you from that position and you might have broken your neck on your own. Or about five other things." I glared down at him.

"And you're all cocky for that?" He reached between us to break my hold on his neck and I dug my nails into his skin as he tried to pry my hands away. "Oi, get her off." He screamed at Alistair.

"Hey, you challenged." Alistair shrugged.

I looked down at Daveth.

"You can either follow me or stay the hell out of my way." I said. "But don't ever think I can't defend myself."

"Fine." He glared at me.

I moved to get up and jumped when his arm lashed out to grab at my ankle.

I came down on his arm and he yelped.

"I grew up with boys, I know a lot of your dirty tricks." I snapped as I moved away from him.

Alistair held my sash back to me. "Very nice." He grinned.

Jory moved to help Daveth up and I watched the man brush him away.

His pride was in tatters, but I'd earned at least some respect from Jory and more respect from Alistair.

I retied my sash quickly and started further into the forest.

"Now, don't challenge her again, or next time it'll be me you face." Alistair said.

Daveth shook his head. "No, I'm good."

XX

When we first came across Darkspawn, I was more than a little hesitant and even a little scared at the sight of them.

They truly were monstrous.

The peon Darkspawn weren't so bad really. The archers were annoying, but easily dealt with using Alistair's shield. As long as I kept something between myself and the bows, I could wait for him to handle them.

What really got to me was the magic using ones.

But it seemed Alistair had a solution for that as well as I watched him move in close to one and suddenly the magic dissipated from it. Even the Darkspawn looked shocked.

Right before he took its head off anyway.

We collected our vials of the black blood and carefully secured them for later.

"So, where are those documents Warden Duncan wanted?" I asked Alistair.

He pointed towards where I could see the ruins of a small tower.

"That was the old outpost a long time ago according to the map he showed me, but in that state..." He trailed off.

"They might still be there if they were as protected as he claims." I said.

"We have to go farther?" Jory asked.

"No, you two are welcome to go back." I shrugged. I'd had about enough of their whining. My Mabari would have been a better ally in this than they were. Mostly because Baron didn't complain verbally.

And he wasn't afraid of things.

Both men scowled at me.

I wasn't afraid though. Not anymore. I'd killed what scared me, and now it had lost its fear tactic over me. Fergus used to say I only got scared once, after that it was old news. He always hated trying to scare me as a kid because of that, and used to laugh when our friends joining the soldiers tried to scare me with things he'd already tried.

XX

It was a bit after midday when we finally got to the outpost. I reached into my sash to pull out a wrapped piece of bread from when I'd fled my home and caught Alistair looking at me.

"You actually saved some?" He asked.

I nodded. "This is from yesterday when I was traveling with Warden Duncan actually. Did you bring any?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Hadn't actually thought about it. I guess I expected to be back before this."

I looked at the other two.

Neither had brought anything either.

I sighed before breaking up the rolls into four pieces.

I held out one of the larger two pieces to Alistair, keeping the other for myself, and handed the smaller two bits to the other recruits.

I quickly ate my piece as they did and stood up to start searching the ruins for anything document related.

XX

It was a good thirty minutes before I found the chest where the documents should have been stored.

I picked apart the remains of the chest. "Nothing." I said to the others.

"Well, well, what have we here? The only thing out here are scavengers or intruders. So which would you be?" I heard a feminine voice and looked up to see a scantily clad woman sitting on the wall.

I jolted at the sight of her, and heard the other three stepping back as well.

"Neither." I said. "The Grey Wardens once owned this tower." I motioned to Alistair.

"Likely, that was long ago. No one owns anything out here anymore." She said. "So, if you are not either a scavenger or intruder, who are you?"

I watched her slide from the wall to her feet and step towards me. Obviously not afraid.

"I am Elissa Cousland, Warden recruit." I made a half bow. Enough to show respect, not enough to take my eyes off her.

"How delightful, manners." She laughed. "I am Morrigan."

"Don't converse with her, she's a Witch of the Wilds." Daveth said from behind me.

"A Witch of the Wilds?" Morrigan laughed again. "What fancy tales you men tell. Does that frighten you then?" She looked at me.

I raised a brow. "Not particularly." I shrugged.

"I should think not." She said. "Women are normally more sensible than men."

"Did you take the documents sealed here?" Alistair asked. "I'll have to ask you to give them back or face the Grey Wardens."

"I cannot." Morrigan shrugged. "For it twas not I who took them. Invoke a name that means nothing here any longer if you wish, I am not threatened."

I sighed. "And do you know who did?" I heard Alistair muttering that she was lying. About being afraid? Or rather, not afraid?

"T'was in fact my mother." Morrigan said to me. "I could take you to her if you wish."

"You can't trust a witch." Alistair said. "They turn on you the moment they have you alone."

"Oh, so you expect me to be kind to one with manners and then turn around and swoop in to tear her to pieces?"

"Yes, swooping is bad." Alistair said dryly.

"Can you please take me to see your mother to see if I can't convince her to return the documents to the Wardens?" I asked Morrigan. I didn't care if the woman was a Witch of the Wilds. I'd heard and read tales, but never seen one in person and if she was a good indicator of one, then I was actually slightly impressed. I'd expected an old hag or something. Not a mature, amusing woman.

"Hmm. I should think I like you." She said to me. "Very well. For you, I shall take you to my mother." She motioned for me to follow her.

I glanced back at the men and rolled my eyes at Alistair.

"Suck up." He cracked back at me.

"Nobility." I retorted.

Morrigan laughed.

XX

Flemeth was more what I expected a Witch of the Wilds to be like. Visually at least.

"You can have these." The woman tossed a bundle at Alistair. He scrabbled to catch it, nearly dropping it in the process.

"Well then...thank you." He frowned. "You could have left them alone."

"The protection on them wore off long ago. I was keeping them safe." She said.

"Again, thank you." I said to her.

"Alright, you have your papers, be off with you." Morrigan said.

"You should be more courteous of your guests." Flemeth said.

"No, she is right, we have to be heading back." I spoke before anyone else could. "I do thank you for keeping these safe and for giving them back to us. I'd like to warn you though that there are quite a few Darkspawn around here, so it may be for the best that you and your daughter relocate for a while."

"We'll be just fine my dear. I doubt something as weak as a Blight could ever take me out." Flemeth laughed. "You just make sure to keep your wits about you and remember to keep your mind open as well."

I nodded. "Thank you." I motioned for the others to bow when I did.

I could hear it as Alistair grumbled over it, but he did it anyway.

XX

As we came back to camp, Alistair pulled me to the side.

"Look, we shouldn't tell anyone about them." He said to all three of us.

"Why? Having another couple of Mages couldn't hurt the force here." I frowned.

He shook his head. "I don't know how to explain it, but that Flemeth scares me in a bad way. Besides, I doubt either of them would help us anyway. Just...don't mention them to anyone here." He said.

I nodded. "Alright. You are the senior." I teased.

He huffed as he took the lead into the camp. I couldn't help but laugh slightly.

Warden Duncan was standing by the fire when we came up to him.

"Did you get everything?" He asked Alistair.

"And then some." Alistair nodded. "You were right, Cousland is a good recruit."

"Isn't she?" Warden Duncan grinned. "I'll have all of you go and get dinner before we do this. Make sure you get cleaned up too."

"Yes Sir." I nodded.

I had already cleaned up nearly all the blood splattered on my armor as we passed various bodies of water, but the others hadn't done nearly as good a job.

I was just used to the constant cleanup, living where I had to be presentable quite a bit.

I headed for the area that had been dedicated to cooking for the entire camp.

"You must be the new recruit." I looked up at an older woman's voice.

She looked matronly, but at the same time, there was a glint in her eyes that made her seem younger at heart.

"Yes. Warden Duncan has offered me to join the Wardens." I nodded. I held out my hand as one of the men across the table holding plates of food shoved a plate into my other hand. "Elissa Cousland."

She took another plate that he held out and took my hand at the same time. "Wynne. From the Circle."

I nodded. "So...are you a Mage?" I asked.

"I'd be something else?" She asked with a laugh as I headed for a roughly carved bench from a fallen tree. Just barely smoothed over by so many armored rear ends scraping it raw.

I sat and watched her carefully sit to eat.

"I guess you could be a Templar?" I frowned. "Though...you don't quite look like one I guess..."

She smiled. "No dear, I am indeed a Mage. The First Enchanter has asked me to come here in his place in an effort to guide the Mages fighting here. As well as to mediate and neutralize arguments." She said.

"Well, sounds important."

"You could say it is an important job." She said.

I took a bite of the first thing not bread in days. Stew.

Good old Ferelden style stew. Various in season vegetables and root crops, cooked until soft and tender. Some kind of meat, likely wolf or bear out here, diced and left to cook in the stew right alongside the vegetables for hours. It had probably been thrown together this morning and left until now.

The spices were bare bones, but in all, it was good. Better than plain bread anyway. Easy soldier food.

It didn't look like much, but to me it was the best thing I'd eaten in over a week now.

The cheese and shredded meat bread from this morning being a close second.

"You seem quite hungry." Wynne said with a laugh.

"Well..." I sighed. "Honestly, it's the first thing I've eaten in days that wasn't bread or roasted rabbit. This...is the first meal I've had since Warden Duncan and I fled my home in Highever."

"Yes, I believe I heard about that. I'm very sorry for your loss. But I'm also under the impression that you have a brother out here doing patrols?" She raised a brow.

"Yes. Though I'm not sure how far out he went. I was hoping he'd have been back to camp by now and I could tell him what happened to our parents. Or that I'd have caught him on the road." I said.

"He'll be back. Eventually." She said.

I nodded. I hoped so anyway. It would make me feel better to see Fergus.

We talked as we ate and it was nice. I didn't feel so alone with people around me like Wynne and Warden Duncan.

XX

It was later, after a lot of the people had gone to bed, that we were gathered together by Warden Duncan.

I stood nervous as the process was explained in detail now.

"Hold on, we're supposed to drink that stuff?" Daveth asked.

I could see the lack of appeal. I hadn't expected to have to drink the Darkspawn blood.

But then, how bad could it be?

Horrible, life threatening?

Both as I watched Daveth.

I stepped back as he fell to the ground.

Warden Duncan looked regretful, but that didn't stop him from killing Jory when the man attempted to run away.

I turned away as I didn't want to see it.

"Take the drink." Alistair encouraged. "Death isn't likely."

Warden Duncan held the chalice out to me after pouring the vial I'd handed him into it.

I hesitated as I closed my hands around it.

"I..." I looked up at them. "Will you tell Fergus...if I...don't make it?"

"Yes." Warden Duncan promised. "But you will. I can feel it." He said proudly.

I nodded and raised the seemingly giant container.

Could I do this?

Did I have a choice?

Either risk becoming like Daveth, or wind up like Jory, or come out the other side like Alistair did obviously.

I swallowed nervously before taking a swig of it.

It was horrible. Worse than anything I'd ever eaten that I thought was bad before. It made my least favorite foods seem like a blessing.

I managed two mouthfuls before dropping it and gagging.

I'm pretty sure one of them caught me when I passed out.

At least, I hoped they did.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I couldn't have been out for long.

When I opened my eyes, nothing much looked different aside from the bodies being relocated elsewhere.

Alistair knelt beside me. "How are you feeling?" He asked, holding out his hand to me.

"Like shit." I mumbled.

He held up the chalice again and I cringed.

"Just water, I promise." He said with a half laugh.

I nodded as I took it and chugged the cold water.

I didn't even care how clean it was as this point. Nothing could be worse than the last thing that had been in my mouth.

No, I take that back. I could have had to actually eat their flesh.

"Yeah...that would be worse." I mumbled.

"Hmm?" Alistair frowned.

"Nothing. Just thinking eating Darkspawn flesh would have been worse." I said.

Warden Duncan laughed deep and had to grip the table to keep himself upright.

I frowned at him as Alistair helped me to my feet.

"See, I knew you'd do well. And if you're talking like that, you must be dong better than Alistair did." Warden Duncan said.

"Gee, thanks." Alistair huffed. He looked at me. "It is true though. I was out a bit longer than you were."

I sighed. "Is that all to this thing?" I asked.

"Yes." Warden Duncan nodded.

Alistair held out a locket. "We each keep one to remember those who were with us Joining." He said.

I nodded and slipped it into my sash. "I'd like to remember you two anyway." I said.

"Very good." Warden Duncan said. "Now, go and get some sleep. The bulk of the horde should be here tomorrow evening or so and so we'll need all hands for this."

I nodded and started towards the tents.

XX

Alistair and I both had the rug yanked from under us.

"But...Duncan..." Alistair started. "I want to be there too."

"No. You and Elissa need to light that signal."

"But why both of us? Surely just one of us would be enough?" I asked.

"You will both head up the Tower and light the signal at the appropriate time for Loghains' forces to know when to come into the fight." Warden Duncan said.

I scowled as he dismissed us.

Alistair looked irritated as we made our way with my Mabari towards the tower.

We met up with a Mage who was assigned to us.

"I do hope you don't mind. I can provide defense and offense as necessary and even heal minor wounds if needed." The young kid saluted us both.

I nodded, still sulking.

At least we got a little fighting in at the Tower.

"What the hell is going on?" Alistair cussed as we killed a couple Darkspawn before we even got to the door.

The Mage kid held his own with a few spells to boost us.

It was nice actually.

"There shouldn't be any Darkspawn here yet." The kid said.

I scowled.

"Who cares. We wanted a fight, now we have one." I said harshly.

I put in even more effort to get us to the Tower of Ishal.

Once we hit the doors, I put my shoulder against the one and shoved it open as Alistair braced for attack.

Luckily there was nothing behind the doors, but there were Darkspawn inside the Tower.

That was where they were all coming from.

We blockaded the doors and when we came to the hole in the ground, I ordered the kid to seal it with his magic. Whatever magic he could do.

He put a terrifyingly strong ice barrier over it for such a young Mage.

I glanced at him as we climbed the stairs to the second floor.

"You doing okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. Fine." He huffed. "Just...not used to all this fighting stuff." He said. "I never expected it you know. I just wanted to spend my life learning in the Circle. I wanted to become a great healer Mage." He kept behind me as I pushed the doors open. "Turned out my skills were more in Fire and Ice than Healing." He shrugged as Alistair led the way into the open room.

My Mabari was on full alert the entire time so far.

"Ice the stairs." I instructed. "If they get past that barrier of yours at either point, getting up the stairs had better be next to impossible." I said.

He nodded and turned to cast.

The four of us made our way further, cleaning up the Darkspawn in the Tower as we did.

By the time we made it to the top floor, where the beacon was supposed to be lit, I was exhausted.

And yet, we had our biggest obstacle yet facing us.

Alistair grumbled.

"You said you wanted a fight." I hissed at him.

"Not that." He scowled back with a jab of his sword in the direction of the Ogre we could see around the door. "Gah. I should have known my luck would run sour."

"Hey, at least we're stuck with this together. Could you imagine how it would be if we'd managed to convince Duncan only one of us was necessary?" I snorted.

He paused and then looked ready to laugh. "I'm pretty sure you would be fine. I'd be dead on the first floor."

I gripped both swords in my hand as I felt the magic from the kid renew over me. Some kind of barrier type protective magic.

"You guys ready?" He sounded terrified.

"We can do it." I held out one hand, sword down.

My Mabari put his nose on my hand.

Alistair touched his sword holding hand to mine. "I'll take your word for it." He huffed.

The kid hesitated before putting his staff holding hand against ours.

Alistair readied his shield. "What's the plan boss?" He teased.

"Boss? Hmm...I like that." I mused. "You, charge as distraction. Magic at the weak points. Baron will attempt to topple it at the ankles and knees. And I'll potentially use you as a launch to get high enough to take it off at the head if it doesn't fall." I said.

"Sounds solid." Alistair nodded. "Hope it works."

I nodded.

Alistair took a steadying breath before letting out a shout as he rounded the doorway.

I raced out behind him, keeping low to not get in the line of sight.

Baron didn't take that route, but charged around Alistair as the man drew the attention of the Ogre.

The kid launched a couple ice spells that caused it to tense up, but didn't do much really.

I watched the fist come down on Alistair's shield and it cracked.

Baron bit hard on the calf muscle of the thing and it started to tumbled over.

I was startled when Alistair used the opportunity to drop his shield and ram his sword into its side, using his entire body weight to force it down.

I rushed forward with both swords ready to cut through the neck.

I didn't get as far as I thought I would, but enough that even though it threw Alistair, it started choking on its own blood and finally fell. I watched it die, leaving a pool of its own blood slowly forming around the head.

"Well now, that was something you don't get to do every day." Alistair said as he picked up the broken pieces of his shield. "Damn, I liked this one."

"We'll get you a new one." I said as I moved for the window. Below, I could see the Mabari taking the charge and archers taking aim at the horde ready to sweep over the soldiers.

There were far too many Darkspawn for the troops there. We needed Loghain now.

I searched for the light I was supposed to be carrying, realizing it was coated in blood when I pulled it free of my sash.

"Dammit." I snapped.

"Here, give me a second." The kid said.

He held up his hand towards the beacon.

"Right, Fire magic." I said. "Good job." I said as the beacon lit.

I turned back as we all heard movement inside the Tower.

"Maker curse all these bloody things." Alistair grumbled.

"I think he already did." I said with a smile.

That had them both laughing as the doors burst open again.

I didn't have time to react as Archers fired.

One arrow lodged deep into my shoulder, another in my gut.

I watched the young Mage get hit dead in the chest and knew he wasn't going to survive.

Alistair dropped as well from several arrows and I turned as I hit the floor to see the life leave the eyes of the Mage beside me.

Darkspawn flooded into the room.

XX

It was a bit like being in a state of awake, yet asleep.

Hell maybe I was asleep. Or dead.

There was no way the roof just caved in.

Then again, the Tower of Ishal was old. It could have happened.

But where would the Dragon have come from?

No, that couldn't be real.

The fire it breathed out incinerated the Darkspawn screaming at it.

As quickly as it had come, the claws reached out towards me and I figured it was over. If I wasn't dead before, I would be now.

The talons closed around me and I closed my eyes as I felt weightless.

XX

I woke in pain.

"So you do still live after all." I heard the familiar voice from the room and opened my eyes to the light of a fire in the hearth.

"Wha...where am I?" I mumbled as I tried to sit up.

I clutched at the wound in my side as it throbbed. Not nearly as bad as I expected it to. Or, didn't expect it to since I should be dead.

"You are here, in my house, in the Wilds. Do you not remember it?"

"I...remember the Tower. The attack. What happened to the troops? The King? Warden Duncan?" I forced myself to sit up.

"Do try to lie still. Mothers magic is strong, but even so, the wounds were bad."

"I will live." I waved it off. "Besides, Healing magic is only so effective on me anyway."

"And if you don't?" Morrigan raised a brow at me. I frowned.

"I'll die." I frowned. "What happened at the battle?"

"I'm afraid things went very south for your team when the other force didn't arrive. I believe he took his forces away from the fight."

"Fucking hell. Loghain is a coward. The King? What happened to King Cailan?" I asked.

"Your King is dead I'm afraid. Along with your Warden-Commander." She said.

I looked at the blanket gripped in my hands.

"And...my Mabari? Alistair?"

"Your fellow Grey Warden from the Tower is outside talking to my mother. I am not aware of any dogs. But that is not to say it is automatically dead. I've heard Mabari are intelligent. It may have gotten away and will meet up with you again." She shrugged.

"I...we have to get to Denerim. Find someone to help." I said.

"For now, you can just lay there and hope I don't see to it that you pass on." Morrigan said.

I snorted a laugh. "Then you'd have to clean up the mess."

"Touche." She laughed.

But I did go back to resting for a few more minutes.

When my head was clear and nothing seemed like it was going to start spinning if I tried sitting up, I slowly put in the effort.

Morrigan watched from the other side of the room as I stood up and looked down at the bandaging on my side and over my shoulder.

"My clothes?" I asked.

"There." She pointed at the table.

I made my way over slowly. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

"So, is all magic less effective, or just Healing?" Morrigan asked as I pulled my pants on.

"Just Healing. A Fire spell still burns." I said as I reached for my shirt.

I winced as I had to change how I normally dressed.

Either Morrigan or her mother had sewn the holes in my shirt and repaired the armor too.

I sighed as I looked at the armor.

"A Healing spell of the caliber my mother used on you should have fully healed the wound you received. But just how much did it actually do?"

I frowned. "Maybe...half? A third? The wound itself will probably seem healed on the outside, but the pain is all still there. I've had Healing magic used on my wounds before and it only seems to mend the outside. Inside I'm still hurting."

"How irritating." Morrigan scowled.

"You're telling me." I scoffed. "I wish it was all magic that was negated or something more useful." I struggled to get my armor on properly and sighed when I finally did.

I collected up my sash and tied it on.

"I'll be out of your hair now." I said. "Thank you for helping us out."

"Thank my mother, not me." She stood up and started to follow me out.

I saw Alistair and he hurried over to me.

I winced when his right hand covered my wound as he checked that I was still alright.

"I thought you'd never wake up." He said.

"How are your wounds?"

"Flemeth healed them without a problem. I will admit magic has its uses."

"How kind of you." Flemeth said. "Now if you'd stop talking as if I'm not here, that would be nice."

Alistair turned to face her, somewhat chagrined. "Sorry."

"Morrigan says you saved us." I wasn't really asking.

"Yes. I did. Although saving your life seems a bit more difficult. I wonder why?" She looked confused.

"Never really thought about it. Healing magic has never done much for me." I shrugged, paying close attention to my wound.

It hurt less than I expected, but still hurt.

"Well, that is unfortunate." Flemeth mused.

"Yes, well, they are healed, and now it is time to go."

"Yes, it is time for you all to go." Flemeth nodded.

"Wait, what?" Morrigan looked at her mother.

"You heard me. Last time I checked, you had ears."

"But..."

"Don't you want to see the world?" Flemeth raised a brow at her.

"No, I'd rather just stay right here thank you." Morrigan said.

"If she doesn't want to come..." I started.

"She's under no obligation to come." Alistair said. "Not like we need to worry about hiding an Apostate anyway."

Morrigan glared at him. "I can hide myself just fine." She said.

"Oh, can you now?"

I got it. He saw that Flemeth was wanting her daughter out of the way of the Blight, though Flemeth was likely too old or tired to travel far herself.

He was antagonizing Morrigan into coming with us of her own volition.

"Yes. I am very good at being ordinary when I choose to be."

"Well, that's good then, you can show me all your skills of hiding at Lothering then." Alistair said.

I watched Flemeth smile faintly.

"You will take care of them, I assume?" Flemeth asked me.

"As much as I can." I nodded.

"Can you cook?" Alistair interrupted Morrigan.

"Are you worried I'll poison you?"

He frowned. "No, not that."

"Are you asking because I'm a woman?" She raised her brow at him.

I really wanted to laugh at these two.

Or kill them both in an hour, I'm not sure.

"No, I was just considering that neither of you will probably want me cooking. I burn things." He said.

I tilted my head. "I'm a bit on the rusty side of cooking as well." I sighed. "Growing up Noble and all..."

Morrigan sighed. "That's decided then Mother, these two simply won't live without someone taking care of them. Please remember the stew on the fire. I'd hate to return to find my home burned to the ground."

"More likely it'll be swallowed up by the Blight girl." Flemeth said with a snorted laugh.

"I didn't mean..." Morrigan actually looked startled.

"I'll be alright. Nothing has killed me yet." The old woman cackled as she waved us off.

"Well, let's head to Lothering first then." I said. "You mentioned it?" I glanced at Alistair.

Morrigan nodded. "It is the nearest town to the Wilds. I've been there before." She said.

"And they never once thought you were a Witch?" Alistair gasped dramatically.

"Oddly, no. Like I said, I can handle myself." Morrigan started to lead us out of the area.

XX

We traveled on the Imperial Highway for almost half the day and I was extremely fascinated by the architecture of the Tevinter Imperium. This was amazing to have stood so long without care or upkeep.

As Morrigan pointed out that we were only a few more minutes from Lothering, we heard scrabbling on the stone behind us.

I turned, automatically reaching for my swords.

I was more than startled when I was assaulted and pushed to the ground and licked repeatedly.

"Oh, good, it's just you." Alistair said.

"This beast is friendly?" Morrigan frowned as I shoved the Mabari off.

"Yes." I said as I hugged Baron. "I'm so glad you made it." I sighed.

"It's her Mabari." Alistair explained to Morrigan.

"I see." The woman said.

I moved to stand up again and saw what he had strapped to him.

Somehow, he'd managed to find my travel bag and get it secured around his neck.

I reached to undo it and sighed.

"You are the best partner I will ever have." I said.

He gave a happy bark and wove around me several times and broke off to lick Alistair's hands as well.

He sniffed at Morrigan and she gave him a glare.

"Baron, this is Morrigan. And I don't think I actually introduced you to Alistair?" I motioned to each of them.

Alistair knelt and held out his hand.

"I will not do that." Morrigan said as Baron put his paw in Alistair's hand.

"Don't like Mabari?" Alistair asked.

"Oh no, nothing like that. I'm not fond of any animals." She said. "Although, it's sad. We now have a dog in our rag tag group, and you're still the dumbest one here."

"Hey!" Alistair glared at her. He looked down at Baron. "Well...then again...if it's you."

Baron barked at him and butted his thigh, the same one that had been shot if I remembered.

Alistair stumbled.

"He doesn't care much for people putting themselves down." I said.

"I think I might like him a lot." Alistair said.

Baron barked again, happily.

"Well, we should continue." I motioned down the highway.

Alistair nodded.

XX

It was a couple minutes before we came to a blockade.

Of people.

Worse, of people wanting money from us.

"Look, we don't have any money." I said.

"Then I guess you'll have to be handing over something else. Some things of value."

"I have nothing that I can afford to part with." I snapped.

"I'm sure you have a couple things." The man said, holding his hand on his sword.

"Does this actually work for you?" I asked him.

"What?"

"This highway robbery thing. Does it actually work effectively?"

"When people aren't like you, always." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"And do you know who I am?" I looked up at him.

"A spoiled brat?"

"A Grey Warden." I said calmly.

"Ay, boss. I heard the Grey Wardens killed the King."

"Shouldn't mess with them."

"Killed the King?" Alistair snapped. "Who in their right minds would believe that nonsense?"

"It's true though, innit?"

I looked up at the leader.

"So, say it is true? Would you still want to fight with a King killer? Surely King Cailan would have had to been a good hand at the sword." I suggested. I wouldn't know. Maybe Alistair could back that for me. "But say it isn't true? Are you really going to challenge two Grey Wardens, knowing the entire Order could come down on your heads?"

They paled.

"You're bullshitting me. You aren't Grey Wardens of anything." The lead man raised his voice at me.

He went to pull his blade and I had mine at his throat before his cleared the sheath.

"We fight Darkspawn you shit stain. You think you can be faster and better than literal monsters, go right ahead and try me." I glared at him.

"Would you like some assistance?" I felt the chill wrap around the small area as Morrigan flared her magic.

"Nothing for a Mage of your caliber to worry about." I smiled calmly as I drew my other sword.

"Oh, fighting for sport are you?" Alistair sounded amused. "This will be fun."

"I need some venting." I said. "Too many fucking things trying to kill me lately."

The four men drew their swords.

"Ah, no no. We do things one on one here." Alistair held up his hand. "The boss needs to vent, so you'll have to provide decent material."

They looked confused as I swept my boot to hook around the ankle of the man in front of me.

I yanked and drove my swords into the stone at both sides of his head as he fell before tumbling off him, leaving the blades behind and catching Alistair's thrown one.

"Little big." He warned.

I nodded as I caught it with both hands.

I really had to remember to go easy on these fools.

They weren't soldiers, they had no formal training. They weren't even as unpredictable as Darkspawn.

Screw one on one, I just rotated them around. Tossing them to the ground as needed.

I wasn't aware of the cussing coming from my mouth until I'd tossed the last guy clear over the side of the highway into the bushes below.

I panted as I watched two of them scramble to get away from me.

I stepped back to Alistair, slightly limping from a bruise on my hip, and handed back his sword.

The leader of the thugs was still shaking between my blades.

"Oh for fucks sake, they aren't that close." I stood over his head and yanked them out.

He screamed like a little girl, all high pitched.

"So, the polite noble girl does have a bad temper." Morrigan said.

"Sorry, does that make me look bad?" I asked as we headed for the stairs down into Lothering. I glanced back at the three still on the highway. "You might want to rethink your positions. If I have to come back and catch you here again...well, let's just say I won't be going easy on you."

The two looking at me nodded in fear and scrambled to collect their partners.

Morrigan laughed. "Contrary, I think it makes you a bit more down to earth."

"Scares the shit out of me." Alistair shrugged. "Not to say that's a bad thing..." He frowned.

I laughed. "I get it. I'll try to refrain from snapping like that."

"Reminds me a lot of Berserkers." Alistair said. "Totally a good thing in certain situations."

"Just not maybe against humans." I sighed. "I'll try to limit it to fighting Darkspawn."

He nodded. "You do fight pretty well..."

"For a noble?" I raised a brow as we stopped on the landing.

"For anyone." He said quickly. "Maybe not the most glamorous style of course, but very effective."

"So, who is going to assume leadership of this little band?" Morrigan asked. "I refuse."

"I..." I started.

"You're it." Alistair held up his hands.

"Me? But you're the senior Warden." I frowned.

"Yes, but you have formal guidance, obviously more training, and a level head for people. Bandits aside."

"I just hate people that prey on the weak and who hurt others for gain." I scowled.

"Well, if I'd been you just now, they'd be dead, so even when you snap, you're still less deadly than I am in that aspect." Alistair said.

"I have killed people you know." I said. "Howe's men when they attacked my home."

"I can understand that." He said. "But still, you should lead us. I'm no good as a leader."

"You're both sure?" I looked at them both.

Morrigan nodded as Alistair did.

I looked at Baron. He woofed at me.

"Well, I guess that's a unanimous vote then..." I sighed. "Any idea where we should go? Because my plan would be to head for Denerim and beat the shit out of Howe and Loghain for reasons." I said.

"Loghain?" Alistair said.

"For leaving the King and the rest of us to die." I growled. "Maker I hate people who betray trust like that."

"Loghain I understand." Morrigan said. "But I've no idea about this Howe man."

"He betrayed my father the night Warden Duncan and I fled my house and he destroyed my family." I said. "It's not really a Warden problem like Loghain is, but I'd still like to find him and end him."

"Ah, I see." She nodded. "Very well."

"Well..." Alistair pulled the documents from his armor. "I never got around to giving these to Duncan, so we should see about getting them honored. The Archdemon is still a threat and the Wardens will need help in killing it. Sending off to Weisshaupt would take far too long and I think Orlais would take the opportunity to try and reclaim Ferelden if we asked them."

He tugged out a rough region map and I felt my heart ache at seeing the Teyrnir of Highever on the map. It was hard to think it was gone.

"Now, from here," He pointed at Lothering. "We can head on the south road to Denerim, which puts us passing the Brecilian Forest, where I believe the Dalish live. Of course, finding them could be hard..."

"A good plan." I nodded.

"Or we can go by Redcliff and hope to get Arl Eamon's assistance." Alistair said.

"Arls again?" I gave him a sour look.

"Eamon is the one who raised me, so I can assure you he isn't anything like Howe." Alistair said.

"And Howe wasn't a backstabbing bastard until last week as far as I knew either." I scowled.

"Well, those are our options. You want to get at Loghain, you're going to need backing. Eamon is one of maybe two who could do it. The other...would have been your father." Alistair sighed.

I growled. "Fine. We'll go see your old man."

"He's not my father." Alistair said.

"You said he raised you." I frowned.

"But he's not my father." Alistair shrugged.

"Alright then. We'll see Arl Eamon." I sighed.

"Listening to you two is infinitely amusing, but I think we should get a move on and go into Lothering itself." Morrigan said.

I nodded. "Right. We'll need supplies and provisions to travel anywhere. I've a tent, but Alistair doesn't, nor a shield. Barely a decent sword..." I sighed.

"Hey, I liked my shield before an Ogre had at it." He said.

"I've got my own supplies." Morrigan said. "But food should be on that list."

"Provisions." I said as I headed down the stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Finding Alistair a good shield wasn't so hard. Finding a good price was a little harder.

The merchants around here were swindling people.

A little intimidation had him lowering his prices for me. Down to half. I told him to drop it to at least seventy percent for the locals. Not quite reasonable, but high enough that I knew he was raking a profit and the locals would shut up about his prices being unfair. At least until they realized it was still high.

So, with the physical supplies taken care of, I led our little group towards the tavern.

That was a mistake.

The moment we stepped in, it was like several bounty hunters knew exactly who we were.

"You two, you're Grey Wardens, aren't you?" One stood in my way.

"Depends who's asking." I raised a brow at him.

"You're under arrest for the murder of the King."

"Bullshit and slander." I waved it off, intending to head for the bar counter.

As I moved to pass him, he grabbed my arm.

"You'll want to let go." I said.

"Please, this must all be a mistake." I looked up at the Orlesian voice. I knew Orlesian accents well enough. And this woman screamed Orlais. "Grey Wardens are good people." She said.

"Lay off Sister or you'll be arrested for aiding them."

"Then arrest me and let the Maker judge you." She said.

I laughed. "I wouldn't worry Sister. They're not here to arrest me. They're just here to kill me." I said. "I'm starting to get used to it honestly."

Alistair sighed. "Do I get these two then?"

"Absolutely." I reached up and twisted the man's hand off my arm.

He yelped and I moved past him.

Both tried to turn and Alistair drew his sword and their attention.

I ignored them to go up to the bar.

"Hi." I said.

The keep looked at the fight that was starting. "Can they take that outside?"

I looked back at Alistair. "Yes, please Alistair, take out the trash." I laughed.

Alistair laughed as well and sheathed his sword to grab both men by a wrist and twisted their arms behind their backs to hobble them towards the door. "Sister, if you would be so kind to get the door for me?"

The woman in the white and red jumped to get it, smiling. "The Maker has blessed his best defenders."

"Well, I wouldn't know about that..." Alistair shrugged as the door closed behind him.

I turned back for the keep as Morrigan came to stand beside me. "Low profile you tell me?" She sounded amused.

"Well, what can I say? Apparently Grey Wardens are a bad thing right now. We killed the King and all." I scoffed.

"Did you really?" The man behind the counter asked.

I snorted. "Hell no. Our Warden-Commander was trusted and liked by the King, we would have had no reason to kill him. He was kind to me and offered to help fix my problem back home. It's such a small concern next to a Blight and yet he was going to put his full army to it anyway." I sighed. "Not that it matters much now."

Morrigan touched my back and I jolted before nodding at her odd form of assurance.

I looked at the man again. "Anyway, we are needing some good dried meats and hard bread. Travel food, you know." I said.

"I have a little, but not much." He nodded.

I was hashing out coins as Morrigan was loading the bag she procured from somewhere on her person. Maker knew where with that skimpy outfit.

We both looked up when Alistair opened the door and looked at us.

"Done." I said as I pushed the necessary coins towards the keep. It was actually three coppers too much, but I didn't have anything less without being short. Either three too many or four too short. "Keep the change as an apology for their behavior and the believing of false rumors."

The man nodded and scraped the metal bits off the counter into his hand.

We headed out and met Alistair outside the door.

"Finished already?" I asked.

"Wasn't hard." He shrugged. "Decent workout."

Baron barked agreement.

"Did he let you help?" I looked at my Mabari.

"He cheered me on." Alistair tilted his head.

"Hmm, I hadn't even heard a thing." Morrigan said.

"He was non-verbal about it." Alistair said blankly.

"He was very good." The Sister said.

"And you are?" I held out my hand.

"Sorry, Lay Sister Leliana." She said, taking my hand.

"Elissa, Alistair, Morrigan, and Baron." I motioned with my other hand to the rest in order.

"I see. I know this seems very forward, but would you be so kind as to allow me to join you?"

"Why would you want to?" I frowned.

"The Maker has shown me that I am needed. And though the Chantry here may think I'm deluded, I know my place is with the Grey Wardens right now."

I shrugged. "I guess."

"That easily?" Alistair asked.

"Not like we can really stop her honestly." I said. "Unless we force her to stay, she'll just follow anyway if she really wants to join us. Besides, I have a feeling there is more to Leliana here than she's letting on."

The woman laughed. "You are perceptive. I am not from Ferelden originally."

"I know. You're Orlesian. And from the way you keep knives on you, I'd wager a guess that you're a Bard." I said.

She looked taken aback. "You know of us?"

"Only what I've read and...my sister-in-law once told me. She was from a rich Antivan family, but she was always interested in Orlesian fashions." I looked down at remembering Oriana. "Really, I'd actually like more company." I looked at Alistair. "Like you said, we need support. An Orlesian Bard is a lot more support than you'd think."

"Well, perhaps not as much as I'd like to be in these times." Leliana sighed. "But at least my skills will do well for you."

"You fight?" Alistair asked.

"I'm a good hand with knives and a bow." Leliana said. "I can also play a few instruments." She added with a smile.

He nodded. "Fair enough. Welcome."

I started to head to leave Lothering and passed a man standing in a cage.

I turned to look at him, slightly startled by the blank look he had.

"So, what did he do?" I asked Leliana.

"Killed a family." She said coldly.

I looked up at the man.

He stared down at me, expressionless.

I might have been young, but I'd been reading people for years. Fergus excluded because he was too easy, no solider in Castle Cousland could hold a secret from me for long. It was likely why nearly every soldier was so friendly with me. I pried the secrets, I just didn't care about them. Unless they'd harm someone, I typically just forgot about them. I just wanted to hone my skills at reading people and their emotions.

Now that my mind was becoming more settled after the events that had just happened, I would need to start using all my skills again. I couldn't keep relying on instinct and adrenaline.

"You didn't do it on purpose, did you?" I asked him. He didn't visually give much of a clue to answer, and he refused to speak it, but I caught the look in his eyes.

He hadn't.

"So, here's a question for you..."

"Sten." He spoke simply.

"Sten..." I frowned. I'd read that before. "Qunari?" I tilted my head.

He nodded, showing a little surprise.

"Oh this is a great day for me." I said cheerfully.

"How so? We are losing time." Alistair said.

"Yes, but currently, I'm fulfilling one of my life ambitions." I said. "Regardless of Howe, I've always dreamed of traveling the world and learning. Hence why I was glad to go with Warden Duncan. It would be my chance to travel farther than home." I said.

I looked back at Sten. "Now, that's not a name, but that's not the point either." I waved it off. "My question for you is: if I get you freed from the cage, will you travel with a Grey Warden and help me with the Blight?"

He looked thoughtful.

After a few moments Leliana spoke.

"He could kill you too you know." She pointed out. "The Revered Mother has the key to the cage because he is dangerous."

"I'm aware of that. I've done study on every book I could get my hands on about everything from Orlesians, Free Marchers, Tevinter, Antiva, and the Qunari as a race and culture. You give me a chance to learn more about Orlais from someone native to there. I'm probably never likely to get knowledge of Tevinter firsthand, but Sten here is a Qunari and I can't pass up a chance to learn about his people." I said. I looked back at him. "So?"

"If I can make a condition?" He looked down at me. I nodded. "I would like to track down my sword while traveling."

"I'll add it high up on my list of things to do." I said. I held my hand up towards the bars of the cage and he accepted it. Didn't shake my hand, due to the bars, but I took it anyway.

"Why not just get a new one?" Alistair frowned as I motioned for them to follow me.

I shook my head. "Not the same. Qunari prize their particular weapons. I read that each Qunari is gifted their sword when they are ready for battle, though I'm not sure about that accuracy, but at any rate, that is the sword they are given and they are to keep it well kept and with them. So for someone to take their sword...it's just not right. It'd be like...someone shaving your head." I said to Alistair.

He reached up to fluff his hair down. "I see." He seemed startled at the comparison.

"It's part of them and so it's very rude to take it from them." I said. I stopped at the doors to the Chantry of Lothering. "Now, Leliana, you know these people a little better than me."

"Do you not believe in the Maker?" She asked.

"Not that. I've never really been in a Chantry before. I worship in my own way." I shrugged.

"I can tell." She smiled. "I will help you talk to them."

I nodded as I sighed in relief.

XX

Leliana actually did more of the talking than I did, being that I let her take the lead to get a feel of my new comrade. She did have a way with words. But I think that was more Orlais than Bard. Oriana was like that too, being from Antiva.

The Game they called it.

Feh. The only game I liked was done with wooden sticks and cheap shields and usually called practice.

But as I swung the key to the cage on my finger, I was glad someone other than me had something remotely useful in getting people to agree.

Intimidation was a good skill. Coercion was maybe a little better. In that it could get people to think they were agreeing with you themselves.

Sten looked a minor bit impressed as I reached for the lock on the cage.

"I see. You did manage it."

"So, Leliana warned me you could kill us all. Any plans of doing so?" I asked as I tried to get the key in the rusty lock. This was why you couldn't leave metal in the weather.

"I will honor my word to follow you." He said.

"Not what I asked." I retorted.

"I don't think it would be a good idea to kill you." He changed his words.

"Much more agreeable." I nodded. "Maker damn this lock." I snapped.

Alistair snorted as he reached to brush my hands from it.

I handed him the key.

"You just need a fine hand with it." He said.

I raised a brow as he had the same difficulty when he tried to put the key in.

"You were saying?"

He looked at me. "A better hand." He took hold of the lock entirely in his hand and braced his boot on the bar under it.

I frowned until he kicked off the cage, snapping the lock cleanly off, without the key at all.

The cage shook and started to fall over.

Sten reached to grab the sides as I moved to try and push it back upright.

Alistair reached to pull it back towards himself and it took a scary moment before the thing was solidly back in place.

I laughed.

"Sorry about that Sten." I said.

"Well...I suppose that is one way of opening the lock." The Qunari said with a huffed laugh as Alistair opened the door.

"Effective at least." I snorted a laugh.

"Are you two done?" Morrigan sighed.

"Completely." I said.

Leliana just stared at us.

"So...what was the point of the key?"

"Permission." I smiled. "Didn't need the key to get him out. I wanted permission so I wasn't further in trouble with the Chantry." I explained.

"Are you sure you're just a Grey Warden?" Leliana raised a brow at me.

"Sorry, I never did fully introduce myself, did I?" I asked. I looked at Sten and held out my hand. "Elissa Cousland. Grey Warden and Teyrna of Highever, tenuously."

He accepted my hand and actually shook it.

"Nobility. I knew it." Leliana said.

"Sorry." I shrugged. "Don't figure my nobility is going to matter much in the usual settings. Maybe if we need it I can dust it off." I looked at the Highway. "Now, we should probably get going."

"Where to?" Leliana asked.

"Redcliff. To talk to Arl Eamon." I sighed.

"I promise he will help us with this Blight and Loghain." Alistair said.

"I believe you, I just don't like most nobility right now." I said.

XX

We were assaulted by Darkspawn when we attempted to leave Lothering in the late afternoon.

Or rather, they were already attacking a pair of Dwarves.

But honestly, I couldn't just stand there and let them do it. One, I hated Darkspawn, and two, I really hated Darkspawn.

It wasn't as if it was a particularly difficult fight, considering with Sten and Leliana, we matched them in number.

Leliana struck fast and hard on her Archer with her own bow. Morrigan took out the second Archer. I was beginning to like having people who could do long distance fighting.

Baron body slammed the closest Darkspawn to the two Dwarves and I watched Sten take hold of one of the weapons from the merchants cart to use.

Between him and myself and Alistair, I got to get a good feel for our team so far.

It was a decent enough balance I suppose.

Once the Darkspawn were dead, I turned to face the two Dwarves.

"You two are alright?" I asked.

"Yes, thank you so very much." The older one said. "Nasty business these things are." He said.

"Very much so. Not sure they have much coin." I said.

Alistair laughed as he and Sten tossed the bodies over the side of the highway.

The older Dwarf held his hand out to me. "Bodahn Feddic, at your service. My boy and I are merchants, traveling here and there." He put his hand on the other Dwarf's shoulder. "My boy, Sandal. Say hello Sandal."

"Hello." The younger Dwarf said.

I schooled my features, but there was obviously something addled in that boys head. Something wasn't quite clicking where it should.

"Oh, um, sorry about the mace. Mind if we buy it from you?" I motioned at the mace Sten had used.

"Oh by all means keep it. As a payment for helping us." Bodahn said as I went to pull my purse out. "Thank you very much for saving us. I like to think I'm a bit less inclined to believe rumors, but what I heard from town is that you are a Grey Warden. I'm not sure if it's true, but if it is, I'd rather not be in your way."

"Well, it is true that we are. It's not true that we killed the King, I liked the man honestly. I doubt you'd be in the way, but that's up to you. But I do hope that you'll be able to stay out of danger." I said.

"We'll try to." Bodahn said. "Perhaps we'll meet up again and you can see the wares properly set up."

I nodded. "Good luck."

I started to head off with my group when he stopped me again.

"Oh, Miss Warden?"

I turned to look at him. "Hmm?"

"I'm not sure if it means anything, but I did see those men who'd been looking for surviving Grey Wardens go past earlier on horses. I caught a little of their conversation and I heard them talking about reporting you."

I frowned. "Reporting us?" I looked at Alistair.

"Probably to Loghain for some kind of reward. We might end up having to deal with bounty hunters as well as Darkspawn." He said.

"Oh good." I faced Bodahn again. "Thank you. We'll watch out for people trying to kill us."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When we came to the crossroad just outside of Lothering, I looked up at Alistair again.

"Now, are you a hundred percent sure Arl Eamon will actually help us?"

"I'm sure he will." Alistair frowned at me.

"Because I can just as easily attempt to find the Dalish elves."

Leliana laughed. "I would think you'd want to have as much help as possible." She said to me.

"Yes, I do. I just don't exactly trust nobility anymore."

"And that is a surprise?" Sten didn't seem like he was talking to anyone.

"You know, not really." I sighed. "I should have known my family was one of the few."

"And Arl Eamon is as well." Alistair urged.

"Fine. But when this all turns to shit, I blame you." I said.

"It won't." Alistair countered.

I started to head for Redcliff.

It would take us several days to get there walking. Maybe a day and a half if we'd had horses, but our merry little band wasn't that important.

XX

I was about done with walking when we finally put down camp.

"I'll get to working on something for us to eat if you'll get my tent up Alistair." Leliana said.

"Oh thank the Maker, someone can cook." He said.

"You all can't?" She frowned as I started to unfold my tent. I shook my head.

"I can make bread." I shrugged. "And I can cut and clean meat, that's it."

"Well...I guess I'll have to ensure we don't starve then." Leliana said cheerfully.

"Please." Morrigan said dryly. "Alistair will probably confess love to you just for cooking."

"I will not." Alistair snapped. "Not to say I'm not grateful, but...oh nevermind." He turned to work on getting the tent for Leliana up around our makeshift camp.

I climbed into my tent and pushed the rods in place.

I really hoped that this Arl could help us with all we needed and that I wouldn't have to go wandering in the forest looking for elves or into the Deep Roads looking for Dwarves or deal with more cantankerous Mages or anything the Warden Treaties could pull together.

XX

The afternoon that we could see Redcliff I was exhausted. All the training back home couldn't have prepared me for traveling long distance like this. I was used to using a horse for long distance, not walking it.

And we still had hours to go by the look of it.

"We should be there by dinner." Alistair said.

"I'll take your word for it." I said.

I sighed as I fell to the back of the group, letting Alistair take the lead.

It was half an hour before I was pulled to a stop by a large hand on my shoulder.

I looked up to see Sten.

"Before we continue, what is your intentions?"

"Are." I automatically corrected. I sighed and shook my head. "Nevermind. The plan, after the entire force the King had gather was wiped out, is fucked." I said simply. "The original plan had been to attempt to slaughter the Darkspawn vanguard horde at Ostagar and lure out the Archdemon so that we Wardens could kill it and send everything scattering again into the depths."

"And your plan now?" He enunciated this time.

Alistair turned back to look at us.

Everyone else did as well.

Putting me on the spot.

It was bad enough to have Alistair looking at me for guidance.

An Orlesian Bard would have my head if she thought I was failing. A Qunari was worse. He'd challenge me and then kill me if I couldn't provide an adequate plan of action.

I sighed as I knocked his hand away from my shoulder.

"My plan now is to get to Redcliff and get Arl Eamon to back my attempts to oust Loghain from power in Denerim with a Landsmeet. And before that great meeting, I'll probably have to rally together all the people who've signed Treaties with the Wardens, or wind up conscripting, which is my last resort. I know, as well as Alistair does, that the Archdemon is coming. It won't stop and it doesn't take prisoners and it won't grant mercy. Its vanguard forces wiped us out." I said. "Which means when we come back, we'll need more than lazy soldiers called to battle and drafted recruits. From what I've read over the past two days of the Treaties, they'll allow us to march into Orzammar and pretty much summon the Legion of the Dead to fight with us, along with every other able bodied Dwarf warrior, of which there are plenty from what I gather. They'll allow us to force the Dalish into fighting beside us, which would give us some of the best hunters in Ferelden and Orlais, because fuck it if Elves were slaves, they're still crack shots and damn powerful Mages. Which brings me to the third party the Treaties allow us to rally: Circle Mages and the Templars who guard them; which, in case you were unaware, means the First Enchanter down to apprentices who can still wreck a town with a handful of fireballs, plus the Knight-Commander and everyone under his command as well. You think Morrigan can be a scary ass bitch, try having fifty of her on your side."

I scowled up at the Qunari. "And if there were any chances more of your people were here not on some stupid warpath to claim Ferelden for the Qun, the Treaties would mean that Alistair and I would have the right to negotiate forces from your people as well, which could only help in a Blight. Bonus points for being able to tell your group to pack up and go home afterward too." I waved at Leliana. "Not to mention, say all of the Dalish I can gather, Dwarves who agree to fight above ground, and the human armies I can collect, say all of those aren't enough: I can use the Warden Treaties to summon aid from Orlais, the Free Marches, and Antiva. Technically Tevinter as well, but you and I both know how well that would fare."

Sten stepped back. "And yet you won't call on the other nations. Out of fear."

"Damn straight. Orlais, Tevinter, and the Qunari would all try to invade if I thought of asking for their help." I glanced at Leliana. "No offense."

She waved if off.

I looked up at Sten. "So, you tell me, is my plan so bad?"

He sighed as he shook his head. "I would not have asking for the outside Wardens help as a last resort, but no, your plan is acceptable."

"Good, now will you all stop expecting me to automatically lead us all to victory when I have no fucking clue what I'm doing half the time?" I glared at them all. "Seriously, we've been walking for three days, I've never been a leader, I'm tired, and I never expected to have to deal with a Blight in my lifetime."

I pushed past Alistair as I spoke and started walking towards Redcliff.

Was it too early to just go back home and pretend none of this was real?

I sighed.

Yes. It probably was.

XX

Redcliff up close was...less impressive than I'd expected.

Alistair caught up to me.

"So...I have something to confess." He said quietly to me.

"Hmm? You're secretly a girl?" I raised a brow at him.

He looked confused for a moment before shaking his head. "Where does that come from? No, that's not what I wanted to tell you."

I rolled my eyes. Failure to get my joke...which made me just a little sad.

"Duncan may have told you, or you may have noticed...I look a lot like Cailan."

I nodded. "I'd noticed actually."

"And I told you Arl Eamon isn't my father." He said. I nodded. "He's my uncle."

"I see." Not really. Wait, was he getting at what I thought he was getting at?

"I...King Maric was my father." Alistair looked down. "I am a bastard son of the King of Ferelden."

I blinked up at him. "You're sure? You're not very kingly." I teased.

He actually laughed. "I know. I'm not sure who my mother was, though I believe she was a servant from the castle, but that part I am certain of. Eamon and Duncan both told me and I know Duncan wouldn't have lied to me. Though..." He scratched at his hair. "He did also seem to know who my mother was but never got around to telling me. I'm still trying to figure out how he knew when we first met last year."

"Maybe he's secretly your guardian?" I shrugged.

"But...this doesn't change anything between us, right?" He asked. "You're not going to make me lead are you?"

I sighed. "Alistair, I'll be frank with you, simply because in the past week, you've become quite literally the only human friend I have left in this world." He grinned at the praise. "But seriously, me at seventeen versus you as the 'King's son', even as a bastard, I think we'd all choose me to lead."

"I did say you had the more level head and experience." He nodded.

"Honestly, you being a bastard makes more sense than just some random man Warden Duncan picked up as a recruit." I said. "But to answer your question, no, it doesn't change anything between us." I held out my hand. "I'll remain your friend even if you piss me off."

He took hold of my hand and I changed the hold to the one my brother and I used to use when we decided to never stop being friends.

"That's good." Alistair said.

I looked out at Redcliff after letting his hand go. "But really, why wouldn't you want to be King at this point? You could challenge Loghain equally, probably win being related to Maric Theirin, and it would be a severe advantage to the Wardens. Having a King in their ranks could be very good."

Alistair laughed. "That right there is why I wouldn't make a good King. I'm not a planner. I'm no good at duping people."

I sighed. "True enough. You suck. But still, give it some thought. We could always present you later. Keep it in mind."

"Yeah. Maybe I'll get some skills dealing with this Blight." He shrugged. "Now, let's go see the Arl."

I nodded.

XX

As we came to the main entrance of the village of Redcliff, we were stopped by a man.

"You don't want to be coming here right now. We're not suited for visitors." He said.

"But...I lived here." Alistair said. "I'm not really a visitor."

"Alistair?" The man frowned at him. He laughed. "It is you. By the Maker. It is good to see you alive. I thought you were joining the Wardens?"

Alistair moved to hug the man. "I am a Grey Warden."

"Then...is it true?" The man asked as he motioned for us to follow him. "Did you...kill the King?"

"Of course not." I snorted. "We were fighting beside him, not against him. Seriously, where is this rumor coming from?"

"It's what Lord Loghain has told us. If we found a Grey Warden, anyone was to report them or kill them. But...we can't kill Alistair. He's one of us."

Alistair nodded. "What's going on in the village Tomas? Darkspawn?"

"Worse." The man said. He looked out at the lake. "The undead. Darkspawn can die, these things...we've lost good people to the attacks lately and I'm not sure how the rest of us are going to fare."

I frowned. "Undead...that's a Mage thing." I looked at Morrigan. "Know anything about it?"

"I've read of it, but using the undead is more of a Blood Mage or even a Demon thing." She waved it off.

I nodded. "That's what I've heard."

"But we don't have a Demon problem, we just have the dead rising from the lake every night." Tomas said as we came down into the village. "Bann Teagan is in the Chantry helping to prepare for tonight."

"We need to see the Arl." I said.

Tomas looked at me. "I'm sorry...but...you'll have to see the Bann first. He can tell you more. I need to get back to my post." He patted Alistair on the shoulder. "It really is good to see you, and with friends. Hopefully if you'll help, we won't lose anyone tonight."

Alistair nodded. The man hurried off and I looked up at Alistair.

"I know this isn't on our agenda, but..." He trailed off.

"You want to help these people." I said.

"Waste of time." Morrigan said as she buffed her nails on the material of her 'shirt'.

Sten nodded.

Leliana looked at them both with wide eyes. "How can you say that? These people need help. How can you just abandon them to their fate?"

I held up my hands. "Look, let's talk to the Bann and see what is gong on. We can make a decision at that point." I said. "It may even be something we can't do a thing about."

Alistair nodded. He waved for us to follow him. "Come on then, the Chantry is this way." He said.

XX

I saw the poor defenses set up around the Chantry and was actually surprised it had stood this long. Several houses were burned down and I could see a few corpses around the village as we went through it.

Alistair pushed open the Chantry door and I saw people in various states of injury.

A man stood at the altar giving orders to the healthy and instructing for defenses.

He looked up at us as we came closer.

"Maker's breath, Alistair?"

"Uncle Teagan." Alistair nodded. The man pulled him in to hug him.

"I am more than happy to see you right now." The man said.

"Bann." I stepped forward.

Teagan frowned. I watched his face light up with some kind of knowing. "Cousland. Elissa Cousland, it is you."

I smiled. "It is good to see you too."

"You know each other?" Alistair frowned.

"Not really, no." I said.

"I've met with her father before with Eamon." Teagan said. "Though, I must say, I happen to remember a little girl with scraped knees chasing her brother with a stick."

I laughed. "Yeah, that would be me." I said. The laugh faded as I remembered the instance he was talking about.

My father had been talking politics with the Arl and Bann when I was seven.

"Small world." Morrigan muttered.

"In Nobility, yes, it is." Leliana said.

"What is going on here?" Alistair asked.

Teagan sighed and moved to sit on a pew.

"It's...nothing I've ever seen before. We've had bad luck before, but this is just...I don't know what it is."

"Necromancy I'd wager." Morrigan said.

"It started when Eamon got sick. Connor has gone mad over it. Isolde has barred the Castle, though that has little effect in helping us cope. I know she meant well..." Teagan said.

I sat beside him. "Start from the beginning."

He sighed. "Connor started showing signs of magic." He said.

I frowned. "Connor?"

"The Arl's son." Alistair said. "He's a Mage?"

Teagan nodded. "And in order to keep it secret, Isolde brought in a teacher for him. It was going just fine and he was genuinely teaching the boy. I hired a Templar not from the Circle to keep an eye on him, but the man has turned up dead now, though I'm not sure if it was the Mage or whatever is controlling the Castle. I'm not even sure he was a Templar anymore."

I motioned for him to continue. "Anyway, Eamon fell sick a short bit ago and hasn't recovered. Most of the troops went out to search for a cure and that's when whatever it is that's going on happened. Connor just snapped, he's not the same boy anymore, and now we're dealing with undead and I'm not sure what to do about it."

Morrigan sighed. "A Demon has possessed the boy and is using him for control most likely."

I looked up at her. "You're sure?"

"Most likely theory anyway. Mother could tell for certain." She shrugged. "Anyway, if there is no help to be had here, we should move on."

"Help?" Teagan asked.

I nodded. "Alistair and I are Grey Wardens, and despite the events at Ostagar, we're still dealing with a Blight. We were hoping to get backing from Arl Eamon to bring Loghain to justice over abandoning Ostagar and now we're dealing with him apparently setting out the rumor that Wardens killed the King." I sighed. "But it doesn't look like the Arl is going to be able to help us."

"But you have to help us. If Wardens can't handle this disaster, who can?" Teagan stood up. "Fuck Loghain's rumors. Alistair would never have consorted to killing King Cailan, and I doubt Duncan would have either. We need help and Denerim is too far to send for help."

I stood up to look at him, still short, but it was posturing thing anyway.

"Look, I never said we wouldn't help. Some of my team here might disagree, but I can't very well leave you all fighting the undead when it could potentially get worse. We need to see for ourselves what is going on in the Castle and perhaps what is wrong with the Arl can be fixed by our skilled Mage."

Morrigan raised a brow at me.

Teagan sighed. "The attack will happen tonight, so I've been trying to get things prepared before then."

I nodded. "What still needs to be done?"

"Getting proper armor from our smith would be great." Teagan said. "For a start. Defenses would be ideal as well."

I turned for my group. "Sten, you've got the most military experience, see if you can't get these defenses in shape for them. Leliana is good at the sneaky thing, she can probably help make them better against whatever comes this way."

Both nodded. I caught the hint of slight admiration in Sten's eyes.

So that was how it was?

He liked it when I took charge and didn't act confused or weak. Qunari thing I suppose. He wasn't going to follow me unless I lead with authority.

Whatever.

"Morrigan, can you please just work with us and work out some solutions for what is going on?"

"Very well." The woman sighed.

"Alistair and I will see about getting your smith back in this fight." I said to Teagan.

"Thank you." The man said. "I'll work with getting the defenses up and functioning. You should go and talk to Murdock, he knows more about what's going on with Owen. And Ser Perth might be willing to talk to you."

I nodded.

XX

"You do take charge where it counts, you know?" Alistair said as we approached the smithy.

"I just hate it when no one around me seems to want to lead." I said.

"Still, you're stepping in nicely."

"I'll take your word for it. Hell, maybe by the time we end this Blight I'll actually be Warden material."

"You are." Alistair knocked on the door.

"Go away."

I sighed at Owen's drunken shout through the door.

Murdock had said that we would need to convince him to help us.

First I needed him to be sober.

"Look, we need equipment." I said back.

"I ain't got none."

"Open this door so I can see for myself."

"Fuck off."

I looked at the door. I really hated this.

I pulled a pin from my hair and bent to sit eye level with the lock.

"So, you can't open a lock with a key, but you can pick it?" Alistair whispered at me.

"Never said I didn't have some skills. I'm no rogue, but Fergus and I were known to get into a bit of trouble over the years. Picking into the larder was one of them." I grinned as the lock opened.

I stood to pull the door open, tucking the pin in my hair again.

I found the smith drunk and glaring at me holding a hammer in my general direction.

"Look, see, being able to see someone makes conversation much easier." I said.

"Get out."

"Not until you start getting together gear for these people to stand a fighting chance tonight."

"I won't help any of those cowards." He slurred.

"Why not?"

"None of them give a damn about my daughter in the Castle. No one will even attempt to check if anyone is still alive up there. Until I get some proof, I'm not working."

He did love his daughter it seemed.

"Alright. I'm a Grey Warden and Teyrna of Highever. You have my word that as soon as tonight's attack is over and done with, I will be getting into the Castle. While I am there, I will find your daughter."

"Warden?" He frowned at me. "You'd do that?"

I nodded. "I swear on my life that I will always uphold my word."

Alistair glanced at me as Owen seemed to be thinking it over. "You promise?" I nodded again. "Very well. Those bastards can have what I've got here."

"Thank you. They'll be more likely to survive tonight with good armor from a smith such as yourself."

Flattery got a person everywhere.

He huffed and shooed us out. "You better not be yanking my chain."

XX

After telling Murdock to go collect the gear, Alistair and I made our way to a house where a veteran Dwarf mercenary by the name of Dwyn lived.

Why hadn't he been helping?

I knocked on the door.

No answer, but I could hear movement inside.

"Ser Dwyn?" I called out.

"Who's asking?"

"Grey Wardens." Alistair said.

The door cracked open.

I put my boot in the gap. "I've a quick question for you Ser." I looked down at him.

I think I liked Dwarves. Normally I looked up at everyone, including people my own age. But I never looked up at a Dwarf yet.

"Spit it out." He snapped.

"Why have you not been helping these people? I'm sure they could fare much better with some help from a skilled fighter such as yourself and your partners."

"It's not my battle." He said coldly.

"You are a mercenary correct?" I asked.

"Exactly, which means I don't fight without being paid and these people got no money." He moved to close the door and I held back my wince as it hit my boot.

"And if I agreed to pay you, what would your costs be?" I looked down at him.

He snorted. "More than you could afford little girl. At least a Sovereign, minimum. Which is more than you have."

I reached into my sash and pulled out a gold coin. "Are you sure?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Grey Wardens carry much money?"

"Depends on where they came from. I'm Teyrna of Highever, so yes, I've got funds. And I'd be willing to give you this particular coin in exchange for your services in this fight tonight. Afterwards, I will do my best to stop these attacks entirely."

"One night?" Dwyn asked.

"Potentially two." I wagered.

He pulled the door open fully.

"Well, at least someone around here knows how to do some business." He said as he took the coin from my hands.

"Then you and your men shall be helping to defend this village tonight." I said.

He nodded. "A pleasure." He said to me.

I turned to head off to our next destination and Alistair caught up to me in two steps.

"Really?" He asked.

"Most Dwarves are more motivated by money than anything else. He isn't the type to be persuaded easily and I'm not intimidating enough to a veteran mercenary. Give me a few more battles and some scars and maybe." I shrugged. "Besides, that's just a bit of my money left from leaving home."

"Still, we've been using your funds in this trip and I believe that is unfair of us."

I nudged him in the side. "If I didn't want to spend money on you, I wouldn't."

"Oh goody, I can feel like a spoiled man then." He laughed. I shook my head at him, smiling.

"Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?" I teased.

XX

By the time the sun started setting, I'd gotten everyone in the village to put side whatever differences they had or problems they found to block their willingness to cooperate. Including the local ale issue, by intimidating the tavern master to not only give me over ownership but also to fight, with the promise that I'd give back his bar if he survived the fight and could prove he killed one of the undead things. Also the spy for Loghain ended up giving in between Leliana and I, and I had to admit, seeing an Elven Archer in action was nice. One of the boys from Castle Cousland had actually been a really good shot himself too, but father wouldn't let him join the soldiers for the longest time. I had secretly snuck him out of the Castle when Fergus and I would go hunting with a few of the soldiers. And the one time Father caught him, I'd just said we needed someone to clean the meat on site; father had of course seen through the lie and finally gave in to letting him be a soldier like he wanted to be.

He'd been in the group Fergus led out that night.

I could only pray he was alright. Both of them.

"Elissa?"

I jolted as Alistair put his hand on my shoulder as I stared out at the lake.

"What?" I looked up at him.

"You've done good Cousland." Bann Teagan said from behind us.

I turned to look at him. "I just did what I would do for my own people." I shook my head.

"Maybe so, but these aren't your people and so you have no responsibility to help them." Bann Teagan said. "So I thank you for doing what you all have done." He said to me.

I looked at the group of companions I'd collected as Baron came to stand beside me. He snuffed as I brushed my hand over his back.

"Well, I guess we're about as ready as we'll get." I said.

"The attack will be coming any time now." Bann Teagan said.

I nodded.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The defenses Sten and Leliana worked on were marvelously effective.

As were my companions against the horde.

The locals weren't that bad, but I could tell they were tired.

Hell, by the time dawn was visible, I was exhausted.

I sat on the steps of the Chantry as Bann Teagan announced our victory.

All I wanted was to fall asleep for about three days.

But, morale was soaring after this night of success. For the first night in almost a week, no one had died.

When Bann Teagan asked for me to follow him, Alistair helped me up and I dragged him along.

He led me up to the windmill and I sighed as I leaned against the tree up by it.

I stood up when a woman came out of the windmill. I frowned as Bann Teagan greeted her.

"Isolde." Alistair looked at her.

"Alistair." She sounded snobbish towards him. There was history there.

I'd ask later if I remembered.

"What is the situation inside?" Bann Teagan asked her.

"Getting worse. I don't know how long I can afford to be out here."

"We'll make it quick then." Bann Teagan said. He motioned to me. "This is Elissa Cousland, a Grey Warden like Alistair. They've come to help us."

I nodded.

"Then save my son." She said. "You'll have to get in on your own, but you must save Connor."

"We will do our best." I said.

XX

As Alistair and I were making our way through the tunnel leading under the waterfall and into the Castle, I was starting to regret this choice.

"Should have just stormed the gate." I mumbled as I clenched my fists.

Was the wall getting closer?

"What?" Leliana asked from behind me.

"Nothing." I said. I stopped moving as I felt like I couldn't breathe.

The tunnel was getting tighter, I could feel it.

I leaned against the wall and Leliana squeezed in to move past me, being careful of the lamp she held.

Baron pushed back as she moved to catch up with Alistair to stand beside me.

He whined at me and put his heavy paw on my leg.

I closed my eyes, trying to not see the darkness creeping in on me.

I jolted at the heavy hand on my shoulder and looked up at the mostly shadow darkened face of Sten.

"You are afraid of the dark." He said.

I shook my head.

"No." I brushed off his hand as Morrigan moved past us both.

Ahead I could see Alistair stopping to look back.

"You won't move." Sten said.

"Just go on ahead, I'll catch up. Alistair knows the plan."

"Come on Elissa." Leliana said. "We're almost there."

I closed my eyes again as Baron whined again.

"I will not pass you." Sten said.

"Just leave me the fuck alone alright." I snapped at them all as I slid to the floor of the tunnel and held my head.

The smaller I made myself, the bigger the tunnel was, right?

"Maker's breath." Alistair cussed.

I felt the hands pull me upright and pushed out at them.

"Elissa, pull yourself together." Alistair snapped at me, shaking my by my shoulders.

"Just go." I glared at him.

He pulled his right hand back and I couldn't see in the dim light as he slapped me across the face.

"You are afraid of small spaces, I get that." Alistair raised his voice at me. "Now, look at me." He ordered.

I reached up to rub at my cheek as I looked up at him in the dim light from the lamp.

"Keep your eyes on me." He said as he started to move backwards in the tunnel, back towards Leliana. "You feel my hands yes?" He moved his hands to mine.

I nodded, finally getting a non-shallow breath for the first time in minutes. "Yeah." I shuddered.

"Good, now close your eyes." Alistair said. I shut them tight and felt it as he turned around so that his hands were behind him. "Just keep holding on to me." He said.

I nodded and probably held his hands tighter than he'd have liked were he not wearing gauntlets.

XX

"Open your eyes and climb." Alistair said as he let go of my hands and shook them off.

I panicked for a second before opening my eyes and watching him climb up the ladder.

I jumped when Sten put his hand on my shoulder.

"Fear is strong, a warrior must be stronger."

"I know. I just..." I started before gripping the rung of the ladder in front of me.

Alistair reached down as I came to the top and helped me up.

"What about the tunnels scare you?" Leliana asked.

"I..." I looked at the floor. "When I was small, my brother and I used to play hide and seek around the castle and one day I climbed into one of the chests to hide. It...locked and he couldn't find me for hours and I just..." I could feel myself shaking and I closed my eyes as I spoke, so I didn't see it as Alistair pulled me close.

"I'm sorry." Leliana touched my head and brushed her hand over my hair.

"I didn't know." Alistair said. "I'm sorry I hit you."

I shook my head. "It was a long time ago. I should be over it." I said as I pushed back from him and wiped at my face.

"Humans don't get over fears as easily as some claim." Morrigan said. I looked up at her. "Not to say I support your little breakdown down there, but I do understand it."

I nodded. "It won't happen again." I said.

"It will, but we'll work through it." Alistair said. "Next time I won't hit you, alright?"

"I needed it."

He snorted a laugh. "Not with this glove on. You'll have that mark for a while." He sighed.

Sten moved past us all to go to the door. "We need to continue." He said.

I nodded. "Thanks."

XX

We destroyed a couple corpses outside the door and found ourselves in the dungeons.

Inside was a Mage, looking about as down as he could and mumbling to himself.

He looked up as we started to pass him.

"Wait!" He called out, scrambling to his feet.

I turned to look at him and raised a brow. "What?"

"Please, hear me out." He said.

"You got some insight into what is going on here?" I asked.

"All of it actually." He sighed. "This is all my fault. Well, most of it anyway."

I crossed my arms. "Not sounding all that good for you buddy."

He closed his eyes as he gripped the bars. "I know. But first, I want you to know that I really do want to make things right."

"You're a Blood Mage, aren't you?" Morrigan asked.

He looked at her. "It's not that simple you know. You're an Apostate, so you should know better than to just spout that off."

Morrigan gave him a haughty look. "You chose to use Blood Magic."

"Ergo, Blood Mage." Alistair scoffed. "I think I found something I like less than you Morrigan."

"How sweet, shall we have a party to celebrate our friendship?" She rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh yes, with cake and everything." He retorted.

I smirked as Baron gave a somehow quiet happy bark.

I looked at the Mage in the cell. "So who are you and what did you do to cause all this?"

"My name is Jowan. But I only caused part of this. It is all my fault to some degree if you really want to get into it, but I can only take full credit for some of it."

"It being?" I motioned for him to get on with it.

"I was asked here to teach the Arl's son how to control and use his magic. I was also paid to poison the Arl."

"Poison him?" Alistair snapped, gripping the bar beside Jowan's hand.

The Mage jolted. "I didn't think I was doing the wrong thing with the information I was given beforehand." Jowan glared back. "Loghain told me I was doing the right thing and that he'd pardon my use of Blood Magic."

"You thought killing a man would redeem disgrace?" Alistair sounded exceptionally angry.

I touched his gauntlet.

"That aside." I said. "You seem to realize you were in the wrong."

Jowan nodded. "I'd already given the Arl enough of the poison by the time I realized that it was Loghain who was in the wrong. But I couldn't reverse it. So I dedicated myself to attempting to teach Connor. I guess I pushed him a bit too hard, or too fast, I don't know. All I know is that he somehow connected to the Fade and he is now possessed by a Demon. That Demon is using him to raise the dead and siege the village."

"And you have a way to fix it?" I asked.

"I need access to my notes and books, but I'm sure there is something in there that I can use to at least set things right. So please, let me out of here."

"And after things here are settled?" I tilted my head at him. "I'm sure no one around here is going to want to see you again. Might even call for your death."

"I don't care. I just have to fix this mess." He said. "I'll accept death after that."

I nodded. "Very well. Where are your notes?"

"In that chest there. The Arlessa had all my stuff moved down here when she threw me in here believing I did the whole raising of the dead bit."

I moved for the chest and shoved it towards the cage. As soon as Jowan could reach it he pulled it closer.

"Can you do magic without a staff?" I asked.

"Can't most Mages?" He countered. "It just helps direct, not create."

"Huh." I glanced at Morrigan. She nodded. "Well, read up, yell if you find anything useful." I said.

He nodded, already pulling out books on various things from the chest.

XX

We made our way through the Castle, killing off corpses and risen undead of an assorted kind.

I was getting very good with my combat. And my teamwork with Alistair and Leliana.

Him with a shield provided me with defense to rush in from behind of. Her with a bow gave us all a little ranged protection. And she was a decent shot with a bow. Not as good as some I'd seen, but still satisfactory.

Morrigan proved very useful with her defensive and offensive magic. Ice in particular seemed effective on these creatures.

Were they people or creatures? Technically they were dead people. But they had no soul. The Maker had their soul with him, but evil was causing their bodies to move again.

Still, if they were people, was this murder?

I paused in a thought of contemplation for a moment and nearly missed Sten's new sword passing over my head.

"You shouldn't stand still." He said.

"Sorry, just had a thought." I shook my head as we cleared out the courtyard for a moment. Alistair went to pull the lever to open the gates for the other soldiers with Ser Perth.

"About?" Leliana asked.

"Just...is it considered murder if these people are already dead?" I asked.

Sten frowned for a moment. "No. They are abominations, no longer people."

I looked up at him. "Fair enough. Corpses shouldn't move, so I believe you're right." I nodded.

I sighed as more of them came out of the building into the courtyard to attack us.

"I think this is worse than last night." I said to Alistair as he charged one of them.

"How so?" He huffed.

"Because they don't stop at daylight." I scowled as I cut two down at once by spinning with both blades to cut their heads off.

"Then we should get to the root of the problem." Morrigan said.

I hurried towards the doors to the main hall and kicked a corpse down the stairs, straight into Sten's blade.

I felt like this was never ending as the rest of my team got to the doors with me.

"Ser, please hold them at bay." I said to Ser Perth.

He saluted me and I moved to pull the door open and go inside.

XX

What I saw was not what I imagined.

I think I expected a Demon, not a boy. And Bann Teagan had looked better. Definitely more sane.

"Who are you to enter my domain?" The boy sounded older than he should and I realized the Demon was trying to alter him.

"Well, I am a Grey Warden who has been asked to help these people." I said.

"Help? We need no help here." Connor said. Or rather, the Demon.

"You are under that impression, but I'm afraid the people of Redcliff are under a far different one. You see, due to your presence, the undead are coming after the village and the residents are not very happy."

"You insult my command." The Demon snarled.

"Very much so." I shrugged.

"The lady doesn't know her place." Bann Teagan sounded drugged or drunk.

"Silence, you do not amuse me." The Demon snapped at him.

"Please, do not make my son upset." Arlessa Isolde said.

"I can't make him do anything." I said.

"Connor, we are here to help you." Alistair said.

"You help no one." Arlessa Isolde glared at him.

"Enough." The Demon lashed out at them both. "I'll not tolerate this. See them gone."

Connor waved a hand and more corpses rose from the floor, like smoke through cracks.

The Demon took the boy out of the room as Bann Teagan drew his sword on us.

"Don't hold it against him." I said to Alistair as Bann Teagan swung at him.

"No shit?" Alistair shoved him back with his shield. "I'm not that stupid."

"Just checking." I decapitated a corpse and watched as it got back up, headless.

Morrigan laughed.

"You all jest at each other and accept it?" Sten frowned at us.

"It's a new concept. Friends can make fun of you, with you. But real friends will hurt those who make fun of you to hurt you." I said.

Sten took out two corpses before nodding. "So jests are acceptable about some things."

"Exactly." I nodded. "You don't joke with your comrades?"

"We don't speak much, even to each other." Sten said as we secured the hall.

Bann Teagan lay on the floor for a moment as it seemed like whatever was controlling him cut out.

I kicked at a skull as Arlessa Isolde sank to the floor and just stared at us.

"Nothing moving again?" I looked up at Alistair.

"Doesn't seem like it." He nodded.

I moved for Bann Teagan and crouched as he seemed to be coming to.

"Ugh, what happened?" He asked.

"I'd say some form of puppetry magic. You were being controlled by the Demon." I explained.

"Right." He groaned as he sat up.

Alistair moved to kneel beside him. "Just take it easy. I had to incapacitate you."

"Oh, big word." Morrigan brushed off a broken chair.

I watched Leliana move another chair over to Arlessa Isolde and get her into it.

I glanced at Sten. "See, that usually means we're friends of a sort."

He just frowned and shook his head.

Guess Qunari didn't do friendship like humans.

"Alistair, have you seen what is going on now?" Bann Teagan asked.

"How could you ask him to help us Teagan?" Arlessa Isolde finally spoke.

"I didn't have a choice Isolde. Alistair is one of the only ones I know who can handle this situation without a massive panic and flee."

"He doesn't belong here." She said.

"Andraste's ass, enough." I snapped as I stood up. "Look, I don't know what happened between you and Alistair years ago, but right now your son is in danger and the only thing Alistair and I care about right now is unpossessing your son and getting your husband healed." I looked at her with my best noble glare.

She cowed for only a moment before turning her irritation from Alistair to me. "And who are you to yell at me in my own home?"

"Grey Warden Elissa Cousland. Teyrna of Highever and one of the last Grey Wardens of Ferelden." I said as haughtily as I'd been taught by my mother. She'd be proud of my tone for once. Not raising my voice, but definitely seeming very imposing.

"Cousland...then you're the daughter of Bryce Cousland?" Arlessa Isolde looked at me.

I nodded. "I know my father and Arl Eamon were acquainted and even friendly. So it is in his honor that I'm willing to help a stranger to myself."

"I'm so sorry about your family." She finally said.

"That is not what we are here about." I turned to look at Alistair and Bann Teagan. "Do you have any idea about what we can do?"

"I've never dealt with magic. I've always just let Templars deal with it in the Circle." Bann Teagan shook his head.

"I've got a couple ideas." I heard from the doorway.

I turned to see Jowan standing, with his hands resting on his knees and one of Ser Perth's soldiers beside him.

"You said shout if I found something, and he came."

"You should be locked up. You caused this mess." Arlessa Isolde said.

"And now I'm trying to fix it, what are you doing?" Jowan glared at her.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I sighed as I went over the different options Jowan presented.

"This one is the fastest and least risky in my opinion." Jowan said as he put his hand over a couple pages of notes.

"And this?" I motioned at the book he'd set on the table we'd righted.

"Well, it's less dangerous to everyone here, only by a fractional margin though, negligible really. But it also means having even more Mages in the same vicinity. Which could potentially just wind up being more fodder for the Demon." Jowan said.

I looked up at Morrigan and motioned her over. "I know you're against Blood Magic, but putting aside the prejudice, which would be the better option?"

"I would say the faster choice would be the better choice." She shrugged.

I looked at Jowan again. "Now, what does this bit entail?" I pointed at his note on 'life costs' written in the margin.

"The spell itself is simple enough. It'll allow me to send the consciousness of any other Mage into the Fade in order to confront Connor and remove the Demon from him, as a Mage is the only one who can combat the Demon in the Fade." He said. I raised a brow at him and pointed at the margin again. "In order for me to be able to activate the spell properly, it requires a sacrifice."

"As in, someone will have to die?" I clarified.

He nodded. "It'll take that much life." He said.

"What if you have multiple people willing? Would you be able to say...take seventy five percent, leave them barely alive, and still be able to do it?" I asked.

"I...have never tried anything like this. The most I've done is use blood to boost my magic, never life drainers like this. I'm not sure on the quantifiable amounts required." He frowned.

"Morrigan, see if you can't translate this into a working amount without killing anyone. Figure it out." I stood up. "You're smart, you know magic, I just know really easy ways of doing things that would probably end up with the kid dead." I scowled.

I felt useless like this.

Morrigan nodded. "Shouldn't take too long." She leaned over the table and I watched Jowan flip a couple pages of his notes over to start writing out what looked like gibberish to me.

I moved towards Alistair. "Come on. We made a promise to Owen." I said.

"Right. I almost forgot about that." He said.

XX

Finding Valena was easy enough between all of us soldiers clearing and sweeping the castle for undead. I ordered everyone to avoid the hall Connor had wandered off to. The entire private hall was blockaded by Teagan until we decided. I didn't want to risk things going south.

Alistair and I saw her off out the front gates with one of Ser Perth's soldiers escorting her down to the village.

"So, you think they've figured it out yet?" Alistair asked.

"Who knows. Morrigan is good, but she doesn't like Blood Magic." I shrugged. "I'm not a Mage, so I can't say, but from what I've read of Tevinter magic studies, Blood Magic wasn't necessarily dangerous inherently."

"Not dangerous?" Alistair gave me a sideways look.

I shook my head. "I've read how Magisters would use their own blood to boost their magic instead of Lyrium or anything like that. In a way...I think it might even be better for the community of magic at large." I said. "I know that sounds like I sympathize with Mages, but really, Morrigan aside, I'm not greatly fond of Mages." I looked up at him.

"I think quite a bit of their unlikable aspect comes from the fact that they antagonize us." Alistair said. "Morrigan for example. She knows she annoys me and does it on purpose."

"I think you amuse her and that's why she annoys you." I laughed.

"Then she needs a hobby." He scowled. "But you think Blood Magic might be better?"

"I think the idea of using ones own blood as power has more merit, but it's been twisted by the fact that anyone's blood will do. Which leads to the whole sacrifice thing which makes us hate Blood Magic." I explained.

"Hence why you told them to figure out how much life from one person will do." Alistair said as we came to the hall doors.

"Yes. My hope is that if we can take some from more people, one person won't have to die." I said.

"And if that doesn't work?" He frowned as he opened the door.

I sighed. "Plan B." I looked up at Morrigan and Jowan as I stepped inside. "Anything yet?" I asked them.

"I believe we can take half, roughly, from at least five people in order to send one Mage into the Fade." Jowan said.

"Four would likely do, but five would be safer." Morrigan sighed.

"So, who's going into the Fade?" I asked. "It has to be a Mage right?"

Alistair looked at Morrigan. "Well, lucky for us, we have a Mage available."

"Not me." Morrigan said. "Not on your life."

I glanced at the notes on the table before looking at Morrigan. "Look, we need a skilled, knowledgeable Mage going in there. Jowan will be casting, so he can't go. You're the only one within fifty miles that I'd trust with something so dangerous." I said to her.

She gave me a cross look. "Fine." She hissed at me. "Only because I like you enough."

I smiled. "You are the best." I said cheerfully. "Whenever you two are ready, we've got some volunteers in these soldiers and a couple servants of the Castle." I motioned to the group around the hall.

"Please allow me to volunteer." Arlessa Isolde said.

"No." Bann Teagan said quickly. I looked at him.

"It is her choice." I said.

"And what if this goes wrong and they all die?" He countered.

"That's why it's volunteer only." I explained. "They are willing to sacrifice themselves."

XX

Half an hour later, I was staring at Morrigan's still form laid out on the floor and the five volunteers in little heaps on the floor, pale as snow and barely breathing.

I looked at the extreme look of concentration on Jowan's face.

"Should we move them?" Alistair asked quietly.

"No." I shook my head. "Not until things are in the clear. They are all still breathing and alive." I said. "If you want to do anything, see to getting that fire in the hearth started up to keep the evening chill off."

He nodded and Sten moved to help him work on it.

Leliana helped me keep an eye on all six bodies in front of us.

I picked up a cloth and wiped at the sweat coming off Jowan's brow.

Such a spell must be harder than he'd made it out to be. He had said he'd never done anything like this before.

He looked a little more relaxed when I pulled away.

It was fifteen minutes before Jowan started to lower his hands from where he'd been holding them up.

I watched as he looked like he was in pain trying to lower his arms.

"Is it done?" I asked as I motioned for Alistair to handle the volunteers.

Bann Teagan carried Arlessa Isolde towards the private rooms while the other soldiers helped move the other four to more comfortable folded blankets near the hearth fire.

Leliana jumped at getting broth in them to help them regain strength faster.

Alistair laid a blanket over Morrigan and even went so far as to put a bunched up blanket under her head.

"Yeah." Jowan said. "Everyone is alright?"

"Yes. You did great." I said as I moved behind him.

I took hold of his shoulders and pressed my thumbs against his spine.

He groaned as he fell forward.

"That's good." He mumbled.

"Learn anything about Blood Magic?"

"I'm never doing it again?" He sighed.

I laughed. "Probably the best idea." I nodded.

"You shouldn't be so nice to the dangerous Mage." Alistair said.

I scoffed. "I think he knows I could kill him right now faster than he could kill me."

"Not in my plans." Jowan leaned over and I leaned back as he laid on the floor. "I'd just like to sleep for a week."

"That hard on you Mages to do magic?"

"Fade related, yes. Normal...not so much." Jowan shrugged. "Hurts less though. Thank you Miss Warden."

I nodded as I moved for the table and grabbed a blanket from it.

I came back to throw it over him.

I looked at three of the soldiers. "Keep an eye on him. It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't trust anyone."

Jowan huffed a laugh. "Fair enough."

He was out a minute later.

I moved to sit by Morrigan.

"I think we should all get some rest." I said.

Leliana nodded and I watched her sit against the wall near Morrigan as well.

Alistair laid on the floor near the soldiers who'd volunteered and I was surprised to see him out shortly.

It took almost five minutes for me to fall into any kind of sleep.

XX

I felt a hand shake me awake and looked up at Sten.

"Hmm?" I mumbled as I started to sit up.

I felt heavy weight on my leg and looked down to see Baron laying against my leg.

He was such a good dog.

I was so used to having him by my side that I sometimes forgot about him being a thing of his own.

I really needed to stop forgetting. It was a bad thing. I was a horrible master.

"Food." Sten held a plate to me and I felt unsteady as I reached for it.

He set it in my lap and I sighed.

"Thank you." I wiped at my eyes.

I looked over to see the others eating as well. Morrigan was awake and looking no worse for wear.

"You're alright Morrigan?" I asked.

"Yes. It wasn't so difficult. Quite mundane in fact." She waved it off.

I glanced over to see Jowan awake and eating as well. That was good.

"How is everyone?" I asked Alistair as he sat beside me.

"None of the volunteers have woken, but Leliana assures me they are physically alright. It may take a week for them to recover from what she says. I'm no expert, but I'd say that's not bad for having lost that much life at once." He said.

I nodded as I took a bite of the roast that was on the plate.

"Good, good." I sighed.

Damn this tasted good.

I looked up when Bann Teagan came into the room.

He knelt in front of me and Alistair.

"Eamon still has shown no signs of waking from the poison. I am afraid the only solution I can think of at this point is to find the Urn of Sacred Ashes."

I nodded, finishing my bite. "Any leads on it?"

Alistair spoke up. "I heard something about someone in Denerim."

"Yes, there is a man devoted to the finding of the Urn of Andraste. Brother Genitivi." Bann Teagan said.

Alistair nodded.

"How do you know about this?" I frowned at him.

"The Templar we found while Morrigan was taking us to Lothering, I recognized him. That's why I picked up that amulet of his and brought it to the Chantry. While you and Leliana were getting the key from the Mother, I was talking to another from Redcliff, Ser Donall."

I nodded. "Right. And he told you about the Ashes?"

"Yes. I gather this is why he was searching. And why few of the normal men are here." Alistair shrugged before cleaning his plate.

Bann Teagan nodded. "Yes, a number of the men had gone off to search when the Arl fell ill. Sadly, the attacks started shortly afterward and...you know the rest." He said.

"So, you want us to track down this Brother and see if he can't get us to the Ashes and use them to save Arl Eamon?" I clarified.

Bann Teagan nodded.

I finished off what I wanted from my plate, only about half of it, and set the plate on the floor for Baron to clean up.

"We did feed him you know." Alistair said.

"I figured, but I've been neglecting him for the past week and I need to make it up to him."

"Bribery?" Bann Teagan asked. "On a Mabari?"

"It is effective enough." I said. "Sadly, he is very loyal to me, but swayed with food."

Alistair laughed. "Good to know."

"It'll be alright to rest up tonight here in the castle." Bann Teagan said. "I'll have some of the rooms made up for you all properly. You may of course have full access to the village and all at your leisure."

"And a bath?" I asked.

"I can arrange for it in your room." Bann Teagan nodded.

"That'll be nice." I mumbled as he stood up.

"It would be nice." Alistair said.

"I'm afraid we'll be short on rooms, so if you don't mind sharing, that would be helpful." Bann Teagan said.

I nodded. "Yeah. Leliana and I can bunk and Baron can sleep with us. I'm sure Alistair and Sten can manage to tolerate each other for a night. Morrigan...best give her her own room." I said.

Bann Teagan looked down at me as he nodded. "I'll see to it."

I sighed as he walked away.

"Well, want to see about getting our gear fixed up and weapons sharpened?" I glanced at Alistair.

"Sure." He reached to pick up both our plates from where Baron was done cleaning them.

I struggled to my feet and started to head for Jowan sitting at the table with several of the soldiers.

"Doing better?" I asked him.

"Much, thank you." He set down his drink. "I've been giving it some thought, and while I have corrected this much of the mistake I've made, I fear it is not sufficient. I am aware that I either deserve to be made Tranquil or executed and I will accept either."

"I'll see what I can do Jowan. I know you're smart, and if you've learned your lesson, there are a lot of ways you can still help. Maybe the Circle would take you?"

"I fled them, not sure about that." He made a half hearted laugh.

"Still, I'll work on it. Until then, you'll have to remain imprisoned here. But I'm sure you can keep your books and such to continue working on things." I said.

"I'll put away the Blood Magic." He said. "Forever."

I shook my head. "Study it. Never kill, but study the principles. Even in fighting, assassination techniques are great to study and use, but you don't have to use them to kill. I believe it is the same concept here." The soldiers looked at me. "Not to say I'll probably ever like magic, but I do believe that if the Maker didn't want Mages, they wouldn't exist."

Jowan looked up at that. "I...I've never heard anyone say something that kind about Mages before."

I shrugged. "He's an all powerful creator, I highly doubt anything happens outside his reach. Just depends on what he decides to do about it."

Jowan laughed.

Alistair came to stand beside me. "Well, I'm ready. You?" He asked me.

I nodded.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I didn't wake up late per say, but I wasn't up as early as I had been before. A real bed was nice.

I'd woken up when Leliana had gotten up, I just decided to keep lazing in the big warm bed. It was maybe just after dawn when she came to stand beside the bed, combing through her hair with her fingers.

"Come on Elissa, we need to go and get breakfast and be on the road. It'll take us a bit to get to Denerim from here."

"No horses?" I mumbled.

"I wish." She laughed. I pushed to get up.

"Where is Baron?"

"I sent him out with Alistair earlier." She said as I pulled the shift I'd slept in off.

I reached for my clean underthings and then pulled my pants on over them.

As I was pulling on my shirt, I heard a knock on the door. I yanked my shirt into place and went to pull the door open. Alistair stood there and I was jolted when Baron pushed past me.

"Morning." Alistair said.

"Yeah." I mumbled. "Everyone else ready?"

"Mostly. Just waiting for breakfast in the main hall. Shouldn't be too long now." He adjusted his boot by tapping it on the floor.

"Alright. I'll be there shortly. Thanks for taking Baron out." I said.

He nodded. "I like him." Alistair grinned before turning to leave.

I closed the door and went to collect my gear fully.

XX

The scent coming out of the main hall was amazing and definitely helped me wake up.

I headed for the table set to the side that had plates of food piled high for everyone to dig into.

Sweet rolls, eggs, cured ham slices, smoked fish, even some fresh fruits. Not much in the way of fresh fruit, but still, a little.

I'd been spoiled living in Highever because we'd been closer to the water and able to get ships from the Free Marches and even Antiva and Tevinter. Which meant a lot of fresh things.

"Oh, look who showed up late last night." Alistair waved me over where I saw two familiar Dwarves.

"Ah, Bodahn and Sandal, yes?" I took hold of the plate Alistair held out.

"Yes indeed." Bodahn said cheerfully. "We were traveling in the same direction after all. Took us a bit longer to get here, but I was happy to do business yesterday in the village."

"You guys didn't have a hard time on the roads?" I asked.

Bodahn shook his head. "Of course not Miss. Few bother Dwarven Merchants."

I laughed. "Fair enough. Never know when one of you is a master with the weapons you're selling."

"I am a fair hand with a sword, and Sandal has his ways." Bodahn laughed. "Warden Alistair here tells me you are heading to Denerim."

I nodded. "We are. You're welcome to join us."

Bodahn nodded. "I believe we shall take you up on that offer. I think we could be of use to you."

"Sounds good. We'll be leaving here after everyone is ready."

XX

Having a wagon in our party did make things a bit easier.

Bodahn offered for us to put our heavier gear on it and it was nice to not have to carry everything.

Granted, I didn't have much to carry, but it meant I didn't have Baron running around with my tent and blankets either.

The first night we put up our tents I was surprised when Bodahn and Sandal slept in their wagon. Definitely easier.

We passed through the remains of a burned Lothering the morning of the third day of walking towards Denerim and I'd learned that Bodahn was far too good at cards as we walked. And that playing cards while moving was a lot more entertaining than counting trees.

Alistair and Leliana played Wicked Grace with me, for fun instead of profit and the three of us taught Sten how to play.

Morrigan joined in for a couple rounds.

I glanced back at Lothering, still surprised to not see any Darkspawn still around, as I heard someone calling out to us. Must have been just a small scouting advance that attacked the village. Hope most of the villagers got away.

"Hmm?" I frowned as I watched a woman hurry to catch us.

We paused to let her catch up.

"Is everything alright?" I asked her.

"I'm afraid not. I've just been to Lothering and found it is empty. My wagon up ahead has had a bit of an accident and I was looking to get help with it." She looked at us. "I'd be very grateful for a little assistance." She pleaded.

I glanced at the rest of them. "Not like it isn't on our way." I shrugged.

Alistair and Leliana nodded. Sten just scowled. He didn't much care for detours and side trips.

I motioned for the woman to lead the way and fell back in step with Bodahn. I leaned down slightly to speak quietly to him. "Stay back just a little bit. I'm not entirely certain this isn't some kind of trap, but if it's just nature, I'd rather not have two stuck wagons."

"Of course." He nodded.

He slowed as the woman pointed out where there was indeed a wagon tipped on its side.

I was almost ready to think that she was being honest until I felt something latch onto my boot and looked down.

A trap. A clamp dug into my boot, the points actually starting to hurt.

I watched a few men come up from the bushes and around the tipped wagon.

Most were human, but there was a blond Elf in the mix. Highwaymen of sorts, or bounty hunters?

No, the Elf looked too clean to be a low thug. No way that armor was cheap.

And the tattoo on his face was nothing I'd ever seen here in Ferelden.

"Loghain paid us a lot of money to handle these Wardens, so don't screw up." The woman said to the Elf.

"I can assure you my services are very rarely unsatisfactory."

Antivan. That's what his accent was. Other than Oriana, I'd heard merchants from Antiva before when Father and Fergus brought me with them to do some business in the port just north of home. The one man we'd talked to had been nice and given me a couple pieces of fresh fruit from Antiva. Said that the fruit was used to make some of their finest wines, but since I was young, I couldn't have it, so he'd give me the next best thing. Father had just laughed it off and bought a couple bottles of the wine itself for Mother. I remember the sip I'd had was mesmerizing.

"So you're here to kill us?" I raised a brow as I used my other boot to shove the clamp off, wincing at the scrapes on the leather. Luckily I had small feet, or it would have hurt more.

"Afraid so." The Elf said.

"You're not Ferelden." I pointed out.

With the hand behind my back, from keeping my balance, I motioned for Morrigan to target the woman who was preparing a spell. Fucking Mages. Well, ones not on my side anyway.

The others around the ambush were getting bows ready.

This could potentially hurt.

I could hear it as Alistair and Sten took hold of their swords and Leliana pulled out a couple daggers from her sleeves stealthily.

"Does that bother you?" The Elf asked.

"Not really." I shrugged as I launched from my position straight into attack.

Baron kept at my side as I pulled myself in and sidestepped two other traps I could see.

The Elf must have not been expecting it as Morrigan's spell froze the woman solid. Dead and cold.

I felt an arrow brush my shoulder, tearing at the armor I wore.

Alistair went along one side of the area as Sten moved for the other and I went straight for the leader.

He pulled out dual swords like mine as I came near and I knew this was not going to be pretty.

Even if he was.

He stepped to the side as I lashed out and laughed as my left sword brushed over the metal covering his chest.

"You are very rash." He laughed.

At least with me so close to him, his thugs wouldn't risk shooting at me.

Not that they'd have much time with the rest of my team causing them a bit of trouble.

The Elf swung for my feet and I jumped to dodge, bringing my right blade up to block his left.

He let go of the blade I'd blocked in order to duck as my left came at his head.

I wasn't expecting it as he let go of his other sword as well to come forward.

The way he caught me with his shoulder had me dropping both of my blades as the air left me.

He was stronger than I was as he pinned me to the ground behind me.

"Elissa!" I heard Alistair call out in shock.

I heard it as Baron snarled and went to charge him from where the Elf was straddling my thighs and keeping both of my wrists held in one of his hands.

He pulled a knife out as I glared up at him.

"Stay back." He said, holding the knife at my throat.

"Want me to shoot?" Leliana asked.

"I'll kill her first."

"You will anyway." I said.

I brought my right knee up, which forced the Elf to shift forward a little. I knew I was risking him cutting me, so I turned to my right side just enough that he might cut the back of my neck instead. It'd hurt, but I would be more likely to survive.

The push actually had him off balance enough that I could pull my right leg from under him and I put my knee against his stomach to push a little.

"Feisty." He huffed. "I like that."

I glanced at him enough to give him a cocky grin before angling a little more and arching my back enough to get my boot against his leg.

I kicked off as Baron slammed into him, distracted as he'd been from my Mabari.

Unfortunately, or fortunately for me, the man kept a hold of my wrists, pulling me with him as he went to his back, putting Baron in a position that he couldn't attack or risk hitting me.

Same with Leliana and Morrigan.

I glared down at him.

"Who are you?" I asked as I straddled his waist.

"Depends." He said. "For someone like you...I could be a lot of things." He smiled and I hesitated in trying to pull my hands away.

For an Elf, he was pretty hot actually. And I'd been around Elves most of my life.

Seriously, a man as handsome as him should never smile at someone he was trying to kill.

"Elissa?" Alistair sounded concerned.

I shook my head and pushed to my feet, using the height to try and pull my hands away from him.

It didn't work and he just pulled himself to sit upright with my help.

"You know, I don't think this is really working out for me." He laughed as I watched him look around the site.

"And yet you're the one in control here." I pointed out.

"You noticed, good." He kicked to his feet and I was startled to have to look up as he stood so close to me. "Now, weapons away." He said to the rest of my group.

I wasn't surprised to see Morrigan drop the magic in her hand, nor for Alistair to sheath the sword at his back with a scowl.

Leliana tucked away her knives again and hooked her bow over her shoulder.

But Sten didn't back down. It wasn't in a Qunari to give in.

He came at us both, sword raised.

No, he'd rather kill me and the Elf than allow a defeat.

Not to mention both of them were taller and I could tell he was aiming to come just above my head.

The Elf dropped to his knees, tugging me with him and then he used his hold on my wrists to yank me forward, falling as he let go and moved around me.

By the time I looked up, I was looking at the Elf holding both of Sten's wrists in his own hands and he had his knee in the middle of Sten's back.

"You have no respect for your leader?" The Elf frowned.

"If she fails, she dies." Sten snapped.

"Damn Qunari." The Elf let out a few cuss words that I don't think anyone here but myself understood. And another phrase I understood from Oriana saying it when playing chess with me.

Antivan wasn't a commonly known language among Fereldans.

"You planned to lose?" I frowned at him.

He looked up at me startled. "You know Antivan?"

I shook my head. "Just a bit." I said. "My sister-in-law was Antivan."

He laughed. "So just enough to get in trouble."

"Probably?" I tilted my head. I looked down at him. "You're...a Crow, aren't you?" I asked.

"Yes." He smiled again.

"I've heard of the Crows." Leliana said. "You're supposed to be the best Assassins in the world."

"For the most part." The Elf said.

He was thrown off when Sten shoved to his feet using his greater strength and size.

I stepped forward as the Elf hit the ground and dropped his knife.

Sten went to take hold of him and I reached up as he pulled his hand back to hit the Crow.

I couldn't stop him from punching him once.

The men's head snapped to the side and I watched as he brought up his hand to block a second hit.

"Stop!" I cried out.

It wasn't entirely necessary as I watched the Elf bring his entire body up using Sten's hold on his armor.

I think the rest of us were really just surprised into not moving as the man pried Sten's hold off and wrapped around to get the Qunari in a headlock.

It didn't take but a few moments of Sten's hands scrabbling for a hold on the metal gauntlet the Elf wore before he passed out.

Instead of just dropping my companion though, the man eased him to the ground, alive and well still. He could have killed him and chose not to.

I looked up at him.

"Why..."

"Didn't I kill him?" He asked.

I nodded. "You could have from that position easily."

"Yes. I could have. And I could have killed you earlier. I've had enough time to kill all of you. I didn't have to let you charge me in the first place. I was expecting more of a challenge than this." He said as he wiped at the blood coming from his split lip.

I reached into my sash and pulled out a cloth I usually used to wipe off my brow.

He took it as I held it out.

"Elissa!" Alistair hissed at me. "Don't be nice to the Assassin. He's just going to kill you."

"No, he isn't." I said. "You heard him Alistair, he could have killed me earlier. Sten was the only one who didn't care about my life being at risk. Not to mention, he's an Antivan Crow. Do you honestly think we really stand a chance?" I motioned at Morrigan. "Aside from her anyway?"

Alistair scowled at me. "That's not the point. We need to get rid of him and continue on."

"Why?" The Elf asked. "You act as if getting rid of a Crow is so easy for you."

"Maybe not, but killing you would be the better choice." Alistair countered.

The Elf dabbed at the cut. "Let's say I'd really gone easy on you. In a one-on-one, you'd lose." He said. "We could try if you'd like. I've still got some energy to give it a go." He gave a half smile.

Oriana had told me Crows were infamous for their skills. Assassinations were their specialty, but it wasn't limited to just the sneaky aspect. Sure, they could do it from the shadows, but there were those who enjoyed their targets knowing they were there. Some even flaunted it and used their seductive skills to get by.

This man was one of those Crows.

He knew he was hot and he used it.

I nodded. "One on one then." I said.

He looked me over. "You're sure?"

"Yes." I said.

"Weapons?" He licked over the cut and I paused.

The man was his own weapon.

"None." I said.

Was I really attempting to go head to head with an Antivan Crow?

"You do know that this is a very bad idea." Leliana said. "Crows are assassins, and most don't honor agreements unless they're in writing."

The Elf feigned hurt and put his hand over his heart. "You wound me." I looked at me with that mischievous hint of a smile. "I swear on my life, I will abide by your rules."

"Alright." I nodded. "No weapons, no interference." I said. I watched as he reached into various hidden spots in his armor and began to pull out knives. I frowned as I counted eight. "Done?"

"Ah, last one." He knelt and pulled one from his boot. "No, second to last." He took one from the other boot. "There." He looked at Leliana. "You're welcome to pat me down if you don't believe me." He put his hands behind his head and held his feet apart, giving him a very open stance.

Yeah. The bastard knew he was hot.

He definitely knew I thought he was.

Leliana huffed as she stepped forward.

True to his word, he didn't move as she checked him over for more hidden weapons.

I felt a little like a virgin in a brothel as he looked me over while she checked him. Like he was stripping me in his mind.

"Will you stop that?" I glared at him.

"Hmm? Stop what?" He had the gall to look innocent.

Leliana stepped back.

"That stare dammit." I untied my sash and handed it over to Alistair. I listened as he went to collect my swords for me.

The Elf laughed. "Does it bother you amor?"

"Don't call me that." I snapped. I said one of the few vulgar slurs Oriana had taught me to say to men whom I didn't like who hit on me. "Hijo de perra." I glared at the Elf.

He just laughed harder. "Well, I can't deny it."

I frowned.

"What did you say?" Alistair asked me.

I shook my head. I sure as hell wasn't translating that for him.

"Are you ready?" I asked the Crow.

He nodded. "Si, I have been ready for you." His grin was more lecherous than intimidating, but it had the same effect anyway.

I brushed it off as I stepped closer, not quite in his reach.

XX

Twenty minutes later, I was panting as I held both his wrists beside his head.

He'd told me during our combat that Loghain had hired him, but he had expected more Wardens and to die after maybe taking out one or two. And that he was tired and therefore I'd won by exhausting him.

Honestly, he didn't look tired in the least, but he feigned defeat.

"Good, now can we kill him?" Alistair asked.

I moved to get up.

"No." I said. "He's a bloody liar." I snapped as I reached for my sash and retied it on my waist.

I watched the Elf flip to his feet effortlessly.

Damn him for being a sexy assassin.

"All the more reason." Morrigan said.

I looked at the man as he turned for the flipped wagon.

"Well, I do believe I shall give you my life my beautiful Warden. Do with it as you will." He said as he picked up a satchel from behind the wagon. Was that seriously all his stuff?

I frowned as I glanced at all the others in my group.

Sten scowled, but I got the feeling since the Crow had defeated him fairly, he'd respect whatever choice I made about the man.

Leliana, Alistair, and Morrigan all seemed to hate him on principle of being an assassin.

"Alright, say he wasn't sent after us, but that he was just someone we'd come across. Would you all still want him dead?" I asked.

"Probably." Alistair said as he narrowed his eyes at the Elf.

I sighed.

The man in question didn't particularly look terribly worried about potentially being killed.

Maybe because he knew I couldn't kill him?

I looked up at him. "Do you really mean it?" I asked him.

"That you are beautiful? Certainly. I can't see how you could doubt that. Men must drop at your feet." He said.

I held up my hand as I felt myself blush slightly. "Not that." I stopped him.

"That I give you my life? Si. It is yours."

"And if I did decide to kill you?" I asked.

"I shall walk to my death at your hands most gladly." He said seriously. Then I watched him frown. "Well, perhaps not gladly, but...willingly? No. I would accept it all the same though."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because a Crow who has failed is presumed dead or a traitor, therefore, if you don't kill me, I will be hunted and eventually killed by my former employers and comrades." He shrugged and slung his bag over his shoulder. "I'm sure Loghain will have expected me to have spilled my guts in one fashion or another."

How could anyone live like that?

Kill or be killed?

I suppose being a hunted Warden wasn't much different. Except my goal was save the world from a Blight, and this Elf's only goal was to see the next day.

"Then...I'll have your life." I said.

I watched him look up at the sky before stepping towards me. "Very well. If it makes you feel any better, I do understand." He said.

I shook my head. "No, I won't kill you. You're going to work for me." I said.

He looked down at me and then laughed. "I see. Most agreeable. I will do whatever it is you wish of me mi amor."

I scowled. "I said don't call me that."

He just laughed. "Mmm, someday you'll like it."

I shook my head and walked past him. I got about two steps before stopping again.

I schooled myself to not look irritated before turning back around and holding out my hand. "Elissa Cousland."

He took it, but instead of shaking it, he leaned and kissed the back of my glove. "Pleasure is mine. Zevran Arainai." He gave me what I could only describe as a sultry look as he looked up at me from his position.

I pulled my hand back. "Good. Well then...we should get moving. We're already so far behind schedule." I turned back around and started walking, motioning for them to all fall in step.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

It was coming up to evening when I finally spotted a place that was good for camping.

Bodahn and Sandal got their wagon secured and then worked on getting a good fire going with Leliana.

I worked on setting my tent up quickly and when I climbed back out, I was faced with very familiar heavy armor boots.

I brushed my hands off on my thighs as I stood up and looked up at Alistair.

"What the hell are you thinking?" He hissed at me, keeping his voice low.

"What do you mean?" I frowned, playing ignorant.

"How can you let an assassin tag along? You know the minute we're all asleep, he's going to try to kill us." Alistair said.

I glanced at where everyone was scattered around camp. Sten was chopping firewood and I watched as Zevran sat on a chunk of wood he hadn't gotten to yet to watch.

That lean form was definitely alluring to me. I thought Alistair was handsome, in his own boyish way. Like...almost an older brother kind of way.

But that Elf...no, that was actual attraction. I'd yet met a man who could go toe to toe with me in combat. Zevran was the first.

I could take Sten if I put my mind to it, maybe not as easily as Zevran had, but I could. And Alistair would be little more than a workout unless he actually put his whole effort into it and not just most. Leliana likely could take me, but she had experience in killing, like Zevran.

Morrigan didn't count, because any Mage could hurt me before I could get close to them. Therefore, I never counted Mages. At all.

Zevran was the first man I'd attempted to fight that I couldn't beat.

"He promised." I said.

"He's a fucking assassin Elissa. You can't trust any killer to keep their word." Alistair countered as I looked down.

"I..."

"You weren't thinking with your head at all, were you?" He asked.

I looked up at him. "What?"

"You're a woman, and I don't think that's a bad thing, so don't even get started on that." He clarified. "But by that same bit, you are swayed by a pretty face as easily as any man. And I don't have to be blind to admit the fact that that Elf does have a pretty face. And he knew it. He played you and you let him."

I clenched my fists. "I know that." I snapped back.

"Then why didn't you let me deal with him?" Alistair reached up to rub at his brow like he had a headache. "He's damn annoying. I'm wondering if he intends to just annoy us to death. I think it's the one thing Morrigan and I finally have in common. He pisses us both off."

I released my fists before I got angry at Alistair.

"I...I'll talk to him."

"I'm not sure that will work. I was fully present as he went circles around you. He knows how to use people. It's in his nature." Alistair sighed. "You need to tell him to leave. I get that you want to use him to learn about Antiva and all, but there are less aggravating ways to do it."

"I..."

"And not to get into this with you, but if you're wanting...um...other things from him...there are better ways for that too." He flushed red at his ears and it was adorable. I cracked a smile at seeing him turn red.

"Other things?" I raised a brow at him.

"Oh no, you are so not getting me into that discussion with you." Alistair held up his hand. "If you don't know what I'm talking about, you'll just have to ask someone else." He said. "Someone not Arainai." He added quickly.

I laughed. "I know what you're talking about. I'm just teasing you." I said.

He scowled at me. "Not amusing."

I laughed harder at his scowl. "Is to me."

I looked up to see the scowl turn to a slight smile. "Well...anyway, just...handle him carefully." He said. "I think you should get rid of him as soon as possible. So question him and then let him go."

Alistair turned as we both heard calling out.

"Dinner." Leliana called out to us both.

I nodded. "Second." I called back. I looked up at Alistair. "I'll...talk to him. Just...let me try to work with him. You never know, I might be able to win him over and then we'll have an assassin on our side. It could be good for us. I'm sure the Wardens could benefit from having an Antivan Crow on their side."

Alistair sighed. "Who knows." He started to walk towards the fire.

I took a breath as I watched Sten set the cut firewood close enough to throw in, but not so close to light up.

I headed for where Leliana was ladling out stew from the pot Bodahn let us use. Really, having a wagon around could spoil us for camping.

XX

I finished off my second bowl of stew in order to help empty the pot and handed the bowl to Leliana as she stood up from beside me.

"I'll get these washed up when everyone is done, so just leave them on the stump." Bodahn said as he watched Alistair get up for what I thought was the third bowl he'd had. "Very nice stew Miss Leliana." She smiled at him.

"Thank you for helping." She said graciously.

"There's no more?" Zevran asked.

"One bowl left." Alistair said as he scooped out another bowl himself.

"I'll take it." Zevran pushed to his feet to claim it.

Alistair stepped away from the pot to avoid being near Zevran. He came back to sit on my other side as Leliana moved to take both our bowls to the stump the pot was on.

I watched as Zevran picked up the pot and she helped get the last of the stew from it for him.

"Still?" I looked at Alistair.

"Still." He said. "Sooner rather than later please." He started to down his bowl.

"I think perhaps next time we should make a little less stew Leliana." Morrigan said. "Now, excuse me. I've tomes to study and spells to master. Good night Elissa." She said.

I caught her raised brow look of irritation and looked down.

The fire was quiet as both men finished eating.

I looked across the fire to see Sten playing cards with Sandal. Probably the only opponent he could beat at this point. Most of the time. Sandal might be a bit short of a deck, but that wasn't to say he wasn't capable. He just had no focus ability at all.

He was a sweet Dwarf.

Alistair finished off his bowl and I looked over to see Zevran getting up to put his bowl away.

I took hold of the bowl and spoon from Alistair and moved to meet Zevran at the stump.

"So, I was wondering..." Zevran started. I looked up at him. "Do you play Wicked Grace?"

"Well...I'm not bad." I said.

"Ah, but have you played the Antivan way?" He asked.

I frowned. "I played with my sister-in-law. But I'm not sure if she ever played a particular way." I said.

"I'll assume not. It is most entertaining." He said. "I shall have to teach it to you." He smiled.

"I'd like that." I said. "I was wondering..." He raised a brow. "Do you mind if I ask you some stuff?"

"Only if I get to stare at you luridly while you do." He teased me.

I felt myself flush just a little. Alistair was right, this man was dangerous to talk to. And I thought Orlesians were bad with their little Game business.

Maybe that was why every other nation kept trying to conquer Ferelden. They knew we were simple.

"Whatever." I turned to head back to the fire.

He reached out and caught my shoulder, turning me back to face him.

"You are welcome to ask me anything." He smiled.

I nodded and started to move for my tent, where at least I had Baron as a backup to chase Zevran off.

I sat against the tree beside my tent and watched as Zevran dropped to sit on the ground.

"So...tell me about Antiva." I leaned forward.

He really was going to look at me like that. I blinked as he stayed quiet for a moment, just looking at me like he wanted to strip me. Then he closed his eyes and leaned back on his hands.

"Hmm...what do you want to know?"

"Everything." I said. "Anything you know."

"Well, let's see. I've spent most of my time in Antiva City. It is...nothing like Denerim. But maybe a little like it." He said. He looked at me. "The markets are the pride and joy of Antiva. Our wares are prized around Thedas as you might know."

"What kind of things have you found there?" I asked.

"Everything. I've seen beautiful furniture that Orlesian nobles clamor over, the likes of which can never be duplicated, carving so intricate and detail so stunning." He said. "Porcelain so fine you could use it as a lamp, delicately painted by the finest artists."

"Oriana said that Antiva had some of the best fashion next to Orlais." I said.

"I'd think she's wrong, but who am I to judge?" He shrugged. "I can say that Antiva has some of the finest silks and leather work in the world."

XX

I laughed as Zevran related one of his earlier missions to me.

"No! You really did that?"

"On my life." He laughed. "I thought the man was going to faint at seeing me come through his window. But I didn't have a choice. It was the only way for me to escape the guards."

I smiled as I looked up to see the dying fire.

"Hmm, damn. I didn't realize it got so late." I frowned.

"Time does go quickly when one is having fun." Zevran said. "I shouldn't keep you up any later though. You will need some sleep before the morning."

I nodded and rolled to my hands and knees to reach for the opening of my tent.

I glanced back at Zevran as he started to push to his feet.

"Zev..." He looked down at me. "Night." I said.

"Goodnight mi amor." He said.

I stuck my tongue out at him before crawling into my tent.

Baron huffed as I shed my pants and tossed them at him before burying myself in my blanket.

XX

I crawled out of my tent to find everyone up and the camp nearly all taken down.

"About time." Alistair huffed. "Sleep in a bit late?" He threw something at me and only my good reflexes had me catching it. Because I wasn't awake enough to see it.

It was a roll. A meat roll with cheese I realized as I stuffed it into my mouth partway in order to tie my sash properly.

"I'm afraid that would be my fault." Zev said.

"Of course it is." Alistair grumbled. "Why does that not surprise me?"

"Well, I could have kept you up instead." Zev smiled. "I think that might have been enjoyable too."

I reached down to fold up my tent and wrapped the band around the poles, keeping it all together. Baron took hold of it by the strap and carried it over to the wagon where Bodahn set it inside carefully.

I bit off and swallowed the chunk of roll in my mouth before looking at them all.

Alistair looked refreshed and more awake than usual actually. He'd slept in too with me not waking him up at the ass crack of dawn.

Maybe he was being whiny because of Zev, but obviously the assassin was already helping.

Zev himself didn't looked repentant about the late night talking at all.

I think he enjoyed it a lot actually. I headed for the group as I saw Sten and Leliana wrapping up the rest of the rolls for later.

"Map." I held my hand out to Alistair.

He reached into his chest-plate and pulled the folded paper out and started to unfold it for me.

"I know I said we'd head straight for Denerim, but I think we should make a small detour. It isn't like the Arl is going to get any worse with Jowan there using what healing magic he can. It won't cure him but Jowan did promise that he'd do his best to fix it. And Bann Teagan will be watching him like a hawk personally." I said.

"This is important you know." Alistair said.

"I know, but so is getting a force to fight Darkspawn and a Blight and an Archdemon." I pointed out. I put my finger over the Brecilian Forest. "I've heard there is a large clan of Dalish somewhere here, and I think my father said that they were somewhere around these ruins here." I pointed to the map at where some ruins were marked.

"You wish to find the Dalish?" Leliana asked.

"Yes. For the Treaties. I want to ask them to help the Grey Wardens when the fight comes." I said.

Alistair sighed and started to fold the map.

"Fine. But only because it is on our way and I know you're really just trying to get out of making a million trips across Ferelden."

I grinned. "That too. It shouldn't really take all that long. Maybe couple days at most. Most of that being travel."

"Well, then lets get going." Leliana said.

XX

Leaving the road for the forest the following evening was a bit disconcerting, but the path leading into the trees was good enough for Bodahn's small wagon.

I'd spent a great deal of time while walking talking to both Leliana and Zevran about their homelands and learning what I could of them both.

Leliana was very good at downplaying her past as a Bard and she expressed genuine desire to be a different woman, one who helped the people better.

Zev however...he seemed to love his history as a Crow. And he had so many funny stories to tell. I got the feeling I could ask him about his past for a year and still not hear the same story twice. But even though he seemed to enjoy the jobs he'd done, I detected a faint trace of hate towards the Crows as a group. There was some kind of bad blood there, but he wouldn't tell me unless I asked and I knew that was too personal at this point. I'd only known him a grand total of three days now.

It was nearing evening when we were finally confronted by a couple of Elves.

"Halt." The male one said.

"What are you doing here?" A woman asked.

"Please, we mean no harm. We are Grey Wardens." I motioned at myself and Alistair.

The two seemed to whisper to each other.

I glanced at Alistair. I tried to remember something of what my Elven friends had taught me.

"I would like to speak to your Keeper." I said. I racked my brain. Surely the boy who'd come from this clan when I was small had mentioned a name. Kerian had been young when he'd left his home, so he'd made fast friends with Fergus and myself.

They gave me a wary look. "Keeper Zathrian." I said a little unsure.

"Very well." They motioned for us to follow them.

"You sure they're taking us to their camp and not just going to kill us?" Alistair whispered to me.

I shook my head. "We probably won't get there as fast by ourselves." I said. "Besides, we have an Orlesian Bard, and Antivan Crow, a very skilled Qunari, and probably one of the best Apostate Mages in Ferelden. I think we'd stand a chance even if it were a trap."

"You put far too much faith in these people you pick up."

I shrugged. "I know. But I also know I won't get far without help."

He sighed as we walked with the Elves.

XX

Their camp was actually pretty amazing.

I could see that they were all pretty leery of outsiders. I'd been prepared for that after what Kerian had told me.

Dalish rarely opened up to outsiders, even other Elves. A City Elf was about as bad as a 'shem' to them. At least, that was what he'd told me when I asked him to teach me about the Dalish.

We were finally led to an old Elven man and I knew from the way he presented himself he was the leader. This was Keeper Zathrian.

I gave a half bow, some sign of respect. I needed these people on my side.

I kicked Alistair's leg for him to do the same.

"Greetings." I said as I stood. "I am Grey Warden Elissa Cousland."

"Alistair." He sounded unsure.

"I am Keeper Zathrian. What business do you have among my people?"

I held out my hand to Alistair for the Treaty.

"We have come to ask if you and your Clan would be willing and able to lend us aid in fighting the Blight we are facing." I said as Alistair finally produced the small scroll.

The two scouts, or guards or whatever they were stepped forward to look at the scroll as Keeper Zathrian started to unroll it.

"I see. Our Clan is obligated to honor such an ancient Treaty, but I am afraid we cannot help you. We are dealing with personal matters that put us in no position to assist." The Keeper said.

I sighed.

"Guess there isn't much they can do then." Alistair mumbled.

I looked up at Keeper Zathrian after he handed back the Treaty. "May I ask what troubles your Clan?"

I really hoped I sounded politically polite enough. It has been far too long since I'd had to work with linguistics like this. And I prayed to the Maker that the Keeper didn't use too many words of the Elven language. So far he hadn't, but I could tell he was having trouble wording things himself in our language.

He looked at the other two Elves and I hesitated. Was that being too inquisitive?

"I would normally ask that you be seen off, but...Grey Wardens also have a duty to help wherever they can, do they not?"

I nodded. From what I'd heard of Grey Wardens, yes. When not in a Blight or anything like it, I'd read that they acted as problem solvers and guardians of their assigned regions. Handling everything from disputes to skirmishes to politics.

Warden Duncan had laughed and agreed. He'd said that Ferelden was unique due to the fact that the Wardens had been exiled from this country.

"Yes." Alistair said. I heard the sigh from behind me. Morrigan didn't like getting involved in outside affairs. Neither did Sten and I knew he was probably thinking this was a waste of time. Leliana though, she enjoyed helping others.

The Keeper motioned for us to follow him and it seemed like the rest of his people relaxed a margin as we walked.

If he trusted us at all, so would they.

XX

"Their Keeper is still hiding something." Zevran said from behind me as I spoke quietly with Alistair.

Both of us jumped.

"Maker's breath! Must you do that?" Alistair glared at him.

Zevran grinned. "Yes, I must."

I shook my head at him. "You'll kill me doing that crap."

"Pity. I think your heart will survive." He looked me over. "I can think of better ways to kill you. Much more pleasurable ones."

I blushed slightly before shaking my head to clear it.

We'd been allowed to set up a small camp just outside of their own encampment and we were going over what we'd been told of the situation.

"You said he was hiding something?" I looked up at Zevran as he moved around us both to sit on the stump triangularly to the ones Alistair and I were using.

He sat so fluidly and I couldn't do less than just stare at him.

I really liked him physically, and he knew it.

I liked the way his skin glowed in firelight and had a nice tanned color in sunlight. His blond hair looked almost golden in the sun and I thought those braids keeping his hair back were just so neat and unexpected of a man, but it also just looked soft and I wanted to run my fingers through his hair. I knew it had to be just him, because I didn't want to do the same to Alistair even though he had blond hair too.

Those amber eyes threw me off when he stared at me, especially when he started at me like he wanted to eat me, but I just loved the color as it changed during the day from a light amber to a more clear and darker color when he was talking about something passionately from one of his old missions. And I'd seen hints of other tattoos aside from the one around his left eye, but I wasn't about to ask him to show them to me. I got the feeling there were some where I wasn't ready to go.

Did I want to see them? Hell yes. But Alistair was right, I was thinking with my desires when it came to Zevran simply because he attracted me. And I needed to start thinking with my head again.

It was just so hard when he looked at me like he was now.

"You'd like it, I promise." He said with a smile.

I blushed as I just couldn't win with him.

Damn him and his seductive ways.

They were even starting to get at everyone else.

He made a pass at Morrigan and even though she'd rebuked him and threatened to kill him if he tried anything, he continued to tease verbally. Leliana countered him as only a Bard and a Sister could, with just as subtle barbs and threats with a smile. He seemed to respect her enough to keep his hands to himself. He didn't even try with Sten, seemingly sensing the man hated him with respect. Sten could admire his skills, and yet want him dead in the same thought. Zevran didn't seem to go after Alistair with his racy comments or suggestions, but merely teased at him, knowing he annoyed Alistair to no end.

But with me, I had no resistance to him. Zev probably would have talked me into bed if it weren't for the rest of my group around me. Honestly, were it just myself and Alistair when we'd been hunted by him, we'd be dead and I might not have cared as long as he seduced me into it.

"Stop that." Alistair snapped at him.

"What? I enjoy my pleasures." Zevran leaned back on the seat.

"Well, stop getting off on her." Alistair said.

Zevran raised a brow at him. "Oh, are you jealous? Do you just want to protect her out of some brotherly pride? Or is it deeper?"

"Will you just shut up? Elissa is my friend and that's all the reason I need to keep you off her." Alistair shook his head.

But was Zev right? Did Alistair actually like me? I hoped not. I really did think of him as an older brother figure. He reminded me of Fergus, yet in a way, it was easier to joke and laugh with him than it had been with my brother.

"Mmm, but what if she wants me on her?" Zevran said with a devilish smile.

Alistair reached for his sword as if to draw it.

Zev just laughed.

"Boys, enough." I finally interjected, grabbing the rational thought again.

Zevran was still smiling as he leaned forward. "I know that the Keeper hasn't told us everything. While you were all setting up camp, I took a stroll around the Dalish clan here and I've heard some interesting things. I can't necessarily say all my theories yet, but I just wanted to warn you to not take things here as clear cut by his words. The Werewolves may be more than what he says they are."

"You think he's lying about the curse?" I asked.

"Among other things." Zev shrugged. "Anyway, I just want to make sure you are sure you have both sides of the story before helping these Dalish."

"Wouldn't you want us to help them?" Alistair asked.

"Because I'm an Elf?" Zev raised a brow at him. Alistair nodded. Zev held up both hands and shrugged again. "I'm no Dalish. My mother was Dalish, from Antiva. Our clan back home is a bit more...aggressive than yours. I was raised in the city, among humans. In a brothel actually. My mother was a whore there."

I stared wide eyed at him. Alistair looked surprised as well.

"I didn't know." Alistair said.

"Why would you? It's not like I tell people often. I was raised in a whorehouse in the lowest of Antiva City until I was seven and the Crows bought me from them, clearing my mothers debt after she died." Zevran said casually.

"What about your father? Was he a Crow?" I asked.

Zev laughed. "I don't know. I doubt it, but I have no clue. My mother died when I was born. My first victim as it were. All I had to go on was the fact that she was Dalish."

"And...did you find her Clan?" I asked.

"Once, yes." Zev said. "I wanted to see the people she'd left for some no-name man. I wasn't very impressed." He shrugged. "So I accept being a 'City Elf' with no heritage."

"Wow, never thought I'd find someone with a worse upbringing than I had." Alistair said.

"Yours was bad?" Zevran leaned back again, crossing his ankles as he stretched out.

It caused his legs to stretch out over mine, almost reaching Alistair. Was he tall for an Elf or did the few I knew just like to act smaller to avoid being seen? Either way, I liked that about him. I normally hated looking up because I did it all the time, but for some reason, I didn't mind with Zevran because he usually leaned a little down to be more on my level. Or slouched. Was an assassin supposed to have bad posture?

"Well...not particularly I guess. I never knew my mother either, because she gave me up. My father was not in any position to raise me. Very not." Alistair sighed. "So Arl Eamon raised me for several years until it was decided that I was to be trained and schooled as a Templar. The Abby did most of that and I hated every minute of it. Not to say I failed the teaching, I just didn't like it. I like having the skills they taught me."

"Templar skills?" Zev asked. "Can you do that weird magic canceling thing?"

Alistair frowned. "Yes."

"Without Lyrium?"

"I never took Lyrium. The Templars teaching me always commented on how I picked up some of their basic skills without Lyrium, but I never thought much on it. I know once you start taking it, it becomes an addiction." Alistair shrugged.

"Yes, I've seen that." Zevran nodded.

I wondered if Alistair realized he was having a civil conversation with Zevran? About a really unusual topic, but still civil.

"At any rate, Duncan saved me from that bore by recruiting me. The Mother was very upset to see me go. Probably because I wouldn't be under her thumb anymore." Alistair laughed.

"And I suppose our beautiful Warden here had a better life than us both." Zevran looked at me.

"Probably." I sighed. "I was raised noble. My mother wanted a little girl, I wanted to fight. Father always said I learned everything he tried to teach Fergus, but faster and better. Sometimes I think he thought of me as the better son. But he did love Fergus." I said quickly.

"Mmm, I think you'd look good in a dress." Zevran said.

"And we're back to that." Alistair started to stand up. "I'm going to get some sleep. At least one of us has to be clear headed tomorrow." He directed at me.

I sighed.

"But then, I do think you'd look even better out of it too." Zev said as he gave me that heavy lustful stare.

I blushed before standing up.

"Well, the fact is, you'll never see me either in a dress or out of it." I said turning away from him.

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't." He laughed as I started to walk away.

I glanced back at him, still stretched out.

Maker that man was hot.

And he didn't really know how much his teasing was tempting.

Well...he probably did.

I started to climb into my tent and let my eyes linger on him getting to his feet as I closed the opening.

Three days, I reminded myself. I couldn't let myself be swayed by his charm in only three days.

Even if I liked his stories, loved his voice, had dreamed the past two nights of his body.

Instant attraction was usually fatal attraction.

I pulled my blanket over me and buried my face against the flat pillow.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The forest itself was pretty thick as we made our way into it, heading for the ruins where Keeper Zathrian had said the oldest Werewolf was. The supposed source of the curse. A white wolf named Witherfang.

My group kept mostly together, with Zevran just a little ahead of us.

As I watched him start across a fallen log bridge, I moved to follow in his steps.

When we came to an attack from a group of Werewolves who spoke, I tried to stop the fighting.

One still wound up dead before I could prevent it.

They issued a warning and then took off.

I was confused.

This was my least favorite little adventure since joining the Grey Wardens.

But at least I got the amusement of listening to Zevran and Alistair snark at each other instead of Alistair and Morrigan.

Though they were less hostile about it since talking last night.

Maybe because Alistair now realized Zevran was just who he was.

Would he try to kill us? Who knows. I had to believe he'd at least warn me first.

I was thinking instead of paying attention as we walked across a wet stone and cried out as I started slipping.

Instantly, I had two people grabbing at me.

Alistair had put a hard grip on my upper arm to keep me upright without falling himself and Zevran moved to pull me up against him.

"You need to keep your footing here amor. Getting soaked here could make you sick."

I nodded as he pulled me to the solid ground again. "Sorry." I mumbled.

I pushed away from him and collected myself.

These boots were not made for slippery surfaces.

We slowly continued on until I heard ragged breathing.

I pushed past the bushes to see a wounded man attempting to crawl.

I hurried forward.

"Please...help." He begged as he looked up at me.

I watched as his eyes rolled back and reached to catch him as he fell unconscious.

"These wounds are bad." I said as my group surrounded him.

"Werewolves most likely. Or regular wolves." Leliana said as she knelt beside him.

I looked up at Morrigan. "Can you heal him?"

"A bit." She said.

"Try. We'll take him back to the camp." I said.

"What if he's infected with the curse?" Zevran asked.

"It won't take effect for a few days." Alistair shook his head. "We should have the issue resolved before then. And even then, it is up to them to kill him or not at this point."

"But if we killed him here, they wouldn't even know it." Zevran said.

I frowned up at him.

"Are you playing devils advocate or something?"

"More or less. Just pointing out that the longer we take to finish this, the worse off these people become." He shrugged.

I shook my head. "I don't care. I can't just leave a man to die like this."

I started to pull him upright and Alistair took his other side.

Luckily we didn't have to go the whole way back as we ran into Mithra again.

Her patrol took one look at him between Alistair and I and moved to take him.

"Thank you." She said to me.

"Just get him healed. He might be alright." I said.

She nodded and I turned back to go back to where we were.

As we passed where we'd found him, I saw a small carved figure on the ground where he'd been crawling.

I knelt to pick it up and brushed it off with my fingers. It was pretty. I tucked it into my sash and caught up with my group.

XX

We had another run in with a Werewolf who spoke, and she asked us to kill her.

I denied and explained that we were working on finding a cure.

She said she wasn't going to last that long and forced a scarf into my hands.

"Give that to my husband and tell him what happened to me." She said.

"I won't kill you." I said again. "I don't care if you attack me. Just try to hold on a little bit longer, alright?"

"Please, take it just in case." She said.

I nodded and motioned for them to hurry away from her before she could attack one of us.

XX

By the time we made it to the ruins, after dealing with a barrier, a talking tree, and a madman, I was exhausted and it was well into the afternoon.

"Anyone got snacks?" I asked as I leaned against the wall of the ruins.

"Yes." Leliana pulled a wrapped bundle from her small bag tied at her waist.

She passed out leftover rolls and I think I ate it in about three bites.

I watched her give a roll to my dog and laughed as he didn't even seem to chew it, he just swallowed it.

"Are you sure of this path?" I heard Sten ask and looked up at him.

"Meaning...am I taking roundabout ways and wasting time? I'm just trying to get forces on the side of the Wardens. And if this is what will get the Dalish on our side, then that's what I will have to do."

"Very well." He sighed.

"Look, I know this whole thing seems a bit stupid, but I don't know a better way. Yes, I could force their hand by using the exact terms of the Treaty, but...King Cailan once said to me, he'd rather set up a positive relationship than extend a negative one. He and his father reached out to the Wardens after decades of their exile because of that mindset. My family came close to being exiled too, so I know it wasn't easy for them to return. And now we need strong relations again." I said.

"I see." Sten said.

"Alistair could become King, which would mean good things for the Wardens. I'm not exactly sitting at the bottom of the barrel myself, which also lends some political power to them. But having noble connections isn't worth shit if it's literally just the two of us against an entire fucking Blight, now is it?" I frowned. "So for the love of the Maker, will you please just trust that I'm not insane? I'm young, not stupid."

He sighed again. "Yes. I just feel the need to remind you of promises made."

"I have not forgotten your sword Sten. As soon as we find a lead, I'll take it, but the best place for that is likely markets and collectors. A Qunari sword like yours would be worth something even to us, so when we get to Denerim, we will look around, alright?"

He nodded.

XX

Inside the ruins, we ran into a couple more Werewolves and locked doors.

They weren't going to make it easy on us.

I ended up having to take my group in a kind of overly long roundabout way.

As we came deeper into the ruins, I had that usual fear of the giant spiders.

I really hated spiders.

And some places in here were a bit cramped for my tastes.

We wandered the ruins and I started hearing something big in the ruins with us.

Something not Werewolf sounding.

"Are we there yet?" I heard Alistair mumble.

"This place is very interesting." Zevran said. "Lots of little passages and paths to take."

"Oh good, go wander off down one and let us know if it's useful." Morrigan said.

Zev laughed.

I finally came out into a huge room with a beautiful mosaic on the floor. I wasn't sure if this was the right way, but I figured it had to lead somewhere.

I started across the room, seeing an exit on the other side. I just wanted this deal over with.

No more underground or tight spaces.

This room was large, but I wasn't a big fan of ruins. Too many spiders, too many webs, I was a city girl. That was the basics of it. I liked being a soldier at the castle because I'd had all the amenities of home and the few times I hadn't, it was only for a short time.

As my foot hit the mosaic, I heard a loud rush of wings in flight and was bodily slammed to the floor as I looked up and saw a dragon mere inches from myself and the body pinning mine to the floor.

I lost my breath as Zevran pushed to his feet quickly and drew both swords.

"Maker's breath, I thought dragons were extinct." Alistair shouted as he caught a swipe of claws on his shield.

I was too stunned to move as I watched Zevran rush the thing from behind while the rest of my companions distracted it.

I watched as he used its leg for leverage and got onto its back.

It started to turn its head towards him to snap at him or breathe fire or whatever the hell dragons did to people trying to kill them, but it didn't move quite fast enough and despite the fact that it got its fangs around his calf, he put both swords through it's neck at the base of its head, severing the spine.

I felt it as Leliana came to kneel beside me as the thing fell.

"Grace of Andraste." Alistair's awe was evident as Zevran extracted his leg from the monster and hopped a couple steps as he brushed the saliva off with his gloves.

"Well, they aren't." Zevran said harshly. "Back home in Antiva, we have nearly been wiped out in the countrysides thanks to beasts like this one. My people are barely handling them and the Wardens and Crows back home are 'teaming' up to get them back under control. There is a damn good reason the Nevarrans hunted them for centuries. I've even requested my Master to write for real Nevarran Dragon Hunters."

Zevran walked towards me as Morrigan knelt to study the dragon.

"Also, that isn't even a fully grown one." He said to Alistair as he knelt in front of me. "Elissa, are you alright?"

I looked up at him, finally realizing just how close to death I was.

I'd been on guard for Werewolves and giant spiders, not monsters as big as a war wagon who had claws that would rip me to shreds.

I couldn't even speak as I felt the tears starting to fall.

"Elissa?" Alistair hurried over to me as he saw me crying.

I reached out and fisted my hands against Zevran's chest-plate.

Leliana reached up and brushed her hand over my hair.

I finally took a shaky breath.

"A lesson learned." Sten said.

I leaned forward as I felt Alistair touch my shoulder.

"Elissa?" His worry was evident.

"I..." I started.

"It's just shock." Morrigan said.

I could tell Alistair was frowning at her.

"Asala-taar." I heard Sten say.

"What?" Alistair sounded confused.

Even Zevran looked up at him from where he was attempting to help me regain my wits.

"Soul sickness." Sten translated. "When a soldier has been..." He sounded like he was searching for a word.

"Traumatized." Zevran put out.

"Lets just give her a moment. She nearly died just now, let her take it in." Leliana said carefully.

"We don't have time for that." Morrigan said.

I leaned forward a little bit more and put my head against Zevran's shoulder.

As I took in a breath, I could smell whatever it was he put on after cleaning himself up this morning. It was nice. Kind of reminded me of the sweet scent of Elfroot, with some kind of spicier mix.

No, what it reminded me of was that Antivan wine I'd gotten a sip of all those years ago. I liked it.

I pushed back and started to get to my feet.

"I'm alright." I said shakily. I looked down at Zevran. "Thank you." I said as he stood up.

"I told you I'd give you my life. And that means keeping you alive." He said with a smile.

"You sure you're okay?" Alistair asked.

I nodded. "I'm fine. Zevran made sure of that."

I held back the unsteady feeling as I turned to go for the exit.

XX

We didn't face anything as scary again, but I was going to add dragons to my list of terrifying creatures I never wanted to face again.

I was too young to die.

I'd trained against humans. Maybe this whole thing was too much for me.

I wasn't cut out to fight things like that. How the hell was I going to fight the Archdemon? If just a normal beast like that had me paralyzed with fear, I couldn't hope to face off against something as scary as a tainted Old God like Warden Duncan had described to me.

The Ogre back in the Tower of Ishal had been the limit to me. It was only because I was high on adrenaline and anger back then that I'd been so cocky.

Now things were really settling in. I wasn't dreaming, I wasn't hallucinating. My family was dead, I'd been drafted into the equivalent of an ancient cult that protected the world, and I really was one of the only two alive right now who could potentially stop this Blight before it really got started.

I couldn't afford to be wrapped up in thought like this anymore.

When we finally came to the lair of the Werewolves, I sighed.

I needed to find some spin on this to make sure everything came out well.

The guardian blocked the path and I looked up at him. Her? Him? I couldn't tell with Werewolves.

"Please allow me to speak with your Lady." I said.

It glared at me before motioning for me to follow. As the rest of my group started to move, it stopped.

"One." It held up a single claw.

I looked at them. "It'll be fine."

"Two." Zevran held up his hand.

The Werewolf looked down at him with narrowed eyes, but Zevran didn't look like he was going to back down.

"If there is two allowed, it should be me." Alistair said.

I shook my head as the Werewolf spoke again. "Very well, two. None of your weapons." It said.

I started to untie my sash as Zevran removed his swords. None of his knives, but no one had to know he had them. I caught the look Leliana gave him as he handed her his swords.

He winked at her as I handed Alistair my sash.

"If anything happens, you need to be alive to continue." I said to Alistair.

"I'll keep her safe." Zevran said to assure him.

"You sure you trust him?" Alistair asked me quietly.

"He's already saved my life Alistair. Whatever goes on from here, Zevran has proven he'll protect me until the time comes that he wants to kill me himself."

"Exactly Warden, I won't let anyone else finish my job." Zevran grinned as he stood behind me.

I looked up at Zevran as I turned to follow the Werewolf. "Like you're really going to finish it." I scoffed.

He just raised a brow at me. "But I could." He teased as he walked beside me.

I shook my head as I followed the Werewolf into the adjoined room.

I was surprised to see a woman instead of another Werewolf.

"I present you to our Lady." The Werewolf said as the doors closed behind us.

I made a half bow to the Lady.

"I've come from the Dalish clan, having heard their story, and I would like to hear yours."

"You don't immediately believe Zathrian?" She asked.

"I would like to hear the whole story before I attempt to provide any kind of solution." I said carefully.

"And who are you to offer solutions to our problem?" She asked.

"I am Grey Warden Elissa Cousland." I said.

"I see. A Grey Warden. And your companions are Wardens as well?"

I shook my head. "Only one other. The others are merely those who are helping us."

Helping, of a sort. Morrigan was just about forced to by her mother, Leliana believed her faith was guiding her to do this, Sten was somewhat blackmailed into it, and Zevran tried to kill me. Still could.

"And what have you heard of the story?"

"I've merely heard that the Werewolf curse stems from a single wolf named Witherfang and is spreading through contact with Werewolves to the Dalish here. I'd come to ask them to join in the fight against the Blight that is rising."

She made a sound of thought. "So Zathrian has lied to you as well." She said.

"I had assumed he was hiding something." I said. Well, Zevran had. I'd just had a niggle of doubt.

"Very much so. I believe the curse can be lifted. And I would like that. But it will require Zathrian to see me again. I will tell you that the source of the curse is not just myself alone. It is both of us. Please, bring him to me."

"Why not just kill the stupid Dalish?" One of the Werewolves around the room asked harshly.

I caught the slight twitch of annoyance from Zevran beside me.

For an assassin, he didn't usually go for killing innocents. According to his stories, he rather disliked it.

The Lady shushed the Werewolf. "Is it our place to blame the innocent for the mistakes of the old?"

"I will talk to him my Lady." I said. "But may I ask why he wishes you dead?"

"Destroying my heart would end the curse as well as kill all Werewolves." She said. "My desire is to see that these poor souls return to the way they should be." She motioned at the other Werewolves.

I nodded. I started to turn to leave the room and Zevran moved with me.

As the doors were opened by Werewolves, we passed through to meet the rest of the group again.

"So?" Alistair asked.

"She wishes to speak with Keeper Zathrian. Between them both, I think we'll get the real story of what is going on here and hopefully we can come to this peacefully." I said.

He nodded and I started to lead them back out of the ruins.

XX

We made it back to the Dalish camp as night was falling and all I wanted was to climb into my tent and sleep.

Dinner was a quiet affair as I spent most of it dreading talking to the Keeper in the morning.

I barely looked up as I ate the roast Bodahn had been cooking half the day.

I didn't even move as I felt someone sit beside me until I realized it was Alistair.

"Elissa..." He started. "How are you doing?"

"I..." I sighed. "I guess I was just running on anger until now and it's catching up to me."

"I'm sorry I have been putting all this on you alone." He said.

I shook my head. "You guys voted for me to lead." I said. "I should have known how much responsibility that entailed. Besides, I was raised to do this, I shouldn't be having problems."

"You're not." He sighed. "It's us." I looked at him. "Morrigan and me and Sten and Leliana...we're the ones who're putting the pressure on you. Morrigan and I voted you in as our leader in this fight and yet at every turn, we're fighting you instead. Leliana has been trying to support you and keep your spirits up and she finally made me aware of what I was doing."

"You were right about me needing to be careful of Zevran though." I cracked a smile.

"But in the wrong way." He snorted. "He doesn't want to go back to the Crows and we know it. He knows he'll be killed back there and so he's just using us to extend his life. That's what he means when he said he'd give you his life."

I grinned. "So, you're saying he's using the Wardens to protect himself from retribution."

"He's right, he could have killed us all that day, and were Morrigan less fond of you, she probably could have killed him easy enough. Sten could have too had you not grabbed at his hand that day. He was prepared to kill the assassin sent after you." Alistair said. "We've all been judging you for your choices, but you've just been trying to pull together an army. And I'm sorry."

I frowned. "I overlooked Leliana as a Bard because she's Orlesian and I don't like them. I also don't like Qunari much either and so I'd have left Sten in that cage to die without even taking into consideration either of their skills to add to this fight. We both know Morrigan would have been kicked out a long time ago and I'd be failing at every turn. Which is why I wanted you to lead." Alistair said. "I wanted you to lead because you're more open minded than me and I've just been getting more irritated when you don't do things the way I would because I don't like them."

"But you like Leliana now." I said.

"I wouldn't have though, had you not let her join." He said. "What I'm getting at Elissa, is that I'll work on being more open to things and I'll try to show more faith that you're doing things right. Even if they're wrong." He cracked a smile at the end.

"I do try." I said.

"I know. And I do trust that, I've just been having some difficulty showing it." He sighed.

I nodded.

I was startled when he reached to pull me in for a hug.

"No more questioning you. Alright?"

"Sounds good." I said.

XX

I felt like shit when I woke up and struggled to get out of my tent.

It felt like I was on fire.

I had to actually check that I wasn't.

The sun was just rising, so it wasn't as if I'd slept in.

As I got up, I stumbled heading towards where Leliana was making breakfast.

My vision was blurry, but I could tell it was her from her hair color and the humming.

She had a surprisingly good singing voice.

"Elissa?" I heard her tone of worry.

I felt the ground coming up at me as I watched her come towards me.

She reached out, but couldn't quite catch me. However I didn't hit the ground very hard thanks to her.

"Alistair, Zevran!" She called out.

I reached up to wipe at my eyes and ended up hitting my cheek first.

"What?" Alistair sounded tired.

I heard the boots on the ground as I tried to push myself to sit back up and brush her off.

"I'm fine." I slurred.

I felt the hands grab at my shoulders as Alistair held me upright.

"Elissa, what is the matter?"

I squinted up at him. It was the only way I was seeing clearly.

Why was everything so foggy?

"Let me look at her Warden." I heard Zevran's voice from beside me.

Was I fine? My head hurt, I felt like I was burning up, and I couldn't even walk straight. Who was I kidding? I wasn't fine in the least.

"She's got a fever." Zevran said as he brushed his hand over my forehead and stroked the back of his hand over my cheek. "Eyes are unfocused." He said as he looked at me. "It looks like she's under the effects of some kind of drug."

"Well, I wonder who has any?" I heard the dry tone of Alistair.

Zevran brushed it off. "If I'd done it, she'd be dead no?"

"No fighting until Elissa is alright." Leliana said sharply.

"She will be. I've dealt with this before. It's just a simple mix. She likely got in contact with one of the plants in the forest." Zevran sounded so sure of it.

"Wouldn't we all be like this then?" Alistair asked.

"No. It was probably something she touched alone." Zevran said. I heard him moving before I felt Alistair's hands tense on my shoulders.

"Promised." I mumbled at him.

"Right." He sighed.

"What?" Leliana asked.

"Nothing. Just something we talked about last night." Alistair said. "What is that?" I opened my eyes to see Zevran holding up a vial.

"Fever reducer. Normally one might go to a healer here, but Crows don't always have that option. I've been trained in poisons and antidotes, so I carry...interesting things." Zevran said.

"And that'll help her?" Alistair asked.

"Si, it should." Zevran reached out to touch the vial to my lips.

I couldn't even open my mouth to take it.

"Why isn't she moving?" Leliana asked.

"It's the fever. She's probably hallucinating now." Zevran said.

Not hallucinating, but I couldn't move my body anymore.

Alistair was literally the only thing keeping me upright now.

"Then how will we get her to drink that?" Alistair asked.

"The old fashioned way of course."

I could feel it as Zevran made me open my mouth and he got some of the liquid in my mouth. It tasted horrible.

And I couldn't do anything as he used my body's natural reactions to force me into swallowing it.

"There." He said almost cheerfully. "Once that is processed, she'll be alright."

"You're sure?"

"Si. It is not my first time dealing with this kind of fever." Zevran said.

I felt it as he reached out for me and I could tell it was him picking me up as Alistair's hold was less gentle.

"What are you doing?" Alistair asked.

"Putting her back to bed. She'll have to sleep it off." Zevran said.

"I'd rather it not be you doing that." Alistair must have stopped him.

"You'd rather do it?" Zevran sounded like he was laughing at Alistair.

"That's not what I mean and you know it. I just don't want you taking advantage of her." Alistair grumbled.

"Very well." Zevran made a dramatic sigh. He didn't act like carrying me was a burden at all. I missed his hold as he let Alistair take me from him. "Sorry amor, I must let another touch you."

"Oh shut up." Alistair scowled at him.

I wanted to both laugh and tell Zevran to stop calling me that.

But I really didn't mind it so much to be honest.

I drifted back to sleep as Alistair put me back in my tent and under the blanket.


	11. Chapter 11

So, I'm giving out a double of chapters today because: it's my birthday! And I really love having every one of you read my poor writing and appreciating it. So this is to thank all of you for reading and caring for my work.

Chapter 11

When I woke up again, my head was clear and I didn't feel like I was burning from the inside out.

I pushed to sit up in my tent and tested myself.

I was a bit slower, but I could move under my own power again.

I settled my clothes properly as I climbed out of my tent again.

The sun was high in the sky and I judged it was probably shortly after midday.

"Elissa. Are you feeling okay?" I heard Morrigan ask and turned to look at her.

"Yeah, sorry."

"It is quite alright. That Elf said it was just a minor fever."

"Yeah. I must have touched something yesterday. I'll be more careful though." I said.

"I'm surprised they didn't wake me." She said.

"Well, not sure how effective a Healing spell would have been honestly." I shrugged as I slowly walked towards the campfire that had a pot hanging above it. She nodded and moved to sit where I could see a book laying on the stump

Leliana looked up at me. "You're awake, that's good." She reached out as I came close and touched my forehead. "Are you feeling better?" She asked.

I nodded, brushing off her hand. "I'm alright." I said. "Thank you."

I felt someone come up from behind me and wrap their arms around me.

I could tell who it was by the tan skin.

"Ah, mi amor, you are feeling better no?"

I sighed as I turned around in Zevran's hold.

"Yes. Thank you Zev." I said.

He smiled at me as he rested his arms on my shoulders. "Good."

I brought both of my hands up and shoved his arms off as I lowered just slightly to hook my foot around his ankle and pull.

He fell backwards, but I wasn't prepared for him to take hold of my arms and pull me down with him. Or for him to laugh as his hands went to my hips.

"You must be feeling better then." Alistair said. "Though I must say the attempt to kill him would probably go better if you actually succeed."

I looked up from where I was straddling Zevran's waist and frowned at my fellow Warden. "I thought you were over wanting to get rid of him?" I asked.

"Yes, I thought we were bonding so well." Zevran said from under me. I looked down at him with a frown and he just grinned at me.

"He's driving me crazy." Alistair said.

"Are you?" I raised a brow at Zev.

"Only in good ways." He said solemnly.

"Well...you're only allowed to drive me crazy from now on." I said.

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Deal." He said with a slight squeeze of my waist.

"No, really, please don't put yourself in the way of his attentions just for me." Alistair said.

"Please do." Morrigan said. "I'll kill him otherwise."

I looked up to see Sten nod and Leliana looked like she wanted to laugh but was holding back. As I looked back down at Zevran, he just smiled in an almost gentle kind of way. Not quite with lust, but definitely feeling.

"I think I'll live." I said to Alistair.

I pushed against Zevran's chest to get up and stepped away from him.

I turned to watch him bring his legs up and then push on the ground beside his head to flip up to his feet.

He was very agile. Probably from his years as a Crow. I liked it.

"Alright, so does anyone know where the Keeper is?" I asked.

"I have taken the liberty of explaining the situation to him for you with Zevran." Leliana said. "He is ready when we ask of him."

I nodded. "Well then, thank you. I suppose then it's lunch and then hiking."

XX

I supposed wrong. Hiking was shit.

I may have been over the fever, but I still wasn't back at full capacity, despite having gotten the drop on Zevran. Then again, he could have let me for all I knew.

I looked up at him as he steadied me. I had him on one side and Alistair on the other and Sten a few paces behind me. They were more concerned with me than they were the old Elf ahead of us with Leliana.

"Tell me the truth Zev." I said.

"Mmm? Always." He smiled.

"You went down on purpose, didn't you?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Before lunch?" He looked thoughtful. "Maybe a little."

"Figures." I said.

He put his hand at my back to give me a push. "I merely didn't want you to hurt yourself after I'd spent the morning fretting over you." He said.

"I'm fine."

I slipped on a rock.

"I'll be the judge of that." He said patronizingly.

I scoffed as I pushed myself ahead of them.

"Stop irritating her." Alistair hissed at him.

"It keeps her going." Zevran spoke just as quietly.

"She can hear you." Sten pointed out as I glanced back over my shoulder.

Both men looked at me a little ashamed.

"I could hit them both for you." Sten offered.

I shook my head. "I'll do it myself later." I said.

Alistair sighed and I faced forward to keep walking.

A moment later I did hear both of them yelp and looked back to see the two of them tripping forward to catch up to me.

I sighed and kept walking.

XX

We made it through the ruins, and I caught glimpses of Werewolves in the shadows, watching us.

Keeper Zathrian looked startled by the dragon corpse.

"You killed a dragon?" He asked.

"Zevran killed it." Alistair said.

"That is...quite an achievement." The Keeper said.

"Well, it was a bit of a situation." Zevran said.

I paused at the mosaic and looked down at where I'd fallen.

Zevran stopped beside me. "I see. That is where it came from." He knelt and held his hand just over the colored stone.

"Hmm?" I asked.

"The reaction you had was to a dye applied to this stone I believe. I hadn't noticed before, but I now recall that certain plants were used as paints."

Keeper Zathrian nodded. "Yes. The Dalish built these ruins a long time ago. Perhaps the dye is one of the few plants that would be toxic only to humans."

I watched as Sten reached down and touched the stone.

"It is possible." He said as he brushed the dust off his fingers.

"I hope you won't get sick too." I said.

"Unlikely. Qunari wear Vitaar in battle." He shook his head.

"Vitaar?" I frowned.

"War paint. It is toxic to all but Qunari. I have tolerance against poison applications as such." Sten said.

I sighed. "Well, let us know if you do feel sick. Really, please."

He nodded.

I moved to head out the room again.

XX

When we came to the guardian gatekeeper again, he took one look at us and pushed the door open.

I stepped inside, this time followed by my whole group.

The Lady was ready and waiting for us.

"I see you've not gotten over things." The Lady said.

"Why are you continuing to spread this curse?" Keeper Zathrian snapped at her.

"I am only the origin, not the vessel. It was you who designed it to be transferred thusly." The Lady said.

I held up my hand. "Alright, both of you. Spill. I want the whole story. Now." I said.

"I have no need to explain myself to a human like you." He held up his staff and I realized he was a Mage.

"Alistair." I barely got half his name out before he was behind the Keeper.

"On it." Alistair said as I physically felt his Templar aura kick in. Morrigan shuddered and the magic dissipated from the Keeper.

"Now, without the violence." I said.

"Zathrian created me as a spirit of vengeance upon humans." The Lady said. "The curse is my doing, fueled by our lives."

"Vengeance for what?" I asked.

"Humans killed my family. My son was brutally murdered and my daughter raped to the point that she killed herself." Keeper Zathrian spat at me.

I met the cold angry look in his eyes with my own. "Believe me. I know the feeling of the pain and anger of having to run away as my parents were slaughtered. I can truly understand wanting the rage and hatred for another to be able to manifest into a weapon of destruction." I said.

He looked almost defeated at that.

"And don't even doubt for a second that if I so much as see the man who is responsible for their deaths, I won't personally tear his throat out with my bare hands if I need to just to kill him." I stepped towards him.

His grip on his staff went loose and Alistair took it from him while still binding up his magic.

I'm not sure how he could do that without Lyrium, but I was grateful for it anyway.

I held up my hand and slapped the Keeper. "But that is not an excuse to cause innocent people to suffer." I snapped. "Now, how do we undo this curse without anyone dying?"

He shook before looking up at the Lady. "Regardless of your wishes, at the bare minimum, Witherfang and I will have to die."

I watched the Lady come down the couple steps and she reached out to touch his cheek.

"It will be alright Zathrian. Your children were avenged long ago. And I've been prepared to die for ages now. I just ask that you stop setting grief on both our clans." She said gently.

"I...I just wanted them to feel the pain of losing their families." The Keeper said.

I touched his hand. "I understand, and for what little it is worth, I as a noble of Ferelden am sorry. I know I wasn't even born yet, so there is nothing I could have done to prevent it, but I am still sorry for your pain."

"And I yours." The Keeper said with a half smile. "No parent should lose their children, and I'm sure yours are glad that you are still alive and fighting."

I nodded.

"Alright. Let us end this." Keeper Zathrian said as he raised his hand towards the Lady.

She took it gently and the both of them were swallowed up in bright light.

I stepped back and covered my eyes.

I felt it as Zevran came up behind me and turned me to face him. I put my face against his armor in an effort to block more of the light.

When it finally ended, I looked up at where the both of them had been.

There was nothing left.

No sign that either had been there at all.

But there were quite a number of naked humans and Elves.

More than I ever wanted to see.

I immediately turned around again.

"Oh Maker." I mumbled.

Zevran laughed. "Well, I'll take that as a sign that you're not accustomed?"

"Very much not." I said. I really didn't need the image of a whole bunch of naked people stuck in my head for years.

Now...seeing Zevran naked might be a different story.

That I could like to see.

"In that case, let's leave Leliana to deal with the mess." He said.

I nodded. Zevran led me out of the room and I sighed as there were no others out here in the original entry.

I moved to sit against the wall.

"Sorry." I said.

"For what?"

"I must seem prudish because of that." I sighed.

He laughed. "My dear, I told you, I grew up in a whorehouse. I'm so used to the physical form that it doesn't faze me."

"Really? Even seeing some of those women in there?" I asked.

He shrugged. "There are several women and men in there that I would find attractive, but that doesn't mean I can't contain myself. Contrary to what you may think of me, I'm very dedicated when I want to be." He said.

"So...who are you dedicated to then?" I asked as I looked up at him.

He knelt in front of me. "Who do you think?" He gave me a very mischievous smile.

I frowned. "Me...but...I'm nothing special." I pulled my knees up and crossed my arms on them.

Zevran dropped to sitting in front of me and took hold of my hands.

"Were you never told how beautiful you are Elissa?" He asked.

I snorted a laugh. "Hard for any man to tell me that in front of my father, and even then, it's hard to think a girl who can beat you in combat is overly beautiful."

"Then they are blind and stupid mi amor." Zev said. He reached up after tugging his glove off to brush his fingers against my cheek. His hand was so warm. "You are very beautiful."

I leaned in for a moment to his touch before straightening. "You say that to all women though." I sighed.

"I speak the truth. All women have their beauty." He said. "And most men." He added.

I looked up at his face. "Then name something about me that you personally find pretty. Not that others would, but that you do."

He shifted forward a little as he removed his other glove and then ran his fingers through my hair. "I love the way your hair looks like gold in the sun. Soft and silky. It makes me want to play with it." His eyes were on mine when I looked at them. He was being completely honest, no hint of deceit.

"And?" I whispered.

"Your features are so delicate, and yet proud. Very noble. But at the same time, when you smile and laugh, you just look so soft and gentle. It makes me wish I was a man who deserved hearing you laugh." He said.

I looked down as his hands cupped my cheeks.

"And you're smart Elissa. So intelligent and kind. You have a passion for learning that I fear I lost years ago and in the past few days, teaching you about Antiva had made me want to learn more again." He said. "I'm not particularly kind, and I've never been one to champion the innocent like you seem to."

"Father just raised me to never turn away anyone in need." I mumbled.

"I like that about you. I must admit I'm using you and Alistair, I really am." I looked up at his face again. "A woman like you will give the Crows a bit of pause and I truly do value my life, so I am begging you to not send me back to them." He said.

I never realized he was worried about that. "But...you're so strong..."

"My former partner is stronger physically. I'm not as capable a physical fighter as some Crows, just more wily and faster." He admitted. "In a true test of strength, Alistair would beat me, and you already know your Qunari comrade is stronger than I am."

I nodded. "I...never thought someone as amazing as you feared anything." I said.

"Amazing am I?" He grinned. "I do try." He sobered. "But Elissa, you are the really amazing one. You could have run away from your duty at any time, but here you are, facing it head on and pushing back. I admire that." He moved his hands down to my shoulders. "You are a very beautiful woman Elissa Cousland. Inside and out." He looked over me, curled on the floor as I was. "Very much so out."

I blushed before pushing him back. "Pervert." But I was smiling as I said it. I pushed to my feet and looked down at him leaning back. "Zev...thank you."

"For telling you that you are beautiful? Always." He grinned. "And I mean it."

I laughed as the door opened. I turned away from it.

"Elissa?" I heard Alistair.

"I'm here." I said.

"Oh, we were just wondering where you'd gone. Everyone wants to thank you." He said.

"Only if they're decent." I said.

"Decent...oh. Oh." He said. "Maker's breath, I completely forget." He sounded like he hit his head with his own hand, in the gauntlet. "Ow. I'm sorry Elissa. I'll tell them to come thank you at the camp." He started to close the door. "You and Arainai can start to head back and tell them what happened to their Keeper I suppose." He held out the Keeper's staff and I reached to take it.

"Alright. We'll meet you back at camp." I said.

I watched him close the door and looked at Zevran.

"Ready to go mi amor?" He came to his feet easily.

"You really shouldn't call me that." I said.

"And why not?" He smiled.

"It's dangerous." I said.

"Do you even know what it means?" He raised a brow at me.

"My love."

"Yes?" He spoke as if I'd called him.

"You're infuriating, you know that right?"

"Si." He grinned.

It was nice.

I started for the entrance of the ruins.

I didn't want to see another naked man in my life. Aside from one.

I felt almost lighthearted for the first time in a while thanks to that one too.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

My walk back with Zevran was actually kind of peaceful.

We ran into a couple of Darkspawn, but handled them quite easily. I also came across a dusty, broken, and rotting crate among an abandoned campsite and found a couple interesting things.

I quickly stuffed one of my finds in my sash and Zevran laughed at the old charm he found. He translated the writing on it to be a fertility charm.

"I do believe I shall keep this." He said.

"You need it?" I raised a brow at him.

"You never know." He grinned.

I shook my head and it was another fifteen minutes before we were back at the camp.

I found the woman who was supposed to be the new Keeper and she looked so broken hearted for a moment as I gave her the staff.

"He did it for us all, didn't he?" She asked.

"Yes." I nodded.

"We will honor his sacrifice and our Clan will honor your Treaty as well." She said.

I nodded and walked with Zevran through the camp. I was surprised to see the same injured man from before, nearly healed up. I made my way towards him.

"Are you feeling better now?" I asked.

"Yes. I am told it was you who found me?" He asked.

I nodded. "We brought you back to Mithra's patrol."

"I...did you happen to find an idol with me?" He looked hopeful.

I frowned for a moment before reaching into my sash and pulling out the little thing I'd found before where he'd crawled. "I thought it was neat." I held it out to him. "Is this it?"

"Yes. Thank you." He took hold of it gratefully and held it close. I watched as he reached into a bag on his belt. "Please, take this." He held out a sapphire on a chain.

I shook my head. "No need. I'm just glad you're alright and that I could return that to the rightful owner." I said.

"You are a great friend to the Dalish my lady." He said. "Ma serannas. Vhenallin." He just seemed so happy that I couldn't really say anything for a moment.

"Well...do try to stay safe from now on." I said as I made my way away from him. I glanced back to see a woman come to him and he showed her the little idol and she looked happy as well that he had it.

"You've earned a good title." Zevran said.

"What?" I frowned at him. "What part?"

He laughed. "The first was him thanking you. The second, when he called you 'vhenallin' is the good part."

"What does it mean?" I asked quietly. "It is good right?"

"Very. As much as you've just helped these people, they'll all think of you that way." Zevran said. "My memory is foggy on what I've learned of the old language, but that one I remember. It means 'friend of the People' and it is a very good thing. Especially for a human to have earned the phrase."

"Oh. I guess that is good then. I'm just doing the right thing. I hope." I said as we walked.

"You." I heard someone call out to me. I turned to face the woman coming at me and I was startled when she weakly hugged me. A man hurried after her and I gave Zevran a wide eyed look.

"Thank you my lady." The woman said.

"I...what for?"

"You do not remember me?" She pulled away and I tilted my head. "Danyla." She said.

"The Werewolf?" I frowned. "Oh, so you did survive." I smiled. "That's good."

She wobbled a little and the man reached to steady her.

"Thank you for saving my wife." He said.

I held up my hand and reached towards my sash where I'd tied her scarf from yesterday.

I undid it from my own sash and held it back up to her. "I suppose I didn't end up getting this back for you. But it works out. You can do it." I said to her.

She took hold of it and paused for a moment before laughing and leaning against her husband.

She repeated that same phrase from earlier and I nodded.

I didn't think I could handle more people thanking me.

Zevran must have sensed my unease and urged me away from them.

"Sorry, but she is tired." He said.

I was, but not physically.

It did get us away from everyone else and back to our own camp.

I sank onto one of the stumps near the fire and looked up to see Bodahn and Sandal getting what would be dinner ready.

"Just about an hour Miss." Bodahn said.

"No problem." I waved it off.

I was suddenly tired.

Maybe I wasn't as fully recovered from that freak fever earlier as I'd thought.

I felt it as Zevran nudged me to the ground and he sat behind me, letting me lean back against him between his legs.

Honestly, it was comfortable to be able to just lean slightly and put my head against his thigh.

And feeling him run his hands through my hair was relaxing.

"You are dangerous Zev." I mumbled.

"How so?" He sounded amused as I closed my eyes.

"You know what you do to me." I said.

"That I do. And I wouldn't do it if you didn't want it." He said. "Now rest."

I sighed and was out a moment later.

XX

I jolted awake again, sitting upright suddenly, as I heard a loud laugh.

"Oh, damn, sorry. Didn't mean to wake you." Alistair's voice broke through my sleep haze.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, reaching up to rub at my eyes.

I glanced to my right where I'd been leaning.

"Feel better?" Leliana asked.

"You're all going to keep asking me that, aren't you?" I looked up at her as she stood in front of me holding two bowls.

"For a while, yes." She said. She held out one bowl to me and the other to Zevran behind me.

"Thank you much." Zevran said almost sweetly.

"I'd drop it if she wasn't here." Leliana said.

"Mmm, but if she wasn't here, I'd have had to get it myself." He said as I looked at the thick stew.

I tilted my head to look at him. "Sorry Zev. Didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

"I did." He shrugged. "You can make it up to me later." He teased.

I blushed slightly before digging into the stew.

"Oi." Alistair called from across the fire pit.

I looked up in time to see him throw a roll at me.

I caught it, barely. I watched him throw another at Zevran, who caught it much more nimbly than I had.

I'd nearly spilled my stew.

"Thanks." I said to Alistair.

"Thank Sandal. He made them." Alistair shrugged.

The younger Dwarf just had this huge smile on his face as usual. It was charming actually.

I ate as I listened to the rest of my group talk.

Not about plans or strategy, but just talk. Like normal people. Not Mages, Bards, Templar trained Grey Wardens, Qunari, and Antivan Crows. But just like a group of people who had come together over a specific case.

That case being me, but aside from that. It was nice to actually hear Sten asking about phrases and concepts of Ferelden thought and behavior. And to hear Morrigan and Alistair banter again.

I hadn't realized how used to that I'd gotten in just a little over a week of being with them all.

Part of me wished I could spend the rest of my life just like this. This weird sense of calm and relaxation.

I leaned against Zevran's left leg and sighed.

"Mmm? Tired again?" He asked me quietly.

"No. Just at ease." I said.

"I see." He reached down to pat my head. "The calm is nice, isn't it?"

"I guess being an assassin didn't lead to much calm?" I asked.

"Surprisingly, there was a lot of down time if I didn't have a mission. Of course, I like working, so I rarely took it." He said.

"Figures." Alistair said. "You never can seem to keep still."

"I'd get fat and lazy." Zevran countered. "And I'm too pretty for that."

I smiled with a little laugh as Leliana came to collect my bowl.

"More?" She asked.

"No, thank you. Well, perhaps another roll."

She nodded. "Of course, they are good."

Really, the peace in between the marching all day and the solving of people's problems was nice.

XX

We got up as early as we all felt rested the following morning and bid farewell to the Dalish Clan.

I switched between walking with Alistair and Leliana like I normally did before Zevran and walking with him, talking and laughing at all the things he was teaching me about Antiva and their politics and some of his missions as they became relevant.

He had a good number of odd jobs he'd taken.

I looked up when he went quiet and saw the gates of Denerim a few minutes out.

"Elissa." He spoke up.

I looked up at him. "Hmm?"

"I just wanted to say, I am glad you are letting me stay with you." He said.

I shook my head. "I've had fun these past few days. And I'd like you to keep traveling with me for a bit if you want."

Very much actually. Not just because I wanted to learn of Antiva, but because I wanted to learn about him. Zevran was different from anyone I'd ever met before, including Leliana and Sten.

Sten was just quiet and I hadn't gotten him to warm up to me yet. Eventually he'd crack and I could start asking him about the Qun and Seheron and Par Vollen and everything about his people. Qunari were just so different from Humans and Elves that I was almost more curious about his people than I was any other culture.

I had a feeling that I'd never learn much from him though.

"I'd like that." Zevran said. "I'd also be careful in this place if I were you. Loghain really wants you dead."

"We know." Alistair said. "I'd like his hide too."

I scowled as I thought about how he accused us of killing King Cailan when he was the one who abandoned him. His own son-in-law.

But we were here for a particular job and I'd see to it that it was done.

I looked at Bodahn. "We'll be here just for tonight, so let me know if that's not enough time for you."

"Oh no, that will be plenty to talk to my associates here in Denerim. I'll also get us stocked up on food...if you've some coin."

I nodded. "Please." I reached into my sash and felt for three gold coins. "Is this enough?"

He nodded. "More than enough. I'll be sure to get you the change back." He said.

I nodded again. "Alright. We'll find an inn to stay at, but in case we don't get the same place, let's agree to meet here at the main gates tomorrow morning after dawn."

He nodded. "That should do nicely. Come on my boy, we've got some work to do."

I listened as Sandal sounded cheerful about potentially doing enchantments. He loved them.

I looked at Alistair. "We'll have to hunt down Genitivi's house, so any leads?"

"Not that I had." He shook his head. "Shouldn't be too hard. My friend did say he lived near the market center."

"Alright." I looked at the rest of the group. "If you guys don't want to come with us that's alright."

"I am going to see the Chantry here in Denerim." Leliana said. "I'll find you where you get a room."

I nodded. "Also, can you find any leads on Sten's sword? You'd have better luck than we would."

After Leliana nodded and started into Denerim I looked at Morrigan.

"I have my ways of finding you." She said before heading for the gates.

"I'll stay with you." Sten said. "Thank you."

I nodded. "I did promise."

The five of us headed into Denerim.

XX

We found the house owned by Brother Genitivi easy enough.

His assistant seemed a little shifty when we asked where the Brother was and wouldn't give us anything more than that he was last seen at the Spoiled Princess near the Circle Tower of Ferelden.

I just couldn't believe that a man who supposedly worked with the Brother was neither with him, nor knew where he was.

But it was Zevran who called him out on it and when he pushed the door to the back room open and the scent of rotting flesh hit the house, the man lost it.

I jolted back as he leapt at me, but Sten just reached out and grabbed him by the throat.

He snapped his neck easily and dropped the body on the floor.

"Well then...that's not very helpful." I scowled at the body. "Serves you right for being an impostor."

Zevran motioned for me to come to the door and I covered my nose with my arm as I did.

"I believe this is the real one." He said from behind his hand. "Perhaps those notes around the table might have some clues."

I nodded and stepped inside the room to gather up all the notes I could from the table and brought them out to the main room.

Zevran closed the door to cut off the stench and I sucked in a mostly clean breath of air.

"God I forgot how bad rotting bodies smell." I gagged.

"It surprises me that he didn't dispose of the corpse sooner." Alistair said.

"Maybe he never got the chance?" I shrugged as I laid out the pages on the table.

Alistair picked one up and started going over it.

I grabbed one and watched Zevran take another to read over. "Look for anything that might lead to where he went."

Both men nodded.

Sten pulled a chair out and sat in it to watch us.

Could he not read our language?

I knew he could read his own at least.

XX

It took ten minutes before Alistair found the note on where he was going.

"Here. A village called Haven is mentioned along with the Ashes. I think he was closing in on the location of the Urn and this place has more information." Alistair said as he pulled a paper map from under his armor.

He unfolded it on the table and I searched for any village or town called Haven.

I'd studied my fathers maps before and never saw anything like it. But my fathers maps were all relatively new.

Alistair's looked older.

He shook his head as neither of us could find it on the map.

"The notes say it is in the Frostbacks, but that's a big range." Alistair said.

"Very much so." Zevran nodded. "Several hundred miles in fact."

"More than I'd want to search on foot." I sighed.

"Well, we'll start at the Spoiled Princess I suppose." Alistair said.

I nodded. "Perhaps there are some clues there to follow."

I watched him fold up his map and Zevran stacked the notes in a neat little pile on the table.

Sten pushed up from the chair as I headed for the door.

It was already nearing evening and we hadn't found a place to stay.

I sighed as I led the way out of the house. I suppose technically we could stay here, but I just felt weird considering I didn't know Genitivi.

"I believe the last time I was here, I saw a tavern hear here." Zevran said.

I looked up and caught the wave from Sandal across the market. I waved back.

"Is it decent?" I asked.

"I didn't go inside." He shrugged.

"Well, it's better than sleeping on the ground again." Alistair said.

I nodded.

Zevran started to lead us to where he thought the place was.

XX

It turned out to be a place called the 'Gnawed Noble' and I cringed at the name of the place.

As we went inside I was almost less impressed.

"I can't see us staying here..." I mumbled to Alistair.

"Not really." He muttered back.

But I walked up towards the bar anyway.

The barkeeper came towards us and I hesitated.

I really didn't want to stay here.

"What can I do for you?"

"We're hoping for a room for the night." Zevran said with all the charm he could.

"Sorry, can't help you. Booked up." The woman said immediately. Not even a hint of checking.

"Well, that is alright then." I said. "Any chance we can still get a meal?"

"Depends on what you want." She shrugged, pulling a piece of paper from under the counter.

I looked down at it.

Nothing overly remarkable.

"Roast." Alistair said.

I nodded.

"And for me." Zevran said.

"It'll do." Sten nodded.

"Five in total." I said as I deftly pulled the exact change from my purse in my sash. I was glad I could tell coins by the feel. I really didn't want people here to know how much I had on me.

The woman frowned at us. "Five for four?"

"I've a Mabari outside." I said. "He hasn't had a really good meal in a while now." I hoped to appeal with the assumption that the food here was good.

She snorted. "Well, go ahead and have a seat where you like. I'll have the stuff brought when it's done."

I nodded.

I turned to look at the room and saw an empty table with four chairs and made a straight line to it.

I pulled one chair out as the others followed suit.

It was a few minutes before a young woman brought a large pitcher and four mugs.

"Some of our best ale?" She asked.

I nodded and she set the mugs down on the table.

Zevran smiled at her as she poured the drinks and I pulled another silver out to give to her.

She tucked it in her apron and I watched her bounce off.

"You look at everyone like they're potential?" I asked Zevran with a frown.

"Mmm, not really. I look at them how they want me to look."

"Well, you look at me and I don't want you to." Alistair said dryly.

"Yes well...you I like irritating." Zevran grinned.

I snorted as I was trying to take a drink and quickly set the mug down as I coughed.

"You're supposed to breathe or drink, not both." Alistair laughed as he reached over to pat me hard on the back.

"Fuck off." I cleared my throat.

"I shall refrain from making you laugh while you're drinking." Zevran smiled from my other side.

"Just warn first." I rolled my eyes at him.

He laughed.

Good to see they had a common thing to laugh at.

XX

I brought the plate of cold roast out to Baron and he went to town on it. It was already getting darker as the others came out of the tavern behind me.

When Baron was finished I brought the plate back in to the bar and left another couple coppers as a thank you for letting me feed my Mabari. Granted, they didn't have much of a choice since I'd paid for the meal.

Still, the ale was good too.

I met the men back out front and looked up at the sky.

"Still need a place to stay." I sighed.

"I suppose we could try Eamon's place here in Denerim." Alistair said.

"Would they let us stay?" I asked.

"Not sure. I mean, I haven't been there in years." Alistair sighed.

I shook my head. "Well, if we're going to be trying for outdated places...might as well try mine." I looked down at the ground.

"You had a place here?" Alistair frowned. "Why didn't we try there first then?" He took a step away from the door before coming to a stop. "It's...empty isn't it?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see. He knew I was nodding.

I felt the tears come up as I started to lead them towards my family's Denerim estate.

As a Teyrnir, we'd had a small estate in Denerim as a kind of 'political home' as I'd called it.

I made my way through the streets, following my memory of when I came with my family years ago.

The building still stood and as I reached to push the gate open, the lock kept it shut.

"Well, that bites." Alistair said.

I shook my head and pulled my necklace out from under my armor.

I opened the locket and the key fell out.

"Father gave this to me when I was going to be leaving with Warden Duncan. He'd said if I or any Wardens needed a place to stay in Denerim, the house was always open to us." I said. "I just...never thought I'd need to use it."

Alistair put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry Elissa. We don't have to stay here if you don't want." I handed the key to Alistair.

I shook my head again. "The memory just makes me sad." I said. "That's it."

I was almost to the door when I was pulled against a warm body.

I looked up to see Zevran holding me. "I'm very sorry for your loss. You know that right?"

"You'd have killed us too." Alistair said as he reached the front door. He unlocked the door and pushed it open as I let Zevran hug me.

"That is different. I was paid for that. Well, the Crows were. I wasn't the one who killed her family and so that does make me sorry for her loss." Zevran said as he ushered me inside.

I looked up at the open ceiling of the entry. The balcony of the second floor still reminded me of when Fergus and I would play for hours around this house.

We'd only been here three times that I could remember, but I'd enjoyed it then.

I brushed off Zevran's hold and headed into the house.

XX

I found the rooms set up just as they'd been left and pointed out the ones my friends could stay in.

Alistair settled into the small guest room beside the room I'd put Sten in and I pushed the door open to one for Zevran and left him there to find the room I used to stay in with Fergus.

I stopped when I came to the door that had led to the room my parents stayed in.

I put my hand on the door and couldn't stop the tears this time.

I slid to the floor as I cried.

I didn't hear it as one of them came up behind me.

Probably because it was Zevran who picked me up.

"It will be alright." He said quietly.

"I..." I shook my head. "I could have saved them. I should have." I said.

He kicked open the door to the room I'd been heading to and I sneezed at the dust that was kicked up.

Zevran moved to set me on the bed and I gripped his shirt as he went to pull away.

"You could also be dead." He said.

"I know." I looked down.

"That would change a lot of things you know."

I nodded. "All the Wardens would be dead instead of Alistair and I surviving. Darkspawn would probably consume Ferelden in the next few months, the Archdemon would probably eat Loghain." I smiled slightly. "Serve him right. And...you wouldn't be here." I said.

"Probably not. I'm only here because you are a thorn in his side and he wants you gone." Zevran said.

"Are you going to try and kill me someday?" I asked.

"Hmm...I hadn't thought on it. I could if you want me to." He knelt in front of me.

I shook my head.

In the dim light from the setting sun, I could barely see him.

He stood up and pulled away from me.

I watched as he moved in the near darkness towards the desk by the window.

I heard the click as he lit the lamp after two strikes.

"Well, as empty and dusty as this place is, at least the lamps still work." He said with a smile.

I nodded.

I heard the clicking on stone and looked up to see my Mabari in the doorway.

I patted my leg and he came to me.

I turned to look as Zevran leaned on the windowsill.

He looked almost peaceful like that.

Not like an assassin, or a warrior at all without his armor on.

Just the leggings and tunic he'd been wearing all day under it.

"Zev..." He looked at me. "Thank you."

"You are entitled to crying you know." He said.

"I'm supposed to be a Warden. No crying allowed." I looked past him for a moment.

"Bullshit." He said and I jolted. "I've known you a week now and you Elissa Cousland, are more than just a Warden." I looked up as he came towards me. I shifted as he sat beside me. "You are a Grey Warden, yes. And a noble of nearly the highest proportion in Ferelden, no?"

I nodded. I was. Technically.

He reached to pat my Mabari.

"But you are also a seventeen year old woman forced into a fight you were never trained for." He said. I looked at where he was scratching Baron's ears. "From what you've told me, in between my talking about Antiva and all, you've done more in the past few weeks out of the ordinary than you have in your life."

I nodded again. "Right."

"And so, as much as it pains me to say it, you are more than ready for a break." Zevran said.

"But...I can't take a break while everything is still unfinished." I said.

"You'll find time." He smiled at me. "You'll need to. Dealing with assassins and Archdemons can be a bit much I'd say."

I laughed. "Yeah." He patted Baron's head and stood up. I looked up at him. "Thank you Zevran."

"Anytime. But next time I'm bringing wine and we should be naked." He teased.

I blushed as he headed for the doorway.

I stood up to follow as I heard knocking on the main door.

Baron scrabbled on the stone, pushing past us both in the narrow hall.

I lost my footing and started to tumble forward.

I found myself up against Zevran as he'd turned around.

"I think he's getting at something." Zevran said as he looked at me with half closed eyes. Seductive look.

And he was so close.

I couldn't think with the fact that I was breathing in his scent and feeling how hard his body was under my hands against his chest.

The knock kicked me out of my blank mind and I pushed back.

I started for the front door.

I heard Zevran laughing from behind me.

I met Alistair as he was coming to the doors as well.

"Know who it is?" He asked me with a frown.

"Baron isn't barking...so Leliana or Morrigan?" I shrugged as I reached the door.

I pulled it open and saw not one, but both of them. As well as Bodahn and Sandal on the steps.

I looked at them as I motioned them in. "How did you find this place?" I asked.

"Common logic." Leliana said. "You are a high ranking noble. All high ranking nobles have estates in the capital city for political purposes."

I closed the doors behind them.

"We've tucked our wagon to the side of the courtyard, if that is okay." Bodahn said.

I nodded. "By all means. I just hope the local security is still good. I'll have Baron stay outside with it." I said as I went to pull the door back open.

Baron gave a half bark of salute and pushed out the door the moment it was open wide enough.

I looked out into the semi darkness to see him going to lay beside the wagon. "What about the horse?" I asked Bodahn.

"In the stable." He said. "All taken care of."

"A house." Sandal said cheerfully.

"Yes my boy. A noble house."

"Well, let me get you two to a room." I said to him. "It's pretty dusty around here, but Zevran and Alistair got some of the lamps lit up." I motioned to the lamp Alistair had lit in the entry.

They nodded.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I couldn't sleep. Not in my old room on the second floor. Too many memories.

I stood up from bed in nothing but the shift I'd found in the dresser. It was a bit short on me, but still fit alright.

I made my way to the door, using my memory and sense of touch to get around.

As my eyes adjusted to the moonlight coming from the windows, I slowly made my way down the hall and down the stairs without tripping up.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I headed for what used to be my father's study.

Just as I went to push on the door to the study, I heard a very faint sound of movement behind me.

I gasped as I felt a knife at my throat.

"Shh." I heard the lilt in the voice.

"Zev?" I whispered.

The knife drew back instantly.

"Maldición. Elissa, you should know it is dangerous to sneak about at night." Zevran hissed at me as he moved his hand over my arm.

Could he see in the dark or something?

"What are you wearing?" He sounded like he frowned. "Oh-ho, so you do like to play with fire." He made a slight laugh. Low and deep and it was sexy.

I shook my head and turned to reach up to feel where the hell he was in the dark.

My hands hit his chest and I spread my fingers on bare skin. Warm, lean muscle and softer skin that I wanted to see.

"Zev..." I started.

"Come now, back to bed." He said. "If you ask nicely, I will let you sleep with me."

I cracked a laugh. But it was tempting.

I let him guide me back through the house.

How the hell did he know his way around? Really, could he see in the dark?

"Can you see?" I asked him.

And was a week enough time before I gave in? I knew more about Zevran than I did most of the soldiers in the castle and I'd grown up with some of them.

I would think that spending every waking hour with someone counted for something right?

Didn't most girls only spend a couple hours a week with a prospective suitor?

Rationed out at even just four or five hours a week, I'd have the equivalent of at least several months with Zevran. Right?

"No, I can't see." He said quietly. "I just have a good memory for buildings. Helps with assassinations you know."

I frowned. "Right."

He led me up the stairs, keeping hold of my hand the entire time.

My free hand stayed to the wall and I was relieved when I could finally see the moonlight in the window of my bedroom.

Zevran ushered me inside and I turned to see him start to close the door.

"Zev..." I started again.

"Mmm?" He looked at me in the pale light. I heard him swear under his breath. "You are a goddess mi amor." He said.

"Stay with me?" I asked.

"Stay in your room? Or with you?" He wanted the clarification.

I hesitated. I had come to really like this flirty, sexual, seductive man. He got under all our skins and annoyed the entire group of us, down to Bodahn as well, but he had tended in the past couple of days to keep his sexual based comments directed at me.

He had said he was dedicated when he wanted to be. And he seemed to want to be dedicated to me.

And the fact that, for all he was flirty and constantly made passes at me, he was seeing me at my most vulnerable right now and wasn't jumping at the chance to act on all his words spoke volumes about how much he did respect me and our comrades.

Alistair had warned him off me several times and he was taking that into consideration out of respect for both of us.

"With me." I whispered.

I reached to hold the short hem of my gown as I could see him in the moonlight coming in the window.

He hesitated before stepping into my room and closing the door behind him.

"Are you scared of the dark mi amor?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No. I just...it's this place."

"It feels different without your family." Zev said knowingly as I watched him set the knife on the desk.

"Yes." I nodded.

I bit at my lip.

Would Zev accept me?

I knew he was no stranger to sex, and he'd made comments regarding the fact that he did desire me as a woman, but was he serious?

"Zevran...would you be faithful?" I asked.

"Faithful...you're not asking religiously." He said. "My life is yours mi amor. And I do mean that in all ways." I watched him step closer to me, his pants hanging low and now I could see that.

I could also see his arousal. And unlike seeing the restored Werewolves, I wanted to see him naked.

I wanted to know what it was like to be with a man. One who genuinely cared. Maybe Zevran didn't care so much in the way of love, but he still had experience and skill in lovemaking and did like me. I would never find a better man to introduce me to sex.

"You are a very genuine woman, and I have the distinct feeling that if I answer properly, this could be very good for me." He said as he looked down at me. He reached to cup my face in his hands. "I can only answer how I feel mi amor. I will be as faithful to you as you are to me. That is part of my code."

I sighed as I reached to touch his wrists. He started to lean down towards me and I closed my eyes.

I'd never even had a proper kiss before, but this was already starting out nice.

Zevran claimed my mouth with his. Not a chaste starting kiss, but a full on passionate kiss.

I moved my hands to his chest as he reached to pull me close to him.

I felt it when he edged me backwards and when my knees hit the end of my bed, Zevran took me down slowly.

He pulled back and I looked up at him in the moonlight. The full moon provided me with more than enough light to see him.

"Zev?" I was nervous.

"Mmm?" He braced himself above me.

"You don't call everyone amor do you?" I asked.

He made a low laugh. "No mi amor. I've never wanted to call another so preciously."

I frowned. "Never?"

He kissed me again. "Never."

It was hard to argue with him when I knew what he was like by what he'd told me.

As an assassin, he was trained out of feeling emotions like love and affection for people. You couldn't love someone you may have to kill.

I knew this, and yet...in a week, I really liked him. It went against everything I'd been raised to be, but I didn't give a shit that he was Antivan, Oriana had been and my family loved her. I couldn't care less that he was an assassin, so long as he never tried to kill me again. And the one thing society hated most about him; I really had no reservations just because he was an Elf.

I reached up as he kissed me again and threaded my fingers in his hair.

It didn't actually take much to undo the braid at the back of his head and I felt it as the two made up of his bangs came loose and fell against me. I shivered when his right hand ran over my hip where my shift was riding up.

His left hand tangled in my hair where it was loose and spread over the blanket under me.

When he pulled back again, I tried to catch my breath.

"You truly want me Elissa?" I heard him ask and looked up at him.

"Si." I said. "I have for a week now."

He laughed. "Holding back were you? How impressive." He pushed up and I watched where he balanced with his knees on the edge of the bed to reach down.

I followed his hands with my eyes as he deftly undid the laces at the front of his pants.

I scooted backwards on the bed, pushing the blanket aside, until I was able to lay back and have my head hit the pillow. That blanket was just too odd feeling against my skin on the top side. I kept myself just slightly propped up on my elbows as I watched him slip off the bed.

I swallowed nervously as he slowly pushed his pants off, revealing his body to me.

It was more than I'd ever expected.

He had more than just the tattoo on his face.

I could faintly make out lines coming from his back around to his hips and on his thighs.

But I didn't even care about those as I focused in on his erection. He really did want me. Or at least the sex. I had to think he wanted me.

Zevran reached out and I watched his tanned hand trace over my calf as he moved back onto the bed.

"Such beautiful skin." He said as he moved towards me.

He just looked so predatory like that.

But the way he looked at me made my body warm despite the cool air.

Zevran looked at me like I really was beautiful. And maybe I was, to more people than just him. But it was his looks that made me hot.

I looked up at his face as he put both hands on my thighs.

"Open up to me mi amor." He said softly. I nodded as he spread my legs to put himself between them. "Tell me if I move too fast for you."

"You aren't." I met his eyes as his hands moved to my hips and very slowly pulled my shift up.

"I want to go slowly with you Elissa. But I also want to burn us both up."

I blushed at his words. If he tried to claim my body like he had my mouth earlier, I might just pass out from too much.

He was taking my shyness into account. I was really starting to fall in love with this man.

Alistair was right. He was very dangerous. Very, very dangerous. He knew just how to get into my head.

"Zev...you're not playing with me, are you?" I asked.

He paused as he was pulling my shift up over my breasts. "Of course not mi amor. Not in this. You already know I want to use the Warden name to escape the Crows, and that really is as far as I'm using you."

"But you don't have to go this far just to get into my graces." I said.

He leaned down and kissed me. "I know. This is something I want to do. No relation to our business deal."

I smiled. "Good." I reached up to pull his head back down to kiss him again.

I liked his kisses.

He used that to make me lift up to pull my shift off completely, leaving me in nothing but the scrap of cloth covering my womanhood.

I felt exposed, but in a good way, as he traced soft kisses over my jaw and down my throat.

His hands brushed over my skin in teasing, feather light touches. It drove me crazy and he probably knew it.

I kept one hand in his soft hair as the other moved to run over his shoulder.

When his mouth moved to my breast, I tilted my head to watch him tenderly kiss the inner swell of my left breast. And then he covered the peak with his mouth and scraped his tongue over the tip, causing me to arch up into him out of shock.

His left hand moved to plump my right breast and I let out a strangled moan as his fingers pinched my nipple.

"Zev..." I couldn't finish as I watched him look at me with such a burning look of desire from under his falling bangs.

The long strands running over my skin with his movements only increased the sensitivity.

He moved his right hand to take hold of my left and twined our fingers together. Likely to stop me from scratching at his shoulder as he caused my body to react to him.

I let my head fall back onto the pillow as his left hand moved down my body when his mouth switched to replace it.

I brought his hand up with mine, shifting his hold on my hand to avoid fully letting go, when I could hear myself letting out such embarrassing sounds.

I pressed the back of his hand to my mouth as his left hand started to undo the lace at my right hip.

"I like these lacy things." He said softly.

"Hmm?" I glanced down at him.

"They're cute. It suits you. I didn't know you wore these under that armor of yours." He smiled up at me.

I blushed. "They're comfortable." I mumbled.

He pulled his hand back from my hold and reached to undo the other side as well and I looked down at his hands.

His position kneeling between my legs didn't leave anything to imagination.

I could tell just how big he was. Was it just because I was a virgin that he seemed so big, or was he just normal? I had nothing to compare to.

But I was certain he'd fit. Mother had told me all about the process several years ago.

Of course, she'd forbidden me from attempting to get any experience before marriage. I suddenly felt like I was betraying that and I watched as Zevran pulled the scrap of fabric away from me.

She'd probably be horribly disappointed in me. An assassin, and Antivan, and an Elf on top of that.

"Elissa?" Zevran looked down at me.

"Hmm?"

"Wrap your legs around me amor." He said as he put his hands on the outside of my thighs.

I did as he instructed and looked between us as his left hand moved to take hold of himself. I felt it as he positioned to push into me.

I watched as he held my hips and slowly rocked forward, pressing into me.

The feeling was like nothing I'd felt before. His erection had me feeling full, stretched, and the pressure was on the edge of unbearable, in a somehow good way.

I groaned as he pushed until he was fully in me.

"Amor?" He sounded concerned and I looked up at his amber eyes, so gentle and dark with passion. "No pain?" He asked.

I shook my head. "It feels...good." I flushed as his hands on my hips tightened.

He smiled at me before slowly pulling back out.

I moaned at the loss of that connected feeling until he surged back into me.

I gasped at the speed compared to the first time.

Zevran used his hold on me to control my body as he slammed into me over and over.

The movement was causing my nerves to go almost numb, but not quite the same. It was like a bubble of pleasure was forming in me, centered around where he was thrusting into me. My body was just reacting on its own to him, some muscles going loose at his touch and others, deeper in me, tightening as that bubble grew bigger.

I was starting to get afraid of what might happen when it burst.

Would something in me break? Was it normal?

I looked up as Zevran leaned over me, changing the angle that he came into me at and it was like that bubble grew in a huge leap. I was overwhelmed by how just feeling him thrusting into me made me lose rational thought.

"Mi amor, let it go. Let me make love to you." He whispered to me.

I nodded and tried to make myself relax everything. Just to give myself over to him.

It felt like that bubble in me exploded with the force of a huge wave hitting the shore of at Highever.

I felt like I lost control of my own body as it was like being dragged under the tide. I could still feel the way our skin touched and I could hear the sounds as he moved against me.

As I looked up at Zevran, he had an almost pained expression.

I listened as he swore under his breath in Antivan before I felt both his hands tighten on my hips and he pushed into me as hard as he seemed to be able to.

I moaned at the full feeling increasing that tidal pull on me.

And then I felt heat move from him to me inside me.

I stared up, my eyes hazy from the pleasure still, to see the slight bit of sweat on his chest.

He dropped to put his head against my shoulder.

I couldn't understand it as he spoke in Antivan. Other than the one phrase calling me his love. Over and over.

"Zev?" I mumbled.

"Mmm?"

"What are you saying?"

He made a low laugh and I groaned as I felt him ease from me.

I turned my head as he moved to lay beside me.

"I was just admiring how beautiful you are amor." He said.

"Really?" I pushed to turn myself onto my side against him and he moved his right arm to put it under my head, letting me put my cheek against his chest and listen to his heartbeat as it went in a rapid rhythm.

"Si. I do believe I've been spoiled for life." He mumbled as I watched him close his eyes.

"By just once with me?" I looked up at his face from my position as he used his free hand to pull the blanket I'd pushed to the side of the bed over us both.

He laughed. "Is that a request for more?"

I blushed and pressed my face against his chest. "Maybe." I mumbled. I looked up at him again. "Zevran?"

"Yes?"

"I was...just wondering where this puts us?" I asked. "I mean..."

"I will follow you until you tell me to leave mi amor. Do not doubt that. As for more...I will leave that to you, no?"

"But...will you be with others too?" I asked.

"Do you wish me to?"

I shook my head against him. "I...want you to myself." I spread my hand over his chest. "For...however long we are together."

"Of course amor. I think I like the idea that you'd be jealous." He grinned. "I am an incorrigible flirt, but I will be loyal to you alone."

"I know you're a flirt Zev. I like it."

"Good." He said as he shifted his right hand to play with my hair. "Now sleep mi amor. You need it."

I sighed as I let the heat from his body and the nearly overwhelming feeling of sedation lull me into sleeping against him.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I woke up to warmth and a heavy arm over my waist, keeping me pulled back against a hot body.

It was honestly a nice way to wake up.

I heard the tapping and opened my eyes to see Leliana standing in my doorway.

"So, this is how you intend to keep your place here?" She raised a brow and I realized she was talking to Zevran.

I held the blanket to me as he sat up and looked at her.

"If you wanted to be here in my place, you should have gone for it."

"That is not my point. You are an uncouth bastard." She said. She looked at me. "And you let him be that way."

I hesitated as I tried to keep the blanket covering me as Zevran slid out of the bed, unashamed of his nudity.

Whorehouse, I had to remind myself.

But it didn't seem like Leliana cared about his body as he reached for his pants at the foot of my bed.

"I..." I started.

"I know I told Alistair to give him a chance, but this is beyond that. He can still kill you Elissa. It's in his nature."

"You don't know that." I said hastily.

"And you are not thinking about him rationally. As a Bard, I have morals. This Elf has none and admits it." I looked at Zevran when she waved at him, so I caught the flicker of irritation as he laced up his pants.

I tried so very hard to not get distracted by the tattoos on his back as I could now see them in the dawn light.

"Zevran is more than you and Alistair think he is." I said.

"I really hope you are right." She said. She glared at Zevran. "You make one false move towards any of us, and I will hurt you. You might win, but you will never be as good as you once were."

I watched as Zevran moved towards her and I don't think either of us women were expecting it when he reached out and snagged both her wrists and twisted her, catching her ankle with his bare foot and taking her down to the floor.

"Zev!" I cried out.

He just glared down at her as he pressed his knee against her back and kept her at a position she couldn't fight from.

"I respect your skills as an Orlesian Bard." He said almost coldly. "I do respect Alistair as a Grey Warden. You've known me for a week and I've done nothing to even remotely indicate misdeeds. Have I?"

He seemed to be waiting for a response as I scrambled to pull on my shirt from the bedside table and I reached for my pants as Leliana glared at him from where her head was pinned to the floor.

I looked up to see her finally drop her eyes to the floor.

"No." She said quietly.

"Then make me this deal Bard." Zevran said. "Unless I come at you with the intent to kill you, and you'll know it, don't ever bring up my assassin position as a way of breaking Elissa down."

I pulled my pants on as I realized this was a key moment between some of my companions and Zevran. They didn't trust him because he was an assassin.

I had faith that he was deeper than his joking and playful attitude led to believe. He'd just shown me moments where I saw that under his training and conditioning, he was a kinder man.

He could kill Leliana right here and there was nothing I could do about it because he was stronger and faster than I was.

I needed people like him and Sten and Leliana and Morrigan on my side because I knew I wasn't as great as my father had always made me sound.

Leliana sighed and went limp, no longer fighting his grip on her wrists or the way he had her pinned.

"Yes." She said.

"I want to hear you say it." He said. I frowned.

"I agree to accept you until you hurt one of us." She snapped back.

I watched Zevran push to his feet and walk over her to the hall.

I hurried to kneel beside her as she pushed to her hands and knees.

"Are you alright Leliana?" I asked. She hit away my hand when I went to touch her shoulder.

Then she looked up at me. "I'm sorry Elissa." She pushed to her feet and moved to leave my room. I knew she was just leaving, not following Zev.

I stood back up and looked at the knife laying on the desk.

If he wanted to, Zevran really could kill us all and they all knew it. They were just waiting for it.

But I wanted to believe he wouldn't do it. I wanted to change him just that little bit to care about us. To care for me.

He was dangerous and different and I liked it. I liked him.

XX

I made my way into the main room after getting my armor on and found the rest waiting.

Leliana didn't look at me and I noticed that Alistair didn't either.

I looked at Morrigan and she just smiled. "Are we ready to go then?" She asked. I nodded and looked at Bodahn.

"You've got everything taken care of?" I asked him.

"Yes." He nodded and held out a bag as he made his way around the room. "Here. Fresh from the baker down the road this morning." He said.

I nodded and took out the sweet bread. As I bit into it I was jolted by the taste of jelly. It was delicious.

He gave one to all of the group and Sten even thanked him after no one else had even mumbled it.

Maker, had my sleeping with Zevran just screwed up what little dynamics the group had?

I started for the door. "Alright, lets get on the road to Lake Calenhad." I said.

XX

Our trip was just about silent aside from the sound of the wagon moving behind us and I knew it was all my fault. I didn't even hear Alistair and Morrigan bickering like an old married couple, or Zevran teasing them, or Leliana humming or playing the lyre Bodahn had given her from his wares.

As we stopped to set up camp, I just felt this heavy feeling of distrust around me.

"I'm getting water." I said to the group without looking at them.

I moved to take the bucket from Bodahn's wagon as I passed, heading for the stream we'd camped beside.

When I knelt to dunk the bucket, I held it under longer than I normally would have, watching the way the water flowed around it.

"Elissa?" I heard Alistair's voice and stood up. I turned to face him.

"What?" I winced as I snapped at him.

He flinched. "Look, I'm sorry." He said.

"Leliana made it abundantly clear that none of you trust him even though I asked you to trust me." I said as I started past him.

He reached out and grabbed the bucket from me.

"Elissa, I'm sorry. I do trust you. I should never have said anything to her when I found his room empty, but I was worried about you." He said.

"Worried about me being dead or being hurt? Or just worried that I was willing to trust an Elven assassin from Antiva?" I asked.

"Both alright." He snapped at me. He reached up as I let go of the bucket and I watched him rub at his brow. "Look...it is going to be hard for me to just accept him as one of us. I know he saved your life from the dragon and part of me is really hoping that he never does betray your trust. I mean really hoping Elissa." He looked down at me and I turned away from him.

He reached with his empty hand to touch my shoulder. "I shouldn't have told Leliana he wasn't in the room this morning. I should have just closed the door and waited for you two to come down yourselves. I forget that you are a grown woman because...I care." He said.

I closed my eyes. "I care as if you were my own sister. Maybe when I first saw you at Ostagar, I'd had a thought that maybe we could be something, but I'm glad that we can be friends like this. I realized I wanted you more as a friend than anything else."

"Alistair..." I started.

"No, let me finish." He pulled me to face him. "By the same order that I am fond of you, I also find myself worrying about you. You are mature and I keep wanting to think that you're not because...I wanted to be an older brother. I knew Cailan was my brother for years. I've known who my father was and I had to bite my tongue. So please, just let me act like an older brother, alright?"

He looked down at me and when I looked up at him, I was reminded for an instant of Fergus.

My brother had told me that he'd never let me be married off by our mother to someone I didn't like and I'd been reassured by that. I'd felt free to find someone I liked instead of worrying about whether mother would set me up with one of her friends sons.

I sighed. "Alright."

"Good. Now, about you being with Arainai..." He started. I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing. In fact, if you break him down, I think it might work out just fine. But I want you to still be careful. Until you manage to get him so fully in love with you, there is always the chance that he'll turn on us at some point. Even if he loved you, I wouldn't put it past him."

I frowned. "You guys just refuse to trust him, don't you?"

"I'm just trying to get used to having an Antivan Crow among us honestly. I will try. At any rate, I do believe that if anyone can get that kind of man wrapped around their finger, it's you."

"Such faith in me." I said. I finally cracked a little smile at him.

"Well, you are special." Alistair shrugged. "Maybe a bit up here too." He motioned at his head.

I scowled at him and reached to hit him. He leaned away from my playful hit and laughed as he hurried back towards the camp.

"Jerk!" I called after him. I could still hear him laughing at it.

But it felt better having Alistair come back to my side. Maybe someday he'd trust Zevran.

Provided he wasn't right and Zev eventually betrayed us.

XX

Dinner was a bit lighter with Alistair and Zevran back to talking.

I fed Baron little scraps of meat from the roast Bodahn had prepared and laughed at my Mabari doing stupid tricks to get more scraps from everyone else.

When it came time to go to sleep, I started to climb into my tent and glanced back to see Zevran and Alistair still playing cards with Sten.

Zevran was likely fleecing them both, he was that good.

I fell asleep a bit more relieved than I'd expected.

XX

As we were packing up in the morning two days later, I heard someone coming down the road on a horse.

I looked up as they pull the horse into a stop by our camp.

"Are you the Grey Wardens?" The man asked.

"Depends on who's asking?" Alistair gave him a curious look.

"My name is Levi Dryden." He said as he slid from his horse. "I'm a merchant. Duncan never mentioned me to you?"

"Should he have?" I asked.

The man sighed. "Well, I'd hoped anyway. I heard...about what happened and I have spent the past two days trying to find you all. Well, you two anyway." He motioned at Alistair and myself.

"How do you know we're the Wardens?" I raised a brow at him.

He just laughed. "No offense, but I knew Duncan for a long time and you two just scream associated with him. Besides, he's got the Warden sword and you're wearing the traditional locket visible." He said.

I reached to touch the locket Alistair had given me where I'd tied it on my sash. "And I'll assume it was Duncan who tied your swords there." He motioned at my sheaths. "I'd recognize his technique. He always did have fast hands."

I frowned at him. "Well...I suppose you're right. How can we help you?"

"Duncan and I had an agreement a ways back and I was hoping you two would honor it in his stead." He said as he reached into his jacket and pulled out a couple sheets of paper.

"What kind of deal? You do know we're in a Blight right now, right?" Alistair stepped closer to him to look at the papers.

"I know, and this might help you out as much as it helps me." He said. "My family are merchants and we have a great deal of skills to offer you in exchange for allowing us to stay at the Warden's Keep at Soldier's Peak."

I nodded. "Dryden...I've heard that name before. Your family has about as much mud on your name as mine."

He looked at me at that and then frowned. "For you to say that...you must be a Cousland." He said.

I laughed. "Yes. Elissa Cousland." I held out my hand to him.

"I knew it." He laughed. "So you also know that some stories aren't always as bad as the victor makes it out to be then."

I nodded. "True enough. But I find it hard to believe that the stories about Warden-Commander Dryden are all false."

He sighed and shook his head. "No, in fact too many are true. But my ancestor was not the woman they claim she was. She was a noble woman."

"I know." I said. He looked surprised. "You think enough of my family would fight at her side against the King of Ferelden if they didn't believe in her?"

"Right...I forget that the Couslands suffered quite a loss for that rebellion." He said sadly.

"Wait, both your families tried to kill the King?" Alistair interjected.

I nodded. "My family histories wrote that King Arland, one of your ancestors, was a ruthless and just generally bad King. Not in the incompetent way though, but the genuinely bad way. He'd execute anyone who he even thought didn't agree with him and I think he instigated a number of battles with other nations due to his distrust and grab for power." I said.

Levi nodded. "Sophia Dryden attempted for the throne alongside him and he had her imprisoned and would have had her executed as well had the Wardens not accepted her in his bid to keep her supporters from rioting."

I sighed. "In my family, we call him the Mad King. He had a number of my family executed when Warden-Commander Dryden instigated a rebellion in attempt to remove him. Just because we supported her. Even the Teyrn at the time was killed for treason." I said.

"Sounds gloriously like Antivan politics if you ask me." Zevran laughed. "What happened?"

"Well, Warden-Commander Dryden and the Cousland Teyrn were both killed and the Wardens left were exiled and my family almost lost our lands and rights were it not for the Teyrn's children at the time. It was only thanks to Alistair's father and brother that Wardens are back here in Ferelden." I said.

"So you're King Maric's son?" Levi looked at Alistair.

"Well...his bastard actually." Alistair shrugged.

"And you're not vying for the throne? I'd think you'd want to continue the legacy King Maric and Cailan were leading, considering you are a Warden as well." Levi said.

"I'm not that kind of ambitious. My next ambition is to find a decent place to sleep and a warm dinner." Alistair brushed it off.

I shrugged when Levi looked at me. "Working on it." I mouthed at him.

He nodded. "Well, are you two willing to help me reclaim Warden's Keep in the name of the Wardens again?"

I nodded. "I'd be willing. There might be some good clues about dealing with the Blight and other Grey Warden matters in there."

Alistair sighed. "I suppose."

I looked at the rest of the group. "Bear with me?" I asked them.

"Of course amor." Zevran grinned.

"It can't hurt to have more knowledge." Morrigan said. "Or can it?" Her smile was disconcerting, but I shook it off. Sten just nodded.

Leliana sighed. "You might very well find some information there." She said.

I looked at Bodahn and Sandal. "Did you two want to continue on to the Spoiled Princess ahead of us?" I asked.

"I believe we shall." Bodahn said. "Here." He pulled a crate from his wagon and Alistair reached to take it. "Give me a minute." He reached for something else and I was surprised to find a harness for my Mabari with large bags on the sides.

Alistair set the crate down as he helped Bodahn fasten the thing to Baron. I smirked at the look on my beast. He just looked so happy to be of help.

Once it was secured, Bodahn and Alistair loaded it with several days worth of food and canteens of water and then strapped my tent and three others like it to my dogs back.

I laughed as he looked like a little pack mule. An adorable one.

"There. That should be good for you all until we meet up again." Bodahn said.

I nodded. "Thank you."

"Oh, I forgot this as well." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief bundle.

He held it out to me and I frowned as I took it. I opened it and found coins.

"Right, the change." I shook my head. "You keep it for now. Use it to resupply the food when you need it." I said as I handed it back. "Besides, we keep eating don't we?"

He nodded and accepted it back. "Thank you Miss. We'll wait for you all at the inn."

I nodded and waved them off.

XX

Following Levi up a slope probably wasn't my funnest adventure ever, but at least I had my group talking to each other again.

Zevran stayed at my side the whole trip and I stood in awe as we came to the snow of Soldier's Peak by evening.

I hadn't expected to see snow this early in the fall, but I guess the higher elevation of the peak caused it to snow earlier. It made sense anyway.

As we set up camp in a bend in the pathway that seemed almost hidden except to Levi's eyes, I shivered.

I looked at the four tents we had available.

"Look, I know it isn't ideal, but we'll have to bunk up. Morrigan, you'll just have to share with Leliana. Sten, I'm sure you can tolerate Alistair for a night." I said.

"And I suppose Zevran will be staying with you?" Alistair actually sounded teasing.

"Yes." I smiled. "That way none of you have to worry about him attempting to kill you in your sleep."

Alistair laughed and I caught the look of amusement on Morrigan's face.

Zevran moved to my side.

"Levi, sorry, but do you mind my Mabari with you?" I asked the man.

He just looked at Baron. "Of course not. In fact, I think I shall be the warmest of the lot this night. Won't I?" He knelt to pet Baron.

I moved to help Leliana prepare dinner and looked at her as we cut up the vegetables for stew.

"Leliana..."

"I'm fine with Morrigan. That's not a problem." She said.

"But you're not fine with Zev." I said quietly.

"I...I made the deal and I'll stick to it." She cut her potato with a little more force than needed.

I sighed. "Please...just, maybe try getting to know him. You might find you like him. I do."

She looked at me. "I am sorry that I behaved like that." I tilted my head. "It is not my place to get into your affairs. I just know you are younger than the rest of us and so I feel as a Sister that it is my duty to ensure that you are getting into that mess with a level head. He is a dangerous man and you are not experience in the Game we are, nor are you as distrusting as Morrigan, or as strong as Sten. I just don't want to see you hurt for your kindness by a shallow cad like him."

I looked down as I finished my cutting. "You just don't know him Leliana. He's all banter and flirtations, but he's sweet too. And...I think he does care. He said I'm the only one he calls 'amor' and I'm sure he's seen plenty of other women too."

"I don't know about that. But I can say I've yet to hear him call anyone else that." She frowned. "I've heard it before, but what does that mean?" She asked.

"Mi amor?" I raised a brow.

"Among other phrases I've heard you two say." She nodded.

I shuffled my feet slightly. "Mi amor...means 'my love' in exact translation." I said.

"And what you called him when we first met. That he said he couldn't deny?" She gathered all the cut carrots and potatoes and onion into the pot.

I sighed. "I called him a 'son of a bitch' literally."

"I see, that's why he said he couldn't deny it. Being born as he was." She nodded. "How much Antivan do you know exactly?"

I glanced around the camp before leaning in closer to her. "Mostly how to swear, but more than Zevran thinks I do." I said quietly.

She nodded. "And other languages?" She asked.

"Well...a little Dalish thanks to a boy who my father brought home once and he became one of the best friends my brother and I had growing up. Like Zev said, I know enough to get in trouble in Antiva. And maybe enough to not get in trouble among the Dalish." I shrugged.

"No Qunlat?" She asked.

I shook my head. "Not yet. I'll crack Sten yet though." I grinned.

Leliana laughed for the first time in seemingly two days.

I smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

As I started to climb into my tent, I felt a little uneasy.

I scooted to the far side of my tent and watched as Zevran came into the small space too.

I'd never felt claustrophobic of my tent before, but having him in it just made it seem smaller.

I looked up as he stretched out.

"This is nicer than I'd been expecting." He said as he looked up at me. "I've never seen a tent quite like this."

"It's a family design." I said.

"Really." He sounded intrigued. "You should sell the design. I'm sure others would love it. I've thought for a few days now that this is surprisingly easy to set up."

I nodded and motioned at the poles. "It's all built in." I said.

"Fascinating." He reached to touch one of the poles.

I started to reach for my blanket and Zevran caught my hand.

"Elissa...I don't mean to get between you and your friends, you know that right?" He looked up at me.

I nodded. "I know. And you're not. They're the only ones who see it that way. I believe I can have all of you with me. But...if it comes to having you or them..." I looked down and met his eyes in the faint light coming beyond the fabric of my tent from the fire. "I'll take you."

"Even though they tell you I'm dangerous and likely to kill you?" He reached to pull me to straddle him. I kept myself leaned over him in the tighter confines of the tent.

"Even still. I know you're dangerous. But...let me keep believing you won't hurt me." I rested my head on his chest.

He brushed his fingers through my hair. "I can say mi amor...that I don't want to ever hurt you." He spoke softly.

"But you might someday have to and I know that." I sighed. "I just...I want to believe that you'll at least warn me first. Give me a fighting chance."

"I would. I respect you that much." His hand ran over my back as he reached to pull my blanket over us both.

XX

"Oi, up and at it." I heard Alistair's voice as it broke through my dream.

It had been such a lovely dream too.

Alistair and I made it through the Blight, for some reason I dreamed he became the King, and he was leading both the Grey Wardens and Ferelden. Leliana took over the Chantry in Denerim. Morrigan got to go back home and learned more magic with her mother. Sten got his sword back and left Ferelden as allies of the Qunari.

I brought Zev back home and my family wasn't dead and they welcomed him. He got along with Oriana and Father was glad to have another son and I finally wore a dress for my mother.

And then Alistair woke me up.

I groaned as I heard the patting on my tent wall.

"Well, so much for sleep." I heard Zevran mumble from under me.

I pushed up to realize I hadn't moved from the same position all night.

It was surprisingly comfortable sleeping on him.

"Sorry." I said.

"For what?" He opened his eyes to look at me.

"Sleeping on you like that."

"Hadn't noticed." He said as he stretched both hands above his head and I heard his shoulders pop.

"Seriously? It wasn't uncomfortable?" I frowned.

"No." He pushed up on his elbows to put his face close to mine. "Quite lovely in fact." He kissed me. "I'd like to wake up like this all the time."

I blushed slightly and pushed to climb off him.

I sat half curled in my tent to run my fingers through my hair to pull it into a bun. "Still...really?"

"Of course." He said as he ran his hands through his own hair, pulling the braids free.

I turned to watch him do the braids back up without even looking, simply doing it by memory and touch.

"Would I lie about that amor?" He raised a brow at me as he fixed the braids.

I reached to trace my fingers over the one closer to me on his left side. "I just can't see how being slept on can be comfortable." I said.

He turned his head and kissed the inside of my wrist. "Well, from experience, I can say that having you is both welcome and comfortable." He said.

"Come on you two." I heard Levi call out. "You'll miss breakfast."

"Oh dear, that would be a shame." I said.

Zevran laughed and started out of the tent, grabbing up his armored chest-plate and slipping it on properly before securing it and pulling the rest of his gear on.

"You know one thing I do miss about Antiva?" He looked at me.

"Hmm?"

"My gear. I had a lovely set of gear back in Antiva that I used for all my missions."

"Why didn't you bring it then?" Alistair asked.

"Because I sold it." Zev shrugged. "I'd come here to die after all. No sense in keeping things. Besides, it was another way to snub my nose at my Master." He laughed.

I frowned as Alistair handed me a sweet roll from yesterday morning. It was a little harder today, but still tasted good.

Zevran collected one and I watched him bite into it.

"Hey, mine doesn't have jelly." I scowled at it.

Alistair laughed. "Never said it did. Sorry. Zevran just took the last one. I'd have given it to you if I'd known you wanted the fruit one."

I looked up as Zevran held his out to me. "I'll trade you."

"But...then you wouldn't have jelly instead." I sighed.

I tore my roll in half and took a huge bite of his where he held it up to me. Zevran laughed as I held up half of my plain roll to him. "Fair enough." He said as he took it.

I really kind of liked the berry jelly. Reminded me of Nan's cooking back home.

"I will note to tell Bodahn more jelly rolls." Alistair said.

"Not a jelly roll." I said after swallowing the huge piece I'd taken from Zev's.

Leliana nodded. "It's actually just a jelly stuffed roll."

"There's a difference?" Alistair frowned at us.

"Big one." Zevran nodded. "A 'jelly roll' I believe is more of a noble favorite and is usually a sweet pastry sheet baked and then covered in jelly and rolled up, hence 'jelly roll'." He said. "However, these little buns are sweet bread rolls, injected while freshly hot from the oven with a flavor of jelly."

Alistair looked at us like we were insane. "Same bloody difference. All tastes the same."

Sten shook his head. "Different cooking method, different taste."

I laughed as Alistair gave him the look too before stuffing the rest of the roll in his mouth and flipping us all off.

XX

When I finally saw Warden's Keep, I was in awe. It was beautiful.

No wonder the Wardens of old had made this their base. It was imposing, hard to get to, and commanded respect.

I started to lead the group up into the building and was startled to see ghosts wandering, enacting a horrible battle.

"Wow, this is...incredible." Zevran said.

I looked at him as I caught sight of an almost familiar face among the ghosts.

"It can't be." I moved towards the ghost.

"Careful." Levi said. "I've no idea what is going on here."

I shook my head as I looked at the ghost.

"You know him?" Leliana asked.

"Not him, but I know he's one of my family. He's got the crest here and he looks just like Father." I said as I watched the ghost move away.

I felt my heart stop as I watched another ghost, of the King's army, attack and in the short fight, he was killed.

I clenched my fists and Alistair came to touch my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, you can always stay outside if you want." He said.

"No. These people died a long time ago. It just...hurts that they look so much like family."

"I know what you mean." Levi said. "I mean, Sophia Dryden is the only one here who'd resemble me in the least, but seeing the reliving of these memories...it's still something."

I nodded.

XX

We pushed past Demons and undead and I was surprised at how inhuman the Demons looked. Some looked like hooded figures, others probably looked a lot scarier.

We came to a split in the passages and I had to make a decision.

I pointed to one door. "We'll go that way." I said.

It led to an open bridge set before a short tower.

"This would be...Avernus's study." Levi said as he looked at an old map of the Keep.

I frowned. "Who was he?"

"A Mage of the Wardens. He supposedly did research and experiments for the Wardens." He said.

I nodded. "So, expect magical residue and other ghastly things." I said.

At least, that was what I expected. The ghastly things part was true enough, but nothing in here was alive. Or even undead.

It looked like it was free of the effects of the phenomenon out in the main Keep.

As I looked around the entry room, I saw that a candle was lit under a burner.

I tilted my head and pointed at it.

"I'm pretty sure that should be out by now. It's been what, two hundred or so years?" I looked at Levi.

"Yeah." He frowned.

I heard a thump from the other side of the door across the room and drew my sword as I started for it.

The rest of my group got prepared for a fight as I pulled it open.

We faced a set of stairs.

I carefully led them up and hesitated before pushing open the door at the top.

"Damn stupid wraiths..." I heard the mumbled cursing and looked up to see a man who looked about ready to keel over dead in hours.

He had paper thin skin and it was whiter than fresh linen.

He looked down from his slightly raised balcony laboratory at us.

"Ah, not wraiths." He said.

The rest of the group filed in as I looked up at him.

"Avernus?" I asked.

"Who's asking?" He turned to pull a stack of notes off a book and flipped it open.

"Grey Warden Elissa Cousland." I said.

"Cousland...I haven't heard that name in a very long time now." He sounded as if he were fond of the name. He looked down at me. "I take it you've seen the battle around here?"

I nodded. "I've seen the King's army killing off the rebellion here."

"Rebellions are only called that by those in power." He waved it off before coughing. "As it stands, I'm sorry you came to see this. Are you here to kill me?"

I frowned. "Well...I kind of expected you to be dead already." I said.

He cackled. "I should be, shouldn't I?" He started for the stairs. "Sophia, or rather, the Demon possessing her, has tried numerous times to kill me. My barrier holds." He said with a strange kind of laugh. Not quite evil, not really a good laugh.

"Sophia Dryden is alive?" Levi asked.

"Bah, no. She was killed by the Mad King." Avernus moved past us to a table and picked up a book. "Her body is host to a Demon and I've been trying to kill it off and set her to rest for decades."

"She wasn't a traitor, was she?" Levi asked him. "Please, I need to know."

The wrinkled old man looked at him and I realized he was a Mage as he held up a glowing hand. "No. Commander Sophia was no traitor. The people called on her and she answered. It was just that Arland had more forces than the Wardens could combat even in this fortress. We were slaughtered like so many dogs." He sounded angry before he laughed. "Until I opened the Veil on them."

"You opened the Veil?" I asked.

"Yes. It saved me and several fleeing Wardens at the time. But now I can't close the Veil because of the Demons that won't leave." He tucked the book in his robes and waved for us to part. "But, that can change now. You are here. You will fight back the Demons for me while I proceed with the ritual to close the Veil."

"You assume we'll go along." Alistair said.

I held up my hand. "You're more than just a Mage, aren't you?"

"I'm a Blood Mage, that is all. Commander Sophia saw no distinctions and neither should anyone else."

I looked at him. "I don't believe Blood Magic is inherently evil and vile." I said.

He turned to look at me. "You remind me of her." He said after a moment. "I believe...yes I believe you will make a grand Warden of Ferelden." He looked at Alistair. "You...not so much."

"Hey." Alistair sounded offended. Avernus cackled as he headed down the stairs.

I moved to follow him.

"You have a way of removing the Demons and undead from this Keep?" I asked him.

"Yes. Seal the Veil and the Demons will have no way to come back once we kill them and send them to the Fade again." Avernus said as I caught up to him. My group followed behind us. "The undead are brought back up by the Demon in Commander Sophia, so once you take care of her Demon as well, I can lay her and all my comrades to rest." He said. "And then, if you don't mind, I'll return to my research and experiments in peace again."

"What is it exactly that you are researching?" Alistair asked from behind us as we crossed the bridge.

"Taint. I would like to figure out how to unlock more of the power for the Grey Wardens." He said. "To make us stronger."

"I'm more curious as to how you've lived so long." Zevran said. I nodded in agreement.

Avernus laughed as I pushed the door to the main Keep open.

"That will take far longer to tell you than I likely have time at this point. The notes are all in my study, so another could potentially use them to repeat the process, but it would only lead to this." He said.

I nodded. "Fair enough. Let's go and settle this place." I said.

XX

I looked up as the Veil was fully closed and slid to the floor.

The Demon inhabiting Sophia hadn't wanted to go out peacefully, or to let the Veil close either.

I held my hand over my side, ironically, the same side I'd been shot in at the Tower of Ishal.

She'd caught me with that sword of hers. Of course, Alistair had immediately taken her head off. That tended to end a lot of fights.

Now that we were finished, I was feeling the pain.

"Mi amor, let me see." Zevran came to kneel beside me.

Leliana dropped to my other side as I pulled my hand away.

It was one of the few places my hard leather coat wasn't quite so hard.

Zevran parted the cut leather and looked down at my cut.

"Morrigan." He called for her.

She sighed and came over. "Magic isn't so effective with her."

"She said so, but it will at least seal the surface of the wound, no?" He looked up at her.

"True enough." She knelt and I watched her hand glow with a green light as she held it out towards me. It felt like my wound was on fire for a moment and I cried out at the pain. It stopped a second later and she stood up. "Closed as good as it will be. If you were a normal person, it would fully heal you." She frowned at me.

I nodded. "Thank you Morrigan." I said.

"Well, naturally." She walked back to where Avernus was sitting on the floor.

At first I thought the man was dead, but then he looked up when Morrigan came towards him.

"So...about your research..." I started as I used Zevran for leverage to get up.

He kept an arm around me as I hobbled from the pain. But I made it towards Avernus anyway.

"What of it?"

"I caught a bit of the idea that most of your research isn't exactly ethical." I said.

"I do use live subjects, yes." He nodded.

"Yeah...can you not?" I raised a brow. "Or maybe...volunteers? People who know what is going to happen?"

He looked up at me before slowly getting to his feet and standing taller than me.

"I can try to avoid the most unpleasant experiments on live humans. At some point, I will have to do some research with humans though." He said.

"Fair enough. But just try to use volunteers...or really bad people." I frowned. "Yeah...people like Howe." I scowled.

He cackled. "I can do that Warden Cousland."

"Oh, and when the Dryden family moves in, can you not use them."

"Yes please, I like my family whole." Levi said.

Avernus nodded. "Out of respect for you and Commander Sophia, I will merely converse with them." He looked at Levi. "Though it would be better for you all to leave me to my studies."

Levi nodded. "That'll work for us."

I sighed. "Good. Now, I think I'd like to get some sleep." I said.

"Very well." Avernus said.

I patted my leg for Baron and he huffed as he came over, dragging the bone of one of the undead bodies. "Baron, can you go get our packs?" I asked him.

He gave a bark and hurried off.

I started over towards a mostly clean area of the large room and sat on the floor against the wall.

"Here?" Alistair asked.

"You know a better place?" I raised a brow, until this place is cleaned up, it wouldn't be fit for anyone.

"I suppose not." He sighed.

Baron came back a moment later and I pulled my blanket free of my stuff to bundle myself in it.

Zevran sat beside me as the others started cleaning up the room around me.

I knew when he went to help as I was falling asleep because his leg wasn't against my back.

XX

I woke up to darkness and almost jolted upright if not for the twinge in my side.

Healing magic wasn't immediately effective on me, but it did work to heal me faster than just natural healing. A wound that should have taken weeks to heal might not be instantly healed, but usually was in a day or two. Like the wounds from the Tower of Ishal.

"Elissa?" I heard the mumble from beside me and relaxed as I realized Zevran was right there. On my other side, under the window I'd been facing, was Alistair, still decked in his armor and looking slightly uncomfortable in his sleep.

I reached for the flat pillow one of them must have stuck under my head, likely Zevran. I tugged it free and reached with both hands to stuff it under Alistair's head.

I shifted to my uninjured side to face Zevran and he shifted to allow me to put my head on his arm.

I could see that he'd used a bundled up shirt from his bag as a pillow for himself.

"Mmm." I mumbled as I curled into his warmth.

I reached to put my blanket over him as much as I could without uncovering any of myself.

Yes I was stingy with my blankets.

He'd get used to it.

The thought had me pausing.

Would he? Was such a thing a deal breaker with Zevran?

Maybe he was just as territorial of his blankets?

I tucked my head against his shoulder.

Guess we'd just have to have a lot of blankets.

XX

Dawn woke me up the next time.

I tested my wound this time to see how much it hurt.

When it didn't hurt at all, I slowly sat up and turned to look at where Zevran was reading a book.

"Interesting?" I asked him.

"It's a Grey Warden journal actually. This young man recorded down everything from the time he went through the Joining up until he was dying from this battle here." Zev said. "Sad actually. I wasn't aware the Joining entailed so much trial and was so dangerous."

"You're not supposed to know about it." I said.

"Still, it makes me admire you more. And maybe Alistair a little." He glanced at my fellow Grey Warden and I looked at Alistair as he was still asleep.

I grinned as I could finally wake him up this time.

I reached over and ran my finger over his forehead.

He just wrinkled his brow at it.

I stifled a giggle at his reaction.

I heard Zevran close the diary as he seemed more interested in watching as I lightly trailed my finger down Alistair's nose.

It twitched, but he didn't wake up.

"Mmm, amor." Zev spoke quietly and I glanced at him.

He held up a piece of paper and I took it to tear a strip off it.

I used the strip to tease Alistair's nose again and turned away laughing when he sat up sneezing.

"Bloody hell." He came awake snapping at me. I buried my laughing against Zevran's shirt. "Maker's breath Elissa, that is not funny." Zevran laughed at Alistair probably glaring at me. "You are a horrible influence Arainai."

"We are much amused though no?" He continued laughing.

"I hate you both."

I looked up at Alistair to see him not looking at me like he hated me though. More like if he'd have thought to do it first he'd have done it himself.

It just made me giggle again and after a minute I held my side as it ached.

"Oh Maker that was worth it." I said as I caught my breath.

I pushed to sit up again, wincing when it hurt just a little.

"You alright?" Alistair asked.

"Yeah. Just laughed too much." I said.

Zevran sat up and I watched him reach for the shirt he'd been using as a pillow and stuff it back in his bag beside him.

"Good. I see Leliana and Sten are up." Alistair said.

"I'm awake too." I heard Morrigan from across the room. "Your laughing woke me up."

"Sorry." I said to her.

Alistair moved to get to his feet and reached out his hand to me.

I used him to pull myself up and looked down as Zevran set the book on the shelf behind him before getting to his feet.

"I believe Leliana and Sten went out to hunt for something we can eat. Perhaps they've caught something by now." Zevran said.

I heard footsteps outside the door and looked at it as Levi pushed it open.

"Ah, good, you're all awake now." He said.

"Sorry, I slept in a little it seems." I said.

"No problem. Leliana told me to tell you that the rabbits Sten caught would be done in about half an hour or so." He said.

I nodded. "Thanks."

XX

It was back to just my group heading down again after we ate. We traveled with little talking, attempting to keep our footing going down.

I lost mine twice and Alistair got frustrated enough that he moved to stay in front of me the rest of the way and Zevran kept to my back.

"Come on guys, I'm not fragile." I said.

"No, just clumsy on this slope." Alistair said.

I huffed in annoyance, but couldn't argue it when I slid a third time and had to reach out to him to stop myself from going down. I think I was too light to keep my footing on shifting gravel.

We took a break in a bend in the path and ate lunch.

"Any idea where we are on the map?" I asked Alistair as I sat beside him.

"Maybe about forty miles from the Circle Tower."

"I thought we were headed to the Spoiled Princess?" I frowned. Then shook my head. "Nevermind, I forgot they're next to each other."

"We should be able to get down the side of this little mountain by tonight and camp down at the bottom." Alistair said.

"That would be a good idea." Leliana said.

"And then we'll make it to the inn in the next two days. We'll meet up with Bodahn and see about Brother Genitivi being there." Alistair said. I nodded.

"Sounds like a plan." I said.

XX

Getting to the bottom took the rest of the afternoon and partly into the later end of the day, so we made our way along the road just a little bit further.

We took our stuff off Baron as we walked and I urged him to go and hunt us up some dinner.

He took off happily into the trees alongside the road.

He brought Alistair a dead rabbit before taking off again.

We decided that was about the time we should make camp since I could still see a bit of a stream near the road.

"Alright, who's cleaning it?" Alistair held up the rabbit.

"We did it this morning." Leliana said.

"I'll do it." Zevran volunteered.

I watched as Alistair tossed the dead rabbit at him.

Zevran looked over it.

"Looks like he killed it with a good heavy paw. No breaking of the skin." He mused as he pulled out one of his many knives.

I watched as he cut off the front legs and back feet and tail and head before starting to skin it very carefully and as if he'd done it before.

"Not your first rabbit I guess." Alistair raised a brow at him.

"No." Zevran shook his head. "I've done this quite a few times."

"You camp much as a Crow?" Leliana asked.

"Mmm, not really. But I used to catch rabbits on my down time and skin them to sell the pelts. Were this a pelt I was selling, I'd have cut it a bit differently. As it is, I'd like to eat sometime tonight, so I'm cutting it this way." He said as he carefully cut and pieced the poor little bunny.

He brought the pieces back to Leliana's spot where she was preparing spits.

I watched as he took some of the salt from the bag Bodahn had left us and rubbed it into the mostly solid piece of skin he'd cut from the rabbit.

"What are you doing that for?" Alistair asked.

"You'll see." Zevran grinned. He tied the skin to a stick to keep it spread open and then used his sword to hang it in front of our fire.

"Tanning a rabbit hide?" Leliana raised a brow at him.

"Maybe." He shrugged.

I frowned and just shook my head at them all.

As I heard rustling in the bushes, I looked up to see Baron had brought another dead animal.

"That's a good boy." I said to him as he brought it to Leliana this time.

She just looked at the somewhat large ground squirrel. She tossed it at Alistair. "Your turn." She smiled.

He just grumbled. "You know I'm likely to butcher this." He said.

I watched as Zevran came to him as Baron came to sit at my feet.

"Here, I'll show you."

I leaned on Baron and felt myself dozing off after a few minutes.

XX

"She does tend to sleep a lot doesn't she?" Morrigan's voice broke though my doze.

I felt it as Baron growled at whoever was near me.

"It's alright." Zevran said.

I could feel his warmth as he sat beside me and pulled me up against him.

I mumbled as I opened my eyes.

"Hmm?"

"Dinner." He said as he held up one of the spits that had rabbit meat on it.

I felt sleepy as I took hold of it.

"Sorry." I said.

"Not a big deal." Alistair said.

"Unless you're sick, in which case, we can slow down a bit." Leliana said.

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. Just tired when I'm not walking. Well, tired when I am too." I looked down before biting into the meat I held.

It wasn't bad.

We didn't have the pot, but Leliana had cut the potatoes into bits big enough to stay on the spit and still cook properly.

"Yeah. I can't wait until we can stop all this trekking across the country business." Alistair said.

I nodded. "That'll be nice." I mumbled.

I stayed awake after eating for a couple rounds of Wicked Grace with Zevran and Leliana and Morrigan while Alistair and Sten set up the tents.

I was starting to nod off again when Zevran touched my arm.

"Come on, let's get you actually to bed this time." He said gently.

I nodded and stood up to head for my tent.

I pulled off my armor and sash and laid them beside the opening just on the inside and looked up to see Zevran shedding his armor as well.

When I climbed into my tent, I reached to push my pants off and tossed them onto the pile of gear.

Zevran climbed into the tent as I was plumping up my flat pillow and I felt it as he ran his hand down my back as he laid out beside me.

I looked down at him from my position.

"Zev..." I started.

"Mmm?" He looked up at me and I paused at seeing the lust in those amber eyes of his.

"You...don't mind that I'm young, do you?" I asked.

"Do you mind that I'm older?" He countered.

"But...I never asked...how old are you?" I reached to brush my finger over the tattoo on his face.

"Twenty-five. Almost twenty-six" He said. "Does it bother you?" He took hold of my hand and brought it down to kiss the inside of my palm before putting my hand against his chest.

"I...you're nearly half again my age...I just think that should matter more...but it really doesn't." I frowned. "I was raised to look for someone my own age..."

"Does that mean you no longer want me?" He looked almost sad.

I stared down at him. How could he think I didn't want him?

I leaned over him and kissed him the way he'd taught me, closing my eyes as he took control.

I was a little breathless when I pulled away from him. "Does that answer you?" I asked.

"Mmm. Si, nicely." He smiled at me. Maker the man was sexy when he smiled like that.

I reached out to trace my finger over the edge of his ear before letting it trail down the side of his neck.

"And you don't mind that I'm not an Elf like you?" I asked.

He frowned up at me before laughing, maybe a bit too loud, but genuinely. "Mi amor, if I minded that, I'd be Dalish."

"I thought you technically were?" I gave him a half smile.

He scoffed. "Perish the thought amor. Live in the forest? Be restricted to never know the touch of a woman until I was bound to her for life? Not for me." I felt my smile drop and he saw it. "I happen to like who I am. And I very much so like who you are mi amor."

I nodded and he reached up to touch over my lips. "You don't mind that I am an Elf?" He asked very quietly. I frowned as I touched my tongue to his fingertip. "You are still of Noble linage. Even as a Grey Warden, you can posses lands and titles of your rank, though most have chosen to give them up."

"I..." I started. "I had thought of that..." I admitted. "Most nobles would think me mad for even being here with you. But...I don't care." I said. I held his hand. "Zev...I think...I really like you." I said as I looked down at him.

He pulled my hand to kiss the back of it. "I really like you too Elissa." He said softly.

I leaned down to kiss him again. I felt him pull me over him again and looked down at his face to see him smiling at me. "Well, let's agree to never bother with either of those topics again." I said.

"Of course amor." He said. "If we aren't bothered, then no one else matters."

I nodded and shivered when his hands moved to my hips.

"Here?" I whispered.

"Just be very, very quiet, no?"

I kissed him again. "You're horrible."

He just laughed. "I know."

I shifted just a little when he reached down in between us to free himself from his pants.

I kept myself up with one hand and trailed my other hand over the tattoo around his eye.

"Someday...I want to see all your tattoos."

"Mmm, I'd like that." He said as he didn't fully remove my underclothes this time, he just moved them aside and while it was different, it wasn't necessarily uncomfortable.

I pressed my hand against his chest as he pulled me down onto his length.

I had to cover my mouth with my hand as I wanted to cry out.

Zevran moved slightly and used his hold to help me move on him.

I bit onto my curled thumb to try and avoid making more noise as my other hand curled against his chest, gripping his shirt. My short nails likely would have scratched him if I'd had access to his skin.

But I really wanted to feel his warmth directly.

That same tidal surge was pulling back in me and I realized it was a lot like when the huge waves would come in at the shore. The bigger the wave, the more the water pulled back beforehand. And the harder and stronger it hit when it came back in.

I think it was the thrill that our comrades were only on the other side of a piece of fabric that made it bigger this time.

Oh Maker, was I going to be the type who got off doing it around others?

I really hoped not. I wanted Zevran completely to myself and I wanted to be able to have him in the luxury of our own private space.

Damn, I sounded like one of those nobles who used Elves.

I felt it as Zev brushed his thumb over my center and that wave came in suddenly. Smaller than last time, but no less breathtaking.

I leaned forward as my arm went weak and fell over him.

He brought his hand up to make me look at him and kissed me as he thrust into me.

When he filled me so completely again, he stayed in me for a moment and that feeling of fullness gradually went down after a minute.

"Mi amor? What just bothered you? Was it me?" He asked quietly.

I shook my head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I just...I don't want to be like one of those nobles who abuses Elves in a sexual manner." I said, almost a bit muffled by his shirt.

I glanced up to see him frown.

"Abuse me?" He tilted his head to look me in the eyes. "Amor, unless you decide to whip me, beat me, torture me, I doubt there is much in sex between us that can be abuse to me."

"I...I just don't want you to think that I only want sex from you. I've known nobles who have done that sort of thing and I have seen how the victims react to it and I just don't ever want to see you like that too. Not because of me."

He laughed and I looked up at him, scared of that thought until he smiled at me and tugged me to kiss him as he slid from me and arranged me at his side.

"Elissa, what we have between us is entirely up to you. I don't want to hurt you, but if you decided to just keep our relationship sexual, that wouldn't bother me at all. If you want more..." He looked up at the top of the tent. "I can't promise anything, but I will accept everything."

"I know you'll probably never love me. You're an assassin and that would be asking you to go against everything you've learned for twenty years. I know that Zev. But...if I do end up...loving you..." I buried my face against his shirt again. "I don't want to hurt you."

I felt it as he brushed his fingers through my hair. "You could never hurt me by loving me. I'm afraid it would only ever be the other way around."

"If you loved me?" I frowned.

"No, you will be the one hurt by loving me." He said. "So think on this carefully mi amor. Will you keep going, knowing that this may end very badly?"

I held my hand over his heart, toying with the laces at the collar of his shirt. "Yes." I whispered.

It was worth it.

I'd risk being hurt loving him for that slim chance of breaking into the cold heart of an assassin. Maybe...after all was said and done, if he truly wanted to leave the Crows, he'd stay with me and love me too.

"Then keep trying amor. Just remember that I am who I am." He said.

I nodded and held myself tight to him as I settled in to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

We made it to the Spoiled Princess outside the Circle Tower nearing nightfall on the second day.

I knew it was a bit late, but I had hoped to push on and make it here to sleep instead of trying to camp a couple miles back.

"Good, we can get some real food." Alistair said as we came to the doors.

"And nice beds." Leliana said.

I looked around the main room as I came in and spotted Bodahn and Sandal at a table. Sandal waved at me so cheerfully and I started to head for their table. "Alistair, see about getting us all food and drinks." I said as I waved him towards the counter. "I'll pull another table closer."

"Right." He nodded.

"Miss, it is good to see you. How did your travel go?" Bodahn asked as I scooted a table more within range of talking to them. I pulled a chair out and dropped into it across from him and Zev took the other at their table as the rest claimed the second table.

"Well enough." I said. "You find out anything here?"

"Well, I asked after the man you're looking for, but they said they couldn't remember him. And I did run into a man trying to steal from my wagon, but Sandal here scared him off it. Oh, and I may have found a lead on that sword for you." He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and held it out.

I heard a chair scrape back and felt the looming presence behind me as Sten leaned over the table to read over the note with me.

"What does it say?" He asked.

"Bodahn questioned him on it and it may be at the pass leading to Orzammar." I said.

"Then that is where I will go." He said.

"Hold up a moment." I held up my hand. "We are heading in that direction, so if you're willing to wait, we could still use your help in this other thing he has written here."

"My sword is the most important task to me." He scowled at me.

"I know that Sten, but I'm also begging you to keep helping me for just a little longer. This note here says that the Circle Tower is in a bit of a dilemma and the Treaties for the Wardens applies to the Mages and Templars here too." I said.

He sighed. "Bas." He snapped before going back to his seat.

"Thank you Sten. You really don't know how much having a Qunari at my back does make me feel better." I smiled at him.

He just scowled.

But I know from the look in his eyes that he did trust that I was helping him too. I'd asked people far more knowledgeable about business to locate a lead for him. It was faster than potentially scaring the life out of people with threats of violence and possibly winding up imprisoned again.

It was another twenty minutes before Alistair came over to us, helping carry a tray for the woman who must work here. I thanked her and Alistair and was more than happy to just dig into the food.

XX

Getting a room was easy enough, we even got two small rooms thanks to Bodahn and Sandal offering the second bed in theirs.

Questioning the owner about Brother Genitivi was a little more annoying.

He claimed to not remember him, but he let a thing or two slip as he seemed to be angling with his eyes at one of the other patrons.

I realized he was being forced to keep quiet and 'not remember' more than he actually didn't.

"Well, thank you, we'll keep looking." I said. I headed back for the tables we'd claimed and sat back down before facing the rest of the group. "Alright. Tonight, the rooms are going to be a bit packed, so bear with it. Bodahn offered the other bed in their room, so how are we splitting?"

"I will sleep on the floor of their room." Sten said.

"Morrigan and I can share for tonight in the one room. Alistair and Zevran can get the other bed and you can have the bed from Bodahn's room." Leliana said.

"Oh no, not happening." Alistair said. "Tolerate Arainai, that I can do. Share a bed, not happening." He said again.

"Come now, you might enjoy it." Zevran teased him.

"It's fine. Alistair can take the bed from Bodahn and Sandal's room, I'll share with Zev." I said.

"No funny business." Morrigan pointed at Zev.

"Of course not." He held up his hands. "Though I must say the thought is somewhat tempting." His smile wasn't actually one of amusement though.

"I'd sooner stab you in the face than sleep with you Elf." Morrigan said coldly.

"Hmm, and yet somehow, that just makes it more intriguing." He laughed.

I rolled my eyes at them both. "Alright, so tomorrow we'll head for the Circle Tower and see what we can do to get their assistance with this Blight business."

They nodded and I watched as Bodahn produced a deck of cards from an inner pocket of his vest.

"A round anyone?" He asked.

I raised my hand. "Deal me in."

XX

I was finding that sleeping with Zevran seemed to relax me into sleep faster and I slept less fitfully than I'd used to.

Maybe it was the way he held me, putting weight over me. Or maybe it was his warmth. But either way, I liked it.

But he did keep his word when he said he wasn't going to do anything last night.

And I didn't wake up with upset companions again.

I went down and met Bodahn for breakfast as the rest of my group were either already down or following me.

"Alright, so, we'll head into the Circle." I said. "Shouldn't be a huge event like dealing with the Dalish or anything this time. Maybe." I frowned.

"Or it could be loads worse." Alistair smiled sadly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Don't burst my bubble."

XX

Convincing the Templar guarding the ferry boat to let us pass was a lot easier than he'd led me to believe.

Of course, the scary scowl as Sten put a cookie in his hand probably had nothing to do with it. At all.

I'd never seen anyone pay for a ferry with a cookie and a non verbal threat of death before and it was honestly funny. A good funny.

Entering the Tower, we were faced with a good number of Templars and a handful of Mages. Far less Mages than the number of Templars warranted.

I looked for anyone in charge and didn't have to look hard.

Knight-Commander Greagior found us.

"What are you doing here? I ordered no outsiders allowed."

I held up my hand to stop him. "Afraid we bypass that." I held out my other hand to Alistair and he quickly pulled out the Treaties, briefly checking which one I needed and setting it in my hand. "As Grey Wardens, when the time comes, we are allowed to summon aid from various groups around Ferelden. The Circle Mages and their Templar overseers are such groups." I said.

"Under what authority?" The Knight-Commander looked down at me.

"Like I said, Grey Wardens." I looked up at him calmly.

"Well, too bad, we're in no state to assist in anything." He started to turn away from us.

"I can see that. In exchange for your assistance, my fellow Warden and I will be willing to assist you." I said.

He looked back at us before motioning for us to follow.

"How come there are so few Mages here?" Alistair asked.

"These are the only Mages able to be saved from this mess. We've lost the Tower." The Knight-Commander said as he led us to a more secluded area. Not quite an office of sorts, but the crates led to a little more of a room than outside it. A makeshift desk was set up and I saw a couple tomes and lists of names on sheets of paper on top of the crates.

Knight-Commander Greagior held out his hand and I set the Treaty in his gauntlet.

He carefully unrolled it to read it.

"I see. And you believe there is cause for this to come into effect?" He looked at me.

"Yes. We're about to face a Blight if we don't stamp it out quickly. The Darkspawn are gathering and myself and Warden Alistair have been traveling to rally Ferelden to help us fight back when they finally come."

"Who do you have available?"

"These Treaties give us access to the Dalish clan of the Brecilian Forest and an army from Orzammar with potentially the Legion of the Dead if able." I said. "As well as the Mages of the Circle and the Templars with them."

"But who have you gotten?" Knight-Commander Greagior asked.

"So far, the Dalish have agreed to fight with us alongside troops from Redcliff." I caught the look from Alistair and subtly shook my head. I was hedging the field with Bann Teagan and his men. I didn't want it to seem like we had a handful of Dalish and nothing else.

"Very well. I've called for the Rite of Annulment on the Tower, but you've access to the Mages we've been able to save and all the Templars present." The Knight-Commander sighed.

"What about Mages inside?"

"Likely all abominations. And the rest of my Templars are under the control of Demons at this rate. I've lost too many here."

"You can't know for certain that all of your people inside are dead, can you?" I asked.

"I can't take the risk. Once the request is granted, I'll wipe this Tower clean." He reached up to wipe over his face and I could tell that the decision weighed on him.

"Who is the First Enchanter?" I asked. "I'd need permission from the First Enchanter to have the Mages."

"Irving is lost in the Tower as well. We've got no one to replace him as yet, so I stand in charge." He said.

I put both hands down firmly on the crates in front of me. "I refuse to accept this." I snapped. "There is no way an entire Tower of Mages stands no chance against a handful of Demons. My Mage here could take on a half dozen by herself. And the First Enchanter would be ten times as able." I waved at Morrigan, who did her part in preening over the praise.

The Knight-Commander looked down at me. "Then what would you have me do Warden? Sacrifice the rest of my men in hopes that I could salvage a few more Mages?"

"Let us go in and rescue the Mages." I suggested.

"Unacceptable." He shook his head. "You'd stand no more of a chance than a couple of recruits."

"Really? Alistair and I are trained Wardens, I've a very powerful Mage on my team, an Antivan Crow, an Orlesian Bard, a strong Qunari, and you're telling me that we can't handle a little problem like this?" I frowned at him.

He looked up at my team, looking for the most of their parts as able as they could be.

The Knight-Commander sighed. "Alright. I'll give you until I get the granting of the Rite."

I nodded with a smile. "We'll be done before that."

"I'll only accept the Tower is safe when the First Enchanter himself tell me it is."

"Very well." Alistair said.

The Knight-Commander moved to show us to a door that I assumed led into the Tower proper.

"Make sure you are ready to go in and then let these two men know. We'll bar the doors after you go in, so you won't be able to return until we open it."

I nodded again. "Thank you." I looked at my group. "Anybody need anything?"

I watched a round of calculating and head shaking. "I think we're ready to go."

The moment we were through the doors and they were shut behind us Alistair scowled at me. "Why did you make it seem like we are more capable than we are?"

"Perhaps because some of us are as capable as she said." Morrigan raised a brow at him. "In fact, I think you're the only one she may have oversold."

"We'll see who says that when I've caught you up in my Templar honed skills alongside the other abominations here." He gave her a mocking smile as he spoke.

"Don't fret so much. We can handle it." Zevran said as he started to head into the building.

Leliana nodded and looked back as she started following. "We'd hate to make our leader look bad now. After all the good presentation."

Sten nodded and patted me on the shoulder as he passed. He was still annoyed, but the assurance was worth it.

XX

We didn't get too much farther before we ran into an old familiar face.

I frowned as I looked at the older Mage fighting what looked like a Demon.

Alistair hurried to fight it and the two of them took it down fairly easily.

"Ah, Alistair I believe." She said.

I came to stand beside him. "Wynne, it's good to see you alive and well." I said.

"Miss Elissa as well, how wonderful."

"How did you survive Ostagar?" Alistair frowned.

"I'm a Mage my dear. We have our ways." She smiled. "Still, this is a sad time for you to be coming to visit the Tower I'm afraid."

"Yes, we heard most of the story from the Knight-Commander." Alistair nodded.

"Have you gotten more than just these people to safety?" I asked.

I glanced at the apprentice children and some of the other Mages in the quarter.

Wynne shook her head. "I'm afraid not. This is as far as I've been able to clear since this started going down."

"Well...I am the bearer of bad news I'm afraid. The Knight-Commander has called for the Rite." I said.

"But...these children are innocent." Wynne said.

"I know. And I hope that because they're here, safe, they'll be passed over, but my goal is to find the First Enchanter before then and clear the Tower of Demons myself." I explained.

"Please, allow me to help you find Irving then." Wynne said.

I hesitated. "Are you sure you're up for that?"

She scoffed. "Because I'm an old woman you mean?"

"Because you're already worn out." I countered.

She laughed. "Nonsense."

"Yes, it is always better to have another Mage in the group." Zevran said.

"Great..." Alistair grumbled.

"You don't want Wynne helping?" I looked at him.

"I am simply pointing out that, yes...she is a bit old for the whole rough fighting bit." Alistair shook his head.

Wynne reached to pat him on the shoulder. "I can assure you that I can hold my own."

I nodded. "Well, we haven't got the time for more pleasantries, so talk and walk." I said as I motioned at the barrier keeping the area here safe.

I reached out to touch it and it dissolved as Wynne put her hand beside mine.

She looked back at the other Mages. "You may replace the barrier after we pass." She said.

I moved to lead the group into the Tower.

XX

I did my best to not kill the Templars I could see were merely under the control of Demons. It wasn't my place to judge them. Instead, I merely bound them as I went. With whatever I could. The others followed suit and we slowly made our way up the Tower, killing Demons and Abominations as we went.

I found quite a bit of amusement out of listening to Zevran find a new person to annoy. Though it was nice to hear some of the others laugh as well at his musings about Wynne.

Her 'magical bosom' seemed to interest him a fair bit and I had to hold back laughing as she chastised him over bringing it up. But she did give up on talking about how he felt about being an assassin. And whether he was repentant or not.

We made our way clearing each floor, finding things I was curious about on every floor. Why was a survivor hiding in a cabinet? Why a Tranquil hadn't been bothered. And why did the entire Tower look grotesque?

When we came across a Demon showing a Templar a fantasy of love and family, I tilted my head in confusion.

"What do you want?" The Desire Demon asked.

"Just curious is all." I frowned. "Why are you showing him such a benign fantasy?" I asked.

"It is what he wants."

"So...you're not inherently evil?"

She? It? The Demon laughed. "Evil? Is that what you believe? To this man, I'm far from evil. To a lover of his...I would be the most evil."

"But you are a Demon, no?" Zevran asked.

"Is that to say that all Demons are evil?"

"I've only come to that conclusion myself." I said.

"Then I pity you." She moved around the man kneeling on the floor.

"Did you kill these other Templars?" I asked as I glanced around the room.

"No. They were dead when I came to this room. I suspect another did this deed."

"And the Templar here?" I raised a brow as I motioned at the tranced man.

"I brought him with me. I did not wish to leave him to one of the others." She said.

"So you saved him?"

"If you wish."

"Would you let him go?" I asked.

"What use would that do me?"

"Are you trying to reason with it?" Morrigan asked.

"I'm trying to learn." I said to her. I looked back at the Demon. "Demons don't necessarily start out as Demons, do you?"

"To mean what?" She leaned on the Templar.

"Demons are the darker aspects of Spirits." I said simply.

"But that just can't be real." Leliana said.

I shook my head. "I've read of Demons before. And every known classification of Demon is always under the twisted aspect of a Spirit. There are Spirits of Love, yet Demons of Desire; Joy and Rage; I've noticed a pattern. Call me crazy, but I think it's worth looking into, wouldn't you say?" I looked at Wynne.

"I can see how it might be a thought." She said. "But the fact of the matter is that Demons are dangerous."

"Maybe in the same way fire is." I countered. I looked back at the Demon. "Look, we'll leave you to this, but I ask that when things have quieted down, please let him go. Return to the Fade."

She narrowed her eyes. "If I told you that I was the only thing keeping him alive right now?"

"Bring him to a healer, try to save him." I said. "Be better than what humans think of you."

She laughed. "Such a naive mind." She mused as she moved to the chair in front of the Templar. "Very well, I shall accept it. Now, leave me to give him this dream."

I nodded and urged my group to back out of the room.

"What the hell are you thinking?" Alistair and Leliana both spoke at the same time. I reached to tack a piece of paper to the door and wrote out a note on it, warning to not open the door without sufficient forces.

"You both know I read everything I get my hands on. I've read books on the Fade and Magic and all kinds of stuff. It's why I believe Blood Magic isn't naturally deadly either. You've got to look at both sides you know. Blood Magic, when used by Tevinter without killing, is pretty normal. They manage just fine without killing, aside from the random case."

"And Demons? Where does that theory come from?" Morrigan asked.

"Spirits and Demons are both Fade related, yes? So before they cross the Veil, who's to say that a Spirit and a Demon aren't one and the same? Like I said, you only ever hear about Spirits of good and Demons of evil. But maybe they're two sides of the same coin. Like...compassion and apathy." I pointed out as I continued.

My group already thought I was crazy, but I just couldn't see how not learning was going to help anyone. Avernus had a point in his research. He was a Blood Mage, and yet he wasn't a mindless killer seeking to fuel damned rituals like Blood Mages were always presented as. He was a rational, calm individual in fact, studying for the benefit of the Grey Wardens.

"Well, try to keep these ideas to yourself." Morrigan said.

"Why? Because it's different?" I raised a brow at her as I went to push open a door. "I'm supposed to just let things continue as they've been for decades and centuries because no one around me wants to attempt to learn. I always thought that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting something different."

I pushed the door open and came face to face with a horrifying sight.

"Still think Demons aren't all evil?" Morrigan asked.

"Well...I suppose...like humans, some are probably just like this." I said as I stared at the Sloth Demon.

For all of a couple moments before whatever effect it had on people was put on us too.

I tried to fight it off and reach for my swords, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open long enough.

I started to fall forward, too weak to be able to catch myself.

I wonder if my squished face would be amusing?

As I blacked out, I felt gloves catching at me. Though I still felt the floor under me.

XX

I walked in what looked like the picture of Weisshaupt that Warden Duncan had shown me in a book of the Wardens I'd shown him the night he took me from my home.

No, this couldn't be real.

I fought the very concept as I saw Warden Duncan there.

"Warden?" I called out to him.

"I see you did it." He said with a smile as he faced me.

"Sir?" I frowned.

"The Blight Elissa. I'm proud of you for slaying the Archdemon."

"No, this isn't real." I said. "You're dead. The Blight is still coming. I haven't done anything."

I reached to cover my ears and sank down for a moment, hoping it would go away as I closed my eyes. Instead, I faintly heard the sound of a sword being unsheathed.

I jolted upright to see Warden Duncan attacking me.

I pulled my blades free as two shadow figures appeared behind him.

"This isn't real." I chanted to myself like a mantra as I used the skills I'd learned over years of training among the soldiers.

This Warden Duncan wasn't anything like the man I'd traveled with. He wasn't as quick, nor as strong.

I cut through the chests of both figures who assisted him and then felt myself crying as I lashed out with my swords and cut through Warden Duncan as well.

I sank to my knees in front of a pedestal as it appeared and touched it, hoping to steady myself.

"This isn't real." I closed my eyes tightly. I jolted at the feel of a hand on my shoulder, reaching for my swords again.

I looked up to see myself in a whole new place.

"It's alright." The man said, looking wary of my holding my swords. He looked like a Mage, wearing the Circle robes and all. I let go of the blades.

I looked up at him. "Who are you?"

"Me...I'm not sure. But I want to think I'm someone to somebody." He said.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"The Fade. Well, your mind is anyway. Sloth can't bring your body." He sighed. "At any rate, you need to get out of here."

"How?" I let him pull me to my feet.

"Destroy the guardians Sloth uses to keep people trapped here. Break the hold to the physical world and it should return to the Fade as it is meant to." He said.

"Break the guardians...how will I know what those are?"

"It can't be too hard to find. Sloth isn't very creative. But you may need some help. I know there are other Mages here who've been trapped in this false reality, and perhaps they have the right skills to help you." He said.

I nodded.

He motioned to a pedestal. "Those things will take you around the Fade here. At least, I know this one does."

I steeled myself and moved to use it like I had before.

XX

It seemed I had to use Mage powers here.

It made sense.

As I came back to that same Mage from before, he looked a bit impressed.

"You are...Niall, right?" I frowned.

"Yes. And thanks to you, I've regained myself." He smiled. "Thank you."

"Why does killing the guardians restore you?" I asked.

"It seems like...I might be the source of power here. I wish I knew more, but all I can tell you is that Sloth seems to be using my energy to upkeep this fantasy realm."

"So, I've been paying attention, I promise." I laughed. "When we get back to the real world, you can use that Litany thing to fight Uldred, the Senior Enchanter?" I raised a brow at him.

Niall nodded. "When you get back, you can use it yes."

"Me?" I looked warily at him.

"Yes. I'm afraid I won't be able to leave here. I've been here too long. I suspect I've been here nearly the entire time the Circle has been a mess." He sighed. "So my connection to my body is gone. But it's alright." He actually smiled at me. "I believed I failed to save the Circle, but thanks to you, I haven't completely failed." He looked down again. "I just...if you see Senior Enchanter Wynne, tell her I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

I nodded. "I'll let her know." I said.

I headed for another pedestal and looked back at him. "Is there any chance my friends are here too?"

"Possibly? I know the Demon likes everything connected, so it's likely that from this same focal point, you could reach the realities of your friends. Not sure if they're in dreams or nightmares though, sorry."

I shook my head. "No, just knowing they're here helps." I said. I turned to use the warp again.

XX

I found Alistair playing with children.

"Elissa! Look, it's my family!" He said happily.

I almost felt sad.

"Alistair, it's not." I said.

"No, come, meet my sister." He reached to tug me towards a woman. I pulled free of his hold.

"Alistair...this isn't real."

"What?" He frowned at me.

"Have you ever actually met your sister?" I asked feeling harsh.

He looked down. "Well...no. I...I suppose this is just a dream...isn't it?"

I nodded and reached out to him. "I'm sorry Alistair. I really am. But these are Demons." I motioned at his family as the figures of the children became shadowy and he sighed.

"Damn it all." He snapped as he drew his sword on the Demons.

I helped him fight them off and then reached out to grab at him as he started to vanish.

"Alistair!"

"It's alright." He assured me.

I couldn't hold on to him and I found myself dropped next to the pedestal. I reached out and willed myself to the next of my companions.

XX

Baron lay in the sunlight in his little dream and I smiled as I watched my Mabari sleeping. He was such a lazy hound when he wasn't busy with something or another.

I knelt to brush over his side. "Come on Baron, up and ready." I said.

His head raised and I watched him get to his little stubby feet and bounce around me with a happy bark.

He started to vanish too and I walked to the pedestal to jump dreams again.

XX

Leliana was praying at an altar with the Revered Mother when I walked into her dream vision.

"Leliana?" I spoke up carefully.

She looked up and stood.

"Yes? Can I help you?"

I frowned. "It's me, Elissa."

"I'm sorry, I don't know anyone by that name." She said.

So her dream was to have never gotten involved in all this?

Alistair dreamed of being happy with his family, my dog just loved sleeping like me, but she regretted meeting me?

"What about your vision from the Maker? You remember that don't you?"

"I..."

"Leliana has no such thing." The Revered Mother said.

"Yes I did." Leliana frowned.

I sighed as the Mother turned into a shadowy Demon as well.

"Sorry Leliana, really." I said. "I didn't know you didn't want to go this far."

She shook her head as she killed the Demon from behind. "No, this is not real. I have loved traveling with you Elissa." She said. I watched as she started to vanish as well. "I will help you end this too." She sounded so sure of herself.

I nodded and turned for the pedestal again.

XX

When I saw Wynne, she was crying.

"Wynne?" I asked.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"About what?"

"All of them." She motioned at the people around her. "I got them killed. I couldn't protect them as I should have."

I looked at all the apprentice Mages around her.

"Wynne, you're in the Fade and this isn't real."

"But they are still dead." She said.

"Maybe so, but that isn't your fault. You've done your best to save everyone you can. Now, help me end this nightmare, alright?" I asked.

"I...yes. Thank you Warden Elissa." She said. As the figures started to turn to Demons, the Mage just let out one scary powerful spell and they all died before they could be formed. "Such nasty business this Demon is." I nodded.

I turned back to the pedestal as she faded out.

XX

I stepped into what looked like a friendly gathering of Qunari warriors and looked up as they stared at me. I searched to find Sten and walked proudly towards him.

"You're aware this is the Fade, yes?" I looked up at him.

"Yes." He said.

I turned to look at the warriors around us. "And who are all of these people?" I asked.

"These are the Beresaad I came here with. We were to discover the source and intention of the Blight." He said.

"What happened to them?"

"They're all dead. I am the only survivor." He said.

"I'm sorry Sten."

He sighed. "I failed them, and lost my sword. I am barely more than a Tal-Vashoth."

I shook my head as I touched his arm. "You're not a failure. And we'll find your sword, I promise. It'll just take a little longer." I said.

He shook his head. "Thank you little Warden. You may not be a warrior by the Qun, but you are definitely something different."

I grinned. "I try." I watched as his soldiers faded into Demons as well and he sighed as he held up a sword that I assumed was his. "Is that what your sword looks like?" I asked.

He nodded before charging into battle.

I drew my blades to help him and panted slightly as we finished. "I'll find it, I swear." I said as he started to vanish.

I headed back for the pedestal. At least now I knew what it looked like.

XX

Morrigan was with her mother and I opened my mouth to speak but she beat me to it.

"Do please help me kill this Demon." Morrigan said.

"You knew?" I frowned as I watched Flemeth become a Demon.

"Of course. I have lived with my mother my entire life. This Demon makes a pale mockery of her. I shall have to tell her about this and see how she feels." Morrigan said.

I decapitated the Demon as Morrigan imprisoned it with her magic. "I think your mother might find it amusing."

"Likely. There never seemed to be a day I thought I'd find something more annoying to me than my mother, but this has been very educational." She said as I watched her vanish.

"Well, maybe you'll love your mother more." I said.

She just gave me a disbelieving look.

I headed for the pedestal again. One last person.

XX

The sight that met me finding Zevran was one I never wanted to see.

So this was what he'd meant when he talked about abuse.

I watched two men put him in pain on a rack.

"Zev!" I called out. "Zevran, please, don't let them do this." I said as I came towards him.

"This is how we all have to become Crows." He said.

He'd actually gone through this torture? And worse?

And came out as cheerful as he was?

Or was that cheer just a mask?

Was this darker version of him the man under the mask?

"Zev?" I watched as the one man turned the crank and stumbled forward at the expression on Zevran's face.

This could kill him.

No. It wasn't real.

But...even though this wouldn't physically kill him, it would still cripple him mentally.

"Zevran, listen to me." I came to the side of the table. "You're already a Crow. This isn't real." I said.

I reached up to take hold of his hand, ignoring the two Demons still in disguise.

"Elissa?" Zev sounded as if he was confused.

"Please Zev, come back to me." I said. "You're the best Crow I know of and you don't need to prove anything to anyone."

I watched the one on the crank turn it again and looked to see Zev in pain.

I pulled my swords and turned on the man behind me before he could become a Demon.

The other didn't take Demon form either and I moved to meet him as he came around the table.

These were obviously not skilled creatures because I decapitated it too easily.

Zevran wasn't even struggling despite the fact that I could see he was in pain.

I hurried to the crank and unwound it before reaching to undo the straps on his legs.

When I undid the ones on his wrists, he still wasn't moving.

"Zevran?" I spoke quietly, scared that maybe trying to free him from this nightmare had actually broken him.

Should I have let him relive this hell?

I reached to grab him by the shoulders and pull him off the table.

He hit the ground with me and I held him as best I could.

"Zev, please don't leave me like this." I said. "This isn't you. I don't want you to hurt anymore."

"I failed as a Crow. I failed as a friend. I failed as a lover." He said. "I am a failure."

"No." I said firmly. "You didn't fail. You're my friend and my lover and I could never think of you as a failure."

He huffed a laugh. "Elissa, I'm a horrible person. I was raised among whores, bought to be a child assassin, trained in poison and seductions. I hated my best friend for years and still do, to the point that we can't even be considered friends because we hate each other." He slowly held me back as I held him. "I killed my last lover."

"You're not horrible." I said.

"Can you truly believe I won't kill you too? Or any of your friends?" He kept his head against my shoulder.

I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. "I know you won't. You care about me Zev, you won't kill me. And those are your friends too. Alistair is your friend. Leliana is your friend. Baron loves you too." I said.

"What about you mi amor?" He pulled back to look at me.

I leaned forward to kiss him. "I love you Zevran."

He sighed as he put his forehead against mine. "If I come back here, pull me out. Okay?"

I kissed him again. "Always."

I held onto him even as he smiled and started to fade away.

When he was gone, I got back to my feet and headed for the pedestal.

I had a Demon to destroy for putting my friends and my lover through those horrible nightmares.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

When I faced the Sloth Demon in it's own little realm, it tried to trick me into going back, but my friends appeared and helped me fight it.

As it changed forms, we continued to kill it.

I felt exhausted after we finally destroyed the thing.

I sighed and closed my eyes as my friends began to fade away again.

This time, opening my eyes showed me the real world again.

I pushed up, realizing it had been Zevran who prevented me from hitting the floor hard.

I looked down at him as he opened his eyes. I reached to trace over the tattoo on his face. "You're not a failure Zev." I said softly.

"I'll believe you." He said as he started to sit up.

Baron came and licked us both and I laughed. "See, told you Baron loved you." I said as I grabbed my Mabari's collar and let him pull me to my feet.

I turned back and held my hand out to Zevran.

He looked up at me before taking my hand and I realized there was a kind of symbolism in the act.

I hadn't realized how dark he was inside. Those nightmares haunted him. I wouldn't let them anymore.

No matter what happened, I would keep him from the Crows. They'd abused him for far too long.

I wanted that cheerful, flirty, and generally easygoing Zevran to be the real one, for him and me.

I pulled him to hug him. "No more abuse." I said against his armor.

He brought his arms up to hold me close. "No." He said softly.

"I think I'm missing something." Alistair sounded confused.

I shook my head as I pulled back and smiled at Zevran.

I turned to kneel at Niall's body. I pulled the scroll from his hand and reached towards his head as I saw his eyes still open.

"I'll make sure you're remembered." I said to him as I closed his eyes. "And thank you for helping me."

"He was the first victim of Sloth wasn't he?" Wynne knelt beside me.

"Yes. He said he'd tried to find this to help." I held up the Litany of Adralla to her. "And he told me to tell you he was sorry." I said.

"Sorry he couldn't do more I suppose?" She seemed to smile down at him. "He always was a slacker, but an honest one. He came through when he needed to. Irving was planning on making him a Senior Enchanter and giving him an apprentice in hopes it would motivate him more."

I nodded. "I think he'd have liked that." I said before standing. "When this is done and over with, we should make sure he's taken care of with respect."

She nodded and I watched her wipe away a few tears as she stood.

XX

I led the way farther in. The little dragon didn't scare me nearly as much having seen the real thing.

"Up ahead is the Harrowing Chamber." Wynne said as we neared the top of the Tower.

I nodded and turned the corner, expecting some kind of guard force or something.

Not a Templar trapped in a magical cage.

He was ranting and raving to himself.

"Dear, he's in such bad shape." Wynne said softly.

"What's the matter with him?" I asked her.

"Lyrium overdose. Uldred must have forced it on him to break him. Cullen was one of the best Templars of this Circle. Steadfast and firm to duty." She said.

As we approached, he saw us.

"Who goes there? I'll not tolerate any more damn Demons. Come in here and fight me fairly." He reached for a sword that wasn't at his hip.

"Please calm down." I held up my hands. "We're not Demons."

"Illusions of this forsaken Blood Magic then. Begone."

"Cullen, we're here to help." Wynne said gently.

He seemed to glare at her for a moment. "Mages. More bloody Mages. Haven't you all done enough to me?"

I reached to touch the barrier. "It's alright Templar. I will fix this."

"Who are you?" He glared at me.

"Grey Warden Elissa Cousland."

"You'll fix this? By killing all the Mages?"

I let my hand fall. "I can't very well just go killing innocent people."

"None of them are innocent!" He snapped. "Look at what they did here. Look at what their torment is doing to me. They'll do this to everyone." He said.

"I understand your pain, I really do. But surely you know not all Mages are like this."

He seemed to pause. "I...no, I guess there are one or two in the lot."

He sounded like he'd been friends of a sort with at least one or two Mages.

"Exactly. Would you kill an entire group of people simply for the actions of a few?" I asked. "Templars are supposed to protect both the Mages and the people." I tried to remind him.

"I...just go away already. You're making this worse." He moved to sit against the wall.

"I'm sorry Cullen. I promise we'll make this better."

"Better isn't good." He mumbled as I headed up the stairs.

"He's got a point." Zevran said from beside me.

"He's not himself." I said. "But still, it is true."

I reached to push the doors open.

XX

Inside I saw quite a few Mages tied up. Not Blood Mages by any stretch of the imagination if the one in the middle of the room was to be the example.

Hell, even Avernus was miles better by comparison.

I ordered my team to attack Uldred as he became an abomination in front of my eyes. I didn't care what he was saying at this point. I'd sort the details later, but I needed to save these Mages first.

Wynne started to read the Litany as Uldred seemed to try and use his magic to create monsters of the other Mages around the room.

It stopped him.

Alistair and I pulled our teamwork as Leliana and Zevran crippled the monster with thrown knives.

Alistair pushed up on his shield as I stepped on it and I brought both blades down through the top of Uldred's head, killing him quite soundly.

I fell with him, being quite a few feet off the ground for this little maneuver and panicked.

I caught my breath as Zevran and Alistair both reached out to catch me.

"You should really think things through before doing them." Alistair said.

"Yes well...he wasn't going to just bend over and let me decapitate him, was he?" I raised a brow at Alistair as they set me on my feet.

"Fair enough." Alistair moved to help Leliana cut free the Mages around the room. "None of you are Blood Mages are you?"

"No." I heard the older man Wynne was helping up speak up. "We are those who wouldn't bend to him." He coughed and I realized he was sick. Wynne brought magic to her hands to heal him. "I'm alright Wynne. See to the rest." He tried to wave her off.

I motioned for Morrigan to see about healing anyone and she sighed as she nodded.

"An Apostate?" Wynne looked at her warily.

"Just from another place of learning." I said quickly. "She's with the Grey Wardens." Technically not a lie. On either count.

Wynne gave me a wary look before sighing. "I suppose I can't judge you for accepting the help of an Apostate Mage. Not when she is strong."

"Morrigan is probably the only Mage I'm not in any way afraid of, and yet the one that scares me the most." I said.

Morrigan laughed. "As it should be. Maybe you should teach that fear to Alistair."

"I'm not afraid of you witch." He snorted. "Templar remember?"

"So you keep saying. Yet you never use those skills around me."

"Because we need you to be rational and somewhat sane." He said as he cut the ropes to one last Mage. The woman scooted away from him.

"He's got a point." I frowned at Morrigan. "Wouldn't do us much good to cancel out your magic as well as enemies."

"See." Alistair pointed at me. "She gets me."

I laughed. "Is everyone able to move?" I asked the group around us.

First Enchanter Irving needed some support from two younger men, but he nodded. "We are ready." He said.

Wynne made sure everyone was healed as I headed back out the doors.

I stopped at the barrier.

Cullen seemed to cower in the corner, glaring at all the Mages.

"It should be clear enough on the way down." I said. "Sten, Leliana, lead them back." I said.

I waited until all the Mages except the First Enchanter and his two apprentice Mages were headed through the tower.

"Enchanter, do you think you can undo this barrier?" I asked.

"Give me a moment." He nodded.

I watched as he placed his hand against the barrier.

It took a few minutes, but it eventually crumbled.

I stepped inside towards Cullen, holding my hand out to him.

"Come on, let's get you back to the Knight-Commander." I said gently.

He seemed in fear of me and behind my back, I motioned for everyone else to leave.

Zevran came to kneel beside him and I watched Cullen's eyes follow the group leaving.

"Hey, how old are you?" I asked, drawing his attention away from the Mages leaving his sight.

He looked back at me with a frown. "Nineteen as of this year."

"So, not much older than me." I grinned. "Looks like we have a shitty end to our teenage years."

He finally cracked a laugh and accepted my hand.

Zevran pushed him upward and I watched as he stumbled forward, keeping him upright myself.

"You'll pull through." I said. "Templars are made of tough stuff." I said.

He huffed. "I can't believe you trust Mages after seeing this."

"I have to trust that there is good in all people." I said as I stuck by his side. Zevran moved to my other side. "Zevran here is an assassin, but I'd trust him with my life."

Cullen looked over me at Zev. "Really?"

"Si. An Antivan Crow." Zevran nodded.

"Huh, thought your accent sounded strange." Cullen mused.

I patted him on the back. "Just try to remember that some people don't choose their lives." I said.

He nodded. He didn't seem as agitated when we caught up to the Mages again and I led him past them to the doors.

I slammed my boot against it a few times, since it would hurt less.

"No entry." I heard called back.

"Shut up and open this Maker Blighted door before I do." I shouted back at the door guards.

Zevran laughed from beside me and I heard several Mages gasp.

But it had the effect I wanted.

I caught the look of amusement on both Wynne and Morrigan's faces as the door started to slowly crack open.

I looked at the guard with as annoyed a face as I could muster and he immediately pushed the door further open and his partner quickly got the other caught up with it.

I started to lead the Mages out of the Tower.

Knight-Commander Greagior came rushing to me.

"You've cleared the Tower?" He asked.

"As promised." I waved over the apprentices helping Irving and the older Mage looked the Knight-Commander in the eyes.

"Everything has been set to right Greagior." First Enchanter Irving said. "Everyone here is still alive thanks to the Warden here." He motioned to me.

I grinned as I looked at the Knight-Commander. "Told you I could do it." I said. "Also, you should have some care with Templar Cullen here. Afraid he isn't doing too well right now."

Cullen moved to sit on a crate and I saw how sick he looked. Not like he was ill, but just like he was going to be sick.

I watched an apprentice Mage who'd been out here to begin with came over to him with his hands glowing with magic already.

Cullen snapped at him and slapped his hands away as the boy was just trying to heal him.

"Uldred's little followers did a number on him." I said quietly. "Just give him some time."

The Knight-Commander nodded. "Understood. Thank you for saving this Tower."

I waved it off. "Wardens' job description." I said. "Do what others can't."

Both older men laughed. "You remind me a lot of Duncan." First Enchanter Irving said.

Alistair looked startled, but I just grinned. "I hope to live up to that." I said.

"You knew him?" Alistair asked.

"We've met him several times." First Enchanter Irving said. "Come, I shall tell you some stories."

I watched as Alistair helped the old man to a crate seat and I excused myself from the Knight-Commander to go and sit beside Cullen.

"Hey." I said.

"What?" He snapped.

I looked above his head as he leaned over like he was going to throw up. I caught the eyes of the same Mage who'd tried healing him before and nodded him back over.

"Look Cullen, you've got to let them help you. I know you hate Mages right now, but just hold back that thought for a little bit." I said.

The Mage kid touched his shoulder with the healing spell and I reached out to grip both of Cullen's wrists when he went to lash out.

"Just let him heal you." I said. "And then work with your Knight-Commander and the First Enchanter to repair the rest of the damage up here." I let go of the wrist on my side of him to tap his temple.

Cullen sighed as the feeling of nausea seemed to pass. I watched him lean back and slowly let go of his other wrist.

He glanced at the apprentice. "Thank you." He said quietly.

"Very welcome." The kid hurried off.

"See, not so bad." I said.

I went to stand up and Cullen snagged my hand in his.

"Warden..." He started. I looked back at him. He sighed. "Thank you."

"It's my job to help people, but it's my own desire to go beyond the required in some cases." I said.

He let go of my hand. "Thanks for going beyond the call of duty this time."

I smiled. "No problem. I know things will get better Cullen. Give it some time."

He nodded as I started to head off and collect my crew.

Another night at the Spoiled Princess and we could be off for Orzammar.

I had a Dwarven Army to recruit.

XX

I barely felt awake as I tugged my pants off and fell into bed in just my shirt and underthings.

Leliana and Morrigan stayed as dressed as ever as they laid in the other bed, but Zevran pulled his shirt off before going to put out the lamp.

"Why do you have so many tattoos?" Leliana asked him.

He glanced at her as he made to put out the lamp and I stared at the myriad of marks on his back.

"Mmm, some are unique to the Crows, others for fun. I can't tell you what the Crow ones mean." He put the lamp out and came back to the side of the bed I was in.

"But not all of them are from the Crows?" Leliana asked. "Why would you get them if you didn't need to? Isn't it painful?"

"Delightfully so, yes. It is a process involving many needles and ink." He said. "But done right, it isn't all that painful at all really. I think my most painful one is..." He seemed to think on it as he laid in the bed with me and pulled me to lay over his left side. "The one on my face. I remember that hurt a fair bit." He sighed.

"Why did you get it then?" Morrigan scoffed.

"I thought it was a good idea at the time." He said.

I kissed his jaw. "I like it."

"Mmm, that is good mi amor. Because you will have to see it a lot."

I laughed as I snuggled in against him, spreading my hand over his heart.

I liked his warm skin too. He always felt a little hotter than I did. I wondered why. Must be a man thing.

"Maybe I should get one." I said.

"I could do it if you'd like." He said.

"You know how?" I asked.

"Si. I learned from the artist who did mine."

I paused. "I'll have to think on it."

"Just let me know." He said.

I sighed as I settled in to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

I came out for breakfast and found Wynne inserted in my group already.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her sleepily.

Zevran took advantage of my half awake state to pull me onto his lap at the table. Which helped since Wynne had taken my chair actually.

"I've asked Irving to be allowed to travel with you and finish my duty to the Grey Wardens." She said.

"I thought the Mages were already going to help when the fight came?" I frowned as I picked up a slice of actual jelly roll from Zevran's plate in front of me.

Damn this was good. I wonder if they'd give me the recipe?

I looked up to see another whole roll being cut into on the other table and reached for the cup of steaming hot coffee Bodahn slid in front of me.

"They are, but that is not to say that I can't travel with you until that time. Unless you don't want me?" She raised a brow at me.

I frowned as I scalded my tongue and realized the coffee was plain. I scrunched up my nose and reached for the cream Alistair handed me from the other table. "Thanks." I said to him. I looked back at Wynne. "No, I'd never say that. I just wasn't sure if you'd want to come with us. I mean...it's not as if our travels have been completely easy. We get ambushed by the occasional thugs, Darkspawn, and it's quite a bit of walking regardless."

She waved it off as I watched her use a fork to eat her roll. I just picked up the other half and ate it with my fingers, not minding the jelly.

"I think I'll be just fine thank you. If you have no objections other than those, I believe I shall join you."

I nodded. "Alright, but fair warning, you have to put up your own tent and take part in meal preparation. Even Baron hunts us up food occasionally." I said.

I reached for another slice of the roll from the plate and shoved half the thing in my mouth at once.

"I can help." Wynne said.

As I brought the cup up to drink again, I felt Zevran lean forward just enough to put his head on my shoulder. I turned my head slightly as I held up the other half of the roll to him.

"Ugh." I heard Morrigan from the other table as Zev took the roll from my fingers.

"Jealous?" I smiled at her.

"Hardly." She countered.

"What is the plan?" Sten asked.

"Eat breakfast, wake up, check the wagon and horse for Bodahn, and then get on the road to Orzammar. Where we will hopefully be granted audience with the King and get a Dwarven army to help us. Plus, as a bonus, we'll hopefully locate your sword!" I said.

He nodded and I took the last slice of roll from Zev's plate.

XX

We were on the road heading around the Lake an hour later and I saw Wynne look confused as Alistair reached into the wagon and pulled out one of the decks of cards we had there.

"You play while walking?" She asked.

"Si, it passes the time." Zevran said as Alistair handed him the cards.

"And you trust an Antivan to not set the deck?" She raised a brow at Alistair.

"Eh, not really. I know he does. But he's the only one other than Bodahn who can shuffle and walk at the same time." Alistair shrugged.

"Well, I trust him to not do it." I said.

Leliana nodded as Zevran started handing out cards for Wicked Grace.

"Very well, deal me in." Wynne said.

"You play?" I asked.

"Well enough." She said.

An hour later, I realized she was bluffing.

She was on Zevran's level when it came to playing.

If anyone stood a chance against her, it was Leliana or Zevran.

"Good thing we don't play for money." I said as Alistair finally gave in.

"Good thing." He said. "I'd have been broke long before now."

Wynne laughed. "Alright now Antivan, you can stop holding back." She said to Zevran.

"Oh, you noticed?" He raised a brow at her.

"Zev! Have you been going easy on us?" I looked up at him.

He laughed. "Si, mi amor. I did not wish to make you lose. You get this most adorable little glitter in your eyes when you win."

I blushed slightly as Alistair laughed. "She does, doesn't she?" He handed over his cards. "You're a sneaky little bastard, aren't you?"

"I try." Zev said. Leliana handed her cards to me and I slid them into the deck in Zev's hand. "And you? Are you going to stop withholding as well?" He asked her.

"Leliana!" Alistair sounded shocked. "Does no one play fairly here?"

Sten raised his hand. "I will play you fairly." He said.

"Well good. I'm going to go play him instead. Bodahn?" Alistair called to the Dwarf.

"Very good. I'll get another deck for us." The Dwarf reached into his vest as he fell back in step with Alistair and Sten.

I smiled as I watched Zev's hands move while he shuffled.

I stuck by him to watch his hand as the other two women played against him.

"What say we wager on this?" He said. "Since we are all of the same skill, it will be a fair play?"

Leliana tugged a few coins from her pocket. "I'll set to that. Oh, but we've no table." She said.

"I'll hold." I said as I held my hand out.

Wynne nodded and pulled a few copper coins from her pocket to match.

"Hmm...I'm afraid I haven't got funds." Zevran frowned.

"Hoping to win some off us?" Leliana laughed at him. I reached into my sash to find a few coins. "Elissa, don't help him. He's got to earn his keep."

"It's just a couple coppers." I shrugged. "He's on his own after this."

Zevran laughed and ruffled my hair. "You'll get them back shortly amor."

An hour later, I'd more than gotten my three coppers back.

Zevran had just about cleaned both women out of coins and I was holding his stash in my pouch as well.

"I'm never betting you again." Leliana glared at him.

"Haven't you heard the saying? Never bet an Antivan." Zevran laughed.

"I'm seeing it's true." Wynne sighed.

I smiled as I reached into my pouch to give her back a few silvers and another few to Leliana. "Since I'd hate for you two to be broke."

"Oh lovely, charity." Leliana didn't sound annoyed though. She sounded amused.

I laughed.

We camped along the side of the road and I watched Leliana and Wynne prepare dinner as the others set things up.

Another few days, and we'd be in Orzammar. And more importantly, a real bed. I was ready for a proper bath again too.

XX

We pushed just a little bit the day before, so when we made it to the pass it was only a bit late in the afternoon of the third day I'd estimated. Despite not being as tired as I normally would have been, I still had no patience with the group of bounty hunters aiming for my head.

I somewhat calmly walked up to the one who seemed to be the biggest threat and stabbed him in the leg, bringing him down by pushing on the blade.

"Look, I really don't have the time or patience for bounty hunters and assassins. Tell Loghain that the next group he sends after the Wardens will be going home in shrouds. Understood?" I spoke as coldly as my irritation led me to and the man paled as he nodded.

I pulled my blade free and wiped it off on his sleeve before looking at the rest of their little party. "Anybody else want my head?"

They hurried to collect their partner and get away.

I turned back to face my group.

Most looked startled, but Sten and Zevran looked proud of me. "Sorry about that." I said with a smile. "I'm just really tired of bounty hunters and various low life scum thinking they can take us on."

Alistair shook his head as I sheathed the sword. "No, I'm fairly tired of it myself.

I nodded and started to head father up the path leading to the entrance to Orzammar.

There were several merchants and various others set up outside the entrance and I went to one who was selling weapons.

He looked up at us as we approached. "Welcome." He said cheerfully.

"Hello. I was wondering if you had any Qunari swords." I asked.

"As a matter of fact, I'd gotten my hands on one recently."

Sten started to step forward and I held up my hand.

"Do you have it?"

"Afraid not." He gave Sten a hesitant look. "I sold it to a Dwarf in Redcliff." He said.

I nodded. "Well, thank you." I said.

I motioned for the group to follow me away from the merchants.

"Then it was there the whole time." Sten snapped.

"Perhaps. There is a distinct lack of Dwarves in Redcliff, so it shouldn't be hard to find him. And perhaps he still has it." I said. "Knowing that, will you still help me here?"

Sten sighed and nodded. "I have offered my assistance and I will follow through with that."

"Good, because after we finish here with Orzammar, we'll have to find Haven. We need the Urn's ashes in order to heal the Arl...if it even works." I mumbled. I looked up at him. "At either rate, once we have the Ashes, our first order of business is going to be Redcliff."

"Very well." Sten nodded.

Bodahn spoke up. "Just so you know, we won't be able to come down with you into Orzammar. Due to us being Surface Dwarves."

I nodded. "Right, politics and all." I sighed. "In that case, we'll meet you back here when we're done." I turned to lead the group to the doors and was stopped by the guards.

"No one is allowed entrance to Orzammar." The Dwarf to my right said.

I frowned at him.

"Something is wrong?" I asked.

"Orzammar is currently going through debates."

"Figures." Alistair said.

I sighed before the other men at the gate turned to face us. "We really have urgent business with the King." I said.

"You...you're Grey Wardens." The human man who'd been talking to the Dwarves said accusingly. I saw Loghain's emblem on his armor, so I knew to some degree he worked for the man.

"Is that a bad thing?" I faced them. "Look, if you're bounty hunters, I'll play nice and tell you to leave. If you're directly working for Loghain, you might want to make yourselves scarce and tell Loghain I'm done playing around." I glared at them. "I'm getting really tired of being blamed for his actions at Ostagar, so if you could just leave, that'd be nice."

"I'll have you return to Denerim to face judgment for your crimes." The lead of the three started to reach for his sword.

"Draw that and you're dead." I gave him a blank look. "Just go back home and no one has to get hurt. I'll come to Denerim on my own time."

I watched him look at the large group of us, versus the three of them and he huffed as he pushed past me.

He shoved at my shoulder as he moved and as he started down the stairs, I heard one of the group behind me trip him. Probably either Leliana or Zevran. They were the only two who could get away with it.

I looked at the Dwarves. "So, entrance?" I raised a brow at them.

"Grey Wardens are permitted." The one on the left said with a hint of a smile.

He started to push the door open and my group headed inside.

I glanced back at the three of Loghains men and smiled as the door closed behind me.

XX

I looked around the huge hall, staring at the various statues around the room.

"So, it is true." I said to myself. "They really do make statues of the Paragons."

"Si, I've heard that the Dwarves worship their ancestors instead of Andraste." Zevran said.

"What about you? Are you religious?" I heard Wynne ask.

"I am." Leliana said.

"Not especially." Alistair said.

Sten just shrugged and Morrigan didn't answer.

"I'd like to think I am." I gave Wynne an unsure look. "It's hard to explain."

She raised a brow as Zevran didn't answer.

"Me?" Zevran paused.

"Yes, surely with your line of work..." Alistair started.

"Hmm, by that logic, Leliana wouldn't be either." Zevran pointed out. "But no, I am actually quite devoted in my own way, as most Antivan people are."

I nodded. "Makes sense. Oriana said the same thing."

"But, you kill people for money." Alistair frowned at him.

Zevran shrugged. "So I do. I beg forgiveness from the Maker every time I do."

"But you continue?" Alistair sighed.

"If it consoles you, most of the people I've killed were not religious, nor very good people either." Zevran said. "Besides, the Maker has never objected, so why should you?"

"I...suppose I can't." Alistair said.

"There you go." Zev said.

"Are we done questioning now?" I asked, feeling the room starting to get small.

I moved to head for the doors on the far side.

"Elissa?" Alistair sounded concerned.

"Something is the matter?" I heard Zevran ask him quietly.

"Let's just get this business done and over with please." I said. "Places to go, ashes to collect, Arl Eamon to revive, swords to retrieve, our list keeps growing people."

"She is right." Morrigan said as I pushed on the door to open it to the city of Orzammar.

Luckily the sight of the city helped distract just a little from the fact that I was now fully and a hundred percent aware that I was underground.

Inside a mountain.

Plus lava.

I started to lead my group down the stairs, maybe a little quicker than I should have.

When I tripped towards the end, two hands reached to grab me, but it was Alistair who pulled me straight.

"Elissa, it's alright. This place is huge." He said.

"I know that. I can see." I turned away from him as I heard arguing.

As I made my way towards it, I glanced back to see Zevran look at Alistair with a bit of confusion. Alistair shook his head.

Anyone who wasn't present for my previous episode wouldn't know and shouldn't.

I needed to break this fear of being underground and trapped. Mostly it was just enclosed spaces not identifiable with windows and doors as being open and buildings.

Which is why I could handle the ruins for the Dalish. Light and the little bit we were in a tighter space, the place was still so bright.

This was...dark in a bright kind of way. Lit by fire and torches.

The air down here was heavy.

I saw the argument break into a fight, complete with one of the men getting killed, before guards broke it up.

Another Dwarf came to us. His uniform just screamed Captain of the Guard.

XX

The Steward explained what was going on fully and I felt just as frustrated as before.

They needed to just choose a King.

Granted, Ferelden was in the same position without a true King. Queen Anora could only do so much on her own. I'd have to talk Alistair into aiming for being King. The people of Ferelden would accept him.

As the Steward showed us to a series of rooms we could use as 'honored Grey Warden guests' I sighed.

This just made it worse.

Inside buildings underground.

I really tried hard to imagine that it was just dark outside and that's why the few windows were darkened. Not because the place was underground and nothing was bright.

At least inside the building things were lit a bit better.

"Please, stay here as long as you like. If you'd like to help us, there are a couple people to talk to come morning and I will leave their names and usual places here on this paper for you." Steward Bandelor said.

I nodded and he left it on the table as he started to leave.

I turned to head for a bedroom and felt it as Alistair grabbed my shoulder.

"Look, this isn't going to be any easier for us with you agitated like this."

"Well, once we're done here, I'm never coming back." I said.

"I get that." Alistair said. He let me go and I walked away from him.

I left him to finally handle things while I pushed the door open to one of the handful of rooms we'd been given.

I could hear it as he was going over the list and trying to come up with a plan.

I closed the door behind me and sank to the floor by the large bed in the room.

Everything just felt so small here. How could anyone live like this?

XX

I must have put myself to sleep with my fear because I jolted and lashed out as I felt a hand touch my cheek.

"It is alright mi amor." I heard Zevran and opened my eyes.

He held a plate of food away from me and I looked up with my heart racing as he stood.

I watched him move to set the plate on the desk and he came back to me.

"Please tell me what it is that is causing this in you." He said as he knelt in front of me.

I struggled to get to my feet and realized my fear had caused me to tense up too much. Zev pulled me against him and picked me up as he stood.

"I..." I started to speak as he settled me on the bed before moving for the desk. "I guess Alistair didn't tell you?"

"I asked him, but he wouldn't tell me. Said it was for you to explain."

Zev came to sit beside me and handed me the plate.

I took it in shaky hands.

"It's...just a stupid old fear." I said.

"It makes you behave differently and I want to know." He said almost gently.

"Only if you tell me about your Crow training." I countered.

He hesitated and looked at the floor. "I'd rather you not ask about it, but very well." I started to eat and he looked up to watch me. "You deserve to know after...the Fade thing." He said.

"If you don't want to..." I said quietly.

"I don't, but if...if I am going to do this...thing between us...I need to." He sighed.

"You don't have to force yourself Zev." I said before taking another bite of potato. Honestly, the food was kind of plain compared to Leliana and Wynne's cooking the past few nights. Was I getting spoiled?

He laughed. "Believe me, I think this might be the only thing that will change your mind about possibly loving me." He said. "Before I tell you though, I want you to know that these past couple weeks have been some of the best in my life. I've never felt so free before meeting you."

I smiled.

"When I was seven, I was bought by House Arainai. That's where my name comes from. Until then, I was just a nameless brat born of a whore and I spent the years from the time I could crawl being kicked around and generally somewhat abused. My only refuge were a couple of the women in the brothel taking care of me. I was skinny and underfed and scrawny even compared to other kids my age." He said.

He held up his hands. "One of my only redeeming values to the brothel was the fact that I was willing to do anything to not starve or be kicked to the street. In the worst of Antiva, even the brothel is better than the streets."

I quickly finished eating while he talked and set the plate on the floor.

"I cleaned, I did tricks for amusement, Elissa...I'm an Elf, you can probably imagine the things people did to me. And if you can't, I never want you to." He said.

"Did they...abuse you there?" I asked.

"Not directly, no. The Matron never allowed that. Being slapped around and hit was the worst they could do to me or they'd be kicked out themselves. But that never stopped the Matron herself from making sure I was learning what was expected of me when I came old enough. And I was getting there. So...all the skills I have in pleasure were very well drilled into me since before you were born." He said.

"I'm sorry Zev." I leaned against him.

"I'm not sad over that really. But I was a little relieved when the Master of house Arainai offered to buy me. At first, the Matron thought he just wanted me for a night and was refusing, but he didn't. He wanted my life. And she gave in easily once the difference was explained to her. I wasn't the only child he'd bought. My partner was also one of those kids. We were all in the range of seven to eleven or so. Young enough to train, old enough to enforce."

"And that's where your nightmares come from?" I asked. "The training?"

Zevran nodded. "I suppose you can say that. I spent the first year or so learning how to read and all the things children of higher status should know. And then I learned to mix poisons. And I learned body anatomy to kill. By the time I was ten, the Master had deemed me skilled enough in my disciplines and I worked well with Taliesen and Rinna, and we were given missions together. He set us as a unit and it worked for him."

"They were your friends?"

Zevran snorted a laugh. "I suppose you could say that too. Taliesen was my best friend and my only rival at the time. Rinna...was our lover. The three of us were more than just friends." He looked down.

"You're into guys too?" I asked.

"Does that bother you? Pleasure is pleasure mi amor, and in that life, you find it where you can."

I shook my head. "No, I don't care about that. Just..." I put my head against his shoulder. "If you're with me..."

"I'll be faithful Elissa, I told you that." He smiled at me when I looked up.

"So where did the nightmare from the Fade come from?" I asked as I blushed slightly.

"Ah, that was when I was in the process of becoming strong enough to be a Crow. Crows are taught to withstand pain and if need be, die before telling any secrets. Take them to the grave as it were." He said.

I pulled away and looked at him shocked. "But...you were just a boy. They did that to you?"

"Taliesen was young as well. Rinna I don't think went through the same thing we did." He shrugged. "Besides, I was used to pain." He said sadly. "Elissa, physical pain doesn't bother me. What you do to me...that I'm not trained to handle."

"What I..." I frowned.

"I know how to give physical pleasure, I can get into your head and I can make you love me, but I don't know how to love you. Not the way you deserve. You're a pure woman. You live life with passion I only dream of actually living."

I sighed as I reached to hug him. "I don't want you to force yourself Zev. I'll keep what I feel for you to myself."

He laughed. "So you have feelings for me?"

"You can probably already guess." I said. "I know to the world I'm just a spoiled little noble girl and I know nothing of real love, but I do know. What the kind of love my parents had is like, how my brother treated his wife, and I know what it's like to have friends you'd lie for. I once got in trouble for defending my friend Kerian when one of the other nobles visiting my father accused him of stealing from him. He threatened to have Kerian killed because he was 'a vicious, thieving little knife-ear' according to the man."

"Your friend was an Elf?" Zevran asked.

"My best friend was a scared Dalish boy who probably ran from Zathrian's Clan when his parents were killed by Werewolves. He got lost and couldn't get back to the Clan, so when Father found him, he brought him home and cleaned him up. I loved him like another brother. I finally had someone my age to play with." I smiled.

"And you protected him." Zevran sounded happy about it.

"Yeah. I stood between the drunkard and Kerian and refused to budge. I told Kerian to run away, knowing it would mean I was the one that was going to get punished. The man took advantage of there being no one around but two of the Elven servants whom he scared already. He hit me a couple times trying to get me to let go of him so he could go after Kerian and likely kill him. I was thirteen, so I knew by then that he probably would. But I just couldn't let him hurt Kerian Zev. He was my best friend and I knew he was no thief."

"That bastard." Zev growled.

"Kerian ran to my father, who was talking with a group of our soldiers. You should have seen that nobles face when he realized Kerian was coming back with the rest of his troop and my father." I laughed. "Scared him shitless. Kerian had just picked me up and we both watched as Father challenged the man to a duel and I do believe he ended up nearly killing him."

"Mmm, good man your father. But here's my question. Did Kerian actually steal?" Zev asked.

I sighed. "No. All that fuss and fighting and Kerian hadn't stolen a thing."

Zev laughed. "Well, so now you know my fears are founded in real pain. Time for you to tell me why you don't like enclosed spaces."

I sighed. "When I was small, I locked myself in a chest on accident playing with my brother. It took him hours to find me. Ever since...I've been afraid of being trapped again like that. So...small spaces kind of scare me. Like...frozen in fear, can't breathe kind of scared."

"I see. The dragon in the ruins had scared you too." Zev said.

"But different. That was more...'oh shit I'm going to die' scared. But thankfully you kept your wits."

He laughed. "Yes, thankfully." He was quiet again for a few moments. "Elissa..."

"Mmm?" I looked up at him.

"If you want to love me, that is alright. I know I keep saying I might never be able to love you back, but...if it's alright with you...I'd like to try anyway." He looked almost embarrassed and I watched his tan skin tinge with a little red at his cheekbones.

"I'd like that very much in fact." I said as I shifted onto my knees and reached to turn his head to kiss him.

When he pulled away, he looked back to his old self. That sexy, experienced, and invulnerable lover. He reached to push me back onto the bed.

I looked up at him with a smile. "Mi amor, would you be willing to support me leaving the Crows?" He asked.

I nodded. "If that is what you want."

"It does mean that you could be a target as well." He said as he held himself up over me, caging me in with his arms.

"Well, I think I've got a good man to have a my back for such cases." I reached up to thread my fingers in his hair.

He laughed. "And in other locations too." He leaned down to kiss me.

I was just getting ready to push his shirt up when there was a knock on the door.

I groaned as I pulled my hands back and Zevran pulled away from me.

He stood up to go to the door and I slid off the bed and bent to pick up the plate.

"So sorry, did I interrupt something?" I heard Wynne's voice.

"Nothing at all." Zev lied.

I moved to push past him and gave Wynne a glare as I passed her and made my way to the main room we were all given.

I saw Leliana gathering the plates from the feast they seemed to have had out here.

Another Dwarf woman was telling her she didn't have to do it, but Leliana just brushed it off and took my plate when I handed it to her.

I turned back to see Wynne talking to Zevran. I guess she didn't realize she was talking loud enough for the rest of us to hear her. Or maybe she did and that was her intent.

"Just what is it you have intended for our dear little Warden, Master Crow?"

"Mmm, not a Master my dear, simply a humble senior Crow." Zevran said.

Wynne gave him a dry look.

Zevran moved to lean against the wall as I watched Alistair stand up.

"It has been on my mind as well Zevran. What are your intentions with her?" Alistair asked.

"You say that as if she isn't right over there." He raised a brow at Alistair.

"Don't dodge the question." Alistair frowned at him.

Zevran titled his head. "Is this some sort of motherly and brotherly concern? Or is it more?" He looked at Alistair.

"It is not more." Alistair shook his head. "You tried to kill us all and while I've tried to accept you, it isn't as if you've given a definitive answer on what you are doing with Elissa."

He was avoiding the question because I was present. And because it didn't matter to the others.

He finally sighed as the Dwarven servant woman took the dinnerware away.

"You won't quit asking, will you?" He asked.

"No." Alistair shook his head.

Zevran turned to put his back completely against the wall. "I don't know." He spoke quietly enough that I barely heard him.

"You don't know what you intend with her?" Wynne asked.

Zevran huffed. "I barely know what I intend with myself most days. I took the job of assassinating the Grey Wardens left from Loghain because I wanted to die after one of my last missions, alright? Satisfied?"

"Not really. How can you not know?" Alistair asked. "It can't be that hard to decide whether you'll kill her or not."

"I will never kill her. But if you all keep bothering me..." He let it trail off and I watched from the corner of my eye as Leliana flinched.

She'd heard this tone from him before. I'd seen him snap at her and it hadn't been pretty.

I wanted to speak up, but something in me told me this wasn't a good time to do that.

"If you wanted to die, then why would you continue to travel with Warden Elissa?" Wynne asked.

Zevran finally snapped. I watched as he pushed up off the wall and shoved Alistair away from him. Wynne moved back of her own accord before he could turn to her. He was being nice this time, unlike with Leliana.

"Because I know nothing I've ever felt has felt like this and some stupid part of me wants to find out what it is alright?" Zevran shouted at them.

I'd never heard him raise his voice like that before and I turned.

"So you love her?" Morrigan asked.

I watched him glare at her. "As if you'd know what that was any more than I do."

I pushed aside that feeling that I shouldn't break into this fight and moved towards Zevran. But it wasn't me who spoke and I stopped at hearing him be the voice of reason.

"It is a Qunari tradition to not only spare the lives of the enemy, but to attempt to convert our enemies and have them fight our battles with us. Under the Qun, most learn a place of value and accept it. Warden Elissa is employing that same tactic as I see it." Sten said.

I turned to look at him as everyone else did.

"And do you Qunari also fall in love with your converted enemies?" Alistair asked.

"Most Qunari don't feel love in the same way as humans do. We are raised differently. Much like the Crow was in fact. We are trained for our position in life and when we seek pleasure, it is for physical relief and that is all. However, that is not to say that we don't have attachments to one another." Sten said.

"But would you be so stupid as to risk your entire group's lives in exchange for one person who could end up killing you too?" Wynne asked him.

Sten stood up and I hurried towards Zevran's side to take his hand.

I felt Zev grip my hand tightly and he rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand in a soothing way. Not that it did much.

I looked up when Sten stood in front of us both, between Alistair and Wynne.

"Personally, I have never encountered this situation. But I can see that despite his words and training, Arainai has deep emotion for Warden Elissa." I watched him turn to face the other two after taking a step towards us. Defensive position in fact. "I have fought him and know that he has honor. If Warden Elissa puts faith in him, I too shall trust her judgment." Sten said.

I watched Alistair sigh. He looked past Sten at Zevran. "Just...figure it out." He said. "And for the record, I'm not concerned that you'll kill us. You've proven you'd warn us first. I just don't want to see Elissa hurt because of you, whether by you or not."

Zevran nodded to him. "Neither would I."

Wynne looked at me. "Being a Warden is not a position to take lightly. When the time comes to do battle with Darkspawn, you can't be weighed down or conflicted by lovers and friends." She sounded almost cold saying it. "Why do you think you never hear of Wardens having families?"

I looked down. "I...maybe I can change that..." I said quietly.

I turned away from her and tugged Zevran with me.

He came willingly, holding my hand as I pushed the door back open to the room I had taken.

I glanced back to see Sten look at me with what looked like a slight smile. Not a full one, but enough that I could tell he was being fully honest about his words. He respected what I was doing with Zevran because in a way, it was like his Qun. He could finally relate my actions to something that made sense to him. In the best way if what little I'd been able to get out of him was true.

Get your enemy on your side.

Romance your enemy onto your side.

Same difference really.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Alistair's plan was a solid one. He'd weighed the pro's and cons of each of the two candidates for me.

Harrowmont would be a good choice if the Dwarves wanted to be locked into tradition forever.

Prince Bhelen was the better choice for bringing Orzammar into the world.

While both had a significant number of supporters in the local populace, it was split evenly in the political end. But I myself was an advocate of the future, whatever it held. Holding traditions was a nice thing to do, however it cut off the Dwarves for centuries and that had to change for the world to prosper.

When we went to find Prince Bhelen's advocate, or whatever he was called here, he told us that Harrowmont was using dirty and underhanded tactics to try and sway votes.

We had seen both parties yesterday and I could remember that I hadn't cared much for the way Harrowmont acted then. But then, I was biased against holding perfectly to tradition.

I did my best to not panic or break down while we talked to two people involved in a scam of Harrowmont's doing.

Alistair took over the talking part with a little help from Leliana and Zevran and I was glad of the distraction of fighting when we went to find the father of the one woman we talked to.

This whole being underground business was too stressful for me.

XX

When we reported in that we'd done that little bit, we finally got to see the Prince himself.

I left Alistair to do the talking again as I felt sick and sat against the wall outside the chamber.

"Something the matter with your Warden friend?" I heard Prince Bhelen ask him.

"Nothing really. She's just not very accustomed to being underground much." Alistair said. The door closed for a moment before it opened again and I heard the rest of the response.

"-opposite the feeling of falling into the sky I guess." Prince Bhelen sounded like he shrugged.

The door closed firmly this time and I looked up to see Sten had come back out of the room.

I sighed as he sat next to me.

"Guess I'm not exactly warrior material." I said as he settled in.

"Women are never meant to be warriors." He said firmly. "They are the caretakers, teachers, decision makers of Qunari life. Though, there are some women who surpass those traditional roles and are more suited to combat than even men." He shrugged when I looked at him.

"But I'm not one of them."

He sighed. "I cannot see you being either a Tamassran nor a warrior, no." He shook his head.

"Sorry you're stuck following me around." I buried my head against my arms as I crossed them over my knees pulled up.

He set a hand on top of my head.

"I am not following because I'm forced to. Like the Crow, I could kill you myself and go about my business here. But my business is learning about this Blight and I find you and your troop somewhat informative. I have learned much of Ferelden culture with you." He said.

I looked up at the other wall across from us. "All my life, I never felt like I was a girl. I wanted to fight, to get dirty, to learn. I didn't want to be stuck in some pretty little dress and married off for political reasons."

Sten nodded. "I hesitate to define you as aqun-athlok, because you fight, but you do not live as a man. It has made it difficult to determine your place among the Qun."

"Aqun-athlok?" I tilted my head.

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "One who is born as one gender, but lives as the opposite." He explained.

"Huh, yeah...not sure I'd be that. I like being a girl, I just don't like being restricted to frilly things."

Sten nodded. "I believe I have finally decided what you might be among my people." He said. I raised a brow. "You have shown a willingness to fight, yes. But you've also shown more willingness to learn and adapt that knowledge." He frowned. "I suspect that you would be ashkaari. A scholar, a researcher. Perhaps even assigned with a beresaad like myself."

"And beresaad are the vanguard information gatherers I take it? Or something of that nature anyway?" I frowned until he nodded. "Hmm, I could be a scholar. A scholar who fights." I smiled.

Sten patted my head. "And you do fight well for a bas."

"Bas...that means something useless doesn't it?" I looked up at him.

"It means something not Qunari. Your training and learning to me would earn you the title of basalit-an. It means you are not a Qunari, but have earned respect."

I sighed. "But have I? I mean, so far I haven't accomplished anything I set out to do."

"You set out to acquire an army. You've recruited the Dalish to your cause, which I gather is a hard thing to do. You've gotten the Mages and Templars of your Circle to answer the call, though I doubt the ability of Mages. Saarebas are the same no matter the race, though it does please me to see that you too have those who act as their leashes."

"Qunari don't have Mages?" I frowned.

"We do have saarebas, and they are kept well under control." He nodded. "But you have not been doing nothing Warden. It has taken me time to adjust to seeing how you act as a planned leader, but I am seeing it."

I snorted. "Well, at least one of us is." I looked up at him as he laughed. I smiled again. "Sten...thank you. It is nice knowing that despite all of my friends fighting, I've got two who won't."

"I will assume you mean myself and the Elf?" He tilted his head at me.

I nodded.

We were quiet for a few moments.

"So...I heard Qunari have horns...why don't you?" I asked.

He looked at the wall across from us. "I was born without. My people believe that it means I am special in some way. They have selected me as a beresaad since I was young because of it. My lack of horns has proven to be more acceptable in my quest to learn of other cultures, as they do not fear me as easily as the rest of my kind."

I nodded. "I can see that. Do you ever wonder if you'd be different with them?"

"I do not. I expect my duties would have been assigned differently, and I would be just as satisfied with that assignment as this one." He shrugged.

I looked up as the door opened and our group came out.

"Feeling any better mi amor?" Zevran asked as he held his hand out to me.

"Yeah." I said as he pulled me to my feet. "Not about the whole underground thing, but about other things. Sten helped a lot."

"I am glad to have been of use to you Warden." Sten said as he got to his feet.

I nodded at him with a smile. "And I want to learn more of the Qun and your people too, so let's sit again some time."

He nodded. "You are indeed an ashkaari."

I grinned as Alistair started leading the rest of the group away.

It was nice to see him taking some kind of leadership seriously.

Phase one of my plan to get him on the throne, succeeding.

So long as he never finds out anyway.

XX

"So, our next move is to wipe out the Carta down here?" I asked.

"Or at the very least cause enough damage that the local City Guard can better manage it." Alistair answered as he laid out a rough map of the part of town the Carta was heavy in.

I looked over it.

"I think if we went through Dust Town with just our group, it'd be less noticed and we can thin the ranks enough ourselves. I mean, taking out the leader would be a major blow to them and I think we can handle that." I said.

Alistair nodded. "That was something I was going to bring up to you."

"Well, then it sounds like we have a plan of action for tomorrow." Leliana said.

I sighed as I heard a knock on the main door and Alistair moved to pull it open, revealing two Dwarven women with a cart full of food.

"Prince Bhelen wishes to express his thanks to you all for agreeing to take on this task for him." One of them said as they started to lay the food out on the large table in the middle of the room.

"This is amazing, thank you. And please, let him know it is very well appreciated." I said with a smile at them.

They nodded as they headed out and I turned to see my group digging into the food.

I moved to join them.

XX

Getting to sleep was proving more difficult than I would have expected, even in the dark.

Or maybe because it was dark.

I kept tossing in the large bed by myself, hearing faintly through the door as Alistair and Zevran laughed at something Leliana said. Sten, Morrigan, and Wynne had gone to bed shortly after I did, leaving the other three playing cards.

When I'd left the room, they were already three rounds into Wicked Grace again. I'd smiled as I saw Baron laying at Zevran's feet under the table, his big head pushing up against the hardened boot Zev wore.

I sat up and reached to the bedside table to light the lamp.

The light didn't make the room seem any bigger. But I could see as I tugged out the little project I'd been working on since acquiring it. I'd stuffed it in my sash, knowing the bulk of the material wrapped around my waist would hide it.

At first, I'd been leery of starting this thing, but now, as I was nearly finished, I was glad I had.

The only thing left was finishing up the cuffs of the gloves with the soft fur Bodahn had found for me when we were in Denerim.

He'd helped me learn in the first night I'd found the gloves, how to actually sew with leather.

And in the past week, I'd undone the entire thing and lined it with the softest silk Bodahn had gotten, in a lovely black sheen. The black fur was from some kind of small domesticated animal, but I liked the soft feel of it as it lined the wrist part of the gloves.

I tried to keep my stitches as tiny and complete as ever and sighed when I finally finished securing the fur to the leather.

I slid them on my hands, giggling to myself at how much bigger they were on me.

I jolted when I heard the door being opened and tried to pull the gloves off quickly.

"Hmm?" I looked up at Zevran as he came into the room. "Did you get new gloves?" He asked as he closed the door behind him, leaving my Mabari outside the room as we had last night too. He was our first line of defense, with Zevran usually being the second due to his assassin training.

I shook my head. "No, they're not for me." I said.

"I should think not mi amor, they are a bit big for you." He said as he started to pull off his shirt to set it on the desk beside my armor and clothes.

I smiled. "I know." I said as I stared at him.

I loved that he had no hesitations about his body, because I liked looking at him.

He made his way to the bed and sat on it, facing me. "Can I see?" He asked as he held out his hand.

I set them both in his hands. "I've been working on them for a little bit now." I said quietly.

"You sewed them?" He frowned as he looked over the tanned leather of the outside.

"I found the leather gloves when we were in the forest and cleaned them up. Other than the cuffs being torn up and the fingertips being a little worn, they were fine according to Bodahn." I said.

"I see. I thought they looked familiar. They're Dalish." He nodded. "My mother left me a pair like this and when the Crows found out I kept them, they destroyed them. Said I had no need of them."

"I'm sorry." I looked down.

"This is really good work Elissa." He said and I watched as he started to pull them on his own hands.

"I...hoped you'd like them." I blushed slightly.

"You fixed them up for me?" He frowned.

"You said something about Ferelden being cold to you...so..." I trailed off. "I lined them with silk, since that holds heat well and Bodahn helped me with the fur on the cuffs."

He flexed his hands in them. "They are nice. I like them very much." He said as he looked at the embroidery I'd put on the back of the hands where the old threads had long worn off. He made a low laugh. "You did the wreath outline?"

"It's my family emblem." I said. "If it bothers you..." I started.

"No, I love it." He said as he reached out to touch my cheek. "It's your little form of possession and I think it's adorable. Like you." I leaned into his touch before he sat back again and tugged them off. "They fit nice and they are warm feeling. I'd be happy to accept them."

I nodded as he stood up to go and set the gloves on the desk.

He came back to the bed and pulled the blankets back. I reached to put out the lamp again as he got settled in.

When he laid down I moved to lay next to him. Zev pulled me against him and I sighed as I closed my eyes.

XX

We wandered around Dust Town and my team kept my mind off being underground with a handful of jokes and making me intimidate people.

I got to talk to a slightly off kilter Dwarf who wanted to study Magic and Wynne took the time to write her up a letter of recommendation to give to the First Enchanter. The Dwarf was so happy I had bothered to listen to her, let alone help her. Her father, not so much, but that wasn't something I could change. I personally hoped Dagna did well with the Circle, though I did tell her that it might be best to get one of the merchants up on the surface to take her with them in a caravan to the Tower. A little safer.

After spending the morning asking around and getting rid of a few of the Carta, through various methods, we found out we needed a key to get into the 'secret' locked door leading to the headquarters.

Getting the key was easier than I'd expected honestly, and scaring off a handful of Carta from a merchant being harassed got us one of the keys. Which we then proceeded to take back to the door and open.

I was surprised to see mercenaries as bodyguards to the head of the Carta, especially Qunari. Sten proved invaluable in handling them and I got to prove that I could handle myself against Qunari attacking me. Maybe not as gracefully as Zevran had, but I could.

When we finished up and cleaned off the worst of the blood, Alistair and I led the group back to meet up with Prince Bhelen.

XX

I scowled as I left the room ahead of the rest.

"I should have known." I grumbled.

"It's not that bad. There is something of a map of the Deep Roads at least." Alistair said.

"Oh gee, not that bad Alistair?" I looked up at him as I stopped. "Tell me that when you can't breathe and you feel like you're being crushed alive just by being in a room." I snapped.

"I..." He started. "I'm sorry." He stepped back from me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the horrible air down here. "No, I'm sorry. I'm just...I'm..."

He stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. "I know. We all just forget about your fear because we don't know how it feels." He said.

"I'm trying." My voice was quiet as I put my head against the cool metal of his chest-plate.

"We know mi amor." Zevran said as he put his hand on the top of my head.

"It is hard to get over such fear, but possible." Sten said. "Though not in any small amount of time."

I nodded as I pulled away from Alistair and turned to keep walking.

"We'll go into the Deep Roads, find this Paragon, and bring her home, problem solved." I sighed.

I felt it as Baron butted his head against my leg and I stumbled.

Leliana moved to walk beside me. "It will be alright Elissa." She said with a smile. "After we leave here, there should be no more underground for any length of time like this."

"That doesn't really help me right now though." I said.

Zevran caught up to me and reached to take my hand. "How about distractions?" He gave me a sultry look and I laughed.

"You are a distraction Zev." I said as I held his hand in return.

It felt nice feeling him wearing the gloves I'd worked on.

XX

We decided to spend the rest of the day ensuring our gear was ready for the trek into the Deep Roads.

The group dragged me into a few rounds of Wicked Grace after dinner and I was noticing a bit of a pattern to it. I started getting a feel for Zevran's tells. What few he had anyway. Or maybe he was letting me get the upper hand still. But it did feel good to feel like I'd won a few hands with my own skill.

"Ugh, remind me again why I play against two killers?" Alistair asked as he lost for probably the seventh time in a row now.

"Because we're trying to teach you." Leliana said.

I laughed as I started to stand up, tired and more than ready to try sleeping for tomorrow. "You don't have to stop Zev." I said as he started to get up as well.

"I know amor. But I am a bit tired as well." He said as he started to follow me.

Alistair snorted and I glared at him. He mostly dropped his smile, but I could see it before he had.

I pushed the door open to our room and Zev closed it behind him as I reached for the hem of my shirt.

I felt it when he came up behind me after lighting the lamp and wrapped his arms around me, holding my hands still.

"Zev..." I started as he leaned down just a bit to touch his lips to the side of my neck.

"Yes?" He brushed my hair over the opposite shoulder to give himself access and I tilted my head slightly unconsciously

His hands slid under my shirt to spread over my skin and I caught my breath as his left hand moved up while his right tucked under the laced front of my pants.

I moved my own right hand to his right wrist as I reached up with my left hand to thread my fingers in his hair.

"You are a horrible man." I mumbled.

"Truly terrible." He agreed as his left hand unlaced the short lacing at the front of my breast band.

"Deplorable." I said as I turned my head. "Kiss me."

"Gladly." He claimed my mouth as my hand fell from his head to his shoulder.

He used his left hand to plump at my left breast before pinching the nipple just slightly. I gripped his wrist as his right found my core.

"Mmm." He pulled back. "Have I ever said how glad I am that you're small?"

I sighed. "No one has."

"Pity. I like it. A most comfortable size against me." He said as he held me tight against him. I sighed as he teased me. "Come mi amor." He spoke softly as he urged me towards the bed.

I nodded and he moved to pull my shirt off as we moved.

I turned to face him and reached to pull his shirt up.

"I want to see you Zev." I said. He let me take his shirt off and I got to see his tanned skin.

He didn't even try to resist when I urged him to lay on the bed and even used his hands to keep me steady when I straddled his waist and spread my hands over his skin. He was so warm and strong.

"You are beautiful Elissa." He said as he reached up with his left hand to run his fingers through my hair as it hung over my shoulder.

"As long as you keep believing that." I sighed as I leaned into his touch.

I moved off him and reached for the lacing of his pants. I could see my hands shaking as I struggled to pull the thin cord loose.

His hands covered mine to steady them. "It's alright amor, I'm not going anywhere." His voice was gentle and I nodded as I took a deep breath. Zevran let me undo his pants and he shifted himself back on the bed to get them off and I held them as he settled himself against the pillows. "Come to me Elissa."

"You're really a desire Demon, aren't you?" I narrowed my eyes at him as I moved to climb onto the bed tossing his pants to the floor with his shirt.

He just laughed. "Well, I certainly don't have magic." He said as I took his hand briefly.

I looked over how relaxed he looked as I sat back on my knees between his calves.

He really didn't have a shy bone in his body.

"You could give one a run for its money in seduction." I blushed slightly as I hesitantly touched his thighs.

He was already hard and it was hard to not focus on that part of him. I'd wanted to see his tattoos, but I suppose that could wait until either morning or some other time.

"Mmm, that is good to hear mi amor." He said as I gradually moved my hands closer to his length, intending to feel him. "You have no reason to be hesitant Elissa. I will let you explore me."

I looked up at his face and nodded shyly. Zevran was the first man to ever see me naked since I was a baby in the care of my mother and father. He was damn sure the first man I'd ever wanted to see naked.

And here he was, splayed out and relaxed to let me touch him.

He brought his hands to cover mine as I nervously attempted to wrap my hands around him.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"For what? I just want to show you what I like." He smiled at me and I sat on the bed a little more comfortably as he showed me just how to stroke him.

I glanced up to see he had a slight flush to his cheekbones. And those amber eyes were heavy lidded and dark as honey. I looked back down at where his hands had fallen away from mine and smiled to myself as I continued on my own.

"Zev?" I hesitated as the thought came to me. It was only something I'd overheard one of the kitchen girls talk about, but I wanted to know if it was a real thing.

"Mmm?" He groaned.

"Can I...taste you?"

He mumbled something in Antivan that I didn't understand before looking down at me. "You will undo me little Elissa." He said.

"That's..."

"Maker yes. Please." He was quick to make sure I knew it was an affirmative.

I blushed slightly as I realized he wanted that badly. Was it that special to a man then?

I leaned forward as I slowed my hands just a little to touch my tongue over his tip.

I listened to his groan as his hands threaded into my hair, holding my head as I timidly took him into my mouth.

I didn't have to fear hurting him, because he made sure I knew what he liked in between his mumbling in Antivan. One day, he was going to teach me his native language.

Come to think of it, he was pretty smart for a street born, 'second class' citizen. It just proved that ones birth and status had no relevance to intelligence or skills.

I could taste the slight bite of sweet and bitter and nearly pulled back, having gotten what I wanted, if not for his hands.

"Please Elissa. Please don't stop." He said roughly.

I think I liked that tone to his voice.

I closed my eyes for a moment and scraped my tongue over the vein against it.

My eyes shot open when he pulled my head down on him before releasing in my mouth. It made me gag at the unexpected fluid filling my mouth. I didn't want to go this far this first time.

He wouldn't let me pull away and I swallowed as I felt tears at the corner of my eyes.

When his hands fell from my hair, I pulled free of him instantly.

I reached up as I took a deep breath and his hands caught my wrists.

"Maker I'm sorry Elissa." He groaned. "I shouldn't have forced you."

"I..." I swallowed again, trying to get the thick taste from my mouth.

He pulled me up against him and kissed me. I pushed back and he let me go, but held on to my arms.

"Why?" I looked down at him as I felt the tears fall.

"I am sorry mi amor. I screwed up." He said softly. "I will never let it happen again." He let his hands fall to mine and brought them both up to kiss the inside of my wrists. "I'm used to women much more experienced in this, I'm sorry." He hung his head as he sat up.

"Zev..." He held still, seemingly afraid of what I was going to say. He knew he'd done wrong by forcing me to take him like that before I was ready. "Next time...warn me?" I spoke softly as I leaned forward a little and kissed the top of his head.

"Every time mi amor." He assured me, holding my hands tight before touching his lips to the back of my fingers on both hands.

He finally looked back up at me and I kissed him. He sighed against my mouth before claiming it with one of his usual hot and passionate kisses.

I felt him move to turn me to my back and he settled over me. When he pulled away, he looked down at me. "Forgive me amor?" He looked so concerned and worried that I smiled and kissed him briefly again.

"Of course Zevran." I said.

I relaxed again as he spent the next couple minutes kissing every inch of my skin he could. It was nice to feel loved, even if I knew he probably didn't actually love me. He was the best first lover I could ever ask for.

I'd most likely never find another man like him. I felt my heart ache at that thought.

To always end up comparing any future lover, or the man I married, to Zevran would kill my relationships.

I reached down as his kisses trailed down my stomach and threaded my fingers in his hair, undoing the braid at his left side.

"Mmm." He looked up at me from his position at my noise and I loved seeing that look on his face.

Like he was the one who was being given a gift, not me, with his attentions.

I was never going to forget this man. And I still had decades to go. How would I bear letting him go?

I couldn't bring myself to chain him down, he was just too free for that. It'd be like breaking a bird's wings just to keep it with you. He'd come to hate me and maybe he'd try to kill me and I didn't want to see him unhappy. Even if it made me unhappy to ensure he was free.

I gasped when his tongue licked over my core. It made me close my eyes as his hands gripped my thighs to keep me open to him.

He was careful with his touch and I couldn't think past what he was doing.

But after filling up that bubble in me, he pulled back before it could burst and crash on me and I groaned as he pulled away from me, my hands falling to the bed.

"Elissa, mi amor, what were you thinking about that made you cry?"

"Hmm?" I reached up and brushed at my face. Sure enough, I'd been crying without noticing. "It...it's nothing." I shook my head.

He moved to lay over me, letting me wrap my legs around his waist as he slid into me smoothly.

I shuddered.

"It's not nothing and I'll stop if you don't tell me." He was a bad man. I narrowed my eyes at him, and they closed fully in pleasure as he thrust into me slowly. "Elissa." He warned.

"I...was thinking about how I'll never find anyone like you." I said.

He kissed me. "Never." He grinned when I opened my eyes as he pulled his head away just a couple inches.

"And I thought about how after you're gone, I'll only compare everyone else to you...and it will only hurt them because I'll always remember the way you touch me." He met my eyes. "But I couldn't keep you with me Zev, I just can't ask you to never be free again. Because you're a bird that needs to fly." I reached to pull him close and instead of letting me hide my face, he kissed me as he drove himself into me fiercely. Like he was trying to make us so close nothing would ever separate us.

"Mi amor, I'll stay." He said softly. "I'll stay with you forever if you never cry again."

I could feel myself crying at the words. "But..."

"We can travel together, we can go across Thedas together. Fuck the Crows who come after me. Grey Wardens go anywhere and I'll travel with you. I'll keep you safe." He kissed me again. "But don't you ever think about being with another man again." He growled.

His eyes were hard when I met them after he kissed me again.

I swallowed as I realized that look was possession. Jealousy.

Zevran might not say he cared, but his eyes said it all. He wasn't sure of the future anymore than I was, yet he'd risk being hunted to ensure he had one. To spend with me.

I closed my eyes as his thrusts became almost a little painful in his jealousy.

He kissed me as that bubble inside me burst at realizing that he didn't know he loved me.

Zevran loved me.

I held him close to me as he spilled into me.

I listened as he murmured in Antivan again. I could feel the sweat on his back where my hands covered part of his tattoos.

I liked that I could break his usual calm and composed image. I dragged this out of him.

He groaned as he pushed himself to lay beside me, sliding from me as he left.

I watched him sit up and look down at me.

"Mi amor, you are the most beautiful woman I've had the pleasure of being with." He said as he stroked my cheek.

I watched him reach to put the lamp out before I struggled to get the blankets up for us both.

He pulled them over us as he settled back down. I turned to lay against him, bringing my leg over his to be closer to him.

"I love you Zev." I whispered.

"I know mi amor." He murmured against my hair as he held me close.

I just hoped he realized that calling me that was meaning more to him than he intended.

I wanted him to love me on his terms.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

I wasn't expecting to have an addition to our group, but when Oghren joined us, I figured it could be a good thing to have a Dwarf with us who might know a bit more about the Deep Roads than we did.

At first, it wasn't too bad. The tunnel was pretty wide for the most part and Oghren added a new facet to the conversation of the group with his raunchy jokes to match Zevran. I think the two got along great for having just met.

We came across a few small patches of Darkspawn and some Carta members here and there. And some fanatics of Harrowmont and various other underground creatures. We even found a handful of these little rabbit-pig looking things with no hair that I was informed were called Nugs.

Leliana and I thought they were adorable while everyone else seemed to look at them with disgust. "If I ever settle down anywhere, I'd like one or two." Leliana said.

I nodded. "They seem cute little pets. But I'll stick with Baron and maybe more Mabari."

I heard Zevran's sigh and Alistair snickered at him, leading Zevran to smack him upside the head.

"Hey, just saying." Alistair rubbed at his head as I stood up to continue walking along the route Oghren and Alistair had mapped out.

We knew roughly where we needed to go and there was a general path to get there, but whether it was in a passable condition was debatable.

As we came to a cave-in of the Road, I saw the Dwarf heading for a side passage that looked almost too small for Sten.

I stood back as Alistair turned for it.

He paused as he looked at it.

"Elissa...you can go back if you want." He faced me.

"What's the matter?" Oghren huffed from the entrance to the passage.

"Elissa is claustrophobic." Morrigan said.

I could already feel myself tensing up at the thought of going into that tiny hole.

"I see." Oghren said. "That's a problem down here."

I found my sight of it blocked and I looked up at Zevran.

He leaned down to kiss my forehead. "It's alright mi amor." He held my hands in his.

"I don't know that she can do this." Alistair said.

I couldn't even counter him, because he was right.

I closed my eyes in shame.

"How is your blind fighting?" Sten asked.

I frowned as I looked up at him coming to stand beside me.

"Um...not entirely out of practice, why?"

He pulled a strip of cloth from his wrist and I realized it was one protecting his wrist from chafing on the gauntlets he wore.

"Start practicing again." He said as he moved to wrap the cloth around my eyes, completely blacking everything out.

I panicked for a moment before Zev squeezed my hands.

"It's a good idea amor. Let me be your eyes. We'll help you." Zev said.

"But...I can't walk like this." I countered as I shook his hand off my wrist and went to push the band up.

"Yes, you can." Sten covered my eyes with his hand and I hesitated, lowering my hand again.

"I...I'll try."

"Well, now that we have wasted time, we need to go." Morrigan said.

"Have you no compassion for fears?" Wynne chided her as Zevran urged me to step forward.

I kept hold of one of his hands.

"Have you ever fought like this before Elissa?" Zev asked as he led me by the hand.

"A couple times." I felt it as Baron came up against my leg.

He assumed the position we'd stopped training in years ago when Fergus attempted to break my fear. It hadn't worked of course and he'd given up in favor of not seeing me cry.

I took a steadying breath as Baron became my guide again.

I reached to touch his back and felt the warm fur.

"He seems to know what he is doing." Alistair said. "Trust him."

"I haven't done this since I was twelve Alistair. I was smaller and weaker then."

"Exactly. You have grown. And you've got support now." Alistair said as I felt his gauntlet covered hand close over my shoulder.

"Think that method will work on her?" Oghren asked.

I swallowed nervously as I felt rock from the side Zevran had been on and realized he wasn't there anymore. But he still held my hand. I gripped it as I took in that he'd moved behind me and that I was going through that tight tunnel.

"Maybe, maybe not. But it's worth a shot." Alistair said. "Worst case, we set her in the corner during every battle and we have to protect her. Baby her even. Want to go home and not follow such a weak leader down here?" He sounded like he was challenging Oghren.

"Nah. I've got to find Branka and you guys seem the best way to do that. Besides, I'm used to fighting handicapped."

"Due to the drunken nature of your life?" Zevran sounded almost teasing.

I felt it when Zev moved to my side again, but didn't reach to remove the band covering my eyes.

"Sten...your wrist will be fine, right?" I asked.

"One day will not remove my wrist." He said stoically.

I nodded and continued to move as Baron and Zev directed.

XX

The method seemed to work for the most part as we moved through the Deep Roads.

In a fight, I listened as everyone would call out directions to me. No one stuck near me as we fought increasing numbers of Darkspawn down here.

Baron kept quite securely to my left leg and I always moved to keep him there, like Fergus had tried to teach us.

If he moved away, I followed. If he pushed, I moved.

I started to learn his different growls again to tell which side things were coming from and what angle.

He couldn't give me perfect specifics or anything, but I started learning to just swing wide in the side he directed. Low growls meant right, higher meant left. How long determined height; longer being higher.

After several encounters like this, I stopped jumping at the feel of one of them touching me, having learned their footsteps and breathing.

Leliana touched my arm as she moved beside me. "You're doing very well Elissa. I'm very impressed."

I heard Zevran laugh from the other side of Baron. "Yes. You'd probably give any Crow a run for their money."

"I'm nowhere as good as you two." I sighed.

"Not true. I can't fight blind at all." Leliana said assuredly.

"I'm a bit out of practice myself, so I'd say we're about the same level. But you have Baron as well." Zevran said.

"Exactly. You can do this without him."

"True, but I've trained for a couple decades now to hear even the smallest changes in sounds." Zevran reached to take my left hand. "We can work on it if you'd like." He said. "After all this is done with of course."

I nodded. "Yeah. I don't want to be like this again." I said.

I felt it when Sten clapped me on the shoulder. "And you can work on your fear to not even need to do this as well." He said.

I sighed. "You guys have way too much faith in me." I said.

"I'll say." Oghren huffed. "But you are something else, that's for sure." He said.

I snorted a laugh. "Thanks."

"No problem."

XX

We continued until I could hear strong sounds of a marching army and Alistair stopped us.

"I think this area is big enough to not bother you. And we'll need you at your best up here."

I reached up to push the band back enough to look. The area ahead was big enough, but it was the bridge crossing the huge chasm we looked out over that I was in awe of.

It looked lit by fire from below and I edged over to see if it was lava.

I dropped to my knees at the edge as I saw easily a hundred times the number of Darkspawn as was present at the Battle of Ostagar.

"Maker help us." I heard Alistair sigh from beside me.

"We can't do this Alistair." I said.

"I...I'd like to say you're right, and you probably are, but we have to Elissa. Even if we die trying, we have to kill the Archdemon at minimum. The more of these bastards we take with us, the better."

"Hey now, no more of that talk." I heard Zevran from behind us.

He tugged us both back from the edge.

"It's true though." I sighed.

"Nonsense. We could take a good number of them out. It's just a matter of planning." Zev shrugged.

I heard a loud roar and the sound echoed in my head with some kind of unholy tune.

Alistair reached up to hold his head as the others just winced and I realized the volume was much greater for us Wardens.

I turned to look at the chasm as a huge dragon flew up over the bridge and then back down, looking as if it surveyed the horde below.

It was hideous and had growths on it like the Darkspawn I'd seen.

I was terrified as I looked at it.

That thing had me unable to move and it took a few moments before I realized that the thing that had just passed us was in fact the Archdemon.

"Alistair..." I felt myself shaking as he slowly let go of his head and looked at me.

"Well shit. That's a big Darkspawn." Oghren said.

"Alistair...we can't do this." I said again.

I watched him stare after the monster and then I felt Zevran kneeling behind me and holding me close as Leliana moved to Alistair's side and touched his arm soothingly.

"We don't have a choice Elissa." Alistair said, almost too quiet to hear over the noise around us.

"We'll be here to help you." Sten said.

I looked up at him and the look of confidence on his face must have had some effect, because I slowly used Zevran's hold on me and Baron's collar to push myself into standing.

"He's right." Wynne said. "A Warden is the only who can kill that monster, but there are no rules against having others help you."

I nodded at her as Alistair stood as well.

"Look, we can work it out later." Alistair said once he was standing. "Right now, we aren't in any position to do a thing about it. Let's get this request from the Prince done and then see what he can offer to help us fight that thing."

I sighed as he started to lead us down towards the bridge.

We had to cross that according to the map.

XX

We found the Legion of the Dead fighting on the bridge and joined in to help them push back the Darkspawn.

They explained that they were holding back this point in the Deep Roads and that the few groups we'd encountered were just a tiny fraction of the bulk they dealt with here.

I told them what we were doing and they wished us well on it, saying that we were heading in the right direction.

I wished Kardol and his men luck as we started further into the path across the bridge.

In order to reduce my fears, I pulled the band Sten had tied around my eyes back down until I was blind again.

The rest of the group would just have to deal with me fighting like this.

I let them guide me.

XX

Oghren found one of the group Branka had brought down here with her and the poor woman was mad. I couldn't blame her as we listened to her attempt to explain what had happened to her and the group.

I could just about see Oghren getting more frustrated at his wife just by listening to his grumbling.

Hespith hurried off and we started to follow and found ourselves confronted by a monster.

This was a creature that produced Darkspawn. At least, according to the others.

And now we knew how Broodmothers were created.

I didn't even attempt to uncover my eyes for the fight because just from the way the others were reacting, I knew I'd be frozen in fear if I did try to look.

I waited until we were done and it was dead. I wasn't able to do much against it other than fight the Darkspawn it summoned to it with its cries.

I pushed the cloth up just enough to see that it was easily uglier and more terrifying than the Sloth Demon from the Tower, but not anywhere near as scary as the Archdemon.

My little group made our way further and I knew it when we came to find Branka because Alistair spoke to her. Oghren tried, but she ignored him.

She asked us to disarm the traps preventing her from getting to the Anvil of the Void which she was after.

"You do know that there is a serious issue going on in Orzammar right now, don't you?" I asked her.

"Doesn't matter." She brushed it off.

I wanted to hit her upside her head. If I could have seen her.

Just judging from the way steps echoed off the walls, this place was too narrow for me to feel comfortable in.

"Please, we'll disarm the traps for you." Alistair said. "All I'm asking is that you allow my Warden partner here to stay with you back here."

I looked in his direction. "What?"

Zevran touched my arm. "Amor, we have no idea what is beyond us right now and none of us want you hurt." He said gently.

"You don't want me in the way you mean." I said.

"Yes." Sten said. "If it proves to be a challenge the likes of which you are not suited for, then it would be best to have you sit out."

I nodded.

"Very well." Branka said. "But make this quick. I've lost too much time attempting already."

"Sodding mad woman." I heard Oghren grumble.

I let Zevran lead me to the wall and he urged me to sit against it. "We'll have Baron stay with you, alright?" He asked gently.

"You all might need him more." I said as I shook my head.

"If we can't handle it, we'll be in more trouble than one Mabari can rescue us from." Zevran laughed.

I felt the huge body lay beside me and Baron put his head on my knee. I knew when Zevran pet his head.

"You will come back, right?" I asked.

"Of course mi amor." He brushed his gloved hand over my cheek.

I reached to grip Baron's collar as Zevran left me there.

I didn't even try to talk to Branka.

XX

It felt like several hours before Baron made a very low rumble, waking me from my doze. Not quite a growl, but more than a whine.

He started to stand and I pulled myself up and gripped his collar to walk with him as I heard the door that had sealed shut open again.

"Finally." Branka said.

"How do you know they opened it and the thing didn't open by itself?" I asked her.

"Your beast and I heard the call from one of your companions." She said offhandedly.

I scowled as I let Baron lead me.

I assumed we were at the end when I heard Alistair talking.

"Everyone alright?" He asked.

"Tired." I heard Zevran say.

Baron led me through a doorway and I was instantly pulled away from my dog.

I reached up to pull the band back from my face to see Zevran pulling me close.

"Ah mi amor, I missed you."

"Please, you were hitting on Leliana half the time." Morrigan said.

"Si, Leliana is fun. You...not so much." Zevran shrugged.

Leliana laughed. "He kept himself behaved." Leliana said as I looked over at where Wynne was healing a gash on her arm.

"You got hurt?" I asked as I walked the few steps towards her.

"Eh, just a little scratch." She waved it off. "We fought some Golems and Zevran pulled me out of an even deadlier situation. This is just minor compared to what it could have been." She said.

I looked back at Zev. "I'm glad you're all alright." I said.

"Well, enough of your reunion. It's time I see the Anvil." Branka said.

"You will not have access to it." I heard a voice and finally looked at the area we were in.

It was somewhat large, well lit from lava below the ledge where I could see an anvil set up, glowing with magic.

A large Golem stood blocking the ledge and I realized that it was what had spoken.

"It shall be destroyed and end this cursed desire."

"Caridin." I heard Branka say.

I assumed that was the Golem's name.

I turned to face it. "Why do you want it destroyed?" I asked him. When Branka started to speak, I leveled my worst glare at her. All my noble indignant attitude at being interrupted in it.

She didn't try to speak again as I faced Caridin.

"I wish the Anvil destroyed because it is a curse to this world."

"I can't see how Golems are a bad thing." Alistair said.

I nodded with a slight frown at Caridin.

"Because you know nothing of their creation. Our creation." He said.

"Then tell me." I said.

"I created the Anvil of the Void to help fight the Blight. But it has long since been used." He said. "I created Golems that would be able to resist corruption of the Blight caused by Darkspawn. But to create the ones you think of as tools, I traded the lives of living Dwarves for unkillable soldiers."

I raised a brow at him. "You used living beings to power Golems?"

"I had created a process that would allow me to trap the soul of a Dwarf like myself into a body that would not break or taint or rot."

"Sounds like eternal life to me." Leliana said.

"Sounds like Blood Magic in my opinion." Wynne said.

I sighed.

"But...destroying the Anvil won't cause the Golems you've already made to break, will it?" I asked.

"No." Caridin said. "However it will destroy the process of making more and causing people like this woman to search for it. It may seem to help the world, but I can assure you after my years of witness, it will not help in the long run."

I nodded and glanced at the group.

"I say break it." Alistair said. "Too much cost in my opinion."

"It would prove very useful to your cause though." Morrigan said.

I glanced at Zevran. "Well, I'd say becoming a Golem sounds like fun...but..." He started.

"You wouldn't have any fun." I said. "Nor me."

"Exactly." Zev nodded. I looked back at Caridin.

"We'll help you destroy it." I said.

"I won't let you." Branka started to pull something out of her pockets and I was startled when Golems around the room started moving.

So this was what they'd had to deal with inside the traps?

That was absolutely terrifying.

And I thought trying to kill a dragon was hard. Were these things even alive to be killed?

I moved to stop Branka and she posed more of a threat than I thought she would.

She could wield a hammer with some skill, like Oghren had said.

I screamed out when it connected with my calf, and went down on my left side.

Baron body slammed her as I saw her raising the hammer to come down on my chest and the Golem he'd been fighting with Alistair was caught off guard watching him run away instead of watching for Alistair.

Despite my dog, Branka wasn't as easily distracted from her target and I brought my left hand up, sword raised as she came at me again.

My right hand moved as well to block her hammer aiming at my head and I didn't realize as it fell and I turned my head away to not get hit, that in her rush, she'd been unable to stop moving.

She impaled herself on my left blade.

Caridin's Golems helped my own companions crush the others and I scooted away as Branka fell to the ground dead.

It wasn't the killing that bothered me so much, because I'd done plenty since I'd started on this whole journey with Duncan what seemed like months ago but was really only six weeks or so.

It was the fact that this was someone with a face I had a name to. And one that wasn't undead or Demonic or Darkspawn.

Unknown bandits and highwaymen were one thing and a blight on humanity as it was, but I'd heard Oghren talking about his wife for hours now when one of the others would ask about him and his past.

I cried out again when my leg jolted and I looked down at it.

The pain was unbearable and I realized it was broken.

Wynne was at my side, but Zevran was faster.

"It'll be alright mi amor." He said softly as Wynne tried to heal me.

I gripped Zevran's hand tightly and bit my glove as her magic started to take effect.

"How well is this going to go?" Morrigan asked as she knelt beside me. I watched her hands glow as well.

"Two spells active won't do anything." Wynne said to her.

"Might." Morrigan countered. "Considering they're only fractionally effective on her."

I couldn't speak as I closed my eyes.

Zevran's other hand came up to wipe at the tears going down my face. I could feel the bone resetting in my leg, but all the pain remained.

"I suppose we should keep our promise." Alistair said.

That was the last thing I heard before blacking out.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I could feel movement under me and it felt like everything around me was shifting when I started to wake up. The cloth covered my eyes, but it didn't stop me from realizing there was something else on my head.

I groaned as I could still feel the pain.

"She's waking up." I heard the rumbling voice of Sten...from beneath me? In front of me?

I frowned as the movement came to a stop and I reached to try and push the band off my eyes.

A gloved hand covered mine.

"It's alright, we're back in the open part of the Roads." I heard Alistair say.

Zevran let me push the band back as I could feel Sten slowly passing me to him.

I'd been on his back, being carried like a kid.

"Mi amor, how are you feeling?" Zev asked.

"Pain." I said.

"I see." Wynne moved to kneel beside me and I held my hand up to her.

"Physically you've done all you can. For some reason, it just has a slower time on me. I'll keep feeling the pain as it catches up to me over the next couple days." I said as Zev settled me on the ground against his leg.

I watched as he reached into the small pouch at his hip.

"Maybe this will help." He said as he held up a vial.

"What is it?" I frowned as he pried the tight cork off.

"Painkiller. I use it when I can't get to a healer right away." He said. "So...not often usually."

I nodded as he held it up to my lips.

He pulled it back after a small sip. "That should help for a bit. It'll take a moment to kick in."

"You really do keep some weird things." Alistair said.

"What happened?" I asked.

"After you passed out?" Alistair frowned for a moment. "I offered to break the Anvil for Caridin and Leliana talked him into making the crown for the new king as a way of showing that we did find a Paragon. Then I destroyed it for him and he jumped in lava to kill himself so that he'd take all his knowledge with him." Alistair said.

"And we've been on our way back to Orzammar since then. We're almost back now." Leliana said.

I nodded and reached up to pull the stupid crown off my head. "And you all thought it was funny to put this on me?"

"Well, yeah." Alistair shrugged.

"Be funnier on you." I snorted a laugh as I pictured it.

"Ha, no." Alistair gave me a dry look.

Zevran sighed as I could feel the stuff dulling the pain.

I started to push upright using his shoulder and slowly worked to my feet.

I stumbled as it caused the pain to shoot up again, but not nearly as bad as it had been.

"I think we should just keep carrying you." Morrigan said as Wynne got to her feet as well.

"Probably." Zevran said. "It'd be faster anyway."

He turned to put his back to me and I leaned against him.

"Why not Sten?" Alistair asked.

"He's been carrying her." Leliana said. "Give him a break."

Sten just shrugged as I looked over Zevran's shoulder at him. "I do not mind. She does not weigh much."

"Well, I do." Zevran said.

"Ah, let the Elf carry her. Keeps him from annoying the rest of you doesn't it?" Oghren said from ahead of the group.

"Fair enough." Alistair said.

I sighed as I wrapped my arms over Zev's shoulders and leaned my head against his neck.

This was actually a lot more comfortable than Sten's back. But it could have just been because I liked this better.

XX

As we came back into Orzammar, I sighed against Zev's neck. I really didn't like tunnels or underground or tight spaces with no openings.

It was late enough that we just headed straight for our rooms.

Oghren headed off back towards his house saying he'd meet us tomorrow before we went to the Assembly.

Alistair pushed the main door open to the rooms we were using and everyone just followed in after him.

I let Zev set me in the nearest chair as I looked at my group.

"Well guys, we did good today." I said.

"I hope so." Alistair said.

"Think we'll get food tonight?" Leliana asked.

"Depends on if anyone reported that we were back." I shrugged. "Too tired to care."

"You spent half the time sleeping." Alistair frowned at me.

"And? Still tired." I raised a brow at him.

"You sure you're not sick?" Leliana asked me.

I tilted my head. "Haven't felt sick. And it's not my fault I was useless down here. I did what I could."

"Ah, let's just go to bed and hope breakfast comes in the morning." Zevran said.

Sten nodded. "It will not kill us to go to bed hungry once."

I pushed to my feet and started to slowly make my way towards the hall, and the door to the bedroom Zevran and I were sharing.

My leg hurt, but it was tolerable.

I didn't have to worry about it too much, because I barely made it a handful of steps before Zev was right there anyway.

He was the epitome of overprotective and I honestly liked it.

I hadn't enjoyed being boxed up by my mother and never allowed to actually fight by my father, and Fergus hadn't helped me fight that either. But Zev would. He'd protect me, but he'd let me go out and get in trouble too.

As I pushed the door open, I heard Leliana speak. "How sweet."

I shook my head at her words as Zev helped me over to the bed.

"How's the pain?" He asked.

"Like I broke my leg and drank a bottle of alcohol to numb it." I said as I reached for the lacing on my pants.

He nodded. "Then it's about how it should be. I'm sorry Healing Magic doesn't work on you."

"Me too. Like I told Morrigan, I wish it were something more useful, like no Magic or all was dulled, or something along those lines."

"Until then, you have everything I have to offer." He said as I shifted to push my pants off. "Let me know if you need more."

I shook my head as I looked up at him. "No. Just you."

He laughed before leaning down to kiss me. "That you can always have."

I jolted when there was a knock on the door.

"Hey, Leliana and I are going to go see if we can't get some food. Want anything?" I heard Alistair through the door.

"Sure." Zevran called back to him.

I sighed as I looked up at Zev. "I can't decide if I'm more hungry or tired at this point."

"I just don't like to sleep on an empty stomach." He grinned. "And we haven't eaten all day."

I nodded.

XX

I sighed as I stretched coming awake.

I traced my fingers over the warm skin under my hand and moved to push up as I opened my eyes.

Zevran was already awake and looked up at me.

"How long have you been awake?" I asked.

"Few minutes now." He said as I sat up fully.

He had lit the lamp, which is probably what woke me.

I rubbed over my eyes as I felt Zev sitting up next to me and then groaned as he leaned to kiss the side of my neck.

"You know, I think I like being woken up with you here." I said as he used one arm behind me to pull himself back just enough to kiss my shoulder.

"Mmm, as do I mi amor." He said as his right hand came to hold mine. He kissed my neck again and I sighed.

"We do have to get up." I didn't want to as he pulled me back against him.

He turned me so that I was sideways across his lap before leaning down and kissing me.

I reached up to brush my fingers over the tattoo on his face before he pulled away and looked down at me.

"You are beautiful." I murmured as I traced my hand across the tattoo on his shoulder.

"As long as you keep believing that." He said.

I smiled before laughing and he grinned. "You can't steal my line." I said as I pushed to sit up and slide from bed.

In front of him, I was starting to not be shy about my body.

But only with him.

The look he gave me as I moved to collect my clothes had me blushing a little.

Especially when I could tell he enjoyed watching me.

Maybe the eight year difference in our age didn't matter as much as I was led to believe. Or maybe it was just because he was the older one.

If we'd been reversed, would more people be upset by it when this Blight was over and we could settle down?

No. I sighed as I pulled the laces tight on each thing I was pulling on.

More likely the upper society I belonged to would be upset by him being an Elf.

But I didn't care. Everyone I loved and whose opinions I might have cared about were dead now. All I had left was Zevran and Alistair and Baron and the others.

"Elissa?" I heard the worry as Zev reached out to me.

"Hmm?" I looked up at him.

"What is the matter amor?" He cupped my face in his hands and he brushed his thumbs over my cheeks and I realized I was crying again.

How out of it was I? "Nothing." I said. I reached up to cover his hands with mine. "I don't know why I'm doing this." I shook my head slightly in his hold.

"You make me worry mi amor." He leaned down to kiss me.

"I'm sorry." I moved to pull my shirt on and Zev dropped his hands.

"You can always talk to me Elissa. Anything to have you not crying."

"I'm sorry Zev, I really don't notice it. I was just thinking about stupid society problems we'd face and I realized that while I don't care what others think about us, everyone who I would have liked to meet you are...gone." I looked down again as he pulled his shirt on.

I was startled when he reached to make me look up again. "I wish I could change that mi amor. But I am glad that you don't care what your peers think of us." He said before kissing me. "Though, if it makes you feel better, anyone who doesn't agree I can always persuade them to see that I'm good enough."

"You are good enough Zev." I smiled as he set his forehead against mine. "Good enough for me. I'm just being stupid thinking about stupid things."

Zev laughed softly. "You are a woman, and therefore more judged than others. It is nice to know you'll always have thought out responses to every argument other nobles have against what we have between us."

I sighed. "But is 'I don't care' really a valid argument?" I watched as he started to pull on his armor.

I reached for my own gear and strapped it on as he did.

"Depends. But you're very smart Elissa. I'm sure no matter what others throw at you, you can plan quickly for it." He laughed. "Planning has never been my strong suit. Now, killing...killing and love-making. Killing and love-making and witty retorts. Those I am better at." He smiled at me.

I laughed. "Is that so?" I raised a brow at him. "I'd say you're pretty good at a lot of things you do."

He started to speak before the knock sounded on the door.

"Oi, come on you two, Assembly will be gathering soon." Alistair called through the door.

I shook my head. "Alright." I called back to him. I looked up at Zevran. "At least Alistair is alright with us finally." I sighed.

Zev shrugged. "Wouldn't have mattered to me, but for your sake, I am glad."

I watched him start to head for the door as I secured my sash.

Alistair was in the main room when we came in and I saw a collection of breakfast foods on the table.

Zev and I sat to eat quickly and I smiled as Alistair slid a mug of milk laden coffee in front of me.

XX

As we approached the chamber where the Assembly was being held, I could already hear the arguing.

I took a breath and held the crown Caridin had made in my hands.

"No offense Oghren, but I'm probably going to have to be pretty rude in here to get them to listen to me." I said to the Dwarf standing with us.

He shrugged. "Eh, no skin off my back. I've already decided that I want to travel with you all. I've got nothing left here and I think I'll help you all with your Blight business."

"Well, that's appreciated. Thank you." I said.

He huffed and motioned me to get on with it.

I gripped the crown in my hands before stepping towards the doors.

I had Sten and Zevran at my back and Alistair just a little off to the side on my left and Leliana to my right, with both our Mages somewhat hidden behind the men behind me.

The doors were pulled open and I walked out towards the steps leading down into the open center.

The arguing was even louder in here between the two factions of Dwarven leadership.

I couldn't afford to hesitate as I put on my most authoritative air and tried to look like I belonged in the political scene.

"Will you both shut up." I shouted at the two arguing leaders.

The room went quiet.

Yeah, rude.

But effective.

"My name is Elissa Cousland. I'm a Grey Warden of Ferelden and I've been traveling for over a month in the hopes of gathering a force to fight the Blight with. I came down here to ask for any able bodied Dwarf to be lent to our cause, not to get involved with your affairs." I said. "But seeing as Orzammar has no King, I have to fix that before I have someone to ask."

I looked at Harrowmont as he went to speak, giving him that same silencing glare I'd given Branka. Now that I had experience and maybe a little more confidence, it was starting to get effective. My mother would be proud.

"I was asked to go into the Deep Roads and find Paragon Branka. I found an insane woman lost to madness. She is gone now. But I found something else. I found Paragon Caridin, who listened to the issue as described and gave his verdict on the matter."

"And how do we know that is true?" It was surprisingly Prince Bhelen who raised the question.

I held up the crown. "Because he made this for his choice of King before destroying his forge and vowing to never get involved again. No one will ever find him, nor the Anvil of the Void again."

This time the talk that went around the room was merely them talking between each other.

"You can choose to believe her or not, but I was there too." Oghren stepped forward. "Branka was mad and tried to kill us. Caridin killed himself after destroying the Anvil to keep more like her from going mad over it. This right here is the last thing Caridin made."

"Who did he choose?" Was the question that rose up over the question of why Oghren was even in the Assembly hall. I gather he wasn't well liked by the upper crust of his society either.

"Caridin lived in a time of strict rules and dedication to the past. He lived every day since then wishing he could have changed it." Leliana said. "As he forged this crown, he put in his hope that the future for Dwarves could change."

"He chose Prince Bhelen as the new King of Orzammar." I said, holding it up in his direction.

Steward Bandelor came towards me, holding out his hands for the crown and I hesitated before setting it in his hands. I hid my hesitation as nothing more than a shifting of my position. No one saw it.

"It has been decided." The Steward said.

I turned to leave, not caring about the results. I'd meet the new ruler later.

Besides, Prince Bhelen had more supporters in that room than Harrowmont. And he was better with a sword by the way I'd heard people talking around town.

As the doors closed, I could hear the fighting picking up again.

But this time I knew it wouldn't end in a deadlock. And it might even end with bloodshed.

"Well, that was somewhat well done." Alistair said.

"Yeah..." I sighed. "I hate doing that shit."

"I can imagine." Oghren said as he kept up with us.

I nodded and looked up as I stopped and turned around. "Alright, is there anything we might need gear or provision wise that Bodahn won't have gotten?" I looked at Morrigan. "You don't have business down here, do you?" She shook her head and I turned to face the others again. "In that case, if we aren't missing anything?" Leliana shook her head as Sten did. "Then, let us head for the throne room to meet the new King and formally request assistance."

I almost turned before a thought hit me. "You think they've got any really old maps that might have a more accurate location on Haven than Genitivi's notes?" I asked the group.

"I can see if there is anything." Leliana said.

Zevran nodded. "I will go as well. Two pairs of trained eyes are better than one."

I nodded at them. "Go on then, we'll meet you at the statue hall afterward." I said.

Zev took a second to squeeze my hand before leaving with Leliana.

I took the rest of the group towards our destination.

XX

King Bhelen was a lot more agreeable than when we'd brought it up before with him and gladly assigned men for as soon as we sent the word to him.

I didn't even question whether the whole 'surface' thing would be a problem. That was on his end.

I thanked him for his honoring the Treaty and he acted as if it was his pleasure to offer troops.

As we started towards the statue room, I could hear little fights breaking out along our route. Nothing the Guards didn't put down quick enough.

When we entered the entrance room of Orzammar, I found Leliana and Zev already there, laughing over what looked like a hand drawn copy of a map.

They looked up as we came near and I looked down at where they were sitting on the steps.

"You found it?"

Zev nodded as he stood. "Of course mi amor. You set two of the best on this and so it was done quite quickly." He held out the map and I looked at it. This was much more in detail than the note Genitivi had made on it.

"Did you steal this?" I asked him.

"No, he didn't actually." Leliana sounded impressed. "You won't believe it Elissa. He drew that."

I looked again at the map. "Really? So quickly?" I looked up at Zev as Alistair looked down at the map in my hand.

I let him take it from me and he held it so the others could see it.

"His skills are really good." Leliana said.

"Yeah, he drew it." Alistair said. I turned as he held up to page again, this time showing me the back.

It was a perfect likeness of me drawn on the back.

I could only stare at it.

He'd drawn me with a laughing smile and I looked pretty in his drawing. I looked back up at Zevran as I took hold of the page myself again.

"You did this?" I asked.

"Do you not like it?" Zev sounded almost worried.

I shook my head as I held it close. "It's beautiful." I said. "No one has ever drawn me before."

"A shame, because you're very lovely." Zev said with a smile.

"Can you do me?" Leliana asked.

"Provide the paper and ink, and I'll do my best." He said with a shrug.

She nodded and I started to fold up the map as Alistair pulled his own map out. "One more look Elissa." He said.

I held it out for him and he used a smudge of soot from a nearby torch to mark Haven's location on his map. "Good?" I asked.

"Yeah, thanks." I nodded and folded up the page carefully

I would take care of it later, but this was the best I could do now.

We headed for the doors.

XX

I saw Bodahn and Sandal waiting for us near the bottom of the pass and we took a couple minutes to get situated with them again while Oghren familiarized himself with being outside.

"We'll be doing quite a bit of walking, so let us know if you need a break." I said to him.

I estimated, by where on the map Haven was, that it might take three or four days to get there going our normal pace. Probably more like four though.

"I'll be fine." Oghren shook his head.

I started to lead us down the pass again and we took it fairly easy until we got to the main road again.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I should have known adding another Dwarf would slow us down.

Especially one who was slightly overweight and unused to the outside.

We didn't make it nearly as far as I'd wanted to when we decided to set up camp.

I looked at Alistair and Zev as we worked on getting the tents up.

Turns out, Oghren hadn't brought one of them either.

"It's alright. He can have mine." Zev said.

"You sure?" The Dwarf asked him as Sten started breaking up sticks while Leliana and Wynne got dinner prepared.

"Si." Zev nodded. "I won't need it anyway."

"You don't sleep in a tent?" Oghren frowned at him.

"Contrary. He sleeps in Elissa's tent." Alistair said.

Oghren looked at the both of us for a moment.

"So you and her..." He trailed off.

"Are together, si." Zev nodded when I finished helping Alistair secure his tent.

It was still a bit earlier than we normally made camp, but no one actually commented on it yet. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with it.

"Huh, never would have guessed." Oghren snorted at it.

I stood up and looked at him as Zev set up 'our' tent. It was nice having him with me. I slept better with him there.

"You have some kind of problem with us being together?" I asked.

"I thought it was against both of your people's rules for you two to hook up. I mean, I've heard of the usual events between Elves and Humans and all, but I just kind of figured since Elves are slaves to Humans..." Oghren pointed it out.

Zev leaned back out of the tent as I looked down at Oghren.

"Well, then lets just get one thing straight before we continue our journey. Zevran is not a slave in any way."

"Just a sex slave." Zev looked at me lasciviously when we looked at him. "What? It's true. I am a slave to mi amor and any of her desires."

I blushed before shaking my head at him. I caught Alistair's snicker and reached to hit him. He dodged it of course and I looked back at Oghren.

"So, not a slave." He raised a brow.

"Contrary to what he says, no one owns him, ergo, not a slave. That is an entirely different thing." I said. "But as I was saying, Zev isn't a slave and I don't give a shit that he's an assassin and I'm a noble, that he's an Elf and I'm human, or just about anything else most would consider a problem between us." I said firmly.

Oghren looked at us both again. "So you don't care about his age versus yours, because no offense, but I think anyone could tell he's robbing the cradle with you little lady."

I glanced at Zev before shaking my head at Oghren. "No. I don't mind at all that he's older. Nor that he's a shameless flirt or about his history with other people."

"You trust that he's with you all the way then?" Oghren asked.

"I have always sworn to be faithful." Zevran said as he moved to stand beside me and put his arm around my waist. "Elissa knows I am who I am and I like flirting. But I also know how to draw the line and Elissa is a one man kind of woman. Therefore, I will respect that. She's more than enough for me anyway."

I blushed slightly before leaning against him. "So, problems?" I looked down at Oghren.

"Not a one." He shrugged. "Just a note. If you two are going to get it on, either keep it down or let me watch. My imagination isn't that good."

I couldn't even respond as he turned to go and help Sten collect up firewood.

Zev just laughed and as I glanced at Alistair, I could see he was about as red as I was.

I glared up at Zevran as he started to pull away from me. "That is not funny." I said to him.

"I know mi amor. It's just how he said it." He finally looked at me straight. "I know very well you are not a woman who shares herself. And neither will I."

"Good." Alistair said from behind me. "But he does have a point. Please keep it down if you two do...things." He said.

"You didn't hear it the last time we did." Zev said.

"Zevran!" I gaped at him. "Ugh...men." I turned to walk away from them both. Thoroughly embarrassed.

I made my way over towards Leliana and Wynne, but was waved at by Bodahn.

When I came to the Dwarf he started to reach for his wagon.

"I know that things have been crazy among you all lately, and so I've taken the initiative to start collecting a few things for the upcoming holiday."

I frowned for a moment. "Damn, Satinalia is soon, isn't it?" I asked.

Bodahn nodded. "I've reminded the others as we walked today and asked if they had anything they'd like me to find while we travel. I didn't get the chance to ask you if you wanted me to find anything for your friends for you."

I sighed as I looked at the ground for a moment.

"Well...I'm not sure honestly." I sighed again. "I mean...it's really hard thinking about a holiday when I've been so distracted." I said.

"I understand, but perhaps this is the perfect time to take such a break." He said. "How about this, I will find something for you. I believe I have a good idea of what to get for most of your companions."

"You can do that while we're traveling?" I asked.

"Of course. I keep my ideas small, so a good hawk can carry the packages I need. I've just the bird for it too." He said as he motioned to the wagon.

I'd never actually looked before, but sure enough, he had a caged hawk in his wagon. It looked somewhat tamed, but still with that slightly feral look. Like if I wasn't Bodahn, it would bite me.

"Well...alright. I'll keep my eyes open too." I said.

He nodded and I headed for Wynne as she sat on a small folding stool.

She sat just far enough away from everyone else that it took me a moment. I paused as I walked and played out a calendar in my head.

If Satinalia was so close, then it had to be near the end Harvestmere.

Which would mean bad things for me.

I paled as I thought back on when my last cycle was. I remember having it shortly before I'd left home with Warden Duncan.

But...then I'd met Zev before the next.

And had sex with him. Without even thinking about it.

"Elissa?" I heard Wynne's voice.

I looked up at her. "Wynne...have you ever...had kids?" I asked.

She frowned. "Once. My son was taken from me though, due to my being a Circle Mage."

I sighed. "Sorry."

"It was a while ago dear. I miss him, but there is nothing I could do then, nor do now."

"Still..." I came to sit on the ground beside her.

"Was there something you needed of me?" She asked.

"I just..." I glanced around camp. "Do you know of any tests for..." I looked at the ground.

"For what my dear? I can't read minds, despite my Magic."

I smiled slightly. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just overreacting. Unless you know more about being a Grey Warden." I looked up at her. "Maybe I should ask Alistair." I frowned.

She tilted her head. "If you think he might have answers." I stood up and started to head towards him, but I caught the words Wynne mumbled. "Or understand you."

Well sorry for being a confused teenage girl.

XX

I dragged Alistair away from the group. Primarily away from Zevran's hearing and Leliana seemed to catch that I wanted to talk to Alistair privately and started talking to Zevran to distract him from me.

We were a good short ways away from the camp, nearly to the stream, when I finally let go of his wrist.

"Now, what is this about?" Alistair asked, looking confused.

"How much were you taught about being a Warden?" I asked.

"Um...a lot." He gave me an inquisitive look.

"Well...does it change you?" I asked. "Like...from being normal."

"Elissa, you're going to have to not hint at this. I'm not understanding what you're after." He sighed.

"Would becoming a Warden make either of us unable to have children?" I asked bluntly.

He stared at me for a moment and I could practically see the gears turning in his head.

It took almost a minute of him thinking before he finally reached up and covered his face before sitting on a stump by the river where previous travelers had created a kind of washing spot.

He put his hand over his forehead. "Maker have mercy." He sighed. He looked up at me. "You're telling me...you and Arainai..."

I looked away as I wrapped my arms around myself. "It's not like I've ever been in this situation before. I didn't even think about it."

"And he's such a whore he probably doesn't either. Or he's always taken precautions before you. I mean, I think he'd notice a bunch of little bastards of his running around." Alistair looked up at the sky as the stars were becoming visible.

I sighed as I couldn't even argue his phrasing. He was technically right. Zevran was basically shameless, like he'd said. But I got the feeling that he'd have always taken precautions while in service of the Crows too.

"So..." I started. Part of me hoped he'd say yes to the original question, but my heart wanted a no.

"From what I've been told, no. Being a Grey Warden does nothing to you physically except taint you with the Blight, making you able to feel other Darkspawn because technically, we are like them now. It's a way of giving us strength unlike normal people. If you could pick up two bags of grain before you became a Grey Warden, chances are high that you could do three now, maybe four. It makes our senses just that little bit better." Alistair said.

I sighed and moved to sit on the other stump.

"But as for making us unable to have children, no. It doesn't do that. I mean, it's really difficult, but not impossible. Some Wardens have taken quite the advantage of it in fact. I think...Garahel, the Warden who killed the Archdemon of the Fourth Blight, he was a big gambler on the infertility bit. But it isn't impossible for you to get pregnant or for me to get a woman pregnant, just...not likely." He sighed. "I know I said don't bring this to me, but I am glad you did. Are you asking me because you've missed a monthly?" He asked me.

I looked up and found him staring at me. I nodded. "It's never happened before. I've always been normal, like on a timing kind of normal."

"And you believe it's because you've been with Arainai this past month?" He sounded as if this was the last conversation he ever wanted to have with anyone.

"I should have had one shortly after meeting him by my calculations. I added in my walking with Warden Duncan from Highever, the days we spent at Ostagar, our time with Morrigan and her mother, the trip to Redcliff, dealing with the undead for them, and our trip from there through the Brecilian Forest, after having met Zev. I've done the math four times in the past half hour Alistair." I said.

He sighed again. "I believe you. Women know more about their times than any man will." He held up his hands. "If you say you slept with him before you should have had a monthly, then well...you might want to find out if any Mages have a way of knowing. Surely Morrigan has some kind of old, dusty spell for telling. I mean, it's not like Magic can't have a use."

I nodded. "I was going to ask Wynne, but then I thought I should ask you if it was even possible. My mother once told me that she'd miss sometimes if she was really stressed out."

Alistair laughed. "And this trip has been nothing but stress." He said.

I nodded again. "You're telling me."

He stood up again. "Well, talk to her. Who knows, maybe it was just stress and you got...well, not lucky, but you know what I mean."

I sighed as I stood up.

We started to walk back and Alistair paused for a moment. "Elissa...I have to ask, since you brought it up and all...would you want a child?"

I looked at the ground, holding my arms around myself. "I've never thought much about it before. I always thought...if I met the right man..."

"And with Arainai?" He asked quietly.

"Zev is a good man Alistair. I just wish you could all see that. I think he loves me, but he just doesn't know what that is supposed to feel like, so he doesn't know he does. But he keeps talking about the future Alistair. With me."

"I'd say that's a sign of commitment at least. And I truly do hope it works for you. Maker knows you deserve something good after all this is over." He sighed. "But with him...would you?"

I took a deep breath as we could see the group again. I watched Zev laugh with Leliana and he just looked so relaxed. Nothing like a cold, dark, killing machine.

He was a man with heart and compassion and real emotion.

"You know what...I would. Even if we end up apart after all this. I would still love our child."

"You know he'd be Elf-blooded right?" Alistair asked.

"I know. But even so, I'd hope he would look as much like Zev as possible."

"I...I really hope you two can be together. You've been so much happier since he showed up. I've never heard you laugh so much since you showed up at Ostagar." He said as we came back towards the camp.

"He does make me happy Alistair. And he frustrates me. And embarrasses me. And I love him." I said.

"I'm glad. These past weeks have seemed like so much longer and I think of you as family, so I would have to hurt him if he made you sad."

I smiled as I reached to pull him into a hug, wrapping my arm around his waist. He put his arm over my shoulders in return. "I think you would be great friends with Fergus. You remind me of him. And I have thought of you as family too."

"Does that make Morrigan the bitch cousin no one likes?" Alistair asked with a grin.

I laughed hard at the image and wiped at the tears that came to my eyes. "Maybe."

"Are you stealing my woman Alistair?" Zev asked as we came back within range of them.

I pulled away from Alistair to stand by Zev.

"Just a little bit." Alistair grinned.

Alistair sat back on the stone seat one of the previous travelers had set here.

This little camp was obviously a common spot. I'd noticed similar places as we traveled ourselves and we made use of a few here and there.

Zev reached up and pulled me to sit on his lap and I settled in, his arms wrapped around my waist.

I leaned against him and just listened as the three of them started talking.

XX

I hadn't even realized I'd dozed off until Zevran adjusted his hold on me.

"Amor?" He spoke softly.

I opened my eyes. "Hmm?"

"Did you want to eat?" He asked.

I looked up to see Leliana holding out a bowl.

Stew again.

Not that I had anything against stew, and it was convenient enough as a travel food, I just felt like I'd eaten more stew in the past two months than in the whole rest of the year. Probably last year too.

I nodded and reached out to take hold of the bowl.

It was really full compared to the normal and I watched as Leliana held out two spoons.

"Sorry, you'll have to share. We're a bowl short with Oghren here."

I heard Alistair snicker and Leliana turned to look at him. "Sorry." He said quickly. "Short jokes not acceptable, got it."

"Are you a child?" She asked him as Zev took hold of both spoons from her.

"We can share Leliana." I said. "It's not a problem."

She looked back at us. "Well, good. Bodahn said he'll get more things for us at the next town. Which will likely be Haven. So it'll be a few more days like this." She said.

I nodded and took one of the spoons from Zev.

I held up the bowl for us both and focused on trying to eat with my left hand.

It was harder than I'd thought, but I did manage it.

"Not left handed are you?" Alistair asked as he stared at us.

"No, why?" I gave him a confused look. What did that have to do with anything?

"Just wondering, since you seem to be having difficulty."

"You can use your right hand you know." Leliana said.

"It's just a weird angle." I sighed.

"Then just hold the bowl. I'll feed you." Zev said.

"I'm not a child Zev."

"I know mi amor. But sometimes I can spoil you, right?" He smiled at me.

He knew that smile got to me. "Fine." I said.

Honestly, it was easier.

When Alistair got up for seconds he looked at us. "You guys want more?" He asked.

I nodded and handed over the bowl.

XX

We didn't get any odd looks from the group as we settled in for bed.

I climbed in my tent and Zev came in after me as I was removing my pants.

I'd have preferred to wear my shift to bed, but out here, that wasn't the best idea. And it made getting ready the following morning a lot easier.

Of course, it also meant I was wearing the same clothes for days on end.

Though, now that I thought about it, I think I've been wearing the same two pairs of clothes for the past six weeks.

Warden Duncan had dragged me out of the house without a change of clothes and after that week, I'd been pretty rank. Which is why he'd insisted on buying me a new set of clothes with the gear he'd gotten me.

Didn't change the fact that I had only the two pairs of under clothes. The ones I'd left home in, and the one Morrigan and her mother had changed me into when they treated my wounds.

I really needed new clothes.

"Come here mi amor." I heard Zev before I felt him tugging me against him.

"Mmm." I sighed as I realized he's already taken his shirt off.

I loved the feel of his warm body.

He kissed me before I moved to settle against him in my usual place.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright?" Zev asked.

"Why do you ask?"

"You really have been dozing off and I dare say even sleepwalking sometimes."

"I'm not sure. I feel alright. I'm just tired and bored of walking I guess. I mean, I've already pestered you about Antiva enough you're probably sick of it. And Leliana can't tell me any more about Orlais than she already has without taking me there. Sten will probably take a little bit longer before I can get him to tell me about the Qun and Seheron and Par Vollen." I sighed. "So...I'm just tired."

"I'd feel better if you had Wynne or even Morrigan look over you as a Healer." He said.

"I'll see a doctor at Redcliff, how about that?" I suggested.

Zev sighed as he closed his eyes. "I suppose that will work." He said softly. "I just don't want you to get sick again."

"Yeah...that did kind of scare me." I put my hand over his chest and felt his heart beating. I liked this.

XX

We got to Haven on the fifth day since leaving Orzammar.

The townsfolk seemed to make themselves fairly scarce as we came into the village.

I led the way towards what looked to be the only shop in the entire place.

"Halt." I heard a voice and turned to it.

It came from...a guard? A village this small had a guard?

"Yes?" I looked at him.

"Leave, now. Haven does not welcome strangers."

"I see." I glanced at the rest of the group. "Well, we'd like to restock our supplies real quick if that's alright."

The guard gave me a distrustful, nigh hateful, look before motioning at the store. "Keep it brief."

I nodded and turned to face Bodahn. "Alright, you and Alistair and I will go in. The rest of you stay back out here." I said.

They nodded.

Alistair and I followed Bodahn into the small shop and I was surprised at how bare it was.

There was a stench that was familiar, but masked. I tried to push it out of my head as I looked around.

I listened while Bodahn talked over things with the shopkeeper, but I could feel the old man's eyes on me and Alistair the entire time we looked at the goods he kept on the shelves.

"Hey, look at this." Alistair said to me.

I turned to see what he was pointing to and frowned. "A pair of boots?" I asked. "If you like them, get them."

"Not me. These are Antivan Leather boots. Not my style. But I think you know someone they'd suit." He had a playful smile as I moved to look while he was talking.

I reached out to trace my fingers over the smooth leather before tugging them off the shelf.

"Would they fit?" I frowned. "I like the lining." I said as my fingers touched the softer material the boots were lined with. It wasn't something I was familiar with.

Alistair pulled the other off the shelf and held it against his own heavy boots. "Should. He's roughly my size." He said. "If not, they might fit you."

I raised a brow at him. "I doubt it. My feet are small."

"Stuff it with a sock." He said as I took hold of the other boot.

I snorted as I started towards the counter. "Like that'll be possible."

"Are you buying those?" The man asked as we came up, cutting off Bodahn. Quite rude.

"Yes." I said quickly.

He gave me a wary look. "Two Sovereigns." I wanted to cuss him out. I get that these were handcrafted with quality unlike the average pair, but that was near robbery. "You ain't got it, put them back." He snapped.

I reached into my sash and pulled free two gold coins. I slapped them on the counter. "Here."

I turned to leave as Bodahn started for the door, carrying the crate he'd obviously bought.

Alistair caught up and snagged the boots from my hand.

I started to speak before I watched him undo the strap on his chest-plate and he tucked them away before fixing it up again.

"Won't be a good surprise if he sees it coming." Alistair said. "I'll sneak it into the wagon."

"That would be a good idea. It's good you found something." Bodahn said.

I nodded at them both. "Yeah. How goes the rest of your search?" I asked Bodahn as he started to pull the door open.

"Very good. I've covered just about everything for everyone." He said as we stepped out.

"That's good." I reached into my sash again and pulled out a few gold coins. "Here, for the troubles." I said. "You can give me a full total when we settle down again."

I looked up to see my friends looking as uneasy as I'd felt in the shop.

But at least the guard was gone.

"Did you find everything?" Leliana asked Bodahn.

"Yes." He held up the crate full of various foodstuffs. I watched him go to put it in his wagon and Alistair followed.

I motioned for us all to gather in and everyone came in close around the wagon.

"Bodahn." I got his attention. "I'm thinking it might be best if you head back down to that spot we camped at last night. I know it might be a bit rough with most of us gone, so I'd like Sten, Baron, and Wynne to go with you."

"Are you sure?" Wynne asked.

"Yeah. Something around here isn't feeling right. We need to find Brother Genitivi quickly. Zev, Leliana, you two keep your eyes open for anything that might get us clues. We'll work on finding him quickly, you four head back to the campsite and we'll meet you back there, alright?" I asked.

Bodahn nodded. "Might be best." He said. "That shopkeeper seemed a bit off to me too."

Alistair nodded. "Seemed really jumpy and angry at us for no reason."

"Someone was angry at mi amor? How dare they be." Zev's tone was laughing, but there was a hint of seriousness to it too.

He didn't like people being mean to me? Then I'd just love for him to meet Howe with me.

"It doesn't matter." I waved it off. "Let's just do this quick."

They all nodded and as I watched Bodahn start getting his wagon headed back out of Haven. Wynne and Baron started off with him but Sten stayed behind and I looked up at him.

"Hmm?"

"You do know what you're doing right?" Sten asked.

I sighed. "I hope so. At this point, I'm just uneasy here and I'd rather someone who knew how to fight stuck with Bodahn and Sandal." I said.

He nodded. "They are unsuited for battle. But why the saarebas?"

"Wynne? She's a good healer and she's a skilled Mage. She'll be good support for you if anything should happen." I said.

He sighed as he nodded and headed after them. When they were gone, I turned to look back at the village of Haven.

"Where would we find information on Brother Genitivi?" I asked aloud.

Leliana pointed at what looked like a Chantry higher up the mountain pathway of the village. "That looks to be the local Chantry, perhaps they might know something up there. It would likely be the first place he'd look." She said.

"Sounds reasonable." I nodded.

XX

Very reasonable.

We got glares and strange looks as we made our way to the building in question.

Father Eirik wouldn't even talk to us when we finally entered and I asked him if he'd even seen Brother Genitivi.

Instead, he attacked with magic. I'd been aware other Apostates would be around, considering Morrigan was with us, but I guess I just hadn't expected one here.

He was a handful that was for sure.

Inciting the villagers inside the Chantry to attack us as well caused no small amount of irritation.

Especially considering he could block Morrigan's magic.

However, he couldn't defend himself against Zevran coming up behind him.

His barrier still posed a problem to Zev when he let go of the old man.

I hurried over as he held his wrist and I could see what looked like burns of a sort forming where his sleeve and glove hadn't covered his arm.

"Are you alright?" I asked him.

"Si, nothing severe. Just horrible magic." Zev said.

I looked up at Morrigan. "Can you do anything?"

"I can try. You know Healing isn't my forte." She said with a sigh.

I watched as she stepped forward and cast the spell anyway.

I looked around the room.

"Anything here?" I asked the others.

"Nah." Oghren said as he kicked over a body. He was hardly more than a kid and it made me angry. That boy was only maybe a year or two younger than myself and the Father had forced him to attack us.

"I have something over here." Leliana said as Alistair looked over the Father.

Zev knelt beside him and pulled free an amulet from around his neck as Leliana pointed to a hidden door.

It wasn't very well hidden, but it technically counted.

When we got it opened, I was relieved to find Brother Genitivi alive and mostly well.

He was all words and I couldn't understand half of what he was saying, I was just getting a headache.

I finally interrupted him when he was talking about going up to the Temple of something or other.

"Look, you're injured. Even if Morrigan heals you, you still can't move like the rest of us. I will agree to take you on the basis that you can lead us, but if anything happens, you are to sit back and wait." I said.

He nodded.

Alistair reached to help him stand after Morrigan cast her magic. As they started off, leading the group, with Leliana keeping pace with Alistair to ensure that the man was properly cared for, I fell to the back of the group.

I wasn't aware when Zev came to walk beside me as the Brother led us out the back of Chantry and up a secret path.

I jolted when his hand touched the middle of my back. "Zev!" I gasped as I looked up at him.

"What is the matter mi amor?" He asked quietly, his hand sliding down slightly, almost suggestively.

I sighed and shook my head. "It's nothing. Just a headache." I said.

"I'd believe you if you believed yourself." He leaned just a bit to touch his forehead against my temple. "I think you're getting sick again. You're getting a fever."

I leaned away from him. "I'm fine Zev. Really."

He sighed. "You will have someone a bit more knowledgeable about health look over you though. You promised."

I nodded. "I know. But I swear, I'm fine. It's just a headache." I smiled at him. "You'll be the first I tell if I feel sick, alright?"

"Oi, keep up." I heard Alistair from ahead of us and looked up at him.

"Keep your pants on, it's not like you're going fast." I called back to him.

Zev laughed as we picked up our pace just a little to catch up.

XX

I only had a very mild panic when we entered the temple and found way more cultists.

Brother Genitivi had explained who they were on our way to the temple, so I'd expected to see more.

Just not dozens.

How many bloody cultists were there?

The Brother stayed in the entrance to the temple and assured us he'd be alright just making notes for research.

We had made our way into the temple proper and by the time we got through the main hall and down a passage that I just had the sinking feeling was not going to bode well for me, I think we fought at least fifty cultists. Minimum.

And I wasn't the greatest fan of the traps they set.

I looked at the doors leading further into the temple and moved to sit against the wall as I took in the fact that we were most likely inside the mountain now.

"Elissa?" Leliana knelt beside me.

"I'm alright." I said. "Just...give me a minute." I sighed.

I heard it when Zev sat beside me.

"Just one minute though." Alistair said. "We should probably take a rest anyway. Who knows how many more cultists are on the other side of this door."

XX

It took more than just one minute for me to attempt to push my fear aside.

I still couldn't fully do it and as we killed little baby dragons, I had to constantly stop to get my grip again.

I think it was really grating on their nerves, having to continuously stop for me.

"You guys can leave me behind." I said.

"No, it's alright." Alistair said. "Besides, you're the leader."

I snorted. "You'd be just fine stepping in for me."

He shrugged. "Maybe, but why do it if I don't have to?"

I sighed as I started to move again.

There were a couple wrong turns and we ended up being stuck in here for far longer than I'd ever wanted to be underground again.

Oghren seemed to be enjoying it though, which part of me was irritated with, but I couldn't fault him. He was a Dwarf.

Though all this constant fighting and having to keep moving seemed to also be wearing at my fear of being inside like this.

I might never like being underground, but I was getting used to it.

It only felt like the place was closing in on me a little compared to before.

We came to a large cavern and I was a bit relieved at the size of it.

Until we encountered even more cultists.

The leader of the group attempted to speak as we saw them.

"I don't have time for your bullshit." I snapped at him. "Either get out of my way or you can follow every one who's gotten between me and that exit so far." I said.

"Andraste will destroy you." He said.

I paused as I frowned. "What?"

"Our lady has risen in a most magnificent form and you will bow to her will." He said.

"Right." I nodded. All the notes I'd been picking up to distract myself as we made our way through this place.

"What is he going on about?" Alistair asked.

"These cultists believe Andraste has been reborn as a Dragon. It's in all the notes. Don't you read them?" I looked at him.

"Not particularly." Alistair shrugged. Leliana sighed.

"I'll let you read them before I give them to Brother Genitivi when we are done here." She said.

"Will you choose to join us or will you choose to die?" The leader asked me.

"I'm not worshiping a false god. Andraste would never be reborn as a Dragon." I shook my head at him.

That pretty much ended what conversation he was willing to have.

Maybe outright denying that this Dragon was in fact their beloved Andraste was a bit too much.

But I was irritated, anxious to get out of here, and just fed up with cultists.

Their Mage wasn't much of a challenge to Morrigan and Leliana helped take down most of their ranged fighters.

I took on the leader and somewhat quickly put him down.

As one young man looked like he was going to run, I wiped the blood off of my blade onto the sleeve of the cult leader.

Alistair finished decapitating a young dragon, looking so pleased with himself that I smiled.

I turned as I saw the cult member starting to pull something from his sleeve and raised a brow when a knife embedded in his head.

"Really Zev? Necessary?" I frowned at him, but not seriously. I watched the knife the man had been pulling out fall from his hand as he fell to the ground dead.

"Mmm, of course. I must keep in practice you know." He grinned.

"I thought you used poisons and seduction." I watched him go to retrieve his knife and he picked up the small blade from the young man as well.

"Si, those I am better at. Therefore, I must practice with what I'm not good at."

"That looked pretty skilled to me." Alistair said as he cleaned off his sword.

"Indeed. If that is not good at something, I really don't want to see skilled." Morrigan said. "Though, if you consider your paltry attempts at seduction as skilled, then I can't say you're good at anything." She said as she brushed off dirt from her skirt.

Zevran moved towards me, passing near her.

He leaned into her line of sight.

"Ah, see, that is where you're mistaken." He said. "I am not serious at all when I flirt with you and Leliana. I do enjoy your cold attitude greatly, and I'm sure I'd enjoy the challenge you present, but I'm never serious with you." He gave her an almost cruelly cold smile. "Lovely enchantress, you'd fall at my feet if I were to put the required effort into seducing you."

"I doubt it." Morrigan said. But I saw the look on her face.

She might not like Zevran, but his words were sincere. She did know that he had the capability to get under her skin if he wanted.

"Besides, like I said, I'm with Elissa and that is more than enough for me." He said as he came to stand beside me.

"Well, as much as I love to see Morrigan bothered, are we ready to continue?" Alistair asked.

I nodded and started to head to where I could see daylight.

XX

When I saw that Dragon, lounging on the cliff, I was honestly terrified. Like, frozen in place kind of terrified.

But I snapped myself out of it as I saw Oghren going to kick the gong that was set up nearby.

I quickly moved to pull him away from it.

"You irritate that thing and it'll be the last thing any of us see." I hissed at him.

"But can't Zevran just kill that one too?" Alistair whispered at me as we all stuck behind some nearby rocks.

"Oh no friend, I think that might be a bit much even for me." Zevran said with a nervous laugh.

"Something too much for you?" Leliana smiled at him.

"Hard to imagine, but that is a fact." Zev glanced back around the rock.

"That thing is probably four times the size of the one from the Brecilian ruins." I said as I felt myself shaking.

"You have all killed one of those before?" Oghren asked.

"Not exactly." Zev said from the other side of him.

I felt it as Alistair wrapped his arm around my shoulders from where he was on my right side.

"It doesn't seem like it's woken up yet." Zev said. "If we all move very quietly, we might be able to get past it without waking it."

"And what about the return?" Alistair asked.

"Sneak again." Leliana said from his other side.

"This is going to suck." I mumbled.

Zev held out his hand to motion us to follow and started to move.

Oghren kept on his heels, surprisingly quiet in his armor.

I took a deep breath before following, Alistair and Leliana right behind me.

We barely made any noise as we snuck past the Dragon.

When I glanced at it for the fifth time or so, I saw it's eyes on us.

I froze for a moment.

But the weirdest thing...I could have sworn that it looked...amused.


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Hey guys, sorry I missed the past two Sundays, I was locked up in the Psych Ward because of my depression. Won't happen again. I promise. Living that suffering was bad enough once, I'm not doing it again.

* * *

Chapter 23

I sank against the wall when we entered the other part of the temple. I couldn't even care if there was something else in here that would kill us. I just didn't want to die by that Dragon.

"Who are you?" I heard Alistair say and I looked up to see an armored man standing at the far side of the room.

"I am the one who guards the Urn." He said.

I pushed to my feet as he spoke.

"We've come to request the healing power of the Ashes." I said.

"I understand. And you are welcome to a pinch of them to heal Arl Eamon, but you'll have to pass several tests in order to approach them." He said.

I frowned as I stepped forward. How did he know the full reason we were here?

"First off." He faced me and I stopped. "Do you regret leaving your mother behind?"

I caught my breath. "I...there was no way she was going to come with us. She wanted to stay with Father. But...if I'd made her come, she would have died at Ostagar instead." I looked at the floor. I hadn't thought on it before, but as I said it, it made sense. One way or another, my mother would have died. Father was already dying and I knew that she was happiest to be by his side.

The Guardian nodded. "It is a hard choice to have made, and she made it easier for you." He looked at Alistair. "Do you regret not being able to save Duncan during the battle?"

Alistair scowled. "Yes. It should have been me who died. Not Duncan, and not Cailan. My life is worth nothing compared to theirs and if I could trade mine for theirs, I would."

"Despite the adventure you've been on and the possible future in store for you?"

"I...I've enjoyed the travel with Elissa, but Duncan would have been a better mentor to her and Cailan is far more needed at this time." Alistair sighed.

The Guardian looked almost sad for a moment before turning to Leliana. "The Maker speaks only to Andraste. Why would you seek attention in such a way? Why would you want to be different from the others?"

I frowned as she looked up at him.

"I know my vision was real. Whether you believe or not." She said.

He faced Morrigan. "As the daughter of Flemeth–"

Morrigan held up her hand. "I will not play your games. There is nothing for you to say to me." She said.

"Very well." He raised a brow before turning to face Oghren. Oghren held up his hand as well.

"There is quite a bit I regret and I've made plenty of mistakes. I wish I'd been a better husband, then maybe Branka wouldn't have gone off after that mad quest. I'm here because I've lost my House, my caste, everything that meant anything to me. I've got nothing left to lose and so I'd rather put my training to use for the better." Oghren said.

"I see." The Guardian nodded.

I was almost more nervous when he looked at Zevran.

How much did Zev regret about his life?

"Do you regret the many assassinations you've been handed?"

"Not particularly, no more than any killing I've done since leaving the Crows. It was a job, nothing more. I am glad to be out of it now." Zev shrugged, already looking irritated.

"What about your previous partner? Do you regret killing Rinna without–"

"Yes." Zevran snapped. It was so rare to see him like this and I saw both Alistair and Leliana flinch at the tone. Even Morrigan looked worried at it. "Move on." His words were cold.

The Guardian nodded, seeming unfazed by his anger.

I reached out as Zev clenched his fists.

"Very well, you may proceed into the trials." The Guardian waved at the door he'd been in front of.

I hurried to lead everyone into the room away from him.

Once we were inside, I reached up to touch Zev's cheek and make him look at me. "No more pain." I said quietly.

He finally let out a sigh and his right hand came up to cover my left. "I know. I told you I'd done it." He said.

"No, I'm pretty sure you killing someone was totally not brought up." Alistair said sarcastically.

Zevran and I both looked at him with the same irritated look.

"Perhaps if you tell us, it might help you." Leliana said.

"Really? Like you telling everyone you had a vision of the Maker when that is really highly not possible?" Zev glared at her.

"I know what I saw, and whether the rest of you believe me or not is not my problem." She countered harshly. I didn't know whether to believe her about it or not, but she'd been a friend to me and I wasn't going to question it. If push came to shove, I'd back her whether I believed it or not.

"Sometimes telling those who care for you about the problems that might come back to haunt you can help you better face them when they do come up." Oghren said almost sagely. We all looked at him. "Hey, if I'd brought up Branka's madness with the rest of the House, she would not have been able to just walk off with them and get the entire House killed." He shrugged. "So learn from mistakes. Even if they aren't yours."

I nodded and held Zev's other hand.

"We all know you came here on some kind of death wish after one of your last missions." Alistair said. "So talk to us Zevran." He stood beside Zev and put his hand on his shoulder. "I might regret not being able to save my brother, but I can't change the past and I'm going to move forward. Hell, I might even decide to take the throne after all. This little adventure has been a huge growing point for me."

Zev sighed before stepping away from us both.

He stood with his back to us all. "You know I'm an Antivan Crow. Or was anyway. Some of us work in teams. I was a member of a three man group." I moved to take his hand and he looked at me. "We worked together for years, and we were close. But that mission I took...was to kill one of my own team and the only other woman I've ever cared for until now."

"So you loved someone other than Elissa." Alistair sounded concerned.

"I'm not sure it really was love. We were just close friends, all three of us. We were each others companions. But the both of us...we killed her over false orders. We were told she was betraying us and given proof. When we went to kill her, she begged us not to. She looked me in the eyes and swore she wasn't betraying me. I'd slept with her for years, I knew how to read her as well as I could read Taliesen. It was my job." Zev said.

He brought my hand up and held it against his heart. "I might not have been the one to kill her, but I didn't stop him either. And when I found out that she was telling the truth, that we had killed her over nothing, I wanted to quit. The only way to quit the Crows is to die. Taliesen continued to cover for me for a while, making it seem like I was still in it. I'm not sure how much longer he could have kept up the image."

"So you took this job..." Alistair started.

"I took the job to kill the remaining Ferelden Wardens because I wanted to die, yes. What I let him do was wrong and it hurt too much to keep going." Zev said. "I'd hoped to die by your hands because I'm weak and stupid."

"You're not." I said quickly.

Alistair shook his head. "No. You aren't. But you don't want to die still, do you?" He asked.

Zevran looked up at him. "I've stopped wanting to die the moment I started to get to know Elissa and you."

"Good." I said. I smiled when he faced me again and reached to touch his cheek with my left hand again. "No more pain, alright?"

He nodded before covering my hand.

"So, you're a literal backstabber." Oghren said. Zev tensed at the insult. "What keeps you from doing it again?"

"Learning from my mistakes." Zevran said to him and Oghren nodded with approval. "And I'd lose mi amor." He said quietly to me.

"I don't want you to die." I said.

"Well, we should probably hurry through these trials." Alistair said. "It'll be easier to talk when we're not surrounded by ghosts."

I looked up and realized he was right. Around the long room were several ghostly beings. They weren't really looking at us or each other though.

"Afraid of ghosts Alistair?" Zevran sounded teasing.

It was nice to see him not so serious and dark.

I liked his playful nature.

I stepped up to the first ghost to my side and was presented with a riddle.

I frowned as it was relayed to me. "Echoes from the shadow realm, whispers of things yet to come. Thought's strange sister dwells in the night, is swept away by dawning light. Of what do I speak?"

I looked at the others.

"Guess riddles." Alistair sighed.

I looked back to the ghost. "Dreams." I said.

Instead of responding, it nodded and vanished and the door at the far end of the hall started to open.

"I get it, we have to answer the riddles of these ghosts to go forward." Leliana said. "This should be easy enough."

I nodded and moved to the next ghost.

"I'd neither a guest nor a trespasser be; in this place I belong, that belongs also to me. Of what do I speak?"

"Home." Oghren said first.

He must have been right because the door opened further when the ghost nodded before disappearing.

"A poison of the soul, passion's cruel counterpart; from love she grows till love lies slain. Of what do I speak?"

"Jealousy." Leliana answered.

"She wields the broken sword, and separates true kings from tyrants. Of what do I speak?"

"Mercy." Zevran smiled at me when he answered.

"No man has seen it but all men know it. Lighter than air, sharper than any sword. Comes from nothing, but will fell the strongest armies. Of what do I speak?"

"Hunger." Alistair and I both answered. I laughed as the ghost nodded and vanished.

"The bones of the world stretch towards the sky's embrace. Veiled in white, like a bride greeting her groom. Of what do I speak?"

"Mountains." Oghren got it first again. I was slightly surprised considering that I was still trying to figure it out as the door was opening further.

"What?" I looked down at him. "How did you know."

"I grew up in a mountain remember?" He looked up at me. "I might not have ever seen snow, but that is the white it means."

I nodded. "Huh, never thought of that. I was thinking trees." I shrugged.

We made our way to the next.

"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. The debt of blood must be paid in full. Of what do I speak?"

"Vengeance." Morrigan said.

I turned for the last as the door was nearly open. If not for the barrier, we could have been gone three ghosts ago.

"The smallest lark could carry it, while a strong man might not. Of what do I speak?"

"Oh! A tune." Leliana said quickly.

"Bard." I shook my head at her speed in answering it.

"Larks are good at singing." She said.

We watched as the door fully opened and the barrier started to fall.

XX

Our next challenge was to face ourselves.

Quite literally.

Shadow images of ourselves in combat.

At first, I thought it was supposed to be individual combat, but when I saw Zevran's shadow figure going to attack Alistair, I moved to block it.

Alistair stumbled when I bumped into him and Zev came to take out Alistair's clone, taking the attention and proving that Alistair wouldn't be much of a challenge to him in combat.

"Well, that was a bit disturbing." Alistair said as we watched his shadow dissolve.

Zev's moved back and stayed at a distance as we watched my Zev take out my clone as well, so very easily. Though I could see that he hesitated before the final blow.

"Just a bit." I nodded.

Leliana was having difficulty with hers and I realized when Zev started after Oghren's clone that he was venting on something he could kill.

He might not be a Crow anymore, but he was still a killer.

I honestly couldn't say I cared. He was fun to watch as he took over fighting Oghren's shadow clone.

I turned to watch Oghren's clone dissolve into smoke and the Dwarf sighed in relief.

Leliana jumped back when Zev got in between the two of them and within moments, caught her clone by the throat and twisted her head.

I watched her wince as she rubbed at her own neck.

He moved on to where Morrigan was just glaring at her own clone before it suddenly exploded into smoke. She stumbled and I watched Zevran reach out to steady her

"You weren't really kidding, were you?" Leliana didn't sound like she was asking. "We aren't much of a challenge to you."

Zev just shrugged.

"Yeah, disturbing." Alistair said. "Good think he's on our side, yes?"

I nodded. "I told you all it'd be good."

"Well, really it's just a good thing he likes you so much." Alistair nudged me.

I stumbled over and felt a sharp stab in my side.

Zev was instantly beside me, and then behind me and I held my right hand at my side as I fell forward and Alistair caught me.

I turned just enough to see that Zev's clone had snuck up behind us and now Zev had his own knife buried in its chest.

He was effectively killing himself.

Very disturbing indeed.

"Elissa, are you alright?" Zev asked as Morrigan hurried over to try and heal me.

I gripped Zev's hand at the burn of the Healing spell and when it died away I nodded. "Yeah. Should have been paying attention."

"Not sure I ever want to see that again." He said with a slight laugh.

"Probably not." Alistair said.

"I don't ever want to feel it again." I said as I used Zevran's shoulder to push myself to my feet.

"You're sure you're alright?" Leliana asked.

"Yes. Morrigan can heal the wound for the most part, I just get the pain still."

"Well, ready for the next trial?" Alistair asked. "Hopefully it won't be just us watching Arainai kill us all."

Zev grinned as he stood. "Very therapeutic you know. You should try it sometime."

"I'll pass, thanks." Alistair shook his head at him.

I started to head on to the next trial.

XX

The next one was rather much easier than the first or second.

No complicated thinking or fighting required.

We just had to figure out which plates to step on at each time.

I was a bit leery of crossing the bridge even after it was finished, but it didn't vanish.

As the six of us made it into the next room I was even more leery.

Morrigan hit the fire with her strongest Ice spell and it did nothing but fizzle out.

It was just a wall of impassable fire.

"I can see the Urn on the other side." Leliana said.

I tried to see for myself, but it hurt my eyes. Instead, I walked to the pedestal that stood on our side of the fire and read the inscription.

"No way." I said.

"What?" Alistair came to stand beside me. "What does it say?"

I shook my head as I took in the words.

After a moment, he stepped back as well.

"Yeah...because that's always fun." He said.

"What?" Leliana asked frowning at us.

"It basically says to shed all protection and walk through the fire pretty much...naked." I said.

Oghren laughed. "Well, doesn't that make sense then." He snorted.

Zevran raised a brow. "Well, I'm not exactly ashamed of my body, but I'd really rather not share yours." He looked me over.

I blushed slightly as I nodded.

"But...it might be our only way across it." Alistair said.

"Or we could wind up crispy critters." Morrigan said with an evil smile.

"Since Arainai has no qualms about stripping, he should test it." Alistair said.

I frowned at him. "I thought you were over not liking him?"

"Oh I am, he's just an exhibitionist."

"Big word." Morrigan sounded impressed.

Alistair flipped her off as I watched Zev start to shed his armor.

"You're doing it?" I looked at him.

"Si. Besides, I'm faster. Even if it were to burn, I can cross before I'm too injured." He said as he pulled his shirt off.

"But I don't think you have to fully strip. I mean...some kind of modesty must be allowed. Andraste herself wouldn't expect anyone to be naked in the fire...would she?" I looked at Leliana.

She shrugged. "I can't see that keeping his underwear on would be desecration of the trial..." She started. "Besides, who wants to see his ass naked anyway?" She turned away as he unlaced his pants and pushed them off while kicking off his boots.

"Elissa." Alistair said with a smirk.

Leliana and Oghren laughed as I watched Zev stand in so little before the wall of flames.

"Zev...are you sure about this?" I asked him.

"Absolutely mi amor. I've actually done this kind of thing before. Never with potentially magical fire, but with actual burning down buildings kind of fire." He shrugged.

"I...be careful then." I said.

He grinned before taking a running leap at the flames.

I held my breath as he vanished behind them.

I didn't hear him screaming or anything though...so was he alright?

"Mi amor, it is safe enough to cross it. The fire won't burn you." He called across the wall.

I almost sank in relief.

"Must I though?" I grimaced.

I watched Alistair start to undo the straps on his armor.

"This is almost humiliating." He mumbled.

"That is the idea." Leliana said. "To make us all equal. To point out that under everything we wrap ourselves in, we are all the same inside."

"True enough, but the Elf is still better looking." Oghren said as he pulled off his armor to cross as well.

I hesitated before tugging my jacket off.

I really didn't want anyone to see me. No one other than Zevran. Who I knew wouldn't judge me.

He'd called me beautiful, but he'd also seen the scars. I'd spent years training and fighting and getting hurt and healing. In my short life, I already had plenty of scars. Just a lot of small knife cuts and sword nicks and the one from tearing open my calf when I was nine and I fell from the tower into a tree. That was the worst one I had.

I looked up to see Leliana and Alistair go through the fire.

Oghren followed behind them and Morrigan gave me a curious look before she turned to go through as well.

"Come mi amor, I promise it's alright." Zev called to me.

I sighed and finally shed the shirt and pants. I wasn't getting rid of the rest.

"Don't leave the rest of us here embarrassed." Alistair said. "Rather cold for a fire." He mused.

I hesitated again before closing my eyes and starting to go through it quickly.

I felt hands touch my shoulders and looked up to see that I was on the other side.

Zev smiled at me. "See, not so bad."

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Huh, didn't know you had so many scars." Alistair commented as he looked at me. He then blushed slightly and turned away. "Sorry."

"It's...alright." I said. "I was never much of a girl."

"Not true. Girls can be fighters too." Alistair said.

I moved to head for the Urn. The sooner we got what we came here for, the sooner I could get my armor back on. "Still, I wasn't always good at fighting."

"But you are now, and that is what matters." Leliana said.

I nodded at her. "I suppose."

I felt Zev's arm around my waist. "Well, scars or no, you are beautiful to me." He said.

I smiled at him. "I know."

As we came up to the Urn, the Guardian from before appeared.

I was leery, but he merely congratulated us and made the wall of fire disappear behind us before leaving himself.

We collected up a small bit of the Ashes in a piece of paper Leliana took from a book on a body near the altar the Urn was on. Probably one of the cultists.

And I hurried to collect my stuff and get dressed again.

I was glad for the side exit that led down to a path behind where the Dragon was. It also meant I didn't have to go underground again because it was an exterior path.

Meaning no encountering a potentially deadly creature nor feeling trapped.

Brother Genitivi said he'd make his own way back to Denerim and we decided to leave him to study.

Haven was pretty eerily quiet as we passed back through at dusk.

I hadn't even realized how long we'd been in the temple.

"Good lord I could sleep for a week." Alistair said.

I nodded. "Yeah. And use a proper feast."

"With real meals." He sighed.

"And what is wrong with stew?" Leliana frowned at us.

"Nothing." I said quickly. "I've just been eating it forever now. Really, your stew is great."

She gave me a disbelieving look before laughing. "I know. Even I'm ready for a few other things too. One can only eat the same thing for so long." Leliana said.

"Indeed." Morrigan said. "I believe mother and I ate the same thing for the past ten years."

"Wow, sorry." I said. Morrigan just shrugged.

It took us another hour to get to where the others had set up camp.

XX

Three days later, we walked into Redcliff to see that the people had done a fair bit of rebuilding, guided by the Bann and Arlessa.

Bann Teagan himself was helping to put a new roof up on a house and was one of the first to see us coming in.

He waved at us as I looked at Bodahn. "You're welcome to come with us up to the castle if you'd like." I said to him.

Bodahn waved it off. "I'll see about doing some business while we're here. These people could probably use some of the stuff I've picked up from Orzammar." He said.

I nodded as the rest of us went the meet with Bann Teagan. "It is good to see you all again." He said.

"We found the Urn." I grinned.

"Seriously?" He looked wide eyed. "Then there isn't any time to waste." He motioned for us to hurry after him and led us up to the castle.

XX

The healers took the ashes from me and the rest of us wandered off to wait for results.

Morrigan and Wynne and Leliana set up in the library and Alistair and Oghren made their way to the kitchen.

"Come on Sten. Let's go settle my promise." I said to him as the others left us in the main hall.

"Yes." He nodded.

"I shall come along too mi amor." Zev said as he fell in step with me.

I leaned against him for a moment. "If you want to." I sighed.

It didn't take us but a few minutes to get down to Dwyn's house.

But this time, when I knocked, the door opened within reasonable time and without persuading.

"Back again I see." Dwyn said.

"Yes. I've heard a line of rumors that say you're in possession of a Qunari blade." I said.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not." The Dwarf gave me a wary look.

"Look, I don't want to do this the hard way, but I'm fully willing to go in there with or without your permission and search. So talk straight or move." I said.

He looked at me for another moment. "You've gotten some skill since last time." He finally stepped back and motioned us inside. It was a small, sparsely furnished place.

"I've been tracked down by an assassin, dealt with Werewolves, Fade creatures, Demons, Golems, seen both the Archdemon and a High Dragon, and lived to come back here for a single sword." I said.

He laughed and one of the other two mercenaries who lived in the house laughed from the table where they were playing cards.

"An assassin you say?" Dwyn raised a brow at me as he blindly undid the lock on a weapons chest.

"Si. I'm afraid I failed quite miserably in killing her." Zev said.

Dwyn looked up at him and laughed again. "An Antivan Crow?" He turned back to the chest as he went to flip the lid open. "It isn't just anyone who can get the better of one of you guys."

Zev shrugged as the Dwarf pulled out a sword that looked identical to the one from the Fade in the Circle.

Sten started to move forward, but actually held himself back after that first step.

The Dwarf held it out to him. "Sorry I had it. I hadn't known that its owner was still alive. I just knew it was a very good sword and the man who sold it to me had no idea how much it was worth."

Sten accepted it graciously. "Thank you."

XX

We split up as we left Dwyn's house and Sten headed back to the castle.

Zev and I walked along the bank of the lake below the castle grounds, in peace and quiet.

As we were away from the buildings and mostly out of sight of the castle, I reached to take hold of his hand.

Zev brought mine up to kiss the back of it before just keeping our hands together between us.

It was a good ten minutes before I saw a nice, flat rock that was sticking out into the lake a bit.

He nimbly jumped onto the rock and then tugged me after him.

"Sit amor." He said as he sat down on the flat surface and urged me down between his legs.

I sighed as I did settle down and leaned back against him, feeling more than a little relaxed as he wrapped his arms around me.

Listening to the water lap against the nearby shore and the side of the rock was soothing.

We could have sat here all night and I'd be happy.

As it was, we sat that way for almost half an hour, just listening to the water and I soaked in the warmth of Zevran at my back and the early evening sun at my front.

"Elissa?" Zev spoke very softly, as if he didn't want to wake me up if I was asleep.

"Mmm?" I tilted my head.

"After this is all done and over with, what do you intend to do?" He asked me.

I continued to stare out at the water.

What did I want to do? It all depended on what could happen right?

I hadn't gotten around to asking Wynne about possibly testing me, mostly because I really didn't want to get into that discussion with her. But if it turned out that I wasn't just missing a monthly, like I'd told Alistair, I'd keep and love any child with Zev.

But regardless of children, if I was alive after this Blight, I wanted to spend more time with him. I loved him, even if he didn't know if he loved me.

I wanted him for as long as he wanted to stay, and maybe I'd want a family too.

I couldn't even think about what might happen if I died fighting in this Blight.

"Amor?" He sounded questioning.

"I...I don't really know. I mean...I suppose I'd want to take care of Highever after all this, make sure it's alright. But...I don't think I'll be able to be Teyrna after this. I kind of like being a Grey Warden. Not so much the adventure or battle of it, just...the idea of helping people by trying to fix the world." I said. I turned my head enough to look up at him. "What about you Zev?"

"Mmm..." He sighed. "After I help you kill that monster, I think I'd like to travel. See the world without being tied to the Crows. Maybe even go back to Antiva someday."

Right...he was a free spirit. I couldn't ever ask him to tie himself down to my desire to be a Grey Warden. It would be nice to travel with him though.

"You're not happy with that answer." He said quietly.

"It's your choice Zev. It's your future. I can't tell you where to go or what to do with it." I said.

"But you want me to stay with you." He loosened his arms from around me and I felt both hurt and like I hurt him.

"I would, I'll probably always want you to stay with me. But I don't know what is going to happen and I won't ask you to change for me, you know that."

He sighed and leaned back, causing me to tip until I righted myself and turned to look at him.

Zev had his head tilted back, looking almost relaxed as he leaned back on his arms. And yet, at the same time, he just seemed like he was struggling to find the words he wanted to say. That odd look of vague irritation and impatience.

"I know. I shouldn't have asked something I knew I didn't want to hear. You're a family woman and that means settling and caring and I...I'm not a man like that." He finished quietly, as if he was ashamed of it.

I reached out to touch his cheek. "There's nothing saying I can't learn to enjoy traveling and adventure like you."

He tipped his head forward again and gave me a gentle smile. "Or I could learn to like being a settled man."

I let the thought sink in before laughing. "You're too free Zev. But I know you'd try. And I'd be happy for as long as you stayed. Then...when you wanted to leave, I wouldn't stop you."

He leaned into my touch. "Maybe I wouldn't leave." He sighed.

I let my hand slide down to his throat, feeling his very slightly nervous heartbeat.

"It's the future, we'll figure it out as we go." I said softly.

"Si." He reached to take hold of my hand and brought it back up to kiss my fingers. "Together."

And that right there was one of the things that had me so hurt when it came to him. He behaved as if he truly and deeply cared for me. Yet he didn't know that he loved me, so he still believed he could break it off if we drifted apart. How would he feel if we had a baby?

I sighed as I started to stand up.

Zev tugged me back down with his hold on my hand and pulled me in to kiss me.

"Amor...I must know. You keep saying it, but do you truly not care about our differences?"

I stood on my knees between his legs and leaned to kiss him again. "No. I don't. I like you as you are Zev. I wouldn't change you for anything."

He smiled. "Nor I you. You...are so very special."

This time I stood up and pulled him to his feet. Sort of. Zevran always moved so fluidly that I wasn't really helping him up so much as just holding his hand.

And I kept holding his hand as we walked back along the shore towards the village.

I didn't even feel sad when he let go of my hand as we came back in sight of the houses.

He wasn't one for flashy public displays.

When we got up to the castle, we were let in and one of the guards led us to where the rest of our group were getting food with some of the soldiers.

"So, the ashes worked." Alistair said. "Or at least, that's what the healers told me."

Leliana nodded. "Yes. They said he'd take a bit to recover, but that he was already getting better."

I sighed as I sat at the table across from them while Zev went to the laden table to gather us both plates of food. "That's good. Any estimation on how long he'll take?" I asked.

Alistair shook his head. "They said it could be days or even weeks depending on his own strength. But I know he's a tough man."

I glanced up as Zev moved to sit beside me on the other side from Leliana. He slid a plate in front of me and I sighed as I saw something other than stew or roast for the first time in a while.

XX

After dinner, and a few rounds of cards, we were shown to the guest rooms again.

Bann Teagan motioned down the hall at the four rooms. "You've got more people this time, so I've told the servants that you'll probably have to be sharing."

I nodded. "We're used to it." I said. Alistair nodded.

"Well, I've had them put your things in different rooms for you. Enchanter Wynne and Sister Leliana have been paired up as well as you and your other Mage." Bann Teagan said. Alistair snickered. "Something wrong?" Bann Teagan looked at him.

"No, sorry. Just...Morrigan probably won't appreciate that much." He said.

"Well, we also had you and the Antivan paired up with your other two companions in the last room." Bann Teagan finished. "And your Mabari has already settled in obviously at the end of the hall."

"We can rearrange ourselves, it's not a problem." Leliana said.

"Why would you need to?" Bann Teagan frowned.

"Well...Elissa and Arainai..." Alistair tried to hint, but wasn't all that good at it.

Bann Teagan must have understood it regardless because he looked at Zev and I.

"Cousland, it is not my place to say, but you do know the position you still hold among us, right?" He asked.

I raised my brow at him. "I'm more than aware Bann. Have you forgotten?"

I was Teyrna, he was merely a Bann. My rank was technically second highest in Ferelden among the nobility. Second only to the King, who was dead.

Which meant that only Loghain Mac Tir stood on my level. My mother might have failed to raise me as a little girl, but she had drilled in politics and social studies. I hated it, but I did know how to handle it. I just really didn't want to.

I wasn't kidding when I said I'd rather be just a Grey Warden. Protecting the innocent and saving the world was more fun than I complained about.

Bann Teagan shook his head. "I am merely pointing out that he is an Elf and you have an image to uphold."

"An image that would be ruined by having a world class Antivan Crow assassin as a lover?" I looked up at him.

He looked a hint nervous. "Regardless of his guild, it wouldn't do to associate so familiarly–"

"I really don't care Bann Teagan. If others wish to judge me based on Zevran, we can politely remind them that I was the best of not only my family, but the whole of the Cousland soldiers. And Antivan Crows, present and former, are still formidable to contend with." I said. "Let them judge me. I'll associate with who I choose. And that includes Antivan Crows, Orlesians, the Dwarves of Orzammar, and a Qunari here and there." I smiled. "As well as Mages."

Bann Teagan nodded. "Very well. I see you're as strong willed as Bryce said you were. I just hope you can keep that will when you get to Denerim. The others of our social standing will probably not back down as easily as Eamon and I would. But we've known your family on more friendly basis."

I sighed. "I know. Believe me. We've had nothing but pressure." I said.

"We'll sort ourselves out." Alistair said. "I think...Oghren and Sten will share. Wynne, if you don't mind Morrigan and her cranky mood. Leliana...if you don't mind me?"

She shook her head. "Or perhaps we can have you and Oghren share a room, I'll share with Morrigan, Wynne and Sten will be alright in the same room, and that might work better."

I watched the rest of the group nod, except for Sten, who just shrugged. "Settled then." I said.


	24. Chapter 24

AN: A double day because I decided that since I was terrible for not posting on the right days, even though I know that isn't my fault 100% I still feel like I've let you all down, I will put up two chapters. Please forgive my negligence and enjoy!

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Chapter 24

It was the day before Satinalia when Bodahn found me and handed over a box. "I'm hoping I selected some good things for you. I do believe you are one of the only ones who celebrate." He said.

I nodded. "Thank you Bodahn." I looked down at the covered box.

It didn't look all that big.

But I carried it back to the room I shared with Zev and set it on the bed to open it.

There were a handful of neat things in it and I could identify who he'd picked the things out for just by looking at them.

Other than the boots which I'd gotten, I also saw another thing I assumed was for Zevran. I held up the bottle to the light and I liked the way it shined through it.

I collected the things back together and stuffed most back into the box.

I kept out a couple things and went to go find my friends. It was a bit early, but I didn't think they'd mind getting things today.

XX

Sten wasn't hard to find, and neither was Oghren.

Leliana and Morrigan took me a little longer to locate.

It was almost dinner by the time I found Alistair and Wynne to give them their gifts.

I left Zev's for last and I decided to wait until after dinner to give him his gifts.

Our group was as lively as ever when we ate and played a few rounds of cards.

The Arl was almost well enough to see us and I told Bann Teagan we'd see him after Satinalia to ensure he was recovered.

When we all went up to bed, well after the sun had gone down, I closed the door to our room and turned to see Zev reaching for the box.

"Wait." I spoke up before he could pull the lid off. I should have known to hide it.

"It's yours?" He looked at me.

"Sort of." I hurried over and moved it off the bed. "I...wasn't sure if you celebrated Satinalia, but Bodahn helped me get things anyway."

"I see." He nodded. "I never did do much in the way of gifts, but I thought you might." Zev reached for his bag on the desk beside where I set the box. I watched him open it up and he pulled out a silver pendant on a delicate chain.

It was a beautiful and intricately designed pendant of a crow in flight, wings spread wide. I could actually see individual feathers on it.

Zev reached out as he unclasped the fastening of the chain and I brought my hand up to touch over the crow as he fastened the chain at the back of my neck. The pendant settled quite nicely just above my breast.

"It's...beautiful Zev."

"I saw it the other day in the village and I knew it would suit you." He said as he traced his fingers over the chain. "You like it?"

"Very much so." I nodded. I turned to open the box and hesitated. "I...hope you like these." I said as I pulled the boots out.

He took them in his hands and I could see the awe on his face.

"I've wanted a pair of these for years now." He said. "But they always cost more than I could ever afford."

"I found them in Haven, but that isn't your real present." I said. "I just thought you'd like them. Alistair was the one who actually saw them first."

"And he didn't get them? These are very good quality." Zev said. I watched him move to sit on the end of the bed and kick his boots off to replace them with the Antivan Leather ones. "Mmm, now these feel nice." He sighed. "I've been needing new boots."

"I noticed. And I figured I'd be getting everyone new gear if they needed it while we were either here in Redcliff or when we got to Denerim." I said.

"You spoil me amor." Zev said as he leaned back and I smiled as he flexed his feet in the boots. He looked like a child in a candy store.

"I like to." I turned for the box again. "Bodahn said he'd found this for me and I really don't know if it's one you'd like...but..." I pulled the bottle out of the box and held it out to him.

Zevran sat back up to take it. I watched as he looked it over. "He found this?" Zev asked with a frown. I nodded. "He must have better connections than he lets on."

"So it is good?" I asked a little worried.

"Mmm, not entirely sure about that. I've only had this once before. It was...different." He tilted his head to the side as he tried to open the bottle. "I wouldn't say it's bad exactly, but just an acquired taste. I liked it, but most might not here. I've noticed a lot of your Ferelden alcohol is rather...bland. This might be a bit strong to you." He finally got the cork out.

"I've had Antivan liquor before." I said. "My sister-in-law was Antivan."

"Still, you were most likely a child and might not really remember the taste." He said before taking a drink straight from the bottle. I watched him close his eyes. "Yes, this is good." He sighed. He looked up at me and held it out to me.

I took the bottle in both hands and hesitated before taking a sip.

It was sweet, but not like the orange flavor of the bottle my parents had let me try years ago.

Very strong though. I held it back to him. "What is that flavor?" I asked as I moved to sit beside him.

"Passion fruit. This is a fairly rare batch. And one of the best ones." He said.

"It's good."

"You like sweet things, don't you?" He looked at me. I nodded. "Then you'd probably like the others from this particular maker. Sweet and strong. One of my favorite makers."

He took another drink of it and handed it to me.

We went back and forth for a few more drinks as he told me about the different alcohols he'd drank over the years. This whole travel was the first time I'd ever had anything more than a tiny sip and I could tell.

So could he. "You're a lightweight." Zev grinned.

"Well sorry." I mumbled as I leaned forward. I didn't feel sick or anything, but I was lightheaded.

He just laughed and put the cork in the bottle and set it on the floor beside his boot. "Mmm, that's alright mi amor. I know exactly how to make you feel better."

"I'm fine." I said as he urged me to scoot back.

I faintly heard the sound of his boots hitting the floor as I laid back with my head nearly on the pillows.

I closed my eyes so I could only hear it as Zev pulled off his shirt.

"Yes, but this is better." His hands undid the laces on my boots and he dropped them to the floor behind him. I heard the bottle fall over, but I knew he'd closed it tightly enough.

I cracked open my eyes as he nudged my shirt up. I shifted as he worked to take it off and threw it to the floor as well.

I watched as he sat back on his calves to undo the lacing on my pants before easing me up enough to pull them down my legs.

His hands were gentle as he pulled the fabric from me.

"What are you doing?" I mumbled.

"Making you feel better." He said as he urged me to turn over.

I sighed as I moved and turned my head to not be face forward in the sheet. I could see him a little from my angle.

He moved over my calves and I drew in a breath when he touched my lower back.

"You've been fighting so much, what with all the Darkspawn along the roads since Haven and you're tense." He said.

"I know. I like traveling, I really do, but not like this. I enjoy fighting, but not for my life." I said.

"But you have to and it's hurting you." He put pressure with his warm hands as he moved them over my back. I sighed as I closed my eyes. "So I will make you feel better."

"You already do Zev." I said.

He made a low laugh. "Si, I know. But this is different."

I groaned as he pushed up to leave the bed.

"Hmm?" I turned my head to watch him go to his bag.

"Just a moment mi amor." He said as he pulled a small bottle from a hard case that he set on the desk. I watched him pop the top off and sniff at it before looking thoughtful. He set it back in the case after sealing it again and then picked up two more to do the same before settling on the third and bringing it back to the bed with him.

"What is that?" I asked.

"Oil." He said as he climbed back onto the bed with me. I sighed as he held the bottle over the lamp flame for a moment. "Mmm, hot." He mumbled as he pulled it back.

I couldn't see him exactly, but judging from his angle, I could tell as he tipped the bottle over his hand, dripping some of the oil into his palm.

He reached to set the bottle beside the lamp on the table, just about laying over me, before sitting back again.

"You've done this before."

"Si. But never to someone I cared for before. And not exactly often. It's something the women taught me in the brothel. One of my many training sessions. Though they hadn't taught it to me to be used on someone I cared about."

"So that means you don't care for me?" I closed my eyes as the warm oil and his hands had me relaxed as he worked.

I'd never had anyone do anything like this before. It was nice.

I heard Zev laugh. "Contrary. I care a lot. Before, I usually did this in a much less careful manner."

"To hurt?" I frowned for a split second.

"No, but I didn't care so much if they were uncomfortable either." He said.

The familiar scent of the oil kind of smelled nice.

It was another few moments before I managed to speak again. My lightheadedness wasn't helping. "What is in that?" I asked.

"It's a particular mix that I make myself." Zev said. "I rarely use it on anyone but myself." He moved both hands over my shoulders. "This one is Elfroot, Embrium, and Crystal Grace."

I sighed. "Knew I smelled Embrium." I mumbled.

"It's very effective. I've got another oil I'd love to try with you on a different time." Zevran said. "This one is just to make you feel better though."

"Mmm." I felt almost half asleep by the time he leaned over me, I certainly hadn't noticed when he removed the last of my clothes.

His hands moved down my arms and he twined his fingers with mine.

I tilted my head as I felt him kiss the side of my neck and he trailed tiny bites over my left shoulder and partly across to my right.

"Feel better mi amor?" He spoke softly against my ear.

"Mmm, much." I sighed.

I hadn't realized how tense and sore I was until he started working on me.

"Good." He said.

Zev kept his hands covering mine as he brought my hands up near my head. He pressed himself against me and I groaned at the warmth of his skin. I loved his warmth.

It was nice. Down here in Ferelden we were known for our cooler temperatures.

"Elissa?" He nipped my earlobe gently.

"Mmm?"

"No falling asleep on me."

I was only slightly startled when Zev thrust into me from behind. It was different from how I'd expected sex to be and he didn't give me a lot of preparation, massage aside. The suddenness of it was maybe just a small part of the draw.

The angle had me feeling him a bit more.

I groaned as he slammed into me and I could hear the sound of him sliding in and out of me. Part of it was the oil, but mostly it was just me getting quickly aroused by his aggression.

He didn't even break away from me as he urged my hips up because I followed as he pulled away.

I could hear it as he started losing his even breathing. I'd long lost that, and maybe a little of my sanity as well.

There was just something about Zevran that I couldn't resist.

Maybe it was his passion, maybe it was just that he'd been my first, and if I was really lucky my only. I didn't know. But I did know that I loved him.

I felt it as he used his position of dominance to set the pace, slowing it down or pushing me past my limits. After he had drawn me to the edge several times, just to the point of feeling that tidal crash before pulling it back again, I was frustrated.

"Zev." I moaned his name, begging for him to finish properly.

"Not yet mi amor." He said with a shaky laugh.

I heard him groan as he drew fully out of me, and I wanted to curse at him. But he urged me to turn onto my back and then settled himself between my thighs.

He lifted my hips and slid himself into me.

It was erotic, being able to see the way our bodies met with how he was up on his knees. It also gave him slightly better ability to go harder than before.

I gripped the sheet with my left hand as his slipped from my hip to hold my right.

I looked up to see him breathing harder as he strained for control. The sweat that made his skin glisten in the lamp light was also a testament to how much effort he put into making love with me.

The feeling of him driving into me seemed like it staggered for a second and I groaned as he let go of my hand in order to press just lightly on my nerve center. The light touch turned briefly hard and firm before he let up and that was enough to have that bubble of pleasure crash over me.

I cried out his name as I saw nothing for a moment despite my open eyes. The waves hitting me were just so intense.

"Mmm...Elissa. You drive me crazy." He groaned as I felt him spill into me.

"Good." I mumbled.

I looked up at him, seeing his closed eyes and look of satisfaction.

Slowly, our breathing evened back out and he slid from me, limp again. I shifted over to let him lay beside me and he reached to pull the blankets over us.

Zev pulled me to lay half on him and I rather enjoyed the feeling of his hot, naked body against mine.

"I love you Zev." I said softly.

He just sighed and kissed me, eyes still closed.

I was going to keep telling him because that's how I felt, but I knew I could never expect him to say it back until he knew that it was how he felt too.

XX

I could hear talking as I woke up and it sounded like Zev and Leliana.

"You think it'll come to that?" Leliana asked.

"I don't know." Zevran said. "All I know is that I don't ever want to put her in that position."

They were quiet and I almost dozed out again before Leliana spoke again.

"You love her, don't you?" She asked.

"I honestly don't know." He spoke quietly, almost afraid of his own answer. "I've never felt like this about anyone else, that's true. There are so many things about her I admire and teasing her is far more fun than it probably should be. Not the same as with you and Morrigan, but...honest."

"You keep having that feeling that you wish nothing would ever happen to her?" Leliana asked.

"Si. And I will do whatever it takes to make sure I am not the one who ever causes her trouble if I can help it. I know the Crows will come after me. One can't just walk away from them. Maldición Leliana...I have never in my life wanted to be someone else."

I heard the sound of one of them moving and faintly felt the foot of the bed dip. "But for her, you do. All those feelings are little parts of love. Wanting her safe, wanting to be playful with her, being attracted to her, wanting to change to better suit her, all are part of loving someone."

"Have you ever felt like this?" He asked and I cracked my eyes open enough to see that they both had their backs to me, Leliana sitting on the chair by the desk and Zev at the foot of the bed.

Leliana sighed. "A little. I thought I loved someone, but it's more complicated than that. Especially for those in our lines of work. We are trained to not get attached to anyone."

"Because we might one day have to kill them. It's easier to kill when you won't be tearing a part of yourself out to do it."

"And you'd be doing that?" Leliana asked.

I closed my eyes again as Zev looked over his shoulder.

"Si. Rinna...while I hate it, it wasn't as if she meant the world to me, but Elissa...I think I'd rather die than hurt her."

"Then I believe you have your answer. And I wouldn't worry so much about the Crows. Way I hear it, Elissa has a very skilled former member on her side who'll know what to watch for to keep her safe."

Zev huffed a laugh. "You give me more credit than I earn."

"No. You're a trained killer Zevran, just as I am. But we are still human too." He snorted. "You know what I mean."

He laughed. "Si. I am learning with her. And I will always protect her. Even if she did ever decide to get rid of me for someone of her own status."

"Meaning the nobility part?" Leliana asked.

Zev nodded. "She always says it doesn't matter to her, and I want to believe her, but I know what I am Leliana. I'm the bastard son of an Elven whore who doesn't even know who his father is other than the fact that I know he was an Elf, and I was bought and trained to be a killer by a leading family of the Antivan Crows, and I have no name or means to give her what she deserves."

Leliana stood up, likely to get ready to leave. "You're also the caring, gentle, playful man whom Elissa loves dearly and would likely face the Archdemon for and we both know how scared she is of that. Your name and heritage mean nothing to her because she's not that kind of woman." He sighed. She moved for the door. "It'll take time, but she is right, you're not the man we thought of you as. And now you need to believe that too. You can change, for her. Use your past to give the both of you a future."

He sighed again as she left the room and I heard the door close.

I listened as he got up and I felt the bed shift again.

I could faintly hear his footsteps, even barefoot as he was, as he moved to the side of the bed and I could tell when he knelt beside me.

He spoke in soft Antivan as I felt him pick up a lock of my hair. His fingers ran through my hair and I slowly started to open my eyes.

"Mmm." I mumbled as I turned to press my face against his palm. "Morning amor." I said softly.

He smiled. "Good morning mi amor."

"How long have you been up?" I asked.

"Since dawn." He said as I started to push to sit up. I groaned. The massage had felt amazing last night, but my body was starting to work out the rest of the soreness. "Turn over." He said as he nudged me to do so.

I laid on my stomach again and felt it as he pulled the blanket down to my waist.

I watched as he reached for the small bottle he'd left on the table from last night.

This time I could watch as he dripped some into his hand.

"You need more rest Elissa. Sleep in." He urged.

"You're the expert." I mumbled.

"Mmm, I thought it was teenagers who were the experts in sleeping in and relaxation." He teased as his hands warmed the oil before spreading it over my back.

I huffed a laugh. "I wish. I guess I'm a bad teenager."

"After the Archdemon is dead, I'll see to it you can have your last bit of teenage fun." He laughed.

"Mmm." I sighed as his warm hands eased the rest of the soreness from my body. "You sound old when you say that." I mumbled.

He snorted another laugh. "So be it. You like older men."

"Correction. I like one older Elf." I groaned as his actions were soothing.

"Good, because I only like one younger woman." He leaned from beside the bed to kiss me. "Now, rest some more." He said.

It was another half hour as his hands moved over my skin before I finally fully dozed off.

XX

I could smell food when I woke up next and started to sit up, feeling a lot better than I had before. I could really use a bath, but I felt good for the first time in what felt like months.

"Finally up again?" Zevran asked from the window seat.

I looked at him with a yawn. "Yeah. Feels good to finally be not sore."

"I would hope so. The stuff I use is supposed to be potent. I'll have to make more at some point though." He motioned to a plate on the desk. "I brought you some of the food from the lunch feast."

I sighed as I reached for the shirt that was laying on the end of the bed.

It looked like mine from last night.

"Mmm, you're wonderful." I said as I climbed off the bed. "Only thing that would make right now the most perfect would be a good bath."

"I can see about that if you'd like." He moved to get off the window seat and I picked up the plate.

"After I eat." I said. "What were you drawing?" I frowned at the book in his hand.

"You." He grinned. He flipped it open and I was a little in awe. He'd drawn a fairly good sketch of the lake view from the window and an even better one of me in bed. A slightly erotic one of me in the bed.

I flushed slightly as I looked at it. "You would draw me like that?"

"Of course mi amor. I do greatly love your body. And I'd like to keep my fond memories of this place." He said. "Now, eat and I'll see about getting you a bath." He leaned to kiss my forehead before heading for the door.

I sighed as I watched him leave.

Lunch was good, but not nearly as great as seeing him in what looked like a new pair of pants and a nicer green shirt than I'd ever seen on him.

I frowned as I ate until I realized those must have both been new.

XX

Zevran was amazing. He'd managed to convince the servants of the castle to bring up a small tub and fill it halfway with warm, almost hot, water.

As I climbed back out after soaking, I looked at where he was sitting in the chair backwards facing me, drawing in his book again.

"If anyone ever sees that book, I'm burning it." I said as I wrapped the towel sitting on the end of the bed around myself.

"No one will ever see it amor. It is mine, and mine alone." He said as he finished up his lines and then blew off the dust from the charcoal stick he was using.

He wiped his fingers off on his pants after putting the charcoal stick into another small bottle with others.

"I take it you've been shopping this morning?" I raised a brow as I looked at the folded clothes on the desk.

"Yes, Leliana and I went out with Baron to get some things for the rest of the group. I wanted to get you some new things since Alistair and Morrigan had told me that you didn't have much when I asked if they wanted things."

"Why did you go for new clothes anyway?" I frowned as I got dressed in the new lacy underthings. Zev really liked them and I had to admit, these were nice. I'd have never expected to find them in Redcliff.

"Alistair is getting a bit rank and there is only so many times he can wash the smell out while we travel. I'm starting to think the Darkspawn are finding us by his stench." Zevran said. "Has the man never heard of using perfume?"

"You do?" I raised a brow at him as I pulled on the admittedly softer pants. I liked these too.

"Eh, not so much. My oils work for me. The Elfroot one I use helps with tired muscles as well as smells good."

"So that's why you always smell so good?" I laughed. "Makes sense now."

He laughed as he tucked the book and the jar of charcoal in his bag.

"I asked Bodahn if he could find me Vandal Aria somewhere." He watched me pull on the shirt he'd obviously bought for me. It was also nice. A little rougher than the fancy clothes my mother had tried to get me into, but softer than the almost stiff shirt I'd been wearing all week.

"What for?" I frowned as I looked up at him.

"Making perfume. It has a nice scent. A little light, but like honey. I think it'd go well with you."

"You can do that?" I asked as I tied my sash around my waist. I may not be wearing my armor today, since I'd be staying inside Redcliff, but I was damn sure going to be wearing my swords.

"Si. It's not that hard. I can even do it while we travel. It is really quite simple." He shrugged.

I started for the door and he moved to follow.

I paused as I reached the door.

"Where did you find the money for all this?" I asked.

He laughed. "The soldiers of Redcliff are very willing to lose coin in seeing me spar with Sten it seems. Plus, I'm very good at Wicked Grace."

I looked back at him. "You did all that before I got up?"

"Not really. I played the soldiers last night remember? Sten and I did a little morning workout when most of the soldiers were getting up and they watched."

"You didn't hurt him, did you?" I started to pull the door open.

"Of course not mi amor. He and I get along quite well." Zev said as we left the room.

XX

We spent most of the day relaxing with the rest of our group and it was rather fun.

I got to watch a session between Zevran and Sten and he was right, the soldiers around here would pay to see them fight.

As I sat on the fence watching, Alistair nudged me. "Wonder how much they'd pay to see you and Arainai?"

"He can beat me easy enough."

"I don't know about that. You're getting a lot better. I'd say you might stand a good chance against him now."

I snorted. "Maybe now that he is tired from sparring with Sten."

"You never know." Alistair said.

I watched as Zev put Sten on the ground again before helping him back up.

Sten had a fair bit of respect for Zev, if for nothing other than his skill.

When we finally made our way back in for dinner, Zev had a nice pouch of coins, even after splitting with Sten.

The Arl came down for dinner and I could see that he was mostly recovered.

I sat laughing with my group when he came to the table we had taken over.

"Warden." Arl Eamon spoke and Alistair and I both looked up at him.

"Arl." I stood up.

"I understand you are to thank for my recovery." He said.

I shook my head. "Only partly."

"At any rate, Teagan and Isolde have told me all that has transpired since I became ill and I would like to thank you for taking care of this problem for us." He made a slight bow.

I held up my hands. "Really, it was nothing. It's part of being a Grey Warden."

He sighed. "Teagan explained that the Blood Mage responsible for this problem is still in custody."

"Eh, responsible is a subjective term in this case." I tilted my head. "Jowan did poison you, and he did attempt to teach Connor magic, but the actual disaster that affected Redcliff was in majority actually Connor's fault." I said.

He frowned at me. "My son caused the dead to assail my village?"

"Sort of. He was learning magic and got possessed because he isn't in a suitable environment for learning such things. Loghain was the one who ordered Jowan to poison you in exchange for his freedom. So as I see it, it's basically a really bad collection of bad decisions. Of multiple parties." I shrugged.

"And you managed to get all this out of such a short interaction with us?" He moved to sit at the table as I could see he was taking this as too much.

"Helps that I'm observant in social situations." I nodded.

"What would you do about this?" He looked at myself and Alistair.

"I'm not the greatest fan of Blood Mages." Alistair said.

"I personally would send Connor to the Circle to learn under proper teachers." I said. "He'll need it. And it isn't as if they'd forbid you from seeing him."

"And the Blood Mage?" Arl Eamon asked.

"I'd either take him in the Wardens or send him back to the Circle, but to kill someone just because they don't want to be treated poorly seems a way to only increase the divide." I said with a shrug.

"Divide?" Alistair looked at me with confusion.

I nodded. "It's not as if it's hidden you know. Mages have been fighting for their freedom as much as anyone. Except in Tevinter of course."

"You support Mages?" Arl Eamon asked.

I shook my head. "I wouldn't say that exactly. I support the concept of the Circle being little more than a center of learning and knowledge, like it is in Tevinter. There, Mages rule and I don't think that is such a great thing in itself, but it does show that magic isn't inherently evil like most seem to think."

Wynne nodded. "You believe that Mages should be treated the same as any other person."

"To a degree, yes. I mean, you're not the same at all, but in the same way that Templars aren't like normal people either. My father used to tell me that being strong didn't mean you were right–"

"It meant that you had the responsibility to protect those who weren't." Arl Eamon finished. "Bryce was a good man. And I can see that he raised you to follow your values as well."

I nodded. "He and Fergus made sure I was strong, and I'm glad I became a Grey Warden because it gives me the chance to stand with an organization focused on peace and protection."

Alistair smiled. "You are a good Warden."

Zev nodded. "I believe you fit their ideals nicely." He said.

The Arl sighed. "Alright. I'll see to it that Connor goes into training at the Circle. And I'll send the Blood Mage back as well."

"Thank you." I nodded.

"Now, about dealing with Loghain and addressing this Blight business." The Arl brought his hands up to cross his arms over the table.

XX

As we discussed the Landsmeet the Arl was going to call, and the fact that we'd have to travel to Denerim to do it, I caught sight of Zevran leaning over the table as if he was tired.

Alistair grumbled as the Arl brought up his heritage, but he wasn't complaining nearly as much as he used to. It was almost more of a reflex than actual disagreement to the plan.

The others had long headed off for bed and I realized how late it was when the changing of the guard had several men come in for late night snacks at the end of their shift.

I stood up as I watched Zev actually start to lean over sideways.

Alistair reached out as I did and caught his shoulder.

"Zev, you can go to bed too." I said. I covered my mouth as I yawned. "Maker, we probably all should."

"Is it that late already?" The Arl looked up at several of the guard in the main room around us. "I hadn't even noticed."

"Yeah. Honestly, I'm not sure how much of this I'll remember in the morning." Alistair yawned.

"I'm fine mi amor. Just dozed off." Zev started to stand up as the other two men did.

"Mi amor?" Arl Eamon frowned. I pulled back my hand from touching Zev's arm as I turned to look at the older man. "That's an intimate Antivan phrase." He looked at us both.

"Look, don't get into it. I really don't care about status and lineage and it just annoys me." I said.

"Bryce's child...with an Elf." The Arl sighed. "Not sure if he'd be displeased or not to be honest."

I shrugged. "My parents didn't mind Oriana, they wouldn't mind Zevran."

"Yes, but Fergus' wife was human." The Arl pointed out as we started out of the room.

I reached to hold Zev's hand. It wasn't as if anyone could make me not want to. Despite his lack of desire to show intimacy around others, Zev let me hold his hand and even twined our fingers together to show support to me.

"So? My parents would want me to be happy above all and even if they didn't like the fact that Zevran has pointed ears, I'm sure father would love having another son as skilled as Zevran is." I said. "My father valued ability more than blood remember? He brought an Elven kid back just to be my friend and then trained him to be a soldier of the castle."

Zev sighed as Alistair broke away from us to head down the hall. My fellow Grey Warden put his hand on Zev's shoulder as a sign of support before passing him and it made me feel better.

Alistair had accepted Zev finally. As one of the team and as someone I loved.

"Very well, but please try to remember that you are a noble, despite being a Grey Warden." The Arl said.

"Hard for me to forget when everyone around me keeps reminding me." I replied before making a very slight bow. "Now, goodnight Arl, we'll see you in the morning."

Zev let me tug him with me when I turned to head for our room.

He closed the door behind him and I finally let go of his hand.

I was just reaching for my shirt hem when Zev came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed the side of my neck before I felt his breath against my ear. "Mmm, you are so beautiful when you defend me."

I tilted my head to give him better access as his hands moved to tug at my shirt. "I just want people to see you for who you are. I want people to see the man I love. Not an Elven Antivan Crow." He kissed the arch of my neck again and I jolted when he nipped the sensitive skin over my pulse.

"But you don't mind me being an ex-Antivan Crow." He said softly.

"Mmm, no." I sighed. "I like it. But you're more than that and people should see that too."

He pressed his lips against my shoulder and just held me for a moment.

Had I said something wrong?

He finally sighed and I felt his arms fall from around me.

"You really are too good for me." He said as he moved to sit on the end of the bed.

"I'm just me." I frowned as I started to step closer to him.

Zev shook his head and unconsciously, I stopped moving too. "I don't deserve to be here." He said. "This isn't me being sad, so don't worry. I just want you to hear me out." I nodded. "No matter what happens in the future, you will always be special to me Elissa. Like no one else. I was raised knowing I am expendable and replaceable. Every Crow is, despite what others might think. Children are pretty much free where I come from and orphans are everywhere you look. Antivan Crows have strict training that is brutal and it hardens a child like nothing else will."

"You never deserved that pain." I said softly. He sighed as he looked up at me.

"I won't say I didn't want it at the time. Being either a whore for the rest of my life or an Assassin, any foolish little boy would choose the mystery and intrigue of the life of a rogue. Humans find Elves attractive by nature. It's part of us. That's why I chose to be a Crow like I am. Taliesen could never pull off the missions the way I do." Zev said. "And I know, before you say it, you love me for me, not just my body. I truly thank you for giving me the chance to be me again and for caring about who I am. I've worn this image for so long I was starting to believe it myself."

"I do love you for you Zev. But I like your body too." I sat beside him and leaned into him.

He laughed. "Good." He smiled at me before looking at the floor. "When I was bought by House Arainai, I was one of almost a dozen recruits for that season. We lived together, we were trained together, and we trusted each other. I thought that was how it was going to be. Part of our training, which I came to realize after several days, was to break any and all trust."

I frowned as he reached to hold my hand. "Within the first couple of weeks, I'd been broken more times than I could count. By the end of the third week of my initial training, I'd killed four of my fellow recruits for failing jobs, two for attempting to stab me in the back, and one over a pitiful insult about my whore heritage. I came out of that first 'training' period as the only survivor and I trusted no one. Not even the Masters."

I tightened my hold on his hand as I kept quiet. How could such an organization do something like that? No wonder Zev had no attachment to life when we'd first met him. And it explained why he hated betrayals so much. It reminded him of his childhood and now I could really see how bad that was. I'd thought the training was just physical and mental.

"Taliesen and I were partnered, being that I was best with poisons and we used my Elven looks to maximum advantage. Not to mention my history in the brothel. But neither of us were all that great beyond doing what we were told. Then they put Rinna in our set and we worked fabulously as a team. It took me almost a year to trust them like I did. Then we worked for several years together and you know what happened." He said.

"I'm sorry Zev." I whispered.

"For what?" He looked down at me. "You make that sound like you're not going to like me anymore."

"No. Not that. I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain. I know I can't change the past, but I really don't ever want to let you go through that kind of abuse again." I said.

"That's why you're so amazing." He brought my hand up to kiss the back of it. "You asked me before about the future. I want to stay with you, I really do. But at the same time, I want to destroy the Crows as well."

I felt him squeeze my hand. "That's probably a good idea."

"Not completely destroy them, because Antiva needs them. But the way the recruits are brought into the organization needs to change. You make me realize that no one is expendable. I...want to take over my House. I don't want to stop being a Crow, I just want to make them change." He said.

"I'll be sad when you leave, but doing that is important to you." I looked down at the floor before Zev reached with his free hand to make me look at him.

"Sometimes you're dense." He smiled. "I can take over the House and stay with you."

I frowned. "Wouldn't you have to stay in Antiva though?"

"Mmm, not really." He stood up and reached to take off his shirt. I got up to change into my shift as he was getting his boots off. "Honestly, I haven't been back in Antiva for more than a couple weeks at a time in years. Most of us in my House are either in or out of Antiva City for long periods of time. By the time I get done breaking it to pieces, rebuilding it to be a more mobile House won't be much of a problem."

"And do you want to?" I turned to look at him as he moved to stand beside the bed.

He looked out the window for a moment. "I'm not really sure." He didn't sound it.

"Well, you can always travel with me until you've figured it all out." I said.

He nodded as I came to bed.

It was getting to be really nice just being with Zevran.

If not for the Blight and Archdemon on the edge of our thoughts, I could easily just believe we were a newly married couple.

As he put out the lamp, that thought brought me back to reality again.

After all was said and done, if we weren't going our separate ways...would he want to at least marry me?

It didn't really matter I suppose, being that I was a Grey Warden and he was still an Assassin, but deep inside, to that little girl who had once had an inkling of being a little girl instead of a fighter like I'd become, it would mean the world.

I couldn't bring it up to him though. I wouldn't put that kind of pressure on him. Ever.

Zevran pulled me close and I settled in against his warmth.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

The knocking on the door woke me up and I mumbled as I glanced at the window.

It was barely dawn.

"What?" Zevran called out and I looked up to see him rub his hand over his face.

The door cracked open and Alistair poked his head inside. "Sorry to wake you both up, but we need to be on the move shortly. Also, Wynne needs to see Elissa. Preferably before she gets dressed."

"Fine." I groaned as I sat up.

Alistair pulled back and the door opened further as Wynne walked past him.

She closed the door behind her and moved curtly to stand at the foot of the bed as Zevran started to get up.

He looked a little disoriented for a moment before moving for the desk to his bag.

"Alistair and I agree that you need to have a healer look you over before we continue to Denerim. Seeing how this is the best place to have anyone look at you, I figured I would handle it myself now."

"Do, please." Zevran said. "She's stubborn and keeps making excuses." He pulled a clean pair of pants and a shirt from his bag.

Wynne frowned at him. "I'm more surprised you haven't been more concerned. Being her lover at the moment and all." She still sounded like she disapproved of him.

He shrugged before pushing his pants off and pulling the clean ones on.

I caught the faintest hint of blush on Wynne's cheekbones as she turned to face me and I gave him a dry look as I watched him tighten the laces below his stomach.

He merely grinned at me before moving to sit on the edge of the bed to pull his new boots on.

"Have you no modesty?" Wynne chastised him with a glare.

"Not a bit." Zevran didn't even look up at her as he tucked his knives into the top of each boot and I noticed he was putting two in each boot instead of one like normal.

"Well, I need to check her over, so if you don't mind..." She motioned at the door.

"Not like I haven't seen her before." He started to pull his shirt on.

I sighed as I realized what it was.

He didn't trust her. It was almost comical. The Assassin didn't trust the Circle Mage healer.

Until Wynne accepted him, he wouldn't put any trust in her like he did me, or even Alistair and Baron.

I heard the snuffling at the door before the whine.

Zevran glanced at me.

"That isn't the point. An examination is meant to be private." Wynne said.

"It's alright Zev. Do you think you can take Baron outside. I'm sure Alistair already did, but he's probably just confused as to why we're leaving so early." I started to get up.

"Very well mi amor. Just yell if you need me." He collected his armor and I watched him start to pull it on as he went to the door.

Baron whined at him as he pulled it open and I could hear him conversing with my dog after the door was closed again.

"He didn't need to leave." I finally said once I was sure he was away from the door and out of hearing range.

"True enough, but I don't trust his intentions depending on the results of my spells." She said.

I could feel the faint hum of magic as she started to work while I stood near the curtained window.

I had to wonder if this was even going to be effective considering my resistance to healing type magic. Or maybe it was just invasive magic. Healing had to go into the body, as did the magic of several of our opponents over the course of our travels, and none had been very effective. Even back in the Circle Tower, Sloth had to work harder to keep me under that it seemed to on the others.

A few minutes later, she finally stepped back as if she was tired.

"Are you alright Wynne?" I moved forward to reach out in case she fell.

"I'm fine. It's just your natural resistance means I have to work harder."

That answered that theory. I'd get Morrigan to test it next time I was injured. Maybe just putting far more effort into it would have me healed like a normal person.

"So, am I as good as I say I am? Nothing is wrong with me?" I asked.

She moved to sit on the end of the bed and I was worried.

Was there something wrong? Other than being Tainted of course.

"I… I hesitate to answer that. I should, as a professional healer. But as someone who doesn't approve of your relationship..." She closed her eyes and I leaned against the desk.

She was saying what I thought she was saying, wasn't she.

"Please, just tell me Wynne." I whispered, afraid to actually know, but I needed to.

"I'm not sure if it will be good news or not to you, but I still feel disappointed in you regardless." She stood up. "When you asked me before, I didn't understand what you were wanting. Alistair explained it to me and asked me to see if I could help." She looked at me and for a moment, it was like I was staring at my mother again. Stern, unhappy with my choices, and all the motherly distaste she could manage to express. "You have a child. What you chose to do is up to you." She turned to leave and I didn't stop her.

I...was pregnant.

Not just missing a cycle to stress, but actually pregnant.

And magic could already tell.

When Wynne opened the door and left, I heard the scribble of claws on stone and looked over as I sat on the bed. Baron came to me and put his head on my lap.

Could he tell already? He was highly perceptive and his Mabari nose might have noticed something.

The door closed and a second later, I felt the bed dip next to me.

"Something the matter mi amor? Did Wynne upset you?" Zevran put his arm around me and held me close to him.

I shook my head.

Should I tell him?

What if he wasn't happy?

What if it made him angry?

What if...he hated me because of this?

"Elissa?" He sounded worried.

I stopped petting Baron and looked at Zevran.

"I...I'm alright. Just like I told you. Nothing wrong." I said.

"That is good no?" He frowned. "Why the tears?"

I shook my head and reached up to brush them away. "I'm sorry. I guess I just thought there might be something wrong and I'm glad there isn't."

"Well, I'm very glad there is nothing wrong with you. I don't think I could bear it if there was." He said with a smile.

It made me smile. I pushed to get to my feet. "Well, enough wasted time. We've got to get moving and I want to eat before we go." I said.

Baron moved away and towards the door as I went to collect clean clothes.

Zevran didn't stop looking pleased as he packed up all of his things while I changed.

I did catch him looking at me every time I looked up at him though.

When we headed out of the room, we ran into Alistair in the hallway.

"You both ready to go?" He asked as Baron wove around him.

My Mabari seemed to really like Alistair and Zevran, which made me happy too.

They were both very important people in my life right now and I was glad Baron accepted them as they were.

"Pretty much." I nodded and started to head down to the main hall.

"Good." Alistair said. "Breakfast is just about ready and afterward, we should all be heading to Denerim. Arl Eamon says it will only take a couple days to get there, but that isn't new. We've done the route before. Though we'll likely be stopping more often due to the bigger group this time. He's already sent a bird ahead to warn the estate that we're coming."

"You're rambling." I said as we walked through the doors of the hall. Soldiers were already coming in and I saw the rest of my group at a table with food.

"Go on and sit amor. I'll get us food." Zevran said. "I'll even be nice and get Alistair food too."

"And not poison it? Gee, I'm shocked." Alistair snorted a laugh.

"Mmm, I still could." Zev shrugged as he headed for where a handful of servants were putting out plates of food on the main table.

Alistair didn't seem concerned as I took my bag and Zev's towards the table my group had gotten.

I sat down beside Morrigan, leaving the end seat for Zev and I looked at them all.

"At least we got a few days rest." Leliana said cheerfully.

I nodded. "Much needed and appreciated."

She smiled at me in an odd kind of way. Strangely gentle.

"And baths." Morrigan added in. "Though some of us could have actually used one." Her look was directed at Oghren.

"I'm perfectly clean." He said.

"For a brewery." Alistair huffed as he sat beside Sten.

Oghren laughed. "Well, at least I can drink." He retorted.

"Alistair drinks." I frowned.

"I believe he was meaning you." Alistair said.

"What?" I tilted my head.

"I told them." Wynne said.

I stared at her. "Told them..." I looked at Alistair blankly for a moment before looking back at her. "Why?"

"It is important to know whether we should react differently." Wynne said. "I am of the opinion you should be sitting here in Redcliff for the remainder of this Blight business. But that would leave..." She glanced at Alistair and shook her head instead of continuing.

"Yes. And while he might be passing with a shield, we all know he has nothing between his ears." Morrigan said from beside me. "And I for one won't continue on without you."

"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence I guess." I sighed.

Sten put down the mug of what smelled like black coffee from across the table. "I do not see how she will be affected in combat due to this at such a time." He said simply.

I nodded at him. "Thank you. I'm perfectly capable as always. They're just worrying."

"Worrying about what amor?" Zev startled me as he set a plate down in front of Alistair at the end of the table and another in front of me.

I looked up as he set mugs in front of us both as well before settling with his own breakfast.

"Efficient bastard aren't you?" Alistair sounded almost impressed.

"Don't want it?" Zev raised a brow at him. Alistair wrapped an arm around his plate and glared at him. "Thought so. Now, who's worried about Elissa?"

"No one." Alistair said. "Just a running bet on whether she'll keep sleepwalking the entire way to Denerim. I'm of the vote she won't."

"I think she will." Leliana said. "She's done it half the journey so far."

I stuck my tongue out at her as the rest of the table seemed to get the hint to not tell Zevran.

I wasn't sure how he'd take it and I didn't want it to get between us just yet.

As we all finished eating, the Arl came to gather the men going with us to Denerim.

"I'll go let Bodahn and Sandal know we are heading out." Leliana said as she got up.

I nodded. "Thanks. It's up to them if they want to go though." I added.

The Arl came to our table as we were cleaning up and I stood to greet him.

"Good morning Warden Cousland." He smiled warmly. "I think that has a nice sound to it, don't you?"

I grinned. "I think my father would be pretty proud I joined."

Arl Eamon laughed. "Indeed. Are you and your companions ready?"

I nodded. "Leliana went to tell our other companions that we'll be leaving shortly, but we all have everything packed as far as I know." I looked around the table and saw nodding from most of my friends.

"Very well. In that case, let us make our way to the gates with the rest." Arl Eamon motioned for the door and I nodded before starting in that direction.

Zev caught up with me and kept at my side with Baron on my other side.

XX

It was midday before our troop took a break to eat and rations were handed out from one of the two wagons Arl Eamon had brought.

As I sat on a stump at the edge of the road in order to eat, I felt the sun blocked out and looked up to see Zevran standing in the way.

"Hmm?" I mumbled around my last bite of biscuit.

Most everyone was a slight bit away from where I was sitting aside from Baron.

"So...when were you going to tell me?" He crossed his arms as he looked down at me.

"Tell you what?" I frowned.

"You know damn well what Elissa." He snapped. "I had to find out by having Wynne ask what your plans were."

I looked at the ground as I felt angry. At myself and at Wynne. I should have told him. But she had no right to tell everyone else before I could.

"Am I not allowed to know? What are your plans?" His voice wasn't exactly raised, but just the tone itself had Baron standing up.

I reached to grab his collar to keep him from moving as he actually growled at Zev.

But it was that little growl that had Zev taking a deep breath and reaching to brush his hand over his face.

"I'm sorry if I sound angry mi amor." He spoke softer this time and I looked back up at him.

"I...I didn't know how to tell you." I felt the tears coming up at the feeling of guilt. "I wanted to, but...I didn't know how you'd feel."

Zev knelt in front of where I was sitting and reached to touch my cheek.

"A little happy...a lot terrified." He said with a soft expression on his face I could almost consider love. He looked down at Baron as he lowered his hand to touch my thigh and raised his other to pet Baron's head to assure him it was alright and that he meant no harm to me. "I should have taken precautions and I failed to. I thought that your Warden Ritual would have been enough, but I suppose it is just our luck..." He sighed.

Right, he'd read that journal. He knew I was Tainted.

"I asked Alistair about that too and he said it was extremely hard and rare..."

"So Alistair knew before I did as well..." Zev sighed.

I shook my head. "Actually...I think everyone does. I think Wynne told everyone..."

"Oi, you two coming?" Alistair called out as he came up to us.

Zev stood up and held out his hand to me. I took it and he tugged me to my feet. "Yeah, keep your boots on." I rolled my eyes at Alistair.

My fellow Warden just grinned. "Keep up alright. And no sleepwalking." He laughed. "I'll be out even more money."

I snorted as he fell in step with us as we started to follow the wagons.

"So, I am the last to know of the news I should have been the second to know?" Zevran looked over my head at Alistair.

I looked up to see the confusion go across Alistair's face before he realized what Zev was talking about.

"Ah...sorry. Afraid I've already gone off on Wynne about that. She stepped over the line on that instance. Elissa came to me about a week and a half ago for information and I expected her to go straight to Morrigan and then get back to me after results. Not drag her heels and make me have to ask Wynne."

"Hey, you could have gone to Morrigan yourself. At least she would have kept her mouth shut." I glared at him.

Alistair snorted. "I'll go to her when I'm dead."

Fair enough. It wasn't as if he didn't trust Morrigan, he just really didn't trust her motives. In a battle, they were actually a good team and he protected her on several occasions. But outside… it was like cats and dogs between them. And not ones that got along.

"Still...for the father to be the last to know is not good luck." Zevran sighed.

"Well, again, sorry." Alistair actually looked sorry. He perked up immediately. "So, any plans yet?"

"Survive the Blight, kill the Archdemon, and be home for supper?" I attempted to joke. It made them laugh, but I knew Zev still expected an actual answer. Alistair too when he didn't leave. I sighed as I let them guide my pace. "Honestly...aside from that...I haven't thought that far out. I mean, like I said before, any child I have with Zevran will be loved no matter what happens between us. And once this is all over with...I suppose I'll have to actually decide, won't I?"

"You won't be alone mi amor." Zev took my hand.

"Of course not." Alistair smiled at me. "You'll have me around to babysit."

I laughed. "You think I'd trust you with a child?"

He made a feigned hurt look. "I am very much wounded. I'll have you know I'm perfectly capable of helping."

I took his hand in my other hand. "Well, at any rate, I'm glad of that. I might end up needing it."

XX

Surprisingly enough, no one babied me in the couple skirmishes we had against Darkspawn patrols along the way to Denerim in the next couple of days.

No one commented on my sharing a tent with Zevran.

And I don't think anyone heard it when we had sex the second night.

Though just about everyone heard it when I woke up with a nightmare the following morning.

It wasn't like I hadn't had Blight induced nightmares already since joining the Wardens, but this was a particularly bad one and I climbed out of my tent to see that several of the soldiers had woken to my scream.

Alistair had also had the same nightmare and we discussed it as we walked with the Arl.

When we approached Denerim, it had a much different feel in comparison to the first time I'd been here during the journey.

Before it had been somewhat shuttered and now, it was open as the Arl lead the way towards his estate.

Zevran kept his eyes on the alleyways and I saw Leliana also had her sights on the shadows.

One of them must have spotted something, because I saw them catch each others eye and Leliana nodded, so I assumed it was Zevran who had spotted whatever it was.

XX

As we all unpacked in the rooms the Arl had let us use, I looked over at Zev.

"What did you see on the way here?" I asked.

"Hmm?" He frowned. "When?"

"In the market. You and Leliana were looking out for things, right?"

"Ah, that. I spotted a spy of Loghain's and I was making sure she had seen him too. I didn't want to tip anyone else off, so I didn't say anything. Let him think we don't know."

I nodded. "Makes sense. At least this way we'll be expecting anything he throws at us."

"Exactly." Zev said as he moved to close the curtains.

I sighed as I reached to rub at my shoulder.

"Sore mi amor?" Zev came up behind me and I leaned back into him as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Just a little." I closed my eyes. "I wasn't expecting for Teyrn Loghain and his entourage to show up when we got here."

"I'm just more surprised you held yourself back at seeing Howe." He said.

I felt my hand clench automatically at the memory and Zev eased my fingers open again to twine them with his.

"I'm proud of you. He'll get his due, don't worry." Zev said.

I sighed. We just stood there and it took a few moments before I realized Zev was very slowly rocking with me as if we were dancing.

I continued with him, barely even moving and just feeling him holding me with his head resting on my shoulder, for a couple more minutes.

Until the peace was broken by a knock on the door. I groaned as Zev pulled away to go and answer it.

When he pulled it open, Alistair looked almost a little sheepish as he rubbed at his neck.

"Sorry for interrupting, but the Arl needs to see us in his rooms."

"You weren't interrupting anything I'd want to kill you over." I said as I headed for the door. Alistair sighed in relief and I hit him in the shoulder as I passed. "Just beat you."

"Ow." He rubbed at his shoulder and I was grateful he'd taken off his armor already or it would have been me who was hurting from that hit. I heard Zevran laughing as he closed the door to follow us. "It's not funny. I said I was sorry."

"Oh, not as sorry as I'd make you." Zev laughed at him again.

I glanced back to see Alistair cracking a slight smile. "No way, you like me more than that. Surely." When Zev didn't smile, Alistair looked worried. "Maybe even just a little?" His look of worry increased. "Maker's breath, I really am sorry."

I laughed and Zev clapped him on the back. "At least just a little." Zevran said with a laugh finally. "But the torture would still hurt. Just a little."

"What was I interrupting anyway? Wait, I take that back, not sure I want to know." He held up his hands.

"It wasn't anything bad." I said. "Just...a quiet moment of peace."

"Oh, well then...sorry." Alistair reached to open the door of the Arl's sitting room.

"I'll make it up later." Zevran said.

"Make what up?" I heard the Arl as I stepped inside the room.

"It's nothing." I waved it off as I looked around the room. It was nicer than the bedroom Zevran and I were in, but that was to be expected since he was the Arl.

I saw a young Elven servant and for a second, it actually annoyed me.

Even back in Highever, I'd hated the idea of servants because to me it implied being forced to work for no money, and that just seemed unfair to me.

Though when I was younger, I hadn't known about all that and thought the kids were there to play with me.

Nan had scolded them for slacking off more times than I could count, but Father always said they were doing more good keeping me occupied than helping her. He would never let her actually act on the threats of abuse, and they knew it.

Maker I missed my friends.

I'd have given anything to be able to save everyone from the castle.

"Mi amor?" Zev touched my back to usher me further into the room.

"Hmm, sorry, she just reminds me of some of the Elves back at the castle before...I left." I said.

"Ah." Alistair sighed.

"Elissa, Alistair, this is Erlina-"

"I am Queen Anora's handmaiden. She sent me here to ask for your help." The Elf said.

XX

"Why can't I go with you? I'm quiet as well, I can pick locks." Leliana said.

"I know, but as Erlina said, this needs to be a quick and quiet procedure. The less of a group we have, the better." I said as I made sure my armor was tied appropriately.

Was I being too cautious?

Maybe. But it wasn't as if I'd had any experience with this whole process before.

Maybe they were right when we'd left Redcliff. Maybe I should be sitting out.

But...if I didn't fight, who would? Alistair?

He was as much a coward as I was, though we'd both improved loads since Ishal and the Wilds.

Where an Ogre would have scared the shit out of us back then, I think the two of us alone would probably just get annoyed at it now. Dragons were so much scarier in comparison.

I honestly think the High Dragon near Haven was scarier than the Archdemon.

Simply because of that little look of amusement it had shown. Like it was sentient and intelligent. A terrifying combination in such a powerful creature.

"Elissa knows what she is doing." Alistair said as he checked over his weapon quickly.

Zevran nodded. "We and Morrigan will be back in a minute with the Queen. No big worry at all." He grinned. "You won't even have time to miss us."

"We won't." Leliana huffed at him. "Not you anyway."

At least when they said it now, there was no real ill will behind it. Maybe because Zev and I were so close.

We headed out with Erlina and I just had a bad feeling about it all.

XX

My bad feeling was rightly justified as a group of rogues ambushed us in an alleyway on the way to the Arl of Denerim's estate.

At first I thought it was just common thieves and reached to draw my blades.

But none of the six of them so much as reached for theirs and a shadowed figure came to the top of the stairs on the far side of the area.

I stepped closer, realizing that this was a somewhat honorable ambush.

"So, I finally meet the Grey Wardens at last. The Crows send their greetings once again." The dark haired man spoke up from the top of the stairs.

He was at least Alistair's size, but given his use of terms, he was much more skilled than my comrade might be.

Then again, maybe I was just so used to Alistair that I wasn't giving him his due in fighting.

"So, they sent you Taliesen? Or did you volunteer for the job?" Zevran moved to stand at my side.

So this was Taliesen? The man Zevran had once been very close with?

As I looked him over, I could see how he could be somewhat attractive. But compared to Zevran, he wasn't much to look at.

"I volunteered of course. When I heard the great Zevran had gone rogue, I simply had to see it for myself." He almost sounded surprised, but it was as if he'd expected it too. Just how well did he know Zevran? Emotionally and behaviorally anyway, I already knew they'd been intimate.

"Is that so?" Zev raised a brow at him. "Well, here I am, in the flesh." Zev held his arms slightly out in display.

Taliesen looked sad. "You can return with me Zevran. I know why you did this, and I don't blame you." He sounded understanding. But hadn't Zevran said that he was the one who'd done the deed of killing their former partner? Or did he mean the suicide attempt by proxy? "It's not too late. Come back and we'll make up a story. Anyone can make a mistake." His voice had me believing that if Zevran chose to leave with him, he wasn't making it back to Antiva alive.

Would Zevran want to leave? Surely not. He'd never have talked about the future if he intended to return to the Crows. Not with what he'd said about them and his plans anyway.

"Of course, I'd need to be dead first." I tilted my head at Taliesen.

"And I'm not about to let that happen." Zev immediately spoke up and I caught the hint of irritation as I looked at him.

Taliesen must have caught it as well. "What? You've gone soft." He accused Zev.

Zev looked up at him. "I'm sorry my old friend. But the answer is no. I'm not coming back..." Zev did actually sound sorry. "And you should have stayed in Antiva."

Those words seemed to be a starting signal to the fight as Taliesen came down the stairs, drawing his blade as he moved.

I pulled my own free as Morrigan took out the two archers with ease and Alistair took the two rogues closest to him on simultaneously.

I turned as another came at my left side and Zevran threw a dagger into the throat of the young man coming at him from the other side.

Taliesen started to take advantage of my occupation with the last rogue, but Zev stood in his way.

"Move Zevran." He snarled as their swords met behind me.

I kicked the man I was facing back and raised my right sword to go through his heart. A clean and quick death.

I pulled it free to turn around and the sight had me falling in love with Zevran all over again.

The way he looked so determined to not let Taliesen pass was amazing. I admit I liked the look on him, but the circumstances were hardly something I'd cause again just to see it.

"Walk away Taliesen." Zevran sounded pained.

This hurt him to do, even though he knew the results would be the same regardless of his words.

"Then die with her." Taliesen snapped before he suddenly coughed up blood.

I watched him stumble back, towards the stairs. "When did you..." The other Crow gasped.

I moved to stand beside Zevran as he looked down at his old comrade.

The wound on Taliesen's side was fatal and I could see Zev's right blade dripping blood.

"I didn't want to kill you old friend, please remember that. But neither will I let you take the life I have made." Zevran said.

I felt myself blush slightly.

"The Warden has made you soft."

"Maybe so, but I'll take it." Zevran knelt as I could see the blood draining from Taliesen's face. "She also gives me strength. And a future."

Just before I watched the life leave him, I could almost swear I saw a look of peace on Taliesen. He was glad?

He sighed as I watched him close Taliesen's eyes. "He could have been free of them too." I cleaned my sword off on a rag Alistair tossed at me.

Zev shook his head. "No. Taliesen would never have been free of that life. He was cold and washed through with it. I...would never have made Master like he would. I was tired of killing innocent people to survive a long time ago."

I sheathed my swords and moved to touch his shoulder. "Still, I'm sorry Zev."

He stood up. "It's done then I suppose." He sighed as he started after Alistair heading for the stairs.

I let my hand fall as Morrigan passed us.

"So...what does this mean?" I was nervous, though I don't think I should have been. He'd shown no interest in leaving yet.

Zev turned to look at me.

"Well, the Crows will have assumed I died fighting him or that you killed us both at this point. Either way, they won't be looking for me any time soon. I could afford to travel now and as long as I don't stick out, they won't notice me for a while."

"So...you're leaving?" I looked down.

I heard Alistair snort from the top of the stairs as I felt Zev's gloved hand touch my chin.

"Of course not mi amor. You're stuck with me." He grinned.

I smiled. "Good, because if you left, I'd be very sorely put out."

He laughed. "We can't have that, now can we?"

I took his hand as we walked up the stairs.

"As if he'd ever leave. Hell, the only way to get rid of him at this point is probably to kill him." Alistair huffed a laugh.

I smiled as I laughed. "And I doubt any of us are that skilled yet. I mean, he's got years of practice on all of us except Wynne and maybe Sten."

"Mmm, yes, I do, don't I?" Zev tilted his head thoughtfully. He gave Alistair a sideways look as we passed him. "Maybe you'll keep that in mind if you ever decide you need my skills."

"As an Assassin? Why would I ever need an Assassin?" Alistair snorted disbelief.

"Oh, you never know." Zev shrugged as we headed away from the alleyway to meet at the Arl of Denerim's estate. He still hadn't let go of my hand.

Not sure he had quite forgiven me for mentioning my death.

XX

Erlina provided guard uniforms for us each in order to sneak inside.

"Arl Howe acquires more new guards nearly every day, a few more wouldn't be noticed." She looked extremely nervous. "If you are all ready, I will get the guards there by the door away with distractions. If that is alright?"

I nodded. "Don't put yourself in danger though."

"You are very kind Warden." Erlina looked as if no one had ever worried over her safety. "I'm just an Elf, getting Queen Anora out is far more important."

I scoffed. "Elf or human holds no determination on your importance to me."

"It really doesn't." Alistair said. "Zevran is more important to her than I am." He shrugged as he motioned at Zev.

Erlina looked startled as she looked between him and Zev. She looked back at me. "You would value one of my kind over your own?"

I shrugged. "I happen to really like Zevran, in ways I don't like Alistair."

"Right now is the best moment to distract them." Morrigan said.

I looked up to see that most of the guards had left from around the door.

Erlina nodded as I motioned for her to go.

XX

Getting in was easy, and once inside, no one even looked twice at us as we followed the quickly scribbled map Erlina had given us.

When we were stopped by another pair of guards, Zevran smoothly had them on their way without suspect.

We made it to Anora's room without incident and I was just a little startled to have Erlina pop up then as we found out it was warded with Magic. Morrigan said it would have been simple enough to undo the Magic on the door, but it would give away our dealings here.

We'd have to find the Mage responsible for upholding the spell.

I wanted to avoid as much needless killing as possible. These were just men doing their duty by some of the comments I'd heard as we made our way here.

"Well, we can head for the dungeon where Howe is and likely find the Mage down there with him." I found the fastest and safest way there on the map as my companions nodded.

XX

Once we hit the dungeon, and I knew Howe was down here, I could tell I was getting quiet. We rechecked our gear for proper protection and started forward, taking out loyal guards of Howe's employ.

Almost an hour later, and I'm sure everyone had heard us coming at this point, we stood at the door Howe would be behind, provided he hadn't fled like a coward.

I gripped both my swords and closed my eyes to attempt to give myself patience.

I felt a gloved hand on my shoulder.

"Mi amor, it's alright. No matter what happens, Howe will die and your family will be avenged." Zevran said.

"I know, but...I don't want to be this angry again." I said.

"Give it time." Alistair spoke up from behind me. "It's only been a couple months."

I nodded and Alistair moved to edge me out of the way of the door.

We all stepped back as he raised his shield in front of him before kicking in the door very dramatically.

It scared the living shit out of Howe and the look of surprise and fear on his face was entirely worth it.

As was letting Alistair go first to take the two arrows that came at him.

Morrigan instantly, and without even looking in the room, lit one archer on fire and froze the other archer.

I followed Alistair into the room and my fellow Warden moved out of the way for me to see Howe.

"You!" He snarled at me. "Why couldn't you die properly?"

"Why did you kill my parents? You were friends with my father." I shouted back at him as he went for a sword.

"Your father was a coward. He wanted to go to Orlais for help. He wanted to betray everything we'd fought for. He got all the credit and glory for everything we did, and he wanted to throw it away."

I started forward as he raised his sword at me. "That's no excuse."

"He took everything from me. I deserved more." He screamed as he brought his sword down at me.

I raised my left and struck out with my right, piercing his chest in one clean motion.

"You've gone crazier than you ever thought he was." I scowled at him. "You've killed innocent people for nothing but the lust for power."

I watched him die as Alistair and Zevran took care of the others in the room.

Zevran came up to me as he was cleaning off his blades.

"Do you feel a little better?" He asked.

"No." I looked at the floor. "He just...he knew my father for so long...and to betray his trust just because my father wanted to repair relations and strengthen our ties to other nations..." I shook my head.

"It is done mi amor." Zevran pulled my swords from my hands and I watched as he cleaned them. "From here on, you will never have to seek revenge or fight for your family."

"But...I still will." I frowned as he held them back to me.

I looked up at him as I sheathed them, in time to see his questioning look. "How so?"

"Because." I reached up with my gloved hand and touched his cheek. "You're my family now and I'll always fight for you."

He smiled and covered my hand with his.

"What about me?" Alistair feigned a hurt look and acted as if he was stricken in the heart.

I laughed as I lowered my hand. "Of course Alistair, you're family too. Just not as important."

He scoffed. "Oh I see how it is. You intend to throw me to the political wolves and just tell me I have your support, is that it?"

Zevran laughed. "I did offer my services as an Assassin."

"Well...some brother you'll be." Alistair huffed. "Only use me for employment." His smirk betrayed his amusement in the play.

I took a deep breath as we collected what we needed and started to head out.

Zev was right, I wouldn't have my parents death hanging over my head anymore.

They might not have supported my killing Howe like I had, but I know my mother would have killed him and I'm pretty sure my father wouldn't have accepted that pathetic excuse as reasonable.

Plus, it made me feel better too.

As we made our way around the dungeons I'd set free as many of the prisoners we came across as I could tell were innocent and just in his way. Everyone from a Grey Warden, who took documents Zevran had found in the room leading to the dungeon, to an Elf who had attempted to kill the previous Arl of Denerim's son, who ironically was also locked up down here. After having talked to Soris though, I couldn't possibly release Vaughan.

XX

By the time we made it back to the Queen's room, the place was eerily quiet.

As I unlocked the door, I was a bit surprised to see her come out in guard gear.

I frowned as I looked it over. "And this is because..."

"It is simple, in this house there are those loyal to Howe, and those loyal to me. If Howe's people find me, I'll be killed. If my people find me, I'll be taken back to the palace, where my father may have me killed."

"Not a big deal." I shrugged. "Howe is dead."

She looked taken aback. "Dead?"

"I killed him for killing my parents." I started to turn and lead us all away.

I could hear the main doors opening as I entered the hall and headed in the direction.

Before I could think to turn around, we entered the main room and saw a squad of guards and Loghain's second in command, Ser Cauthrien.

The moment she saw us, she called us out. "Warden, in the name of the Regent, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of Rendon Howe and his men. Surrender and you may be shown mercy."

I hesitated as I saw how many men she had with her. Almost a dozen, some of whom were archers. In fact, a lot of whom were archers.

Even Morrigan wouldn't be able to subdue them all in one swoop and several had a handful of arrows set to fire on release and just hit the wide area of us.

"I...please allow my companions to go free. I am the only one who did anything." I said.

She looked surprised. "You will both come peacefully?"

Both? Oh Maker...I'd forgotten about Alistair when she said 'Warden'...I was so used to being the one in trouble this whole adventure and addressed as Warden.

"We will." Alistair said.

I listened as he drew his sword and unhooked his shield from his back as Ser Cauthrien motioned for Zevran and Morrigan to leave the back way.

I glanced at him. "Just go." I whispered.

"I'll get you." He mouthed back as he urged Morrigan and the Queen and Erlina away behind him.

It didn't take long to hear their boots hitting the floor down the hall.

Hell, given Zev's memory of buildings, they'd be out before we would.

Alistair dropped his weapons and I pulled my sash off, thankful that the only thing in it was the map and the keys we'd used.

Ser Cauthrien stepped forward and several of the archers kept their arrows trained on us as two of her swordsmen came to bind our wrists.

I had honestly just surrendered on the condition of Zev's release because I knew this was no enemy we could have taken without wounds and I couldn't afford wounds at this point. I'd step up my game against the Archdemon, but chances were high I'd let everyone else do the bulk of the fighting against everything else.

"You will be taken to be held in custody until Regent Loghain has decided what to do with you." Ser Cauthrien said.

I nodded as I finally saw the archers loosen their arrows and quiver them.

One of the men collected both our weapons and I was led behind Alistair out the door following Ser Cauthrien.

I didn't have to worry overly much about walking since someone knocked me out before I could clear the door.

My last glimpse before it went black was Alistair getting the same treatment.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

They'd stripped us before putting us in a cell. Probably to ensure we couldn't pick the lock, but I wasn't concerned with that.

I was more just freezing my ass off.

Alistair sat against the wall cross legged and I finally just moved to sit beside him, if for nothing else than the fact that he was warm.

"Well, this bites." He huffed. "But at least you're finally awake. I was starting to worry. Had a young stupid guard who thought I wasn't dangerous when unarmed and he thought he'd take advantage of your helplessness."

"I trust he learned his lesson?" I raised a brow.

"Absolutely. I'm surprised there isn't a contingent of jailers here to put us both down. Ohh, big word!" He snorted a laugh. "So, what is the plan of escape?"

I shivered and he shifted to put his arm around my shoulders. Not in any way intending for it to be intimate, but our lack of clothing might have led anyone looking to that line of thought. No matter what others thought, I was grateful for his warmth.

"Honestly..." I sighed. "I hadn't thought to escape. Alistair...I'm just scared."

"Come on, we've faced worse than this." He laughed. "I mean, Ogres are so much scarier than any guard or knight."

"Not of that. I know physically, in a one-on-one kind of fight, we could take anyone in this place. But...all of them? And why would I? I mean, most of them are just doing their jobs. Half of them probably have no idea about what is going on and the rest probably have only half the story to work on."

Alistair shifted to stretch out his legs again and crossed his ankles to look more comfortable like I was. "You're not afraid of anything in here, so what are you afraid of?" He sighed as he seemed to think this was going to be a long session. Maybe it would be.

I looked at the floor. "I know earlier...Zevran said he wasn't going anywhere, and he never seems to have intentions of leaving–"

"Hold up, before you get all into the whole worrying thing you women are prone to in this kind of situation–" He interrupted me.

I leaned a little away from him. "And you would know about that?"

"I know enough." He said. "I think you forget I am more sensitive than Morrigan would let others believe." He used the hand not around my shoulders to wave it off. "Anyway, as I was saying, if you're going on the lines of he's a flighty kind of guy, you don't have to worry so much about that Elissa. I know I haven't gotten along with him and we've all had our issues with him, but I've given it my best effort to accept him because I've seen the way he acts with you."

I looked up at him. "Best effort?"

"I like him now. Mostly because of you, but still. I think he genuinely cares for you and I think...that might kind of scare him. I overheard him talking with Leliana about how someone who kills like he has doesn't even have a right to ask for a future with someone like you. He seems honestly more than a little out of place in this field. And I won't say that doesn't amuse me. Because it does. I love seeing him thrown off." Alistair said.

I elbowed him. He grunted. "Still, I really think he cares for you Elissa. When Wynne let it slip that you were pregnant, you should have seen his face. Normally he's all cheery and sometimes just arrogant and has that ridiculously stupidly infuriating knowing look on his face, but then...not so much. He looked about as if you'd told me Duncan came back to life. He was happy Elissa."

"I know. He said he was happy and scared about it. But that's not the same Alistair. Everyone keeps talking about me being a noble and all and that's what I'm scared of. Elves and Nobility...they don't go together." I looked up at the ceiling. "What if...we try to be together and he just can't stand the pressure and hates me because of my heritage?"

Alistair took a moment before laughing. "Really Elissa? You being a noble doesn't even matter to him. I doubt the man has a bone in his body that doesn't just scream 'let me make sure you know I'm better than you in every way' to everyone around him. He's so full of himself and his skills and everything that it's hard to not hate him and yet...like him." He shuddered at the thought of being friends with Zevran.

"But after all this...I don't know if I want to be a noble..." I said.

"What would you be?" He frowned as he looked down at me.

I looked back at the floor. "I...was thinking...of being Warden-Commander." I spoke quietly and held my hands together.

"You? Warden-Commander?" He sounded shocked.

I looked up at him. "You think I can't, don't you?"

He quickly shook his head. "It's not that...I was just considering it is all. I mean...given some thought...it's not a bad idea. If I take the throne, that means I won't be much of a Warden myself anymore. And if you become Commander...that would mean at the very least the Wardens will have a bit of lasting power here in Ferelden. I doubt they'll ever be exiled again." He said. He made a sound of thought. "But...what about your home? Aren't you technically Teyrna?" He asked.

"I...I thought about that. I love Highever, don't get me wrong, but after everything that happened...I'm not sure I could ever live there again." I said. "I mean, Levi did say the Wardens could use Soldier's Peak again, but I think I'll leave that for their family mostly. Maybe keep it as a backup location. I think the new Ferelden Wardens need a new place of their own, never occupied by former Wardens. The legacy is a lot to look up to you know."

Alistair nodded with a hum. "It is. When Duncan told me more about the history of Wardens, I was in bit overwhelmed myself. I mean, the stories always make them out to be these unshakable heroes of the world. Always guarding Thedas from the shadows and fighting a battle against an unbeatable enemy just to keep the rest of the world from having to fear the Darkspawn."

"A silent wall against the darkness." I sighed. "I always dreamed of being able to meet Grey Wardens. And then when Duncan came to the castle...it was a dream come true. But he wanted me to join and that scared me. I mean...I was born to be great and I've always been a prodigy fighter, though...I maybe haven't been showing the skills I've learned."

"I'll say." Alistair snorted as he shifted his position again, ever trying to get comfortable.

"But still...I never once dreamed of joining them. I thought I'd just follow Fergus as he became the Teyrn and took over as captain of the guards. Maybe get married eventually...have kids." I held my hand over my stomach. "And now...it's all gone."

Alistair held me tight for a moment in a kind of hug. "Not all of it. I mean, you get to be great still, have a family, though neither were in the way you originally hoped." He sounded encouraging. "Then again, I doubt you ever saw yourself falling in love with an Elven Assassin." He laughed.

I smiled. "No. Never. I'd always assumed I'd fall in love with a soldier. But...I wouldn't trade Zev for anyone."

"Good." Alistair sighed. "I'm glad he makes you happy. And I don't think you should worry about what anyone else thinks about the two of you. As long as you love each other, that's what matters, right? And I think you're good for each other."

"That's good." I leaned against him. "I do appreciate that you like him now, really Alistair. It means a lot to me."

"Glad I matter to someone. Even if you do seem bent on putting me in a position I really don't like." He grumbled as he settled again. "So...who do you think is going to come and get us out of here?" He asked.

I tilted my head. "Well...Zev naturally."

"Oh yeah. I can see him storming in here to rescue you. Probably is already. Pretty sure there is neither a prison nor lock in Thedas that could keep you from him." Alistair shook his head at that.

I laughed. "Probably not. And...let's see, maybe Morrigan? I'm not really sure? Sten might?"

He sighed. "Well, whoever comes with him, guess I'll have to be happy. My bet is on Leliana though. She was complaining about not coming before."

I snorted. "She knows we weren't leaving her out for any reason other than minimal group to sneak better. And...I like having Morrigan there in case anyone gets injured."

"Could have had Wynne for that though." Alistair made a pause. "Except she's still on your shit list isn't she?"

I nodded.

And wasn't likely to get off it any time soon.

XX

I think I dozed off at some point because I woke to Alistair shaking my shoulder and the click of a lock opening.

I looked up as Alistair stood and all I saw was a blur of dark colored leather armor and blond hair as I was pulled into strong arms.

"Mi amor, you're alright."

"Of course she is." I heard Leliana's voice as I wrapped my arms around Zevran's neck and he stood, holding me tight.

"Did you miss me, my beautiful Warden?" Zev sounded teasing.

"More than you know." I buried my face against the side of his neck.

"Well, you can stand there, I'm getting my clothes. It's bloody cold in here. Maker's breath I'm pretty sure I've got ice growing on me." Alistair sounded like he headed out of the cell and I just let Zev continue holding me for another moment, feeling warm against him in his hold.

I finally urged him to put me down and looked at the cell door as Alistair was fixing his armor on properly.

Leliana brought me my clothes and I pulled them on quickly.

"That will never fail to impress me." Alistair just shook his head in disbelief.

I was tying my sash less than a minute after she'd handed me my pants and adjusting my swords.

"We need to get out of here." I said. "How many of the guards did you two go through?" I asked.

"All of them." Zevran sounded cold for a moment. "They had the gall to try and stop me."

I sighed. "And I assume you killed them?"

"Well, not most of them. I didn't think you'd want us killing everyone just for doing their duty." Leliana spoke up quickly.

"I can always go back." Zev added.

"No, it's alright Zev. They aren't at fault. Loghain told them to do things, that's what they did. I understand it. I...I don't want to kill people for following orders ever again." I started to head for the door.

As I approached it, I realized I had no idea where in the entire place I was.

"I'll lead the way." Leliana supplied as I hesitated at the door.

I nodded and we hurried out of the building.

Zevran took my hand and wouldn't let it go as we went past so many guards out cold. A handful were dead, and I could only assume, given the wounds, that they had offended Zev in some way.

XX

He still hadn't let go of my hand by the time we made it back to Arl Eamon's estate.

I wasn't about to ask him to either.

This was something he'd initiated and I wanted him to take the initiative in showing how he felt. At his pace.

I would tolerate it.

I wanted the world to know I loved him, but I knew that was a bad idea. He'd vanish like smoke if I tried to just openly display anything for him.

He'd lived his whole life so far not knowing what love is or how to handle it and I was starting to understand that the very notion made him uncomfortable.

But he was learning and he was trying and that was all I could ask of him. I knew he loved me, in his own way.

The Arl met us in the entry and before he could speak, I held my hand to stop him.

"Things happened, more things happened, shit went south, I am tired, I am hungry, and I really don't want to discuss anything involving politics, Wardens, Nobility, Loghain, or anything relating to the Landsmeet. Okay?" I looked up at him.

"Fair enough. I'll have a bath and a meal arranged for you and you can rest until tomorrow morning." Arl Eamon sighed as he looked almost defeated. I leaned against Zevran as I just felt like I was too tired to actually move.

I hadn't actually been asleep all that long according to Alistair and being knocked out didn't seem to provide any actual rest.

Zev put his arm around my shoulders and led me upstairs.

"I'm a horrible person, aren't I?" I mumbled as he pushed the door open.

"How so mi amor?" He frowned at me as he urged me inside.

I headed straight for the bed and started shedding my armor.

I dropped my swords on the floor along with the thick leather armor Warden Duncan had bought me seemingly so long ago.

As I sat on the bed and fell back to stare at the ceiling, I could hear him coming behind and picking everything up.

"That, right there. I'm a horrid person for treating you like I do."

"Amor, I think your brain is broken." I tilted my head to see him put my gear on the desk and then he started to remove his own. "How you treat me is far better than I deserve."

"But...I treat you like a servant sometimes. I mean...back at Redcliff, you were the one I asked to arrange things for me. In Orzammar, you dealt with people I couldn't deal with. In the Brecilian Forest too. And you've had to pick up after me and take care of me." I said as I laid my head back down.

It meant I could only hear it until he climbed onto the bed beside me and leaned over me.

"Elissa, I did those things because you were either not feeling well, stressed, or out of your mind with fear of being underground. And believe me amor, if I didn't want to pick up your gear, it would still be on the floor." He leaned farther to kiss me. "I don't feel in any way as if you treat me like a servant."

I smiled before reaching up to trace my fingers over the tattoo on his face. "Mmm...have I ever mentioned that I love your voice?"

He laughed as he leaned against my touch. "I suppose you'd have to like something about me no?"

I brought both hands up to pull him down to just hold him close.

His arms kept him propped up up off me, but just close enough to feel him against me.

"I love you Zev." I closed my eyes as his right hand tangled in my hair as I buried my face against his shoulder.

"You are mi amor Elissa." He said softly.

We stayed like that for a moment before I heard the knock on the door.

Zev groaned as he pushed away and moved to open it.

I sat up as he pulled it open.

"The Arl has requested a bath be prepared for Miss Cousland. I have come to inform her that it is ready in the chamber downstairs." An Elven woman said.

I sighed as I started to stand up. Zevran was at my side immediately when I stumbled.

I was just that tired.

"Thank you." I said to her as Zevran made sure I was standing before grabbing a vial from his bag. We started to follow her and I was glad he was supporting me, because I wasn't sure I could have walked it on my own.

She kept glancing back at us as she led us downstairs.

"Something wrong?" I asked her.

"I...it's not my place...but...a man with you in the bath..." She sounded unsure and completely unfamiliar.

I realized she was younger than I'd thought. Maybe even younger than I was, which was surprising.

I smiled. "Zev is special to me. He takes care of me."

"Si." Zev nodded. "I have to make sure mi amor is alright."

The young woman didn't seem reassured as she opened the door to a room and the steam hit me. I was already more relaxed just feeling the steam.

"It is safe?" She asked.

"Very. He would never hurt me." I frowned.

"I mean no disrespect my lady...but is it safe for him?"

I tilted my head as Zev ushered me into the room and I saw a nice sized tub full of warm water.

Zev just laughed at her words. "Si, Elissa couldn't hurt me if she tried. I am a very skilled man."

That appeared to be what she was worried about.

It was the first time I'd ever met anyone concerned for Zev's state in our relationship and as he urged her out and closed the door, it made me think.

I'd always thought that I was the one everyone would worry about. Being a woman, younger, and a noble in comparison to him being a strong older man and a foreign Elven Assassin.

I started to tug my shirt off and Zev moved behind me to cover my hands with his and take over.

"Amor? Something she said bother you?"

"Hmm...no. Well...not really. It's just...I never thought about it from her point of view before." I shook my head.

"That matters?" He frowned.

Of course it wouldn't to him. Zev was so arrogant and cocksure that he probably thought of himself as a separate category all his own.

Not to say he was wrong about that idea.

I sighed as he pulled my shirt off and set it on the table beside the pristine white cotton towels. "I just hadn't really thought of how those not Nobles would look at our relationship." I started to undo my pants and he took over on that too.

I admit, seeing him kneeling in front of me was kind of sexy.

He looked up at me with this expression of lust and it had me shifting on my feet.

"How the lower class look at us you mean."

"Well...yeah. No one has to know you're a world famous Assassin. They just see a trained combatant who happens to be an Elf and they probably focus on that. But I...it's just the way I walk, they way I do things in public and everyone just seems to know I'm a stupid noble. I hate the way it was trained into me, but I can't seem to stop it." I said.

"I like how you are mi amor." Zev said as he leaned forward after tugging my pants down and I shivered when he kissed my belly.

Where our child would be soon enough.

"But still, the only thing a lot of people in the lowest ranked positions know is abuse by nobles. I mean, servants talk about it all the time; they all fear it. And...I don't want that to even be something anyone fears." I said. "And I really don't want people to look at you and think I'm abusing you with my nobility."

"But you aren't." Zevran tucked his fingers in the hem of my undergarments and started to tug them off.

How slow and gentle he was made me warm. He really did like taking care of me. He never would have been so gentle with me if he didn't.

It was how he was and I had seen that enough to know it.

"I know, but she just pointed it out. I can tell people all I want, but unless they see it, they'll always think the worst. Nobility thinks I'm being crass by being with you, and the lower class thinks you're being used by me." He urged me to the bath and I watched him reach to test the water temperature before sighing and looking up at me from where he sat on the edge, not really putting weight on it by how he was sitting.

"Mi amor, that is enough. I don't care what others think of us, you don't care either, so it doesn't matter. We aren't breaking any laws by being together, so they have no grounds to fight on." He said. "Now, soak." He pointed at the water.

His motion and words made me laugh as I braced my hand on his shoulder to step into the water. I felt his hand on my arm, keeping me supported as I started to lower myself into the tub.

"Too bad people never seem to see those kind of moments. You, ordering me."

He smiled and I loved seeing him smile like that. Not predatory or seductive, but just a sweet and caring smile.

I watched him stand up as he uncorked the vial he took from his pocket.

He sniffed at it before tipping it over the bath and letting a few splashes hit the water.

"I am not sure their little minds could handle it mi amor." He said.

I sighed as I leaned back in the water and used my hand to swirl whatever it was he'd poured in.

The room slowly started to smell like Embrium and I realized it was one of his oils.

"Probably not. Maybe we're too forward thinking for them. But I love you, no matter what you are."

"Even if I were a Darkspawn?" He grinned as he reached to take his shirt off.

I curled my lip in disgust. "Alright, maybe not that. But it doesn't matter to me whether you're Elf, Human, Qunari, whatever. I might even have liked you as a Dwarf."

"Hmm, might test the limits of my charm were that the case." He snorted as I watched him shuck his pants.

He never seemed to mind nudity around me, or even others. But only his own.

He'd hated the fact that the guards at Fort Drakon had stripped me and Alistair. I'd had to hold his hand to keep him from going back and killing our jailers.

I looked up as he moved behind me and felt his hand nudge me forward. I shifted enough as he climbed into my bath with me.

This was...nice. Really nice actually.

He wrapped his arms around me as I just soaked in the warmth.

Yes, very nice.

I settled in against him as the warm water eased tired muscles and sore limbs.

I'd pretty much been going for almost two full days now with very little rest. None technically.

Zevran ran his hands up over my arms, gently massaging my shoulders, before moving back down my arms again. I closed my eyes at the soothing feel.

"I..." He spoke so softly that even leaning against him, I almost didn't realize he was speaking for a second. "I'm very glad you chose not to fight when they took you and Alistair."

I opened my eyes to see that he had leaned to put his head against my left shoulder and he briefly kissed my skin.

"Why's that?" I tilted my head to give him more access if he wanted it.

"I don't know that I could bear to lose you Elissa. It hasn't been long, really, although it feels like much longer. But you are...very important to me. Very, very important. Perhaps most important." He sighed. "And I never thought I would say that about someone else."

"You're important to me too Zevran."

I could feel his smile against my skin and his hands closed over mine as he held me close.

"I know it probably isn't the most opportune time in the world, but it feels...right, to me." He said as he slowly pulled his hands away from mine. I didn't turn as he reached up towards his head, although I was curious.

I was rewarded for not moving when he brought his hands back in front of me, holding something in his closed left hand. "Amor...this is a special keepsake from the very first mission I ever did as a Crow and it means a lot to me."

I held up my hand as he opened his closed fingers and I saw a very pretty earring. One I'd seen him wearing this whole trip.

"It's beautiful." I mumbled as I took hold of it to see it light up in the lamplight.

I loved the sparkle of it and it had caught my eye plenty of times over the past few weeks.

"A Rivaini merchant prince was my very first target as a Crow and it is a job I remember quite fondly. He...was a bit different as well I recall. He knew I'd come to kill him and he'd offered to buy me out from the Crows. Bribe me."

Zev laughed. "Jewels, silks, food, wine, anything my young heart could have wanted, he would have given me. You cannot believe how tempted I was amor. And he was charming too. I let him charm me for a night."

I brought up my other hand to play with the earring. "I can only assume you didn't end up taking his deal."

I felt Zev shake his head behind me. "No. And there were definitely times I regretted that. This earring was the only bit of jewelry he was wearing when I killed him the following morning in his sleep. It was the only thing he was wearing actually." I could just hear his grin.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Why does that not surprise me?"

He reached to touch the stone on it. "I thought it was beautiful and he'd offered it to me before, so I took it to mark the occasion and to always remember that I'd thrown away a fortune of a man."

"He sounds like he might have been alright. I mean, chances are he'd have gotten bored or something, but I like to think everyone has good intentions in them."

Zev nodded. "He was only a Crow target because a rival hated him dearly. Probably because he was a good businessman. Kind even. Like I said, he knew I was there to kill him and one of his only requests was that I give him a moment to write his letters. I gave him the time to attempt to sway me and it nearly worked." He wrapped his arms around me again. "I personally saw to it that his letters were delivered to the right people and his business is still as strong as it ever was thanks to his work."

I sighed. I could hear that he looked back on that job with more than a little remorse. One of his few kills he didn't enjoy. Probably also why he'd done more research on his targets before accepting contracts.

"I want you to have it." Zev said.

"I...are you sure? It's important to you, isn't it?" I frowned as I shifted a little to look at him.

"Very much so. It reminds me of a bitter mistake and I've never taken a contract I didn't fully back since then. But you...what you have done for me Elissa, is far more important and this one earring cannot possibly express the level of my gratitude. Do what you want with it. Sell it, throw it away, wear it, I don't care."

The tone of his voice almost could have been mistaken for uncaring. Such a beautiful and expensive piece of jewelry must have been worth more than my entire collection back in Highever, given its craftsmanship and the clear, deep green of the emeralds in the gold ring.

"You don't have to ever pay me back Zev, you do that every day you support me."

He huffed. "Look, you don't want the earring, you don't get it." He started to take it back and I realized what it actually was.

This was his most prized physical possession since the time I was a small child. It meant as much to him as the pair of small loop earrings I wore currently, which were from my mothers side of the family for several generations.

"No!" I said quickly, holding the earring close. "I do. I just...I just want you to know that I'm not keeping this as payment."

He shifted behind me and I could tell he was really uncomfortable with the situation.

I was a little startled when Zev nudged me forward and I turned as I shifted to see him get out.

He reached for a towel and wrapped it around his waist.

"I'm going to go and see about getting you some food." He said as he moved to dry off and pull his clothes back on.

I sighed as I watched him go.

I didn't want to make him uneasy.

What had I done wrong?

XX

After I dried off and got dressed, I felt so much better than I had.

Still hungry and a little tired, but better.

When I pulled the door open, I found Alistair in the hall, seemingly waiting on me.

I tilted my head as he looked up from the book he was reading.

"Something wrong?" I asked him.

He shook his head as he closed the book and tucked it in the back of his pants. "No. I just came to see how you were doing."

"Well...I'm better after the bath. Warmer and whatever Zev uses in those oils of his really help the muscles." I sighed. I started to walk with him when he motioned to head down the hall.

"That so?" He frowned.

"Absolutely. You should ask him about it." I smiled. He looked ahead as if he was thinking and a moment later, I finally spoke back up again. "Did you...see Zev?"

He scratched at the back of his head. "I passed him in the hall, he said you were still in the bath, so I waited." He looked down at me. "Something the matter?"

"I...I'm not sure yet. I think...I might have made him uncomfortable."

Alistair laughed as we turned the corner to head up the stairs to the rooms Arl Eamon was letting us use. "Oh Maker's breath! I wish I'd seen that." He said.

I held up the earring I'd hung on my necklace and looked at it. "It's not funny Alistair. I just can't tell sometimes how he reacts to things."

He sobered as we climbed the stairs. "You two have a fight or something? I thought he looked a little off from normal, but I can never read him. Though...he seemed a bit...distant?"

"I don't want to say it was a fight. He..." I trailed off. I shook my head. "You know what, nevermind it. If it comes out to be something, I'll let you know." I stopped at the door to the room Zev and I shared.

Alistair looked at me confused before nodding. "Alright, I guess."

I left him standing in the hallway as I opened my door.

I expected to see Zev, but the room was empty.

Someone had obviously been in the room, as there was a warm plate on the desk, but no one was there.

XX

Zev still hadn't come back into our room by the time I went to bed after returning the plate to the kitchen.

I hadn't seen him around the estate on my way either to or from the kitchen, though I'd seen most of my other companions and they'd all asked how I was and Morrigan had used some kind of magic or other and then just smiled at me and said I was still alright.

I'd taken a different route both times and didn't pass him, though Sten said he had seen him still in the estate and Oghren claimed to have had a couple drinks with him. Apparently Zev hadn't really spoken so much as grabbed a bottle sitting on the table beside the ones Oghren was sharing with Leliana and Wynne and a couple of the soldiers off duty and completely downed it by himself.

I expected to see him when I woke up, but either he came to bed late and left before I was up...or he hadn't come to bed at all.

I wasn't sure which was worse.

No, I take that back, I knew which was worse.

I'd rather him be upset with me and still sleeping with me than to be upset with me and not.

When I came down to breakfast, he wasn't in the hall with everyone else.

"Ah, Cousland, are you feeling better this morning?" Arl Eamon asked as I came into the room.

I nodded and started to head for the table he and Alistair were sitting at with Anora. "Very much so, thank you." I looked at Alistair. "Have you seen Zevran?"

"I believe he and Sten were out doing a morning exercise last I saw." Alistair said.

"At any rate, if you are feeling better, I have some news that might interest you if you are intending to confront my father at the Landsmeet." Anora interjected.

I moved to sit as Alistair kicked the chair beside him out a little.

"I'm listening." I leaned on the table as a plate of food was put in front of me.

I looked up to see Leliana smile before moving to head towards tables where the next guard rotation was getting up.

I watched for a moment as she helped the two young women who worked in the kitchens clean up the tables.

"Erlina has told me that the Alienage is in disarray right now. I've heard through her about rumors of slave trading, or even a magical plague instigated to cause their problems by my father." She said.

"And where there is smoke, there's usually fire." Alistair sounded encouraged by the information.

The situation regarding Loghain was entirely unusual to me.

I'd heard stories of him being a hero of the people. A compatriot of Ferelden. A man of justice.

For him to be involved in betrayal and slavery and instigating wars...it just didn't make sense.

Having seen someone who was possessed by a Demon however...that made sense.

Was it really Loghain?

"We'll look into it." I said before digging into the food Leliana had brought me.

XX

After I ate, I told Alistair to go and find Leliana and Morrigan, while I went to collect Zevran.

It took a few minutes, and asking several guards, but I finally found him talking to Leliana in the library.

I stood by the door, unseen by them, but just listening to their conversation. Eavesdropping, I know. But I was worried.

"I just wanted to know if I am just being stupid." Zevran sounded unsure of himself.

"Honestly, I'm not the one who could tell you. I like Elissa, but I wouldn't say we are more than friends. I couldn't begin to tell you how she might feel or how you should."

"I was hoping you might have some insight, being a Bard of Orlais." He sighed.

I looked up in the hall as Alistair came walking and I closed my eyes as his boots echoed off the hall.

"Look, if you want insight, ask Alistair. He's closer to her than I am." Leliana sounded like she shrugged.

I gave Alistair a narrow eyed look and he just shrugged with his hands up.

We both moved around the doorway.

"Good, you're both here. Elissa and I were looking to gather some of us to head to the Alienage to look into some leads." Alistair said.

Leliana nodded immediately and I watched her get up from where she was sitting on a couch by the window.

Zev stood straight from where he was leaning on the arm and grinned as he came towards us.

"Of course mi amor. I am very good at research and observation." He said.

"Good, we'll need that I think." I said.

XX

As we made our way into the Alienage, I thought I spotted familiar faces.

It could have just been the light playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn I saw two of the Elven servants who'd lived at the castle.

"Amor?" Zev reached to touch my arm and it made me jump.

"Hmm?" I looked up at him.

"You see something?"

"I'm sorry, just thought I saw someone I recognized." I shook my head.

He had an almost sad look on his face as he nodded. "Someone from home?"

"Ah, we can stop and see if you want." Alistair said.

I shook my head again. "No. I mean, I would like to, but I..." I couldn't finish.

I couldn't possibly bear seeing people from Castle Cousland again until long after all of this was over.

Maybe I was being weak, but I couldn't help but feel I should have done more that day.

I urged them all to continue on.

Morrigan stuck to the back of the group as we came towards the area Erlina had been talking about in saying there was unrest.

Unrest was a bit of an understatement.

There were Elves protesting the notion of a sickness and I saw guards and mages at a door to a building.

I observed for a moment before seeing one young Elven woman who looked to be the most vocal about protesting.

A guard shoved her back when she got up in his face and she stumbled back, away from the rest and towards where we were watching.

I reached out to steady her and she righted herself quickly.

"What is going on here?" I asked her.

"Our friends have been taken for healing and these shem won't even let us see them." She said. "And now they've claimed that our Elder is sick as well. And my uncle."

I frowned. If they were sick, then having healer mages would be a good thing, but this many guards didn't make sense.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Help us?" She took a step back. "Are you actually going to help us shem? Or are you just going to help us never be seen again?"

I caught the brief sound of Zevran putting his hand on a knife tucked in his armor and Alistair tensed as other Elves turned at her words as well.

"Shianni, it's alright." I heard a male voice call out from the doorway of what looked like a small shop.

It took me a moment before I recognized him.

He was one of the prisoners we'd freed from Howe's prison.

I tilted my head as I looked at him. "Soris?"

He smiled. "You remember someone like me. Though I'm not sure I should feel good about that." He made a weak laugh as I started to head towards him. Shianni did as well and we gathered around the entrance to the shop.

I laughed slightly. "Well, it's good to see you doing better than the other day at any rate."

"Thanks to you all." He nodded.

Zev and Alistair seemed to relax.

"What has been going on here?" Morrigan asked.

"The Tevinter Mages came saying something about a Blight sickness and have been taking members of our Alienage for healing." Soris said. He really did look a lot better. After almost two months of having been barely surviving, he could be doing a lot worse.

"But we haven't seen any of the sick they've taken." Shianni said. "And now they've taken our Elder and my uncle, who I don't believe were sick at all."

I brought my hand up to my chin to think.

"Well, Blight would be visible by now, no doubt of that." Alistair said.

I nodded. "Yes. Anyone who was infected would either be dead or very close to it or immune in the way Grey Wardens are, which would be nice honestly." I said.

Alistair nodded.

"We've gathered hoping that they'll let us see, but I just have a bad feeling about all of this." Shianni said.

I sighed.

"Yes, such a hospice isn't commonly set up like this." Leliana said. "There would be many more mages and healing would be much more open."

Morrigan nodded. "Very much so. This reeks of the rumors you've heard about."

I glanced back at the building the guards were at. "Yeah. I get the feeling it's about to be raining Tevinter Slaver blood."

The very notion of it infuriated me. I get that Elves were treated second class, but enslavement was wrong no matter the race.

I would have never let Kerian get taken by slavers, I'd be damned if I let innocent people be taken under my nose too.

"What's the plan amor?" Zevran asked.

"There seems to be only the two mages outside and a few guards. Morrigan, if you can take out the two Mages, Zev and Leliana can likely handle the guards with a few knives. Quick and quiet if possible. We'll have to move fast afterward." I said.

The three in question nodded.

"You mean to help us, don't you?" Shianni asked.

I nodded at her. "I won't leave anyone in this kind of situation if I could help it. And if rumors of slave trading are true, I'd rather destroy it completely."

"Exactly." Alistair agreed as he reached to take hold of his shield.

I watched two knives slip into Zev's hands and he held both out to Leliana before collecting two more from his armor.

I watched Soris raise a brow at him and Zev just grinned. "Never meddle with an Assassin." Zev laughed.

"And you pick locks so deftly too." Soris shook his head with a laugh.

Right, we'd lost the key to the cell he was in, or hadn't found it, or something along those lines, and Zev had been the one to open a couple of the cells.

"Ready?" I asked them.

Morrigan started the action by stepping towards the building again and we followed her lead.

XX

The group outside the building went down in just a split second, both mages in ice and the four guards with knives in their eyes.

I was actually just mildly afraid of Leliana and Zevran at the sight of the four men going down instantly.

We stepped forward and I watched both of them collect the knives as Alistair took the point at the door and kicked it in, holding his shield in front of him. I followed, drawing both my blades as I moved and Morrigan followed in behind me, casting protective magic on us in case of aggressive mages.

It wasn't so useful, seeing as the only ones inside the building were a few guards.

I took one out before he could really react and Alistair took out the other to the left of the door.

Leliana and Zevran came into the room after us three as Alistair and I took out the other three as they drew their swords.

The back room held cages of prisoners and I was looking for keys as Zev was already undoing the lock on one cage.

"Thank you." One woman said to him as he pulled the door open.

I used the keys on the other cage and Leliana ushered them back outside to their families.

Shianni pushed through the crowd as we followed the group through the front door.

"Elder?" She called out.

"Shianni." I waved for her. The young woman came to us. "Is there any other buildings around here that they might use? Something connected to some kind of passage to the water maybe? They'd be using a boat to transport victims."

She paused to think for a moment and then nodded. "Some apartments. This way."

XX

The apartments themselves weren't exactly helpful, but when we exited the other side, six guards moved in to attack, seemingly guarding a warehouse at the end of the alley.

Alistair and I took out the three that came with swords as Leliana and Zev handled the three who'd attempted to shoot arrows. One actually managed a shot, which only caught Alistair on the very edge of his shield.

As we made our way to the door, I could see him grumbling over the many nicks and gouges that were in the edge.

"We'll buy you a new one." I said.

"I finally got used to this one though." He sighed.

"Perhaps you should get better then." Morrigan said.

"Better is using a shield, stupid." He scowled at her. "If I were worse, I'd be the one being hit, not my shield."

I stifled a laugh as Zev moved forward to unlock the door for us.

Shianni headed back towards the main square and I couldn't blame her for avoiding the fighting we were getting into.

XX

First entering the warehouse, we were greeted by an Elven slaver.

Not a slave herself exactly, but she challenged us and I had no choice but to fight when one of her archers fired first.

When the room was empty of combatants, we all headed to the back room, where I suspected that there were more Elves being held prisoner until they were taken to Tevinter.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

I didn't expect that the woman was the one in charge, not after she mentioned her master. I suppose I just had hoped he wasn't here in Ferelden and this would be wrapped up quick enough.

Caladrius was not what I was expecting at all.

Yes, he wore Magister garb of robes and had that arrogant attitude I was used to when dealing with upper society snobs. But he looked fairly normal. Not at all like a snake in the grass or a rat like what I was picturing to kind of go with him. Just an average, middle aged man with magic.

"I'll make you a deal Warden." He started the conversation, or at least, that was where I finally paid attention after checking that all the Elves present in the room were unharmed and safe enough.

I raised a brow at him. "I suppose you can speak your piece."

"You came to stop me from taking these slaves back to Tevinter. If you let me go with them, I'll give you one hundred sovereigns and I'll never return to Ferelden."

"What?" Alistair started. I held up my hand.

"First of all, we didn't actually come to free these Elves; that's just a detour." I shrugged.

"Then you're amenable." Caladrius nodded and started to reach for a pouch.

I snorted. "One hundred seems a little cheap for these people you know." I leaned on the railing of the balcony my group was standing on, giving us the advantage of position. Plus, he didn't know what all our skills were.

That Zev could kill him in seconds. Leliana the same. Morrigan likely could freeze him before he realized she was a Mage at all. And Alistair could just negate his magic, unless he actually needed to touch him.

Caladrius narrowed his eyes at me. "You're shrewd. What would you say to two hundred and you let me take the Elf with you as well? He looks like he'd make a fine pet."

I smiled. "Oh he is very good. Strong, loyal, and best of all, his range of skills is very suited for seduction and assassination. He was an Antivan Crow. Before I took him from them."

Zev leaned on the railing beside me and I glanced at him as I spoke. He looked genuinely confused.

"You'd sell me amor?" He hissed at me.

I rolled my eyes at him and looked back at Caladrius.

"Very nice." The Mage sounded speculative as I watched him look at Zev.

Alistair sighed as he finally realized I was just yanking the Magister around.

I'd never part with Zev. Morrigan leaned against the back wall as she waited.

"Actually, I know you've got some papers or other that say Loghain Mac Tir gave you permission to come here. I'd like those." I said.

Caladrius had a sour expression as he pulled the papers from his robes. "How do you know about them?"

"Pure intuition. Plus, he likes his trails leading everywhere." I shrugged. "I'll verify before deciding if you don't mind." I motioned for Leliana to go down and get them and the woman nodded.

I looked at Zev while the Magister was distracted.

"Kill him when he thinks he's won." I mouthed to him.

He finally picked up on my line of thought and he smiled as he nodded.

When Leliana came back, I took the papers and verified that they were indeed the documents we needed.

I turned to hand them to Morrigan, despite the fact that I'd usually hand them to Alistair.

"Can you manage the goon squad around the room?" I asked her near silently.

"Leliana can help." She nodded. Leliana gave a single, almost imperceptible nod as I turned back to face the Magister.

"Alright. I'll take these papers and two hundred." I said. "You can leave the money on the table please."

He grumbled as Zev started to walk slowly down the stairs.

The rest of my group waited and watched as Zevran headed for the Magister.

The man had magic ready in his hands, but he never got to use it, and his guards weren't much help at all.

Everything happened in a split second and I swear the Elves in the cages must have thought I was a loon for just smiling as it all went down.

First off, Leliana and Morrigan took out the four guards in the room, two with knives and two with ice. I noted that Morrigan liked using ice. Maybe it was just easier because it was more familiar?

While that was going down, as Zev got in range of the Magister, a knife dropped into his hand from his sleeve and the magic dissipated due to Alistair's Templar skill.

The man didn't know what hit him as my lover brought the knife up and had it through the bottom of his jaw and into his skull before the aura of magic left him.

My smile fell and several of the Elves screamed as a blast of magic hit the room, throwing Zev back from the man's body as it fell.

Zevran hit the table, scattering loose coins as he tried to keep his footing and the blast even had Alistair and myself pushed back from the railing.

It took me a moment to get my bearings again from the sound blast that hit along with it. Like we were all inside a bell as it was rung.

Just some kind of explosion of pent up magic?

At any rate, once my feet were under me, I headed for the stairs as I saw Zev slip to the floor.

"Zevran!" I stumbled on the steps and found Alistair's hand on my arm, helping me to keep steady as he hurried along beside me.

I dropped to his side as I saw blood dripping down his neck and my hands reached for him.

It was only after a moment and not seeing Alistair behind me as he moved to Zev's other side that I realized I couldn't hear a damn thing.

I leaned against the leg of the table with Zev as I felt a hint of relief.

The blood wasn't a visible injury. The sound blast had hit him full force and killed his hearing.

I turned, feeling nauseous, to look at Morrigan, shaking her head and starting down the stairs.

She moved a little faster when I waved at her and Leliana nodded when I motioned for her to head for the cages and check on the other Elves.

I reached across Zev to put my hand on Alistair's and he looked up and let me move his hand to the table, to indicate to collect the coins and the key to the cages.

He nodded and threw a book at Leliana to get her attention before throwing the key to her.

Morrigan knelt in front of Zev and the magic in her hands glowed green before she touched both sides of his head.

I looked up at her with worry and she just nodded at me with a somewhat gentle smile, indicating that he'd be alright.

I sighed as I looked back at Zev and sat beside him to lean against him.

XX

Shianni met us as we were herding everyone back out the safe way.

Morrigan had done her best to heal our hearing and at least it was better now.

"We'll get Wynne to finish when we get back to the estate." Leliana said.

I nodded.

"You did it!" Shianni sounded happy as she came to us.

I nodded as she moved past us to hug a man coming out behind us.

Her uncle, I remembered.

When their Elder offered to give us a proper reward at his home, I just shook my head.

"Thank you, but if it's alright, I'd like to go back and get our healer to get us checked out. I'd love to come visit tomorrow, after everyone has been settled and returned to their homes."

He nodded. "Thank you. We've lost several of our people, but thanks to you, we won't lose more."

"I wish we'd have heard of this sooner, I really do." I said.

"Weren't you considering selling one of your own comrades?" One of the gruffer Elves pointed out as he pushed past us to get out of the confines of the alley.

I snorted. "As if. Zevran knows I'd never sell him out. I needed the Magister to lower his guard. Plus, I had to make sure he had our evidence, or at least could tell me where it was."

Zev laughed. "Believe me, even if she'd let the deal go through, I'd be back. I really am a former Antivan Crow. He couldn't have handled me. Warden Cousland is the only one capable of that so far."

I smiled at him as he actually reached for my hand first.

I wanted to hold him close and tell everyone that he was mine and I loved him.

I settled for just squeezing his hand.

XX

On our way back to the estate I looked at Alistair.

"Hey..." I started. He looked at me and Zev moved ahead.

"Yeah?" Alistair fell in step with me.

"I was wondering...I know you were always saying how you weren't sure about taking the throne..."

"I...I think I might. I mean, this whole thing has been a bit of proof to me that I think I do actually have more of my father than I thought. I mean, I'm not Cailan by any means, but...I can't really do that badly, can I?"

I laughed. "Oh I don't know, I think you could find a way."

He gave me a dry look. "Thanks for such winning faith."

It only made me laugh harder before I rubbed at my face. "I'm sorry. I think you'd make a good King. You've experienced what it's like to be a part of the lost, you know how the lowest people feel, and how the nobles act and behave. You're good for it, really."

"Thanks to you." He nudged my shoulder. "And I mean that Elissa. Thank you."

"At any rate...I wanted to ask you...about Anora."

"Yeah...I mean, that will be important, won't it?" He sighed.

"She's a good Queen. She has the people's loyalty and support when she needs it."

"And she served at Cailan's side for a number of years, so she knows how to lead." Alistair said. "But her father..."

"Exactly that. Her father, not her. I'm just saying, and hear me out here..." He gave me a wary look. "I'm saying that maybe you two should have a political marriage."

"You're serious?" He stopped walking to look at me and I turned back to face him. "Me...marry her?"

I nodded. "Just think about it Alistair. She has the things you lack when it comes to the finer details of politics. And people love you. Together...you two could give Ferelden a brighter future. You could do what Cailan and your father wanted for the Wardens because you are one. And...I don't want you to be alone." I looked at the ground.

He stepped forward as I heard him sigh and I felt his gauntlet touch my chin.

"That's what it's really about, isn't it? You've got Arainai and you're just looking out for me on a nobility level." He said. I looked up at his insistence. I was startled when he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "You're completely right Elissa. Before I met you, I'd have probably laughed and tried to kill whoever suggested I become King. And I wouldn't have even stopped to consider marriage."

He laughed and moved his hand to ruffle my hair. "But in thinking, you've got more than just a little bit of sense in this logic. I...if you can talk her into it, I'm willing to give it a shot." He said.

I sighed as I nodded.

That went so much easier than I'd expected.

When he continued ahead of me, I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

It was so unlike Alistair to not grumble and complain and just generally make a fuss over political gambits like that.

He hated those things. Worse than he hated bad cheese.

XX

When we got back to the estate, Arl Eamon had apparently gone to bed a bit early, still recovering from the poisoning.

I'd intended to show him the papers revealing Loghain's involvement in such a disgusting act. But I suppose it would have to wait until morning.

I spent several minutes wandering, trying to find Zev, but the man had vanished as soon as we reached the estate.

Instead, I ran into Anora and decided to break my plan to her.

It was well after nightfall when I finally left the room she was staying in with Erlina, having convinced her to marry Alistair for political reasons.

I pointed out that it might start out political, but that was no reason it couldn't become real at some point. She did admit that there were parts of Alistair she found attractive.

Surprisingly, his humor was one of them. Said it reminded her of how Cailan used to make her laugh. She was much easier to talk to once I broke into her shell a little. Not as stuffy and intimidating as I'd first thought the Queen of Ferelden would be.

Maybe it helped that I thought of myself merely a single step below her?

I mean, worst case scenario, and she had refused the plan, I'd just have to help Arl Eamon arrange to depose her and if Alistair really needed a Queen that badly...I'd marry him. I'm sure Zev would understand it was entirely political and he'd stay by my side if I asked it of him.

I'd love no other.

I was sleepy as I walked back to the room we shared, only to catch the faint scent of Embrium coming from the room.

When I cracked the door open, confused, I was taken aback by a beautiful sight.

The room was lit only by small oil candles scattered round in lovely glass shells that curled up in intricate designs, making the light play on the walls and curtain so nicely.

And there, sitting on the end of the bed in the dim light of the candles, was Zevran.

I closed the door behind me as I covered my mouth with my other hand.

"Zev..." I started. I lowered my hand as he looked up at me, almost looking worried.

"Amor...I needed to talk to you."

"This...is beautiful, but why?" I stepped towards him.

He stood up to meet me.

"I...feel ashamed of myself." He started and hung his head.

I frowned, feeling uneasy. Had he done something wrong? Killed someone I knew?

He must have read my face because he reached out to me.

"Elissa, you've no need to worry. I just...have been acting like a child."

I tilted my head as I looked up at him. "What?"

"After I gave you my earring. I fear I have been acting like a child." He said and he moved to sit back down as he took hold of both of my hands.

"I don't understand..." I shook my head.

"When I gave you that earring...I was scared. To me, it is precious and a reminder that people aren't always what I'm told. You remind me of him and I wanted you to have it because of that. But I see you as so much more than he ever was. It was...because of that I was scared."

"You never have to be scared with me Zev." I moved to sit beside him, but he pulled me onto his lap.

"But I am amor. I am a scared child when it comes to you. You saw that gift for what it was. I want to stay with you, for years to come. I just have no idea how to make that happen." He said softly.

I sighed as I leaned against him. "I know that Zev. And I'm trying to let you figure it out, I really am. Sometimes I just get excited at the idea of you being with me forever."

He laughed. "Care to share that with me then?"

I smiled. "Only if you give me some of your fear. Maker knows I could use some with you."

"You want to fear me?" He frowned when I looked up at him.

I shook my head. "No, I've never really feared you at all. Alistair said you were dangerous and I knew he was right, but I just didn't fear you."

He smiled. "I'm glad mi amor. I don't want you to ever fear me." He grinned. "Now, if I come at you with a knife, then I'd be a little bit afraid."

I laughed. "I think I'd be afraid of you missing whatever is behind me."

He laughed again and I liked it. He had such a warm laugh when he felt it. His forced expressions were almost all gone from the time we first met. Before, now that I looked back, he had been forcing some of his interactions with the group. Now, he was naturally a part of it.

And me.

He finally sighed. "I have behaved selfishly and in fear, and so I've avoided your bed these past couple days. But no more. I cannot bear to be away from you." He said. He turned to put my back against the bed and leaned over me. As he looked into my eyes, he hesitated. "If you'll still have me that is?"

I reached up between us to undo one of the earrings I wore. Just a simple golden ring, a delicate twisted band. Nothing fancy like his Prince's earring.

Zev didn't move as I carefully put it in the same spot I'd seen the emerald earring on his ear before.

"These...were family heirlooms of my mothers side of the family. They've been passed from mother to daughter for generations. They're some of the last things I have of my mother." I said as I reached to undo the emerald earring from my necklace and put it in my ear. The soft expression on his face said more than words ever could.

"And we will give them to a daughter we have too." Zev leaned to kiss me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him close.

XX

He spent a good couple of minutes slowly, seductively, stripping us both before laying me out on the bed and methodically tracing his hands over every inch of my skin that he could.

I didn't think there was a part of me he didn't know by the time he got done.

It was only when he reached towards the table that I realized he'd had one of his oils. That made sense. With the fact that I couldn't smell anything new, it must have been the one with Embrium in it.

Zevran was intentionally slow and thorough in making love to me. Right up until I passed out from pure sedation.

XX

When I got up the following morning, the morning light was coming through the sheer curtains.

I opened my eyes as I didn't feel his warmth around me.

"Buenos días mi amor." I heard his voice from the direction of the desk and saw him sitting on it, drawing in his book again.

"Mmm, another naughty picture again?" I gave him a half awake stare.

"Si." He blew off some dust before making another couple marks with the charcoal in his hand and I stayed still, content to just watch him.

He had such a focused and relaxed expression when he was drawing.

I couldn't really say I minded him drawing me, even given what the outcome would be.

Sometimes it was just nice to know that someone felt the way Zev did about me.

"You can get up, I'm pretty much done." He said.

I let the blanket fall and stretched my arms, only to bring my knees up and wrap my arms around them.

"How long have you been up?"

"Dawn." He looked back up for a moment. "Hold still."

I smiled softly as I caught the look in his eyes.

He liked what he saw.

When playing Wicked Grace, he showed no indications what-so-ever, but like this, I was finally starting to be able to read him.

I glanced slightly at the window, to watch the morning birds fly among the trees lining the estate grounds. "Perfect." He said.

I wasn't entirely sure how long I'd sat like that before he said I could get up again.

I took him at his word and moved towards the wardrobe to collect a clean set of clothes for the day.

Zev was still making marks on the page when I pulled my shirt on and I moved to watch him draw.

He was so good at it that I couldn't help but feel beautiful just looking at how he drew me.

It wasn't as if he was making anything up, he was just highlighting what he liked about me more than anything else. Which seemed to be just me entirely. He never drew overly much of my surroundings, just enough to get an idea of where he was drawing me from.

"You're really good at this you know." I said softly.

"I know." He shrugged as he set the stick on the desk beside him before blowing the dust off the page.

He used a small brush to get the finer bits and I sighed as he flipped back through the book for me to see all the images he'd captured so far.

"You never draw yourself?" I frowned.

"Mmm, not so good at that. Others, yes. But I never feel good drawing myself."

"Because something feels off?"

"No, I just don't like it." He shrugged again as he closed the book and tucked it away in his bag.

I reached for my swords and wrapped the sash around my waist as he collected his own weapons and began to tuck away knives.

I waited for him to finish before heading for the door with the papers I needed to show to Arl Eamon.

As expected, he followed right behind me.

XX

We headed for the Landsmeet once everyone of my group was ready and Alistair looked nervous as we walked.

"Cheer up friend, either you'll rule the city or it'll kill you. Very simple." Zev said as he clapped Alistair on the shoulder.

I heard Alistair's snort from behind me. "Thanks Arainai. That's really the kind of encouragement I needed."

I laughed. "Well, he's not wrong. It'll be fine Alistair. We have enough support to oust Loghain, don't worry. We've got the Arl, and over half the nobility thanks to Howe and our actions. Plus, we've got the support of the lower class. Don't ever take them for granted either."

He sighed as Zev came to walk beside me.

"Still...the idea of being King is just one of those things that looms. It's...too big. You know?"

I huffed. "Yeah. Warden-Commander isn't exactly too much of a smaller task." I sighed.

"No, I guess not."

"Cheer up you two, we're almost there." Leliana said from ahead of us.

I took a deep breath as I felt Zev grip my hand for a moment.

A silent show of support.

XX

We were stopped in the entry by Cauthrien, but before she could fight us, I told her that I believed Loghain was in the wrong. I pointed out where he'd been right at Ostagar, but that his actions otherwise were very unlike the hero I'd heard him to be.

I got the distinct feeling she knew it too, when she let herself be swayed.

"Please...don't hate him." Her words were so quiet as I passed that I almost didn't hear her.

I stopped to look at her and smiled slightly.

"I don't."

Thanks to that little exchange, I missed part of the conversation as we moved into the main hall.

The people around the room were all nobility and most moved out of our path as we stepped forward.

"Ah! And here we have the puppeteer." Loghain said as I came to a stop somewhere between him and Arl Eamon in the balcony.

I could tell just based on how people looked at us how many would vote for us and who wouldn't.

I let him get a couple lines in about Orlesian fear before holding my hand up.

That kind of shit just pissed me off.

"Look, I understand being afraid of Orlesian control, but the real issue here is the Blight, so stop being distracted." I snapped. "You're fear mongering to keep people on your side and it only makes you look bad."

I saw several of the nobles I knew had refugees in their lands nod in agreement.

"The Blight may be real enough, but do we really need Grey Wardens to fight it?" Loghain moved towards the dais at the end of the room where the thrones were and turned to face us at the top. "You claim that you alone can end the Blight, but you failed spectacularly at Ostagar, and now you'll ask for legions of Chevaliers. And once we open our borders to them, can we really expect them to simply return from whence they came?"

I shook my head. "I've no intention of asking for help from Orlais. I've asked for support only from those who live here in Ferelden. Templars and Mages of the Circle, the Dwarves of Orzammar, the Dalish of the Brecilian Forest, and soldiers of Ferelden herself." I said. "I fully support my own nation first and foremost. But I can't say the same for you. You sold citizens of Ferelden to Tevinter in order to fund your war against us."

"What's this?" Someone from the balcony sounded outraged. "Explain yourself Warden."

I held up papers Arl Eamon had said that I should carry. "I've got written documents with Loghain's signature authorizing the capture and enslavement of Elves from the Alienage here in Denerim." I scowled at Loghain before putting them back in my sash.

Loghain started to speak. "There is no saving the Alienage–"

"Don't even lie." I snapped. "Those people are just as much citizens as we are. You were the one they were supposed to turn to when the damage was done. You let people abuse them simply because they are Elves. You turned a blind eye to them when they needed you most. And you let Howe imprison them and others just because they questioned you."

"She's right." I heard a man's voice from the balcony. It was Sighard of Dragon's Peak. "Howe had my son in his dungeon and would have killed him if not for the Warden."

"Not to mention others down there." I added. "And you hired a Mage to poison Arl Eamon, knowing he would try to stop you and that people would support him because he's a man they can trust."

Someone else agreed as verification, but I didn't catch who it was.

I had proof of everything I was arguing and Loghain knew it.

Worst yet was when he asked about the state of his daughter and she came out to defend us. Even stating that Loghain had pretty much helped Howe lock her up, and that Howe would have killed her.

It didn't take long before he broke.

"You're all traitors!" He shouted.

I tuned out his further Orlesian arguments and his jabs at Arl Eamon as well as his attempts to make those around us feel guilty for going against a 'hero' of Ferelden.

"Let's end this Loghain." I sighed.

He looked at me and curled his lip at me.

"I suppose we both knew it would come to this." He sounded so bitter about it.

"A duel. Single combat." I said.

"Those of us present will abide and agree to the terms." Someone said from the balcony. I think it was the Bann of the Waking Seas, Alfstanna.

Loghain glared at me. "Will you face me yourself, or have you a champion?"

I hesitated.

Who should fight him.

In single combat, almost any of us could win against him, given our youth. But he did have experience and I've known for a long time that experience trumps youth in most cases.

If Alistair fought him, it would be to the death most likely, but it would also make the people follow him like nothing else would as King.

If I fought him, it would be a challenge, considering I'd grown up respecting him through stories. Not to mention the risk to me physically. One false move and he might not kill me, but he would kill the baby inside me.

Morrigan would take him out in a heartbeat. Wynne could, but whether she would was up for debate. Leliana could too, and somewhat easy enough. Sten...no question there. Oghren would probably get his short ass handed to him, despite how he might be all for the challenge.

And Zev...it wouldn't really be a fight, would it?

I couldn't even consider Baron. That would get laughed at.

No, I couldn't risk any of us being hurt.

I stepped forward. "I will fight." I said.

"It is you or me the men will follow. So let us fight for it. Prepare yourself." Loghain said.

I took the important documents from my sash and turned to hand them towards Alistair as everyone around us cleared room.

My group practically surrounded me.

"What are you thinking?" I heard Alistair and Zevran hiss at me simultaneously.

I cracked a smile as they scowled at each other.

Zev reached to take my wrist. "Amor, you know the risks, do you not?" He sounded so worried it made my throat tighten.

"Please for the love of the Maker, let one of us fight." Alistair said quietly. "If anything happens..." He caught his own worry.

Leliana nodded. "This could be very dangerous Elissa. He is not an unknowing squire."

"I know." I said softly. I started to look down before I felt the large hand of Sten cover my shoulder.

"Keep low and go for his right side around his shield." Sten said. "It is a dishonorable method, but the safest method."

That alone had me almost in tears.

All this time, Sten seemed to pride himself on his honor as a Qunari. And he hadn't seemed overly enthusiastic about me fighting, nor about the news I was pregnant. In fact, he'd seemed more annoyed than ever at that.

I nodded at his advice. "Thanks."

Baron pushed against my leg in a show of support and I started to step back.

"If you even think you might get hurt, forfeit." Alistair said. "Whatever happens after that, none of us will let you get hurt."

Zev nodded. "I don't care about your traditions and laws. I will step in."

"I know." I smiled at him.

He would. And then he'd take me and run.

This was his chance at a family too. Assassins didn't have families. But he wasn't just any old Assassin.

He was my Crow.

I faced Loghain as I stepped towards the middle of the clearing.

XX

To be honest, the entire fight was a blur of motion to me.

He used his shield and sword very effectively.

I wasn't surprised that Loghain was an efficient fighter, and even using Sten's advice, it was still a challenge to do enough damage to his armor and the few cuts I could make in him.

When he finally dropped to his knee and let go of his shield, I stepped back, limping slightly from where he'd caught me with the blunt side of his sword.

There, at the end, it was like some kind of light left his eyes and he looked his age.

"I underestimated you Warden. I thought you were like Cailan, a child wanting to play at war." He moved to his feet again, unarmed by having left his blade and shield on the stone floor. "I was wrong. There is a strength in you I have not seen anywhere since Maric died. I yield."

Part of me wanted to execute him simply because I knew now that it wasn't a Demon that had made him mad, but just the pure fear of losing his country to his enemy. He had brought up Orlesian rule because that was what he feared most.

But the other part of me didn't want to kill him simply for feeling such fear.

Before I could make either choice, I heard a voice from behind me.

"There is another option."

I turned to face Riordan as he came towards us, the people letting him through.

"The Teyrn is a warrior and general of renown. Let him be of use. Let him go through the Joining." Riordan said.

I paused just a second to consider it.

He was right technically. Before all this, having Loghain join the Wardens would have had recruits lining up to join as well, simply to follow the Hero of River Dane.

But it was Alistair who actually made me remember why it was that I'd once believed Loghain was possessed.

"If he joins, I quit." Alistair scowled.

Loghain shook his head. "Don't pity me Warden." He said to me. "I do not deserve the honor."

"The more Wardens we have to fight the Archdemon, the better." Riordan said.

"We can always use more Wardens, I know." I said. "But this is his choice too. I was right all along. Maybe not literally, but still right. He was possessed. Not by a Demon like I wanted to believe, but by madness inspired by fear."

Several of my companions nodded with agreement.

I looked back up at Loghain with a smile. "I know what it's like to be out of your mind with fear."

"It is no excuse for my actions." He hung his head.

He knew what I was going to have to do.

Anora took a couple steps towards us, but he held up his hand to her.

"No. I am sorry to have let my fear overtake me and lead us all to disaster. But do not blame the Wardens. Cailan and Maric were right. Wardens are chosen because they are different. Cousland was always different."

I couldn't hide my shock. He knew who I was?

He moved to go back to his knees.

Did I have the ability to execute him though?

I mean, I knew physically I had the capability. But knowing what I did, seeing how he had come to his own realizations...could I do it?

"Do you want me to?" Alistair asked.

"I will not marry a man who killed my father." Anora scowled at him.

Loghain chuckled. "Political marriage again? I suppose I can accept that as long it is a son of Maric."

I glanced up as she looked about ready to cry.

I shook my head at Alistair. "I think she'll need support more than me." I spoke quietly to him, so that Anora wouldn't hear.

"Take care of her." Loghain sighed as Alistair passed him with Leliana and Wynne following. "Please continue Warden Cousland."

I took a deep breath as I hesitated at raising my swords. They weren't designed for execution.

I'm pretty sure I blacked out at the feel of my swords connecting with flesh.

XX

The feeling of someone brushing their fingers through my hair woke me and I opened my eyes to find myself in the bed I'd used at the Arl's estate with Zevran.

"Mi amor?" I heard the worry in Zev's voice and he pulled his hand away from my head. "How are you feeling?"

"I...I'm fine. Did...everything go alright at the end?"

"You killed Loghain cleanly, but then you fainted. The Arl closed up the Landsmeet as we brought you back here." He said.

I shifted to lay on my back and looked at the ceiling. "And Alistair and Anora?"

"Fine. Both are worried about you. Alistair and Leliana told her the news and now she shares our frustration with you."

I smiled. "I figure."

"I'm still not happy with you." Zev said.

I sighed. "I know."

I turned to face him and he moved his arm to hold me close when I tried to get closer to him.

"You've no idea how many times Alistair had to hold me back watching you fight by yourself like that." He sounded angry and I couldn't help but smile against his collarbone as I buried my face against his skin.

He was so warm and comfortable.

"I'm sorry." I said with a yawn.

He stroked his hand over my head again before holding me tightly.

"Elissa..." His voice was pained. "Don't ever scare me like that again."

I sighed. "Mmm, no promises mi amor."

He pulled back to look down at me and I tilted my head up to meet his eyes.

"I'll never let you do that again." He scowled at me.

I closed my eyes. "I still have to fight the Archdemon you know."

"Not alone." He said before kissing my forehead.

We were quiet for another moment.

I was strangely tired and coming to the realization that passing out, by force or my own cause, was not in any way getting me rest.

Also, my body seemed to know it was nightfall by the sunset behind the curtains.

I was almost out when Zev whispered again.

"Never alone."

I smiled.

No, I never would be again.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

When the Arl decided that waiting until after the Blight was dealt with was better for the wedding of Alistair and Anora as well as the crowning of the new King, I didn't really disagree.

I mean, I think the people would have felt a little safer, but it made sense on a political standpoint.

Instead, we headed back to Redcliff to prepare.

Every time we stopped for camp, I was just more tired than hungry and went straight to sleep.

The third night, Alistair and Zevran prevented me from setting up my tent.

"Elissa, this has to stop." Alistair said.

"Amor, you have been sleeping far too much. I am very worried."

Morrigan stopped by us. "Yes. Leliana and I as well." She handed over the blankets she was carrying to Alistair and took hold of my arm. "We are going to have a little bit of a private session."

I dug in my heels for a second before Zev picked me up and followed her.

Baron ran along a few feet ahead of Morrigan and led us a short ways away from camp.

"This should be good." Morrigan nodded. "You can set her down on that rock."

I didn't fight when Zev sat me on the rock in question. "Why can't I sleep?"

Morrigan didn't answer and I felt the flare of magic instead.

"Amor, sleeping is all well and good, but it also isn't healthy to sleep as much as you have when we aren't walking." Zevran sighed as he stepped back when Morrigan touched my shoulders.

I could feel the invasion of her magic and it took my breath away.

The moment she stumbled back, he steadied her and me.

"How is she?" He asked her.

"She needs more nutrients. As far as physical state, she's fine, but not if she wants to be healthy."

"See, I'm fine." I moved to stand up.

"Elissa, if you aren't healthy, then our baby isn't healthy either." Zev made me face him and I saw his scowl. "Do you not want a healthy child?"

I looked down between us. "I do. I'm just so tired all the time."

He pulled me close. "I know amor. Walking is exhausting. But you need to eat too." I felt his breath against my hair. "Please just promise me you'll try to eat more. I'll do whatever it takes to make it so you have to walk less. Even if I have to carry you myself."

I nodded. "I'll try." I mumbled.

"Good. Then just try and stay awake for dinner tonight." Morrigan said. "You've been worrying us all you know. Even Sten. And he doesn't show any emotion."

I sighed. "I'm sorry Morrigan." I saw her actually smile somewhat.

"Let us go back and see about getting food." Zev said.

I nodded.

XX

As we came close to Redcliff, we could hear fighting and most of the soldiers hurried ahead at the Arl's command.

I picked up my pace as well. Eating more last night had given me a lot more energy today, along with riding for periods of time on the wagons.

Maybe my baby and my body weren't quite on equal terms just yet.

But I would work on it.

"There are Darkspawn attacking Redcliff, we need to hurry." Riordan tried to urge me faster.

"If you're so bent on fighting, you run ahead. My legs are shorter." I tried to keep my breathing even as I jogged.

"Not that short." Oghren huffed trying to keep up with me.

"Still shorter than ours." Alistair said.

Even with going a little slower, the soldiers who'd gone ahead managed to kill most of the Darkspawn without us.

We finished up with them and the Arl ordered men stationed as lookouts and took our group up to the castle.

Zev and I were putting our armor on the desk of the room we'd had for a while now here at Redcliff when the knock on the door sounded.

"Well, at least this time it was before we got started." He laughed.

I had to smile at just hearing him laugh honestly. No hint of dry amusement or bitterness to it.

I pulled the door open.

"Hey, the Arl wants to see us." Alistair said when I looked up at him.

"Alright." I started after him and Zev gave me a confused look when he fell in step beside us.

I just shrugged.

"I wasn't really expecting an attack here, you know?" Alistair sounded worried.

I shook my head. "No. I wasn't either." We turned the corner and I saw Riordan by the door to the Arl's study.

He held up his hand to have us halt and looked at Zev. "Wardens only."

I looked at him. "It's alright. I mean, I think." He nodded.

"I'll wait amor." He leaned against the wall and Alistair headed into the room ahead.

Riordan closed the door behind us.

"I've heard Antivan before. He loves you?" Riordan asked.

"Let's just say that Arainai would likely walk through hell to keep Elissa safe. And he's got the skills to back it up. You saw him fight. That was just a warm up to him." Alistair said. "When we retrieved the Ashes for Arl Eamon, we had to fight magical made clones of ourselves. Arainai killed us all. Believe me, it was creepy and I never want to see it again."

Riordan held up his hand. "Oh no, I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have a skilled warrior as a lover. In fact, it might be better simply because he won't have to be left behind were Warden Elissa to travel following Warden duties simply for his own safety."

"And you're not going to mention that he's an Elf?"

"Garahel was an Elf and he was the Warden who saved us all from the Fourth Blight. I've got literally no issues with Elves in general." Riordan shrugged. "An Antivan Crow assassin is a very nice companion to have on your side. I merely wanted to congratulate you for managing to sway someone to love you who has been emotionally void since his inception into the Crows. I've heard tell that their training leaves them nigh unfeeling killers. Yet it is very obvious that he adores you. While retaining his ruthless ability to kill anyone who crosses him, as I saw just this afternoon with the Darkspawn we faced."

I was a little thrown off. "Guess I'm not used to someone just casually accepting us. I mean, Oghren did, but he's...him." I saw Alistair make a face at that.

"Speaking of the Hero of the Fourth Blight, how much do you two know about him?" Riordan asked.

"That he was skilled." Alistair said.

"He was just a humble Warden who happened to find the courage to do what had to be done to kill the Archdemon." I tilted my head.

Arl Eamon nodded. "Anyone who has studied the Fourth Blight history knows about him."

Riordan shook his head. "Wrong. He was a skilled young Elf Warden, yes. And he did make that sacrifice to slay the Archdemon. And one of us will have to as well."

"Right, Elissa and I have already talked about it. She'll kill the beast, I'll take the throne, and she'll become the new Ferelden Warden-Commander." Alistair said.

Riordan snorted a laugh. "New Commander eh? From the grave?" He shook his head again, seeming disappointed in us. "You have no idea what it means to kill that monster, do you?"

Alistair scowled. "It's an Archdemon, we slay it and go home."

"No. The Warden who slays the Archdemon dies. Garahel didn't die because of his wounds, though they were terrible. He died because the only way to effectively and permanently kill an Archdemon is to take its soul into your own. A body can't hold two. It will kill you."

"But, is that necessary?" I asked.

Riordan nodded. "I'm sorry to have to tell you. If one of us don't kill it, the soul will move to the next Darkspawn and it will be reborn and we will have to kill it all over again. Anyone can help us kill it, but we must strike that finishing blow ourselves."

Alistair looked at me. "So...one of us will have to die."

I met his eyes even as my hand raised to rest under my breast, not quite over my heart, but not over my belly either. "I...didn't know." I whispered.

"I know. Warden Duncan didn't tell either of you. We senior Wardens know, but we never expected for us all to be wiped out." Riordan said. "It'll be alright. I'll make that final blow. I understand that Warden Cousland is pregnant, so I can't ask you to do it. And if Alistair is to be the next King, that won't help him at all either."

"But what if you can't do it? One of us would have to. There is no guarantee that you'd even be able to sunder that monster." I said.

"At any rate, I wouldn't worry about it. I'll make sure I stay alive to kill that thing for you both. As the senior Warden, it is my duty." Riordan said. "Get some rest."

"I'll be sending out the call for arms to our army." Arl Eamon said with a pale face.

He looked like he'd aged ten years in the past few minutes.

I stumbled as I made my way to the door and Alistair followed behind me.

When I opened it, I expected to see Zev waiting, but he was gone.

"So...I'm sorry Elissa. If it comes to it, I'll do it." Alistair said.

"No, Ferelden needs a King." I shook my head.

He reached to grab my shoulder and pull me to a stop. I looked up at him.

"No. I mean, it does, but I never expected to make it this far. You have so much more to live for." He held me with both hands and leaned just a little to look me in the eyes. "Elissa, you promise me you'll let me take that final blow."

"I...can't." I shook my head.

"Promise me Elissa. Or so help me I'll...I'll break your leg and make you sit on the sidelines here and now." He looked almost in pain. "You can hate me, Arainai can hate me, Anora can, but I have watched how you change people around you and I couldn't bear it if the world lost you. This world needs someone like you. You were always right. The Maker never does anything without his own will in it. If Mages like Morrigan and Wynne can exist, then who's to say there can't be good Demons and proper Blood Magic."

I swallowed. "I...I promise." I choked on the words.

Making that promise meant letting Alistair die if it came down to him or me. I couldn't lose the last bit of family I had.

"Good. Now...go and be with Zevran." He stood straight and stepped back.

I turned as I felt the tears welling up.

I really didn't want him to see me cry.

I was a Cousland and we stuck to our word.

I'd have to turn the other cheek and watch my friend die to save my own life.

I started running back towards the room I shared with Zev and as I pushed the door open, I saw the fire lit.

Standing in front of the hearth was Morrigan.

"Did you need something?" I asked her.

"It isn't what I need Elissa, it's what you need." She faced me. I tilted my head. "I know about the slaying of the Archdemon killing one of you. And I came to present another option."

I looked as I saw movement. In time to see Zev looking away from me, as if he was ashamed.

"What?" I shook my head.

"I believe my mother knew about all this. It's why she sent me with you." Morrigan said. "And while I can't say I initially enjoyed being thrown out of my house, I have enjoyed traveling with you Elissa. I've seen more of Ferelden than I'd ever thought possible from my home before."

"Why would you be able to change one of us dying?" I asked as I moved towards the window.

"You have an open mind, like my mother hoped for. You believe that Mages and magic have a use in this world. In her tomes, the one I took with me specifically, is a ritual. A...Blood Magic Ritual." Morrigan sighed. "Using the ritual, one can make it so that no Warden need die to kill the Archdemon."

"But..." I started.

"Don't you owe it to yourself to survive?" She asked. "Don't you owe it to him? Have you not noticed how he has changed?" She motioned at Zevran. "If you were to die, what would you leave behind? Surely not a couple broken hearts and a legend of heroism like Garahel of the Fourth Blight. Few know you on that kind of level. What you would be leaving behind is a number of shattered hopes and dreams and a broken man." She leveled the harshest look I'd ever seen from her before. Even I felt scared. "You want to tell me that you would sacrifice yourself to save the world and be able to face the Maker knowing that you ripped out the Elf's heart along the way?"

I looked at the floor for a moment. "No." I mumbled.

"What?" She sounded as if she wanted to make me repeat it, not that she hadn't heard me.

I let the tears fall as I rushed away from the window to where Zev was sitting on the end of the bed.

He reached for me as I nearly threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I felt his arms close around me and felt safe again.

"I can't do it." I said.

I could never face myself again if I ever knew I was the cause of Zev being in that kind of pain.

"Then, I will perform the ritual. I'll need one small thing from you though." I turned in his hold to look at her.

"Anything. So long as it will save me and Alistair."

"I suppose if I must save the useless future King." She sighed. But there was a hint of a smile and no malice in her words. "I'll need you to convince him to sleep with me tonight." She said.

I frowned. "That'll save us both?" I asked. "That easy?"

She nodded. "You go and convince him, I'll prepare the Ritual myself and be at his room door by the time you are done." She turned for the door and I watched her leave.

I let it sink in as I looked at Zev.

"I'm sorry amor. I heard what the other Warden said and I just...couldn't let you die. I can't bear it. I'm so sorry amor." He said.

I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled him to kiss me. "I don't care Zev. You'll never be left out of another conversation involving me or my future again. I don't give a shit if they say 'Wardens only' again. From now on, you're a part of me whether they like it or not."

He held me close for another moment and I buried my face against his neck.

How could I be mad that he'd eavesdropped when he'd tried to use it for the best?

He finally nudged me away.

"You should go speak to Alistair." He said.

I nodded.

XX

"You want me to what?" Alistair sat on the end of his bed and rubbed his hand over his face.

"Please Alistair. I know it's not ideal. You hate Morrigan. You hate magic. I know. But please, consider the possibility. If this thing of hers works, when any of us kill the Archdemon, no one will have to die for it. If it doesn't...then I'll still let you or Riordan do it." I said.

"Regardless of if it works, you won't even think about killing that thing. You should be lucky we're letting you fight. You are a walking miracle Elissa. Having the Taint as we do and being able to have a baby still...there are so many Wardens who would have given their left leg to have what you have." He said sharply. He settled back down. "I...I've never done it before." He said nervously.

"You mean...you're a virgin?" I frowned.

"Rub it in why don't you? Little miss-screwing-the-Elf." He scowled at me.

I snorted. "I honestly didn't know." I tried to keep a straight face.

It made sense though. But he hadn't acted flustered at seeing the naked people in the ruins in the Brecilian Forest. Nor at any of Zev's more lewd jokes. Or even around Oghren's.

"So...you'll do it?" I asked him.

"Yeah. But make sure she doesn't expect anything from me. Literally, the bare minimum. That is all I'll offer." He said as he narrowed his eyes at me. "Maker this is humiliating." He hung his head.

"No one will ever have to know outside the four of us."

"Four?" His head shot up to look at me.

"Well, you, me, Morrigan, and it was Zev who'd brought it up to her."

"Great. Arainai can hold this over my head forever too." He sighed.

"We won't Alistair. You're going to be saving the world."

"By getting laid." He scowled.

I smirked. "Exactly." I moved to hug him. "If it makes you feel better, I really hope it works. I want the new Warden-Commander and the future King to be good friends for decades to come."

He hugged me back. "I...me too. I...made you promise, but Elissa...I'm scared of dying too." His voice caught and I didn't pull back as he held me tighter. "I don't want to be a failure of a Warden. And I don't want to lose out on having all the fun with you and Arainai and even...Anora. I want to be there to see your child grow up, knowing I'm kind of like...an uncle. I've never been an uncle."

"You'd be more than that Alistair." I finally pulled back to look at him. He looked a little bit like a scared boy. "I...I've been thinking, and I haven't gone over it with Zev, but...I wanted you to be my baby's guardian."

He gaped for a moment. "Guardian...me? But...really?"

I nodded. "You're one of my best friends, practically family, and you're half the reason I even have this child. If you hadn't been such a screw-up to Warden Duncan, he probably wouldn't have ordered me to go up the Tower of Ishal with you and I'd be dead."

He snorted a laugh. "I suppose so. Guess me being a failure can come in handy."

"Exactly. So...let me ask Zev, and then I'll ask you formerly."

I stood up and headed for the door.

"Yeah. I'll do it. Whenever you ask, I'll be your child's Guardian." He said.

I smiled as I opened his door. "Good." I looked up at Morrigan. I nodded at her when she stepped aside.

"I heard." She said.

Neither of them spoke when she went into the room after I left.

I was practically floating down the hall back to my room.

Maker let this Ritual work. I didn't care that it involved Blood Magic, as long as no one died.

XX

I found my room lit with a few small oil candles, making the room smell like a flower I'd never had the scent of before.

Zev stood by the window and I could see that the hearth had been raked down to a near dead fire.

His already tanned skin glowed in firelight and I loved it.

I just loved him.

I made sure the door was locked before stepping towards him.

He met me in the open space between the end of the bed and the hearth.

His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me into a gentle, slow dance. I let him set the pace, relaxing in his arms.

I heard him speak softly in Antivan and looked up at his face.

"Zev..."

He shook his head. "Amor, you are the light of my life and I could never cherish you as I know you should be. But I also cannot ever let you go. I am a terrible man. A killer and a liar. I have never loved anyone before you. And I know I will never be able to love anyone after you. Please let me be selfish and keep you forever."

I sighed and put my head against his shoulder. "Only if I can be selfish and keep you too." I said as I held him tightly.

He ran his hand through my hair as his left arm kept me tight against him. "Always."

"What were you saying in Antivan?" I asked as I closed my eyes and just enjoyed him slowly swaying me in a simple movement.

I felt it as he tipped his head against mine. "Nothing will ever come between us. Where you go, I will follow." He said. "And I will amor. I promise you that. I would storm the gates of the Black City itself if it meant being by your side forever."

I felt the tears come back up again and he didn't seem to care as they fell on his shoulder.

For him to say that meant that not only would he break all known laws, but he'd go against the Maker himself to be with me.

If that wasn't love, then I was delusional.

We were quiet for long enough that I didn't even notice when we stopped moving.

"Elissa?" He finally broke the silence.

"Mmm?" I pressed my face against the fabric of his shirt.

He shifted just enough to look me in the eyes.

"I love you." He said softly.

I smiled as he leaned to kiss me.

Not a claiming kind of passionate kiss, but one that was gentle and emotionally deep. It was so far different from the very first kiss he'd given me that it could have been from a completely different man.

He was different now.

He'd still been a Crow at heart then. Now he was the man who loved me and kept me safe. My guardian Crow.

I was as breathless when he finally pulled away and I opened my eyes to meet his again.

"I love you Zevran."

He smiled, gently and with love.

"I hope you always do mi amor."

I gasped when he caught his bare foot behind my ankle and tipped me back. The feeling of hitting the bed knocked my breath from me and I looked up when he stood over me.

"Zev!"

He grinned before reaching to pull his shirt off.

I watched as he spread his hands over his own skin, unable to form a coherent sentence when he did that.

I'd been right all along. He was a distraction. All on his own.

I let him strip me as well, no complaints when he nearly ripped my shirt in the process. I'm pretty sure something ripped on it anyway.

He urged me back on the bed and I moved for him, looking up as he came over me to cover my body with his warmer one.

I loved his heat.

His kisses were passionate as he slowly and methodically teased my arousal using just his hands on my skin.

"Please Zev." I cried for him to not keep tormenting me.

I saw his grin as he slid into me, more careful than ever before.

We'd have to be very careful and gentle, especially once I was farther along in my pregnancy.

Mother had said it was possible, but to never be rough. I just hoped she was right.

But even if it wasn't possible, I'd settle for just laying beside him, feeling him against me.

"You are always so beautiful Elissa." He said as I let my eyes nearly close. I could still see him, barely, through my lashes.

He kissed me again as the bubble in me burst and I felt him come inside me.

I cried out his name as I pulled back at the strength of my own pleasure.

He never failed to ensure that I was satisfied first. And I loved that about him.

With anyone he didn't care for, he probably had never shown such courtesy. Which is how I knew he loved me like he cared for no one else.

Zevran knew and admitted he loved me now though.

It made all the difference.

XX

I woke up screaming from the nightmare vision and blindly pushed at the arms that wrapped around me when I tried to sit up.

It took a couple minutes, longer than I'd have liked, for Zev's voice to break through my crying.

I gripped his arm where it crossed over my chest to keep me pulled against him and unable to harm myself by fighting.

"Amor, shh. I'll keep you safe amor. It's alright." His assurances were soft and some were in Antivan, but I did eventually settle enough to breathe.

The vision was just too real.

I heard the sound of boots outside the door.

"Elissa?" Alistair's voice called out.

"It's open." Zev said as he made sure the blanket was completely covering me and himself as he held me.

The door cracked open and Alistair hesitantly shuffled into the room. "You had it too then?" He asked me.

I looked up at him. "It..."

"I know. It's on the move. We need to go."

"What is it?" Zevran asked, looking up at him.

Alistair sighed. "The Archdemon. It's sending its horde at Denerim."

Zev let a couple strings of cussing in Antivan and tightly wrapped the blanket around me before pushing out of bed.

"I'll go and get the Arl up and everyone else. Though likely Riordan has had the vision as well." Alistair said. "I just know how badly you react to it."

I nodded and he made his way back out the door.

He'd been so worried about seeing me afterward that he hadn't even pulled his shirt on.

Morrigan tormented him about his fighting ability, but Alistair had no scars to show inadequacy in his talent. Unlike myself.

Zev knew each of those scars and he would do his best to ensure I never gained another that he could prevent.

I shook still as I slid from our bed and he held out a set of warmer clothes.

"Amor, you are ready for this?" He asked.

I nodded as I pulled the clothes on. "Are any of us?"

He sighed. "I don't believe we are ever ready for a monster like this."

I could feel my hands shaking as I tried to wrap my sash properly and get the knot done right.

Zev took it over for me and I looked up at his face.

He looked tired still.

We must not have been asleep for long.

"Warden, be down as soon as you can be." I heard someone through the door.

"Coming." I called back.

Zev collected only the gear we would need.

If everyone from Redcliff marched in a timely manner and straight to Denerim, we'd make it in maybe just under two days. And with this kind of attack, that is likely what we'd be doing.

I took the pieces that covered my calves from him and quickly strapped them on before taking my metal stitched coat that he'd found for me while we'd been in Denerim during the Landsmeet. I loved it and it matched his, which only made it better.

"Amor, I'll be at your side every step of the way." He said before kissing my temple.

I nodded and stood a little higher to touch my lips to his cheek. "I'll need you there."

XX

I was right. We did take the army from Redcliff straight to Denerim.

Arl Eamon had sent out birds telling our allies to head for the city last night, and I could only hope they were going immediately. Their replies had come in over the day we spent walking.

Unlike for the Landsmeet, we had even more troops who'd gathered during it, and this time we had a number of wagons, including Bodahn's.

Bodahn urged me to rest on it as we traveled and I felt bad about seeing so many others walking while I wasn't.

Oghren joined us in the wagon for a fair bit of it as well though, and it was faster.

Not to mention I'd be less tired.

XX

The battle was already starting in Denerim when we arrived near evening of the second day of travel. The vanguard had emerged to test our defenses and sadly, it wasn't suited for a horde like this.

Queen Anora had barely managed to get most of the citizens to safety while the soldiers of the city held back the attacks.

I felt more nervous than anything else as our troop was rallied at the gates.

"Warden Cousland." Someone called for me and I turned to see Bann Teagan standing there.

I looked up at him.

"A smaller unit of your group is going to head for Fort Drakon, where we will lure the Archdemon to battle on our playing field." Riordan said. "I'll attempt to get to it myself, but I'll need you to back me up there."

I nodded. "Alistair, Zev, Leliana, and I will go that way. Sten, Morrigan, Wynne, my Mabari, and Oghren, will all assist the troops here on the ground. They are heavily suited to mass destruction of Darkspawn and will be far more help against the bulk of the horde than the Archdemon itself."

Sten nodded at me and gave me a very Qunari salute. "It has been an honor fighting alongside you." He said.

"Please take care of yourself up there dear. And I'm truly sorry for not putting more faith in you." Wynne reached to hug me and I let her, feeling a strong protective magic coming from her.

"I've done everything I can, now it is up to you and the idiot to finish this." Morrigan smiled at me.

Baron tilted his head and I knelt to rub his ears. "Now, you help Sten, alright?" I asked him. He made a positive woof as I stood and moved to circle Sten's legs and sit beside his right leg. "Take care of him?" I looked up at Sten.

"We will watch out for each other." The Qunari patted Baron's head. My Mabari woofed happily.

I looked at Oghren. "Don't die out there, alright?"

He huffed. "As if these vermin could stand a chance against me." He said proudly.

"Alright. Let's go." I looked at Alistair and Leliana.

XX

I was so busy focusing on going through maneuverable streets that when we came near the Fort, I was startled by the Archdemon crashing into it. I saw a body fall and the flash of armor caught my eye.

It was Riordan. He'd charged ahead of us and managed to herd the beast to the Fort.

The wing was ruined thanks to him and it was indeed grounded at the Fort.

I could only pray that he might have survived, but I knew the chance was slim.

"We'll do this amor." Zev said as Alistair shoved the main door of the Fort open.

I nodded at them both and hurried inside.

Part of me wished I'd said for one of the Mages to come with us, but honestly I'd been serious about the fact that Morrigan was a walking disaster on her own. She could level half the city by herself and Wynne was an amazing healer.

I knew our allies had gotten to the city because I'd seen Dalish and several Legion members around the city as we'd made our way to the Fort. I think I even saw a handful of humans in Dalish clothing and assumed that they'd been some of the survivors of the curse, still returning thanks to my saving them by helping the Dalish.

Inside the Fort was chaos.

Darkspawn and the Fort troops were locked in combat.

"See about freeing up some of these men Leliana." I said as she started to lead the way up.

In their running around the Fort before, she and Zev probably knew it far better than I would.

"Having them helping us would make it easier." Alistair said as he started for a couple soldiers tackling a handful of Hurlocks.

Leliana shot several arrows into the skulls of various Darkspawn as we made our way through the building and just the act of blocking off their entrance gave us a fighting chance at thinning the ranks in the building.

Zev and I made our way towards the stairs leading up and my other two caught up.

"I hate magic." Alistair snapped. "Bloody thing was vanishing and appearing all over the place." He was barely out of breath as we hurried to the room where the stairs were.

It was suspiciously void of living Darkspawn and only a familiar addled Dwarf was there.

"Sandal, please go where it is safer." I ordered him. He just smiled and waved.

How the hell he managed to kill so many Darkspawn was beyond me, but he still wasn't a combatant.

We hurried up the stairs and fought several more Darkspawn on the way to the next set of stairs which would lead to the roof.

Where the Archdemon waited.

It was exhausting and I expect that was most of the reason the beast had brought so many monsters with it. Simply to crush us all through sheer force.

Alistair and I went up the stairs first.

We saw several of our companions there already, including the First Enchanter and Knight-Commander from the Circle.

A sweep from the Archdemon's tail sent most of the Fort soldiers supporting them to the ground, either immediately dead or badly injured.

"Zev, Leliana, get on those and hit that thing hard." I motioned at the ballistae around the roof.

"Be careful amor." Zev said.

I nodded as I watched Irving cast a very powerful spell that caused the Archdemon to stumble.

Alistair and I headed into the fight and I could feel the magical protection Wynne had cast weaken.

Part of me feared she was injured, or worse, but I couldn't focus on that right now.

I had a battle to win.

Several bolts into its joints and more cuts than I thought it could stand, and the thing finally started to seem like it was weakening.

A last ditch effort to clear the bodies around it from its wings threw most of my companions back. I dug my left sword into the stone as Alistair dropped his due to the force of the blow and was thrown past me.

I glanced back to see him hit the wall hard and faced the monster in front of me.

I'd built up my rage and anger fighting all this way, just to be able to give myself the strength to push back against the wind it was causing with its wing.

This was not in our plan, but I couldn't wait for Alistair to make it back here as he picked up another sword to take on the beasts attempting to come to the aid of the Archdemon. I stayed low, making myself unable to be blown away, as I rushed forward.

Irving cast a fire spell that enveloped the wing still moving and the Archdemon roared in pain as I watched the wing fall helpless.

I used my only blade left as it landed in range of me and drove it through both hide and a crack in the stones, pinning the beast down.

It started to turn to me as I reached to grab for Alistair's dropped sword. I met the eyes just before a bolt threw its head to the side.

"Over here you filthy monster." I heard Leliana shout and realized she'd drawn the attention from me.

I glanced to see that she'd also drawn attention from several Darkspawn as well.

I watched the look of pain cross Zev's face as he watched me for a moment.

He finally turned after what seemed like moments later to go and rescue Leliana and I turned to run up the wing of the Archdemon.

It turned its head back to facing me and might have managed to lunge at me had Knight-Commander Greagior not thrown a chain and caught it, giving me the exact opening I needed.

His pull had caused something in the Archdemon to slip and it crashed down.

I held Alistair's sword in both hands as I jumped from the back of the beast, blade down, and as I came down on the head of the Archdemon, it let out a roar.

But my weight was enough to crack through the skull and it sank through. The blast of light that was released was blinding and I closed my eyes as I felt magic around me. Everything around me exploded and I was thrown from where I stood on the head of the Archdemon.

My head hit stone and everything went black.

XX

I faintly heard the door open, but it was as if I wasn't actually fully awake.

Footsteps sounded in the room and there was a faint scent of food.

"Come on Arainai, you need to eat." I heard Alistair's voice.

"I'm not hungry." Zev's voice was so close and the warmth beside me told me that he was there.

"Look, I don't give a damn if you keep saying that. You can't keep starving yourself like this. Once a day is not acceptable." Alistair snapped at him. I heard a tray being set down.

"I eat enough." Zev moved away from me.

"Here."

"Thank you."

The bed by my feet dipped down as Alistair sat down. "Is she doing any better?"

"Wynne said the baby would be fine, but Elissa broke several ribs and her left arm and leg, as well as the blow to her head, which we may never know the full damage of." Zev moved me to sit up slightly and I felt it as he forced my body to drink the soup.

"But she's better now, right?"

"A week of healing has fixed her bones." Zev sighed as I couldn't drink any more.

I felt him hold me close.

"That's still good." Alistair said. "I want you to eat Zevran. You're no good to her if you're weak like this. What if something happened?"

"Fine." Zev snapped.

I could hear him eating something quickly and the bed rose again as Alistair stood up. "Thank you."

The arms holding me tightened and I felt the long strands of Zev's hair brush my face.

"What if...she doesn't wake up?" Zev whispered.

"I...don't know." Alistair said softly.

"What am I supposed to do if she never wakes up again? Wynne says there is nothing she can do and Morrigan is gone to the wind and I have nothing that would help."

"I just don't know Arainai. I never expected this to happen. This is why I wanted to be the one to make that final blow." Alistair sounded pained. "I couldn't bear it if anything happened to her. She's the closest to family I have."

Zev was quiet for a moment. "She wanted you to be our child's Guardian, did you know that?"

Alistair sighed. "Yeah. She had mentioned it, but said she wanted to talk it over with you first."

"I agree with her. You would look out for our child if anything happened to us, right?" Zev put his cheek against my temple.

"Yeah. Of course. Maker's breath, I'd never let anything happen to any kids if I could." Alistair said. He was quiet again as I heard the tray being picked up. "I know it probably doesn't help you, but...I found Fergus Cousland."

"What?" Zev sounded shocked.

"I've forbidden him from having entry to this section of the wing and Anora agrees that it wouldn't help right now, but I'm thinking of letting him come see her. I mean...if she stays like this..."

I felt Zev nod. "He should see her."

Zev settled me back down as I heard the door open.

A scrabbling of claws on stone told me my Mabari had been let in.

I could hear it as he moved to the side of the bed and put his paws up on it and touched his wet nose against the blanket over my arm.

"Any better?" I heard Leliana's voice.

"Not much." Alistair said. "Let us know if that changes."

"Si." Zev nodded.

The door closed again and I heard Baron whine.

I felt Zev settle back against me, on top of the blankets, and hold me close.

"Please come back to me amor." I heard his whisper.

XX

It was dark the next time I woke. I opened my eyes and turned my head enough to see through the open curtains to the stars above Denerim.

I shifted to raise my hand and touch the side of my head that had hit the stone. I felt the faint change in skin on my temple and realized the gash that must have been there had been healed to a scar by Wynne.

I wondered how many new scars that fight might have given me.

The movement in the blanket startled me and I caught the glint of a knife in the air above me before another met it.

I gasped as I saw someone in a dark cloak in the moonlight.

Zev shoved the man back and made him stumble. My Crow was out of bed and I turned my head to see Baron go after the assassin. My dog ripped the knife from him and tore into his arm pretty badly before Zev managed to get a hold of his neck and pull him off.

"Enough Baron. I need this one alive." Zev put his knee against the assassin's chest and I watched Baron attempt to go back at him.

Zev leveled a glare at Baron and I was surprised my Mabari actually cowered at it.

Baron feared nothing. Except apparently Zevran.

Zev looked down at the man he had pinned.

"I won't talk." He spat out.

"Oh, I'm certain you will. Antivan Crows have methods you've never thought to resist." Zev gave him such a cold smile that it would have scared me.

And then I gasped when Zev reached down and broke his leg while using a hand to cover his mouth and prevent him from screaming.

The man was in tears when Zev removed his hand.

"And that is so you won't even think to run."

"I'll never tell you who sent me." He cried while saying it.

"That's not a big concern." Zev stood up and reached down to pull the man up.

I shifted just a little to watch him take the man to the door.

He pulled it open and shoved the man out.

"Take him to Alistair." Zev told someone out in the hall.

"Yes sir." The guard outside said. "May I ask...how the Hero is?"

"Nothing touched her. She is alright." Zev sighed as he closed the door.

"Zev?" My throat felt dry and his head snapped up.

"Amor?" He whispered, almost as if he was afraid he'd made up my voice.

When I tried to sit up a little, he was at my side in less than three steps and had me against him.

He started speaking in Antivan and I understood a few words.

It was enough that I could understand that he was thanking the Maker.

"Water." I rasped out.

He pulled back to cross the room to the desk and collected a glass from the pitcher that was there. I supposed someone had left it in the hopes that he would drink it and not starve to death waiting for me to wake up.

He brought it back to me and I couldn't even find the strength to reach up and hold it. I didn't have to worry about that as he held the glass to my lips and helped me drink.

I attempted to finish the glass and managed to get most of it down.

It was cool and soothed my throat after so long.

Zev turned slightly to set the glass on the table beside my side of the bed and then held me again.

"I thought you'd never wake up again amor. I have missed you so much." He kissed me and then pulled back to glare at me. "You scared ten years off my life amor. Don't you ever do something like that again. Are we clear on that Elissa?"

I nodded even as I smiled at the look of worry and relief and love that crossed his face.

He shifted me over a little and pulled the blanket out from under himself to climb under with me.

I let him position me and just absorbed his warmth as he held me close and safe.

I was still tired and falling asleep against him was so much easier than I'd have ever thought before meeting him.

XX

Almost everyone I knew crowded into the room as Wynne checked me over.

"Thank the Maker you are alright." Leliana said from beside me.

"You should be good enough to get up and move around by this evening." Wynne patted the blanket over my leg. The one that supposedly had been broken.

It didn't hurt anymore, which meant I'd been out for a while.

"You did good kid." Oghren said from the foot of the bed.

I nodded at him. "Could have been worse I suppose."

He snorted.

"Please don't say that." Alistair sighed. "You scared me nearly to death with that. And Arainai drives me crazy when you're not well."

I smiled as I leaned against Zev.

"It is good to see you awake and well." Sten spoke from the door. "I will always remember you fondly Kadan."

"You're leaving?" I asked, given his choice of words.

He nodded. "I must return to report that this Blight is over."

"I see. Will we ever see you again?"

Sten shrugged. "It is up to my orders."

I sighed. "Best to hope for I guess."

He reached to pull the door open and left the room.

"He really did just wait for you to wake up." Alistair said.

I nodded. "Figures."

"That's how worried we all were. He could have left ages ago, but stuck around." Leliana shook her head.

"Made a number of the local soldiers nervous too." Alistair said.

"Well, we will let you get a little more rest." Wynne started to shoo everyone away.

"I'll let Anora know that we can finally have that celebration tomorrow. And don't worry, she'll get everything prepared for you." Alistair said. "Accolades, rewards, the whole thing. Even said something about giving you lands, but I can't remember."

"You're getting along with her?" I asked as he was the last to head out the door.

He paused and looked back. "More or less. We have issues, but we'll work through them."

I nodded. "Thanks Alistair."

After they were gone, I looked at the window.

"Zev?"

"Mi amor?" He held me close.

"Would you...want to get married?"

"If that is what you want."

"I...I do." I faced him again. "I thought about it before I fought the Archdemon, and I don't ever want to be without you."

"We'll do it then. Whenever you want to. When you're better."

I sighed as I settled in against him again. Not sleeping, but just looking at the blue sky outside the window.

Taking in the actual peace.

No fighting, no going from place to place, no threat of destruction.

Everything was over now.

I could be safe and comfortable with Zevran until I was officially appointed Warden-Commander by Weisshaupt, or denied and remain a Warden of Ferelden as I was.

Just relaxation for the most part until I had our baby.

And that was a fear for another day.


	29. Epilogue

Epilogue

"And you'll be alright until I can get to you?"

The fretting was adorable. And deserved.

"Si, mi amor." I said.

I watched as my beautiful Grey Warden turned back to face me.

"I'm just not sure about leaving him for so long." Elissa reached out towards me and I held the bundle in my arms out to her.

"We will be fine amor. He has his nurse and he has me. Baron will stay with him at all times. And if I even have to put him down, Alistair or Anora will be right here with him as well. Nothing will happen." I assured.

Even still, I did love to see Elissa holding our baby.

Ferrous slept soundly for such a small thing that sometimes it worried me.

Which is why Wynne had personally hand picked a young Elven Mage from her apprentices to act as the nursemaid and healer to us.

Evain was more than just a healer though. Due to Elissa's Taint, she couldn't feed her own baby without complicating Ferrous's system, so Evain took that role as well. She'd even cried when accepting it due to having recently lost her own infant in birth. The young Mage had sworn to care for Ferrous as if he was her own and I had taken her aside and given her a reason to fear ever crossing those words.

She knew I was a former Antivan Crow who would not hesitate to remove any and all threats to my family.

Ferrous made a discontented murmur as Elissa hesitated on handing him back to me.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." Elissa said as I leaned closer.

I kissed her as I took Ferrous from her. "I know amor. And I promise we'll both be safe and sound when you return to us."

Elissa snorted. "Well, he will. You...not so much. You are trouble Zev."

I smiled. "Si. But I will do my best to keep all my trouble to a minimum until Ferrous is older."

"Warden, we must leave." One of the recruits she'd collected in Denerim said from behind her in the entry.

Elissa's family home had been turned into a Warden post as well and was much more in use now.

Fergus had said that we were welcome to visit at any time to the Highever home. And we would, eventually.

"I know." Elissa said as she turned. "I'm coming."

I held Ferrous carefully and securely as I watched my wife leave the house with the new and better armor that Alistair had gotten made up for her. His own was also upgraded and now he had a shield that wouldn't break very easily.

I stood in the doorway of the house as Elissa started off with the couple recruits she'd gathered from Denerim and felt nervous myself about letting her go off without me.

Any normal situation, I'd have been at her side. Even now, I wanted to be right there, protecting her.

I'd promised to give her a few more normal teenage years, not let her go gallivanting off as Warden-Commander of Ferelden.

I finally made my way inside the house and headed for the kitchen as I arranged Ferrous in the little carrier I'd rigged up for him so that he was comfortable against my chest and I could have both hands free.

XX

Evain found me in the kitchen an hour or so later as I was sitting and watching cookies brown.

"When Enchanter Wynne told me you were an Antivan Crow, I'd have never imagined seeing you like this." Evain said. "I mean, I know you can be scary, but this was not what I'd have associated with that same man."

I shrugged as she came towards me.

"Honestly...ever since the Blight ended and Elissa and I have settled more here in Denerim with the King while Ferrous wasn't born...I've been lazy. I'd never wish for another battle like that, but at the same time..." I carefully extracted Ferrous from against me and handed him over.

"It's hard being someone who stays at home after living a life of adventure." Evain nodded. She started to head for the door again and I stood.

"Go on and sit here." I motioned at the chair I'd been in.

"You're sure?" She frowned.

"If you're worried for yourself, don't. My history is long and varied, but I have mi amor and she is all I'll need again." I said.

Evain nodded.

I leaned against the heavy table across from the oven to watch my baking even as I heard her adjust clothing to feed Ferrous.

Being that Ferrous had been a little early, he needed more feedings than other babies.

I was glad he'd been early now that there were issues with the new Warden holding Vigil's Keep. I'd only heard a little of it due to the fact that Elissa had asked me not to get involved and to stay with Ferrous.

Darkspawn that could talk and potentially even more dangerous ones.

It made me tense just thinking of her in that danger without Alistair or myself or even Leliana or Morrigan. Someone who could and would look out for her.

"You want to go with her, don't you?" Evain asked.

I scoffed. "Of course I do. Maldición, if anything happens to her that I could have prevented, I will never let her out of my sight again."

I shifted against the table to reach for the mug I'd left on the end.

I sighed after setting it back down. "You have not known us long and I don't mean offense, but I will probably never trust anyone. I may seem softer, but I am not so far removed from being a ruthless killer. Less than a year ago, I was still deeply in the employ of the Antivan Crows and had taken what should have been my last mission."

"Miss Elissa mentioned this. That you were paid to kill her and the King."

I snorted before taking a drink of the brandy Alistair had given me last week as a payment for losing so badly at Wicked Grace. "Paid would imply I ever saw money. My life as a Crow was never about being paid. I lived very humbly. Far more so than now. I had a pitiful allowance that went to trivial things. I was never around enough to bother with more and the Crows covered every other expense while I was within the city. I've made my own money along the way."

"So how did you get by?"

"I took a lot of jobs killing people I'd done research on. I didn't research the job of killing the Ferelden Grey Wardens. I just wanted to die at that point. So I volunteered for the mission. Alone." I held the mug in both hands and stared at the low liquid. "I came to Ferelden in the hopes of dying a noble death at the hands of Wardens. To be killed by such a renowned individual with skill and talent like theirs...it is the dream of any Antivan Crow. I mean, who wants to be killed in a gutter?"

"I see. But you obviously weren't victorious or killed." She said.

I sighed. "No. I staged an ambush, thinking there would be more than just mi amor and Alistair as Wardens. I failed to account for the lovely and talented Morrigan, nor for Sister Leliana, or even the Qunari Sten. In all, it should have been an easy fight. It would have been. Morrigan killed the annoying bitch I'd had to deal with as a Mage. Alistair and Sten took out the other meager rogues of the group I'd been assigned. But it was Elissa who had taken me on herself. Now that..." I smiled. "That was where I had truly felt alive. I figured, I didn't mind dying at the hands of a beautiful girl like her. I could have easily killed her, and most of her group then. Morrigan excluded of course. Few can counter Magic like the King can."

"She spared you?" Evain shifted again and I glanced to see her adjusting her robes and holding Ferrous to burp him.

I shook my head. "Not exactly. At the time, I had told her I would give her my life, whatever she wanted to do with it. She took it and told me I'd work for her instead. I didn't care. But I came to. I watched how she acted. She is kind and compassionate. Mi amor would save every life in the world if she could; it's just how she is. To her, saving my life was probably nothing more than the fact that she believes everyone deserves a chance. To me...it meant everything. I spent twenty years believing that I was expendable and replaceable."

I set the mug down and reached to wrap the towel around my hand before reaching into the oven and pulling out the iron pan I'd used to bake.

"Elissa doesn't believe that. She found me as a valued companion. She wanted to know everything about me, about Antiva, about being a Crow, everything. I understood she was just learning, but her enthusiasm was enchanting. And when she was down, it was hard to see her like that. So I cheered her up. As we traveled, we simply grew closer due to our attraction. I adore her body, and cherish her heart. I can only hope she feels the same, since she married me."

"And...no one fought that?" Evain asked.

I stared at the cookie batter in the pan as it made such a wonderful sight all browned.

"Plenty. Her brother for one." I sighed as I reached for a knife to cut the cookie into smaller pieces. "Fergus hated me on sight. Not because I was an Elf mind you, nor that I am Antivan. He simply hated the fact that I am who I am. I am flirty and dirty minded and as I believe Leliana said once "a man-whore" and I promise, those are her words."

"He hated you for that? But he seemed to like you the last time he was here last month."

I nodded as I carefully scraped a cookie from the pan and tossed it between my fingers to cool.

"It took him a little bit, and a round of sparring with Alistair and myself, but he came around to the idea of me being by her side. I put him on the ground so many times in just a few minutes that he stopped trying to get back up. It was a part of the deal. If he beat me, I could never marry Elissa, nor stay by her side at all. If I could make him stop trying to fight, then he'd give me his blessing." I smiled. "Alistair warned him not to challenge me, but Fergus thought he'd have the size and battle experience advantage. That was before we told him what I did for a living of course."

Evain laughed and I held the cooled cookie to her. "Dirty tactic." She smiled as she took the sweet. I went to get another.

"Mmm, maybe so, but effective. And it shows who I am. At any rate, Elissa and I were married by Alistair and Anora and have been happily living here in Denerim for the past few months since the Archdemon. Elissa writes to the Wardens who came from Orlais and have been overseeing the Keep, but this is the first time she'll have visited herself since she was first granted the Keep by Anora." I took a bite of the cookie and scrunched my nose. Too sweet. I looked at Evain. "What do you think?"

"Last recipe was better, but I like this one too."

"Hmm...too sweet for my tastes." I shrugged. "Maybe it'll grow on me." I set it down beside my mug and reached to straighten a clean towel out before scraping the others out onto it to cool separately.

"I have a meeting with my Templar overseer this afternoon if you think you'll be alright until this evening." She stood up.

I nodded and wiped my hands off on the loose tunic I'd been wearing since early this morning.

"That'll be fine. I will take Ferrous and visit the King. I expect I'll be back before you, but in the case that I'm not, you don't have to worry about dinner for me." I said as I took Ferrous from her.

Sometimes...it was nice to just relax like this.

Last week I'd just had a nice, lazy day here at the house with Elissa and Ferrous. I'd baked for mi amor and gotten to attend to her completely for the day.

I would never tell anyone, but those were the days I enjoyed the most.

I'd once feared that I'd never be able to settle down like Elissa needed, but now...I feared she wouldn't.

I would never change my mind about loving Ferrous, but maybe it hadn't been the best time to have him. Elissa was still young and liable to travel the world if left to do so. She dreamed of learning and discovering the world for herself as a Warden could.

Now she was relegated to Ferelden, being the Warden-Commander, but she still had that urge to learn.

I tugged on the wrap I'd had Ferrous tucked in earlier and got him situated again as Evain left the kitchen. I could hear it as the young woman gathered her things and headed out the front doors.

My son curled right up against me and made no fuss and I couldn't have been happier.

No, I would always love him. Maybe never quite as much as I loved his mother, but he was mine and I'd never change that.

I brushed my fingers over his soft little blond curls and admired the eyes that looked so much like my own amber.

His blond came from his mother, but his eyes and his darker skin came from me, no doubt about that. And he had the most adorable little, very slightly pointed ears. Nothing like mine, but enough that there was no doubt that he was Elf-Blooded. And no one would ever pick on him because he was just too sweet.

I'd do my best with Elissa to raise him like that too.

I collected up the cookies I'd made in a neat little box, tied my swords at each hip, and headed out the door myself, Baron on my heels once he realized I was actually leaving.

He was such a smart Mabari. I should have sent him with Elissa. But his injured foot still wasn't healed and I was beginning to think it was due less to a fight and more to succumbing to Taint. Not to mention he was on the older side for a Mabari who had actually been a war beast.

He kept at my side, barely limping, as we made our way towards the palace.

XX

I took a blind alley as a shortcut. Not my first time doing so either.

But never normally with Ferrous.

I was used to how dirty Denerim still was after all this time since the Archdemon. Places were cleaning up, but not nearly as much as Alistair would have hoped.

It was only thanks to that dirty cobblestone that I even heard the faint shuffle of feet behind me.

I turned, slipping one of my knives from my sleeve to my hand as I did and brought it up to meet one that had aimed for my back.

I recognized the look of a Crow recruit, after having been with them for so long.

He was just a kid.

I shoved him back and against the wall, taking hold of both hands in my left after dropping the box of cookies.

"The Master sends his greetings." The boy snapped.

I used the hand holding the knife to push back his hood and get a better look.

It wasn't the fact that my old Master was sending recruits after me, that was just formality. It was that he'd sent an Elven boy after me twice now.

"I'm fully aware Master Eoman would like to see me dead." I scowled.

I blocked his attempt to kick me by putting my knee against his leg. He actually winced and I figured it must have been bruised or injured already. No wonder he'd made noise.

"Why did you volunteer for this?" I asked him. "You know it means death to fail."

He actually looked at me with such sad eyes. "You could have been a legend. You were so good. You could have been a Master Zevran."

I scoffed as I freed a hand to begin stripping him of his weapons, tucking them in the side of the wrap Ferrous was tucked into.

He wouldn't be able to touch them with how I'd wrapped him in it.

"I never would have done it." I shook my head as I reached under his cloak and into his shirt to get the last two, taking care to retrieve the ones in his sleeves as well.

"How..." He gave me a shocked look as I took all of his weapons.

"You're the same as me. You also have two in your boots." I said as I let him go. He rubbed at his wrists.

"But...no one..." He couldn't seem to process it as I held my hand out to him, indicating I wanted the two I'd identified as well.

"I spent twenty years with the Crows boy. Besides, your clothes are too tight to conceal weapons effectively without the cloak. And it's too warm here to warrant a cloak."

"It's bloody cold and you know it." He scowled as he knelt to take the two from the top of his boots.

I closed my hands around them and slipped them up my sleeves to settle against mine.

A press of my arms against my sides had them stuck to the tacky side of the band wrapped around my forearm under my sleeve. A little unwieldy stuck next to my own, but I'd make do.

I just shrugged. "Guess one gets used to Ferelden somewhat quickly." I heard as Ferrous murmured and touched his little head.

The kid stared at me for a moment.

"You...and the Warden..."

"Yes. I attempted to kill her, instead, she loved me." I sighed.

"So that's why you never came back. And Taliesen?"

"Dead. He tried to kill mi amor."

"But he...was your partner." I turned to pick up my box of cookies again, hoping they weren't damaged inside. Not that it would matter to Alistair.

I frowned when I couldn't find them and heard the low, mumbled woof. Baron had the cord I'd secured the box with in his mouth.

"Is that...a Mabari?"

"Yes. This is Warden-Commander Elissa Cousland's Mabari."

"She left her Mabari and her kid with you?"

"My child and Baron has claimed me as well." I reached to pat his furry head and left the box with him. "Now, come along. I have to give these over to the King and then we'll be taking a trip back to Antiva."

"They'll kill me." The kid shook his head as he hurried to catch up. Hero worship could warp a person to do things they normally wouldn't. Like obey a former Crow.

I scoffed. "Not with me around. If you'd like to be free of them, you are welcome here." I said.

"I...I couldn't. They'd kill my little sister. She's all I have left and without the Crows, she'll die."

"Is she sick?" I asked.

"Yeah. She was attacked by Darkspawn several months ago and when they were all killed, I found my sister wounded. She's healed physically, but it...it made her sick."

"I see. We have healers you know." I said. "Grey Warden healers. Who would know how to treat her. Much better than the Crows."

"You'd do that?" He asked as we walked down the main street. I nodded at a couple of the local vendors who'd set up food stalls in the street near the palace in the hopes of attracting the King out for lunch every day.

It never failed. Alistair was a sucker for good food.

The kid caught my sleeve. "You'd save my sister?"

"I would ask them to do their best. If she's been Tainted, then there may be no hope at all. But with proper care, she could at least recover and become a Grey Warden."

"I don't want her to be a Warden. I want her to be safe."

I pulled my sleeve free and walked past the guards of the palace. The kid hesitated before following at my wave to keep up.

"I'm sorry, but once a person has contracted the Taint from Darkspawn, they'll either die or they'll have to join the Wardens to live.

Not true, but her life would be safer with the Wardens than the Crows.

"I...you'd do that though? Even though I just..."

I nodded. "Mi amor would, and so I will extend to you the same honors she would. She irritates me with her habit of doing so, but it is who she is."

I come towards the doors. "Ah, Master Arainai, I'm afraid the King just left if you are trying to find him." The guard to the left of the open doors said. I looked at him.

"Left? Where?"

"Um...Vigil's Keep I believe." He looked nervous.

I sighed. "I see. It is that serious then. And the Queen?"

"I would be happy to show you to her." He said.

I shook my head. "That is fine." I looked down at Baron. "Go ahead and take those to her and then be back home."

He huffed at me and started into the building. It wasn't unusual for the guards of the palace to see the Mabari with the red scarf running around the palace with us, so no one would think twice about having him there.

"You won't see the Queen?" The kid asked me as I started to lead him back out to the streets.

"No. Anora and I...don't always see eye to eye. I regret to say I've never quite forgiven her for getting Elissa thrown in Fort Drakon months ago while we had to deal with the Archdemon. Not to say we aren't civil, but I get along much better with the King."

The kid kept up with me as I made my way back towards the house.

"You...don't care that I know where you live?"

I shrugged. "The day you can sneak up on me and kill me, I'll consider myself having lost my skill."

He was quiet for a while until I saw the gates of the house. "I...I want to leave the Crows. Like you did. Will you take me on?" He actually dropped to his knees to put his head on the ground and I turned to look at him.

He was that serious.

I knelt to touch his shoulder. "All you had to do was ask. I'll always help others break free of the Crows. Let me guess. They gave you the double sided blade of a deal: join the Crows as payment for your sisters' healing, or they'd kill you both and say the Darkspawn did it?"

He looked up at me again. "How did you know?"

"They bought me from a whorehouse to pay off my mothers debt to them after her death when I was born. Believe me, it's how House Arainai does it." I said as I stood.

He looked relieved. Like I'd lifted a burden from him. He cared that much about his sister that he was willing to sell himself into the equivalent of slavery to keep her safe and healthy. I could relate.

I headed into the house ahead and heard him scramble to follow me. He wasn't being nearly as quiet now and it was good. Because he wasn't all that good as a quiet Crow.

I normally never took that blind alley with Ferrous after all.

"My name is Barrow." He said as he hurried to catch up. "I suppose you should know who you're taking on."

I nodded and pointed at a chair in the entry. "Sit, stay. I'll be right back. Then we have to pick up someone else and we'll head for the docks."

XX

I gathered clothes for myself, Ferrous, and then packed a bag with proper supplies for us both. Afterward, I went into Evain's room near ours and collected her a bag of clothing and some of the things I knew she normally used to keep her Magic at top form.

Never as good as Morrigan, but I'd noticed few Mages were naturally as good.

When I came back into the entry, I found Barrow staring at the picture of Elissa's family.

"That's your Warden, isn't she?" He pointed at her.

"Yes. That is Elissa Cousland and her parents and brother."

"And...you love her, don't you?" He asked.

I nodded. "Very much so."

"I'm sorry I tried to kill you." He shuffled his feet nervously.

"How old are you?" I asked.

"I...fourteen." He looked down.

I thought as much. It wasn't unusual for the Crows to send them out young. They expected him to die. They'd just been following a formality at trying to kill me still.

"I see. And your sister?" I adjusted the two bags on my shoulders to free up a hand to check that Ferrous was still sleeping.

"Eight."

"Your parents aren't alive?"

"No sir. They've been gone for three years now. It's been me and Niala since then."

"That's why you're so protective of her. I assume they were murdered." I led the way out the doors, not even bothering to lock the house up. Elissa and I kept nothing of real value other than Ferrous, though few would ever dare to break in with the Grey Warden banners on the house.

Barrow kept up with me. "Yeah. By shem from the noble part of Antiva City." He said.

"Young nobles I'd guess. Also not uncommon. Even here. Humans do have that arrogance to them that makes them think all Elves are trash." I shrugged.

"But...the guards around here seem to respect you." He frowned.

"Because they know I can kill them all without breaking a sweat and will if they piss me off or hurt my family. And because they respect the Hero of Ferelden enough to extend that courtesy to her husband." I started down the street towards the market, taking the route Evain used to meet with her Templar at the Chantry. He enjoyed the Sisters' cooking there and usually met with Evain over a meal and talked with her about her week in our employment. It was a weekly tradition while he was stationed here in Denerim.

"So that really is your child?" Barrow asked.

"Who's else would he be?" I shifted to angle Ferrous so he could see him better. "Those eyes are definitely mine. And that cute face."

He snorted. "Nah, I think that came from his mother."

I scoffed. "How rude. When you see my wife, you will realize that Ferrous does not match her beauty. No, I'm afraid my child is more like me than his mother in his looks."

"And that is not a bad thing Zevran." I heard the familiar voice of Leliana as we approached the Chantry.

"You're still here?" I asked her.

"Yes. I will be leaving out tomorrow at the behest of the most Divine."

"She wanted to see you, right?"

Leliana nodded as she walked with us to the doors of the Chantry. "You've picked up a new Crow assassin?"

Barrow gave her a wide eyed stare.

"Soon to be former, but si. I will be heading to Antiva to sort this all out and encourage them to stop sending people after me. At least until Ferrous is older." I nodded.

Leliana sighed as she reached to brush her fingers over Ferrous's hair. "And you're taking him with you?"

"Elissa went off this afternoon to Vigil's Keep and Alistair as well. I was still debating on leaving Ferrous simply with Evain here at the palace, but I would have wanted you to keep an eye on her. And if you are leaving..." I reached to open the doors.

"I'm sorry. Had I known, I would have stayed." Leliana sighed.

"It's not a big concern. It's just a formal visit. Evain and Ferrous will be safe. The Crows don't bother with the Alienage in Antiva. No one does." I said.

"I see. You'll leave them there?" She asked as I led the way to the small sectioned off area of the Chantry that served as a small gathering place.

I could see the brown hair of Evain over the railing.

"With old friends of mine, yes."

"Well then, good luck. And I'll send a bird to you and Elissa to keep you informed of my movements. And to check on my beautiful little boy here." Leliana mused up Ferrous's hair again and my baby boy made a soft giggling mumble. Already a heartbreaker. Made me proud.

I nodded. "I'll send you pictures."

Evain finally heard us and both she and the Templar looked up at us.

"Is something the matter Arainai?" He asked.

I sighed and moved to sit and explain to him.

XX

As I could see the Antiva City port, Barrow came up beside me on the ship.

"I know...it might be a little soon for you to trust me..." The kid started to speak and I pulled one of his knives free of my belt and handed it to him hilt first. He hesitated before taking it. "You trust me?"

"I trust no one but Elissa and the King of Ferelden. However, I know you'll need to keep on your guard here in the city. What I am trusting is that you will not use that knife to hurt my baby at the very least. I don't care if you try to kill me, but the next time you aim to hurt him, I will end you."

I watched him swallow with fear before nodding. "Yes sir."

I collected Evain and Ferrous to guide them to the Alienage here in Antiva City.

Finding my old friend in the Alienage wasn't all that hard, and I was somewhat surprised he'd married the daughter of the man who was in charge of the Alienage.

I knocked on the door of the house he lived in and waited.

It took a moment before the door opened.

The man looked confused for a few seconds before he smiled.

"Zev! Maker above, it is good to see you." Niall ushered me in. "I thought you were dead. I'd have figured the Crows would have run you to the grave by now."

I laughed as I shook my head. "Not just yet. I do have a favor to ask however."

"Oh please, anything for you. Is this your family?" He looked at Evain and Barrow and Ferrous being held.

I shook my head again. "Not entirely. Just the little baby is mine." I reached out for him and Evain let me take him.

"Who would have ever thought that you would have a child?" Niall came closer to look over her. I watched as he saw his little ears. "Zev...who is his mother?"

I smiled. "Warden-Commander and Hero of Ferelden, Elissa Cousland."

He staggered as he took a step back. "You..." He held his hand over his heart. "Maker..." He moved to sit in one of the chairs around the table in the main room. "You never did go small, did you?"

I grinned. "Mmm, you'd like her Niall. Elissa is a most beautiful young woman."

He sighed. "Younger than you I suppose."

"Si. But not by too much. Turned eighteen last month." I frowned as I moved to sit as Ferrous looked curious at me.

Evain had made sure he was fed shortly before we got off the boat, so I knew he wasn't hungry. Nor did he need to be changed. He was just always curious.

It took me a moment before I realized he was staring at my face.

"Ah, you are looking for the marks." I traced a finger over the side of his little face.

"You got rid of them?" Niall asked.

"No. Just covered them. Any that were visible. With my hair colored by the soot and the makeup on my face, there aren't many who could accurately identify me here."

Niall nodded. "You said you were wanting a favor?" He asked.

I nodded. "I was hoping you had a place for Evain and I to stay while I'm here on business."

"Not running from the Wardens are you?"

I snorted. "No. I suspect I'll never want to be rid of mi amor. She is a light to me."

"Good thing someone could put you on the straight path." Niall said. He looked thoughtful. "I haven't the room here as you can imagine, but there is a small two room house that we all just finished cleaning out just around the corner of the alley behind my house. It'll be small, but it should do fine for a bit."

I nodded. "It is appreciated."

"Alright then. I will show you to it."

XX

A week of staying in that tiny house would eventually drive me crazy.

It wasn't being around Evain for that long, nor even Barrow. And especially not Ferrous.

The problem to me was the size.

Barrow and I elected to sleep in the main room, to give Evain some better sense of security.

And the boy had shown a surprising willingness to assist me in my endeavor to assassinate Master Eoman.

But being in such a small house after having been exposed to Elissa's family home in Denerim, and having stayed in the palace itself for a while as the Wardens were setting up base in her home, it was too small.

I never expected to grow accustomed to Ferelden and being the lover of nobility so easily. I'd always assumed I'd settle down here or die as a Crow.

A fortune teller had once said I'd never die young, but I hadn't believed it at the time.

I crept in the shadows on the ninth day we were here in Antiva City and finally saw my chance to take out the Master I'd hated for years.

Barrow even held his breath as he watched me take the life of the man who'd caused us both a hell of a time.

When I let the body hit the ground, the kid finally gasped out for breath.

"It is done. Is your sister where she can be easily removed from their control?" I asked.

He nodded. "They don't normally keep that close of an eye on her, just check on her every so often."

I sighed. "Then let us retrieve her and go back to the house. If we are lucky, the bird has come with the response from Elissa and we can go home and settle things for a good long while."

"You are...amazing, you know that?" He asked as he followed me.

"I'm told." I shrugged.

"Still...thank you for doing all this for me." He said quietly.

I hesitated, waiting for him to spring some kind of trap as I turned to face him.

I wasn't prepared for him to rush me.

But he held no knife and I held mine back as I felt his arms come around me.

It took a second for me to register the boy was crying.

"I'm so sorry I lied to you." He said.

"About what?" I extracted myself from him and watched him reach up with his sleeves to wipe at his face.

"My parents." He caught his sob and I reached to pat his shoulder, unsure of what exactly to do. This wasn't at all the same as when Elissa cried. "I know I told you they died a couple years ago, but that isn't true. My parents were killed shortly after Niala was born. I was seven. I took her and ran away from the Shem who tried to kill us too. I tried to raise her and keep her safe and I stole money to do it. She wasn't sick from Darkspawn, she's sick because we lived in a gutter house. I tried to steal from Master Eoman one day and he caught me and threatened to kill my sister if I didn't work for him. For over a year now, he's had her being cared for in a whorehouse and said if I succeeded in killing you that he would make sure she was moved to a house of her own and I wouldn't have to worry about her being there."

I sighed. "Which whorehouse?" I asked calmly.

XX

The sight of it brought back memories.

I hesitated before pushing the door open.

Immediately I was assaulted by the scents of perfumes and oils and I pushed them aside as I saw old familiar sights from this same place twenty years ago.

The Matron was still the same old woman as before, only she hadn't held up as well as the building had.

I stepped towards the counter she sat on.

"Matron." I said.

"What'll it be? You're a pretty one. If you've the coin, I'm sure any of these girls would be more than happy to accompany you for the night." She rasped.

I shook my head. "I'm not here for that. Though I have to say, all the skills you taught me did come in handy over the years. You were right that I'd grow up to be pretty though."

Her eyes narrowed and it seemed to take a moment as the music from the girl playing in the corner slowed to a stop.

"Well I'll be. Maker's breath, Zevran!" She reached up and pinched my cheek. "You were always such a bad boy."

I eased her off. "Yes, well, I can promise I never got better." I smiled.

She cackled. "I suppose that Eoman was full of shit when he came back and said you were dead. Now, what does bring you back here boy?" She asked as several of the older women came over to us.

"Oh, Zevran." "You've grown up nicely." "Are you going to join us now?" "Have you been taking care of yourself?" "Has someone been taking good care of you?"

The raunchy women I'd grown up with had definitely not changed. And some had held their images nicely. I laughed. "I'm not here to stay, I try to take care of myself fine, and I do have someone very dear to me now who takes very good care of me." I said to them. I looked back at the Matron as she waved her fan violently at them. They giggled and the younger women around the room gave me sultry looks as they watched the older women flaunt around the room again. "I'm here for a young girl you've been given care of."

"Ah. That little Elf brat then. You know my rules on that."

I shook my head. "I'm not here for that Matron. I'm here to take her off your hands. Eoman is dead and you no longer have any reason to expect to take care of her." I said. I reached into my pocket and pulled out several gold coins. "I'm not sure what Eoman offered you to take care of her, but I will give you this for your troubles anyway. You took good care of me and I know you've taken care of her too."

She looked at the coins. "I never wanted the money. I regret letting him take you Zevran." She reached up and I saw what could have passed as a grandmotherly look on her face. "He made you cold and I know you were always such a warm little boy. You'd have made a wonderful addition here and I know your touch was missed."

I sighed as I leaned into her touch for a moment. "It is over and done with. I'm no longer a Crow and will never go back to being that way."

"But they shaped how you treat others. I see it in you."

I nodded. "I am a killer Matron. No doubt about that. They made me into a monster." I smiled. "But I have a new hand to guide me." I reached into my pocket to pull out the small metal tin I kept my coins in.

I flipped it open and showed her the image I'd drawn of Elissa holding Ferrous shortly after he was born. "Mi amor is a lovely woman and the Hero of Ferelden as well as the Warden-Commander."

"Then you did good for yourself." The older woman said proudly. I nodded and closed the tin again to tuck it away. "I'll have the girl brought down shortly. You can tell her brother that she is just fine and nothing happened to her."

I sighed. "Thank you Matron." I said.

XX

Barrow didn't once let go of his sister's hand as we walked back towards the Alienage.

There was absolutely no way anyone couldn't see that they were siblings either. They just looked so much alike. It was nice. And the Matron had even given me back most of my Sovereigns.

Which was good, because otherwise I'd be short for the trip home.

As we crossed the gateway into the main square of the Alienage, I saw a group gathering.

"Give back the child Shem."

"Leave us alone."

"Please, this is a mistake." I heard Evain cry out. "Don't hurt her."

I pushed through the group.

"Zevran." The mumbled acknowledgment started up as I broke into the center.

"Take care of the Shem." Someone snapped.

I stepped forward and pulled the woman holding the baby into my arms. "Mi amor, I have missed you so much."

She shoved me back and glared at me. "How dare you take Ferrous to Antiva without warning me first. Do you even know how worried I was when I got that letter? Oghren had to remind me that you aren't insane." She snapped. "Oghren! And you and I both know that him saying you're not insane is pretty much a contradictory statement."

I gave a hesitant laugh as Evain glared at me. "You didn't tell Lady Cousland that we were going to Antiva?"

"Now amor, it isn't that bad. I promise Ferrous was safe the entire time, just like I promised."

Elissa cradled Ferrous closely and I realized no one around understood most of what we were saying. Evain had already felt out of place not speaking Antivan in a place that spoke primarily Antivan. The Alienage wasn't known for having people who could speak anything but Antivan.

My stupid mind had just been hearing both languages for so long that I didn't even process them as separate anymore.

I looked at the group. "It's alright everyone, she is my wife. Ferrous is her baby, not Evain's."

That started to disperse the group. At least, those who trusted my word.

"Zevran, you are extremely lucky I love you so damn much or I'd have your hide for this." Elissa scowled at me before bringing Ferrous up to her cheek and nuzzling his tiny face.

It was so adorable that I had to remember to have her do it again when I had my book and inks.

I sighed. "Please come to the house we're staying in mi amor. Evain, can you get a meal going?"

The woman nodded and Elissa glared at me again before following Evain.

Barrow looked up at me. "I take it that is not going well?" He asked.

I sighed. "I fear I am going to be staying with the Mabari for a few days when we get home to Denerim."

He actually laughed as he dragged his sister to follow us.

"Poor Zevran." Niala mumbled.

I snorted. "Poor Baron. He won't enjoy that."

Elissa turned to glare at me again. "Poor Baron my ass. He can have your bed."

I looked up with a little more than a startled expression.

"What?" Elissa snapped. "You think I wasn't learning Antivan? Do you take me for a fool? What kind of wife would I be if I weren't learning the language of my husband?"

"Where?" I shook my head.

She hung her head. "Ignacio."

I clenched my fists and then had to take a deep breath. "Elissa...I have been dealing with assassination attempts from the Crows and you didn't think to tell me that you were in constant contact and close proximity to the handler of Crow business in Denerim?"

"Look, you can be angry if you want to, but he signed an agreement that 'Zevran' was dead to him and as far as he was concerned, I was married to a nameless Antivan craftsman who just happened to share the same name. And I agreed to ignore and not ask anything about Crow business." She held tight enough to Ferrous that our child began to cry. In fact, as I saw her shoulders shaking as Evain held the door for her, I watched as Elissa half buried her face in Ferrous's blanket.

I hurried forward and pulled her close again.

"I'm not angry at you mi amor. I'm just...Ignacio is not someone I would have trusted. I'm glad that he hasn't done anything involving you, I truly am. And I'll have words with him when we go home, strictly words and nothing more."

"But." Elissa sounded worried.

"But you should have just asked me amor. I would have taught you Antivan myself if you had just asked me." I sighed as I moved away from her to sit at on the thin bed I'd been sleeping on in the main room.

Ferrous started crying and I held out my hands for him.

Elissa hesitated to hand him over but did and I cradled Ferrous and quieted him as I always did. He never cried for me like that. It just showed how in tune to his mother he was.

I held Ferrous in one arm and reached to tug Elissa to sit beside me and held her close too.

"I just...wanted to surprise you next month." I frowned at her words.

"Next month?"

She nodded. "You forgot your own birthday?"

I shook my head. "How did you even know?"

"Leliana." She smiled. "You forget she is a Bard with a lot of connections."

I sighed. "Right. Well, I suppose the secret is out then."

"Miss Elissa, would you like some quick bread with our dinner?" Evain asked.

"Yes please." Elissa nodded and reached out to touch Ferrous's cheek. "Zev?"

"Mmm?" I watched as Ferrous reached to touch his mother's hand.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you."

I shook my head. "No. I should have given you more notice. I just didn't want to distract you from dealing with the Keep. How did that go anyway?" I asked.

She snorted. "Like shit. Killed too many Darkspawn, new ones, hoping we got them all, lost good men, a few good recruits failed the Joining, oh!" She looked up excited. "Oghren passed the Joining. He decided to stay on with us Wardens. And I helped him get back together with one of his old flames apparently."

"Someone liked him?" I raised a brow and Elissa smacked my chest.

"Play nice. You like Oghren." She said.

Yes, I did. He was an amusing Dwarf. "Do, continue."

She nodded and leaned against me again. "I almost lost both Vigil's Keep and Amaranthine. But I managed to save them both. Barely. There will need to be repairs to both the city and the Keep, but they both still stood when I got on the boat. Alistair is overseeing that before heading back to Denerim. Things should be quieter on the Darkspawn front for a while now that there is no longer an Archdemon or anything else riling them up." She said.

I nodded. "That's good then. You'll have some time to stay at home with Ferrous."

"Yes. And you can handle Crow dealings without worrying about Evain and I and Ferrous."

I sighed. "That'll be nice."

Elissa yawned and I looked at Evain. "Will it be long?"

"Maybe an hour."

I looked back down at Elissa. "Get some sleep mi amor. I promise we will be right here." I urged her to lay down on the bed I had been sleeping on and I tucked Ferrous in against her.

We'd head back for Denerim tomorrow.


End file.
